James Potter had truly thought this part of his life was over. Staring at Lily Evans' contact information on his phone, his thumb hovering over "dial." If all the minutes spent doing that exact thing throughout his youth were added together...well, he didn't want to think about the potential days worth of time. But now was different - he had a reason, a purpose, a task. He had to call her. He had to call her. Sirius and her hadn't gotten on back in school and, even though it was his idea, Remus wouldn't be back until after 6 and really it would be much better to get this sorted before end of business and so he really should just call her right now and stop staring at his phone the screen was going to go to sleep again and
He tapped her number and squeezed his eyes shut.
Then
He could still remember the first time he'd made her laugh, the sap that he was, instead of cringe. They were in McGonagall's lecture on the French Revolution. Minnie's class was much more enlightening that the usual history course, but nevertheless difficult. The night before the day in question, James got it into his head to lift the spirits of his classmates. Maybe he didn't have Lily specifically in mind, but by then, just a couple months after the start of college when they'd all met, he couldn't honestly say she wasn't on his mind at all.
He hummed to himself as he maneuvered around the large kitchen, gathering ingredients and mixing them together. He got a bit distracted when it came to making the frosting and ended up doubling the recipe, but he was in a good enough mood to only recognize the possibilities and ended up using the frosting to recreate the poufs and swirls of a powdered wig he looked up on his phone. Pleased with himself, albeit a little concerned about transport, he flicked off the lights and went up to bed.
The next day, James got up early enough to dodge Sirius on the bus they usually took together to get to college - there was not a small chance that his best mate's lack of scruples would prevent his confection from making it to the lecture intact.
So there he was, well and fully chuffed with himself at the start of Minnie's lecture. She had begun discussing the unfortunate monarchs of France when James interrupted.
"She is my favourite," he said, pointing at the portrait of Marie Antoinette projected at the front of the classroom. "Didn't deserve the hate."
"She ran up shopping bills bigger than your ego whilst the rest of her country was starving," said Sirius, who normally wouldn't have revealed knowing anything about the lesson but was visibly annoyed at James' abandonment that morning.
"Okay but she was really nice! She gave everyone cake!" James insisted.
McGonagall sighed audibly.
"Mr. Potter," she said, "If, perhaps, you deem it worth your while to pay attention to the lecture today, you might rethink that presumption."
"She said 'let them eat cake' and then they all ate cake, right?" Sirius began laughing loudly.
"Unfortunately, for both the Queen and the people of France, they did not hand out cake."
James froze, he was wrong? He heard a strange choking sound and thought maybe he was dying of embarrassment. He managed to take a breath but the sound continued. Before he lost his mind completely, he reached under his desk and brought out the large container holding the cake he had baked the night before.
"So this was not a good idea then?"
The class erupted. The choking sound broke into loud peals of laughter behind him. He turned to find Lily Evans holding her stomach with her head thrown back. He quickly spun around and looked down in chagrin. Minnie quickly quieted the class with an efficiency that spoke to her authority and suggested witchcraft.
"Potter." Lily leaned forward to whisper in his ear a few moments later, her voice full of mirth, "That cake is beautiful and I demand a slice."
They sat together at lunch that day, eating cake as Lily interrogated him on the recipe. Considering how long James had spent agonizing over how to talk to Lily, he was surprised, if not relieved, to find that once they'd started it'd become impossible to stop. Lily talked straight through any residual awkwardness between them. Her almost constant stream of questions and commentary were only interrupted by bites of cake until she paused to look at him in amusement.
A glorious grin spread across her face and James had to blink a few times before he could manage to ask what she was smiling about.
In response, she took a napkin and wiped it across his nose. "Let them wear cake."
That was how he learned that she liked him best as his goofy, hopeless self. He could never trick Lily into thinking he was cool, no matter how desperately he wished she did.
One night, James called Lily up, proclaiming to have an idea for a hit song.
"Alright, sing it," she challenged. He did his best, but trying to sing all the guitar parts, harmonies and lyrics, whilst also tapping out the beat on his knee and holding the phone, failed to produce more than the mushy semblance of a melody.
"You sound like a frog tripping down the stairs," she said, "Just come pick me up."
"Er, alright-," he managed before she hung up. Left without another option, he scrambled for his car keys and headed out the door.
In 20 minutes, they were driving aimlessly down back roads, main roads, and one road that was actually a trail for pedestrians that they had to reverse all the way out of. Lily had her feet propped up on the dashboard like she was a princess in her litter. She fiddled with the ends of her bright hair, which looked like smoldering wood in the dark. Her features flipped from a brow knit in concentration and a wide, open smile as they dissected his song and discussed their lives.
James was happy to let Lily lead the conversation when he wasn't humming or tapping out phrases he'd thought out, but his excitement kept him buzzing and bouncing throughout the night. "Sing that bit again."
"Huh?"
"You're just humming to yourself but that was catchy - Ba ba Ba ba Ba duh da" she half-sang a few notes to prompt him.
They pulled over for him to give a more "formal" performance of the song he'd called her about. He tapped out the rhythm on the steering wheel, hummed out the bass, and sang through what lyrics he had with a rough but sultry baritone.
"Alright," she started with diplomatic tone, "You've got some potential, but dear lord, that was god-awful."
"What?" He said, too shocked to be offended.
"You're ruining a perfectly good hook with the lyrics 'you tie me down with the lines of your frown'?! I cannot take that seriously!"
"I gotta give it to you," he said when he found his voice, "You sure know how to tear into a guy."
"If I didn't believe in you, I wouldn't even be here."
"Well..." She'd taken his voice again."What do you suggest?" he asked