Alex had never been a morning person. Prior to going to prison where she hadn't had much of choice when to wake up (or to do anything for that matter), she liked to stay out until sunrise, dancing and drinking and then sleep off her hangover all day, if she had to. It was Piper who was bright eyed and chipper the second sunlight streamed through the blinds, already chattering a mile a minute before Alex had had her first cup of coffee.
When Abigail was born, their roles quickly became reversed. The countless sleepless nights waking up to nurse or when she was fussy had taken its toll. Even when they had moved the baby into her own room from theirs after a few months, Piper still bolted awake at the smallest of sounds. Her girlfriend was a zombie and Alex had to gently insist she take over some of the overnight duties. She felt like a dick anyway if she rolled over and went to sleep while Piper shuffled out of bed, barely awake and down the hallway into Abby's room. But she had been persistent and Piper looked skeptical (she remembered how Alex's mornings went years ago) and in the end, they would both hear the monitor and Alex would be the one to head down to the fridge for a bottle of pumped milk while Piper gratefully went back to sleep. It wasn't an instantaneous transition. Piper still liked to hold control over a situation everyone settled into a nice little routine, all was harmonious again in the Vause-Chapman household.
For her part, Alex learned to love the silence of the early morning. She'd scoop Abigail out of her crib and draw her in close, breathing in that sweet baby smell that seemed to settle in the downy crown of her hair. Sometimes, they'd sit in the glider in silence, Abigail drinking her milk like it was gold, Alex swaying back and forth, watching the moon cast shadows on the nursery walls. Other times, not even Piper's milk would soothe her and Alex would pace the floor, gently jostling her in a swaddle the way her girlfriend did and when even that failed to work, she would creep downstairs and they'd walk around the length of the first floor while she sang every Beatles song she knew, acknowledging her daughter was the only person on the planet who she would allow to hear her horrible voice. The first time she sang to Abigail, her big ocean eyes, so like Piper's had immediately fluttered open and she stopped crying, fixated on her, waiting for more to come. Alex felt tears spring to her eyes, not only because she had managed to calm the baby but because the songs reminded her of Diane.
She grew to live for these mornings when the world wasn't quite awake yet and she got to hold their little girl who looked more like Piper every day, whose fiery personality was perfectly counterbalanced by a sweetness that instantly endeared her to anyone she met.
So it was on one particular morning, that Alex walked into Abigail's room as the sun rose over the horizon, if no other reason than to watch her sleep. She was greeted not by her daughter sleeping peacefully but standing up in her crib, clutching the rail and looking as jubilant and cheerful as if it were 5 pm instead of 5 a.m.
"Mama!," she squealed, thrusting her chubby arms in the direction of Alex who lingered in the doorway.
"Hi kiddo." In two strides, she was across the room and picking Abigail up, kissing her warm cheek. "You're up early, huh? You must know what today is."
Abigail babbled happily in response, wrapping her thumb around a piece of Alex' hair.
"That's right, kiddo, it's your big day. Mommy planned you a blow out to end all blow outs. Well, Mommy and your grandmother." She couldn't resist rolling her eyes. She and Carol were amicable now and they got along more so these days, especially for Abigail's sake, but Alex didn't love how Carol liked to stick her nose into their parenting. For the most part, she could let it roll off her back and do her own thing but Carol's meddling tended to stress Piper out and that Alex couldn't or wouldn't tolerate.
Truth be told, Abigail's birthday party was a bit ridiculous for a one year old and Alex made her opinion known that their daughter would have been just as happy with a cake to make a big mess of and a few friends of theirs but Piper had sheepishly admitted she let her mother strong arm her into throwing a big party because, "The memories, dear. Don't you want Abigail to look back at the pictures and realize what a wonderful party you threw for her?"
She had learned over the years not to get between Piper and her mother and that sometimes, keeping the peace was all that mattered. She supposed a party wouldn't do Abigail harm (their daughter was more curious and outgoing then she'd ever be), even though she thought it was completely lavish and over the top. But she'd made Piper promise the second Abigail became overwhelmed or cranky, everyone was out.
"I guess this is as good as time as any to get up, right?"
Abigail grinned, revealing her new recently erupted front teeth and Alex laughed. "Come on, kiddo, let's go sneak in some Elmo before Mommy wakes up and complains about how I always let you watch too much TV."
At the mere mention of Elmo, Abigail practically bounced out of Alex's arms. "Melmo!" she screeched.
"Hey now, you're gonna get us both in trouble. Let's keep it under wraps."
