That afternoon at the hospital, when Jean came to find Russel Payton-Smith, I couldn't let her go in her own. I lifted a strong sedative and syringe and ran after her. We had a quick assessment of the situation and the car park; Jean had heard an ambulance man being chastised for "losing" his uniform so we decided he would probably try and leave in an ambulance. I jumped in the back of the van while Jean jumped in her car to try and block his exit. Jean had asked for the police to be called and I was really hoping Matthew would be on his way. I didn't need a man to save me but that particular man does make me feel safer.

He's been so patient, trying since Jean and Lucien's wedding to get me to walk out with him, but I have had to remind him, on a number of occasions that we just can't. Ballaratt is big enough but not so big that gossip can't find its way around the whole place quickly. I've put up with enough over the years and selfishly, I don't want the whole of Ballaratt talking about me and speculating about how I got the Police Surgeon job.

I also don't want people to talk about Matthew; he grew up here, people respect him, and I don't want the folks of Ballaratt to think of him badly for stepping out with me on his arm. Am I scared? Probably. I really do like him, in fact, I think I might be a little bit in love with him, but I dare not tell him and I don't want to give him false hope. There's nothing worse.

Payton-Smith had in fact made it into the ambulance and he started to drive, I suddenly wondered what the actual Hell I had thought I was doing. I grabbed him from behind and tried to subdue him by injecting him with the sedative, but he knocked the syringe out of my hand in the struggle. I was so scared, but the adrenaline was pumping around my body and I don't think I was thinking beyond stopping Payton-Smith from leaving.

In my head I was begging Jean to come and help me, and I was wishing that Matthew would hurry up and arrive. I heard the driver's door open and Jean pulled him off me and stabbed him with the syringe I dropped. Next thing I know he was falling out of the door and Jean was asking if I was alright. I was sure I was, but I could already feel pain where Payton-Smith had grabbed me round the neck in the struggle and I was sure there would be bruises in a variety of place on my body appearing over the next few days.

I opened the back door to get out and as I did, I saw Matthew move as fast as his legs could take him, to help me descend. I took his proffered hand and whether it was adrenaline or something else, I called him Chief superintendent. I think I was trying to keep some professional distance because, at that minute in time, I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was going to be alright. How foolish of me. I don't need anyone else; clearly Jean and I were fine on our own.

Peter read Russel Payton-Smith his rights, even though he was unconscious, but Matthew did point out he could use the practice: it was actually quite funny and lightened the mood. Jean left covered in a spray of blood over her top and I went back to finish my shift. The rest of the day I was shaking and felt sick; I couldn't believe what I had just done. Jean and I apprehending a double murderer.

I received a call from Jean just before I finished for the day, asking if I'd come over for dinner and if I'm honest, I wanted the company; I didn't want to go home on my own after the day we'd had.

It was such a comforting thing to be sat at the table with Jean at one side of me and Matthew at the other. Amy and Peter were there too but I took comfort from the fact that two of the very dearest friends I had ever had were beside me. Since Lucien disappeared, I've spent more time alone with both Jean and Matthew; I miss Lucien, I especially miss his warmth and kindness but, in his absence, I have found a semblance of a family in Jean and Matthew and I don't want to spoil that.

As I was leaving that night, Matthew walked me to the door and asked if I was alright. Matthew raised a hand to look at the red marks on my neck and asked, "what happened there, Alice?" I replied, "he had me by the neck at one point but…I was trying to stab him with a needle, wasn't I?" and I tried to make it sound funny but really, I wanted to cry.

Matthew said to me "Alice, as much as I'm happy Payton-Smith has been apprehended, I'd rather you and Jean leave it to the police next time."

I was taken aback that he was being so blatantly sexist and pointed that out by saying "Oh Matthew, are you trying to tell me that if Lucien had done the same thing you would be saying the same to him?"

I looked him squarely in the eyes and he honestly replied, "probably not…but I don't feel about Lucien, the way I feel about you." I felt so embarrassed at his words; I knew he meant it, but I didn't want to hear it because at that moment in time, I really wanted Matthew to hold me.

I wanted him to ask me to stay but that was just a fantasy as I had been pushing him away for months. Matthew backed away and went silent but helped me on with my jacket and handed me my bag.

When I reached the car, I looked over at Matthew because I wanted him to come after me and ask me back in; I didn't want to go home alone but instead he smiled and closed the door. I drove home to my empty apartment and washed and readied for bed. What a day.