(I just want to say right here, I apologise for the massive delay in these I've been held up doing lots of stuff.. hopefully this weekend you guys will be getting a huge upload and I hope you enjoy apologises again 3)

WEDNESDAY 24TH FEBRUARY

Carla: I came down in the morning to see Jenny to do her what she calls her pilates workout, I thought I was still out for the count.. I just took her word for it helping with positions you can get into.

I don't understand how she was all happy and calm I had a stinking headache.. don't drink for a while, suffer when you do.

I am definitely not the Nun part of Jenny's "you were giddier than a drunken nun"

Then that's when it hit me, DAISY MADE ME SPEAK ON THE PHONE TO PETER.

I pretended to be at a hotel and he would've suspected I was with someone I was just gonna have to tell him I can't lie to his face, right?

I went to work and I ended up being half asleep that when Peter arrived I gotta admit I was a bit startled. I had to make an excuse because apparently he came by earlier and I wasn't here.. yes I know, I shouldn't do that but I don't want him worrying. Along came a few more lies about my stay then he told me he knew I didn't stay at the hotel cause Adam told him Sarah went. Great, now he's gonna be thinking the worst.

He told me he got it.. that the thought of me and Lucas being together was like someone had just hurt him. He told me that he had thought about it and that after everything he'd put me through then he can't really blame me.

I managed to shut down all his speculations of me but the worry he must've gone through, he didn't believe me so I had to tell him I was drinking at Jenny's.

He also told me he came round yesterday and heard me and Lucas chatting about how I said I wished me and Peter never got together.. just perfect. I explained what I actually meant, how his affair with Tina, my brother getting him sent down.. me sleeping with Adam. It's all just such a big mess.

I told him I don't want to call it a day on us because despite all the pain we have put each other through I really love him.

I go through this constant feeling everyday, what if it's me? I'm making Peter drink and then I'm the one that killing him.

I am toxic.. if he had just never somehow met me he might've met someone else.. somebody better, had a better life. Not be flaming facing liver failure.

He told me that it was a lie but it's clearly the truth and then just as he had to.. HE walked in yes you know exactly who by now. I introduced them both after Peter gave him a filthy look but he soon walked out, I tried calling after him a couple times but it was pointless.

I had to talk to Lucas which was not fun.. he was constantly asking why I didn't go, then he was asking if I wanted a coffee but I told him I've got to get back for Peter.

Apparently the Carla he "knew" didn't do pleased, straight down the bar and cracking open the bubbly till I was on the tables all around dancing, I'm not that Carla anymore Peter is my priority.

He made me realise, Peter doesn't really trust me lately. I'm gonna try and get my head down and Peter when you are reading this, know that I love you and that, despite everything you are always the love of my life.

Goodnight and sweet dreams

Carla x

Peter: Steve came over, I tried to tell him I really wasn't in the mood today I can't get the focus on anything not since last night.

He said that us blokes need to stick together when people do the dirty on us, of course I then jumped to conclusions.. was he talking about Carla? Then he was saying he meant Tim.

I told him how I was worried Carla lied to me about going to the meeting cause she was with Lucas.. that bloke from Devon, when Sarah went to the meeting that Lucas wasn't there.

I knew I had to get the truth out of her so I went to look for her at the factory again as the first time I went she wasn't there. She made up a few lies about the hotel but I told her I knew she hadn't gone.

I told her that I got it, the thought of her and him being together was like someone had got a knife and stuck it in my guts and then twisted it.

She told me she hadn't slept with Lucas and she was drinking at Jenny's so I brought up how I'd heard them talking.. yesterday when I came round, how she said she had wished me and her had never got together. She tried to explain and said how despite all the pain we've caused the other she really loved me, I told her she really loved me but wished we'd never hooked up? She kept going on about how she was toxic, that hurt because she should know she isn't.. I love her, then HE walked in.

The competition for the woman I've loved for 10 whole years.. I looked to him, scanning him up and down, really? Him?

I turned to Carla, a look of he's the competition? What a laugh she's way out of his league.

Carla introduced us, not that I was asking for it. He tried to speak to me, no chance I told him how he interrupted us and left.

I'm gonna leave this here then. I'm sorry Carla.. for everything I've caused and I hope you know I do love you.

Peter.. x

(And a quick question here, what time or days would you say are best to post and publish for you guys? ️)