They made it downstairs and settled onto the couch, Abigail squirming to climb down until Alex managed to find the remote and cue up Sesame Street. The instant the furry red monster appeared on the screen, Abigail stopped moving, shoved her fingers in her mouth completely enthralled. "A TV trance," Piper would sigh, shaking her head at Alex. "We should be teaching her to speak Mandarin or something."
The scary thing was the other woman was only half kidding. "Pipes," Alex would argue, "A half an hour of TV a day isn't going to kill her. Besides, it's Sesame Street. It's educational."
Her girlfriend would frown and mutter something about brain development, but Alex would usually get her way.
"What Mommy doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" She snuggled the baby close, breathing in the sweet smell that always seemed to linger on her skin. To her horror, her eyes watered. Oh stop it, you pussy, she immediately chided herself. She was becoming way too soft in her old age.
"Sesame Street, huh?"
Alex didn't know when it was she had dozed off but her when she opened her eyes, Piper was standing in front of her, Abigail in her arms.
"Pipes! She bolted upright, "I didn't hear you get up."
"That's because the two of you were passed out." Alex half expected to be chided for the television watching and falling asleep while she was holding their daughter, but her girlfriend only smiled indulgently at the both of them as if she couldn't determine which one was her child.
"Shit, what time is it? We gotta get ready for this thing."
"The caterer will be here by 11, the party planner will be here by 10. So that gives us like...2 hours."
"I totally forgot all these people were invading our house." Alex sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Tell me again why we agreed to this?"
"Because we didn't feel like arguing with my mother? And because my dad's finally starting to come around? And because maybe, like secretly, we do kind of want pictures of Abby dressed as a little woodland fairy princess? I mean, think of how adorable she's going to look." Piper sat down next to her, giggling as Abigail leaned over to pat Alex's cheek.
"She's gonna look pretty adorable," Alex conceded. She leaned over to kiss the baby's head. "I just don't know if we need all this, Piper. Balloon animals, a caterer, an ice sculpture? She's only one and this is a birthday party, not a wedding."
"I know," Piper sighed, stretching so that she could rest her head against Alex's shoulder. "I don't know if I agreed to just keep the peace or if I genuinely thought she wanted to do something nice for her granddaughter. Albeit, completely grandiose and over the top, in true Carol Chapman fashion. But sweet, none the less, right? "
"Maybe. Or maybe it was like a power move. You know she hates that she can't control how we raise her or whatever else. It's probably killing her inside so this party was an attempt to like, maintain some semblance of control."
" Mmm, makes total sense."
Alex wasn't in the mood to ponder it much further because Piper was snuggling into her side cozily and Abigail was clambering to get down and onto the floor.
They watched her as she ambled unsteadily to her toy chest and meticulously dug through it until she found the puzzle she was looking for.
Once again, her tenacity reminded Alex of Piper and she laughed throatily at the image, the sound making her girlfriend look up at her curiously. "What's so funny?"
Alex pressed a kiss to her temple. "She's just like you."
Piper smiled. "Yeah. But she's like you too, Al. She's pretty chill and laid back until she gets angry and hen all bets are off."
She would never voice it aloud, but it warmed her whenever Piper pointed out a similarity they shared or when a face Abigail made looked just like an expression she had. They couldn't possibly share any biological traits, Alex had accepted that, but Abigail was hers in every way that mattered, and Piper found subtle ways to remind her all the time.
"Let's just hope she doesn't adopt any of my not so great traits," Alex joked, dispelling the lump that had risen in her throat.
It wasn't uncommon for Alex to diffuse any kind of emotion with humor and Piper knew exactly when it was the case, though she had the good grace not to call her on it.
"I love your flaws," Piper contested with a slight smirk. It was a backhanded compliment and they both knew it. Nonetheless, it spoke volumes that they'd both come to not only except, but embrace, each other's imperfections over the years. Since Abigail's appearance, Alex had gracefully learned about letting go of both fear and expectations. She had both of her girls and everyone was safe and healthy. To want or to ask for more was foolish, and she refused to push her luck.
"How about a birthday breakfast, just the three of us, before the circus happens, huh?" Alex dropped another lazy kiss on Piper's cheek.
"Pancakes?"
She grinned at the hopeful tone in the other woman's voice. "I don't know," she directed her attention to their daughter. "Would the birthday girl like pancakes?"
Abigail looked up from gumming a puzzle piece, lighting up at the mere mention of food. She clapped her hands excitedly, making both Alex and Piper laugh.
"Pancakes it is then."
As Piper scooped Abigail up and the three of them made their way into the kitchen, it struck Alex once again at the sheer perfection of the moment: the love of her life, their daughter, the home they'd created together.
It was beautiful, really, how simple it was. And Alex, who couldn't have known this was what she had been searching for all along, knew now she would do anything to protect it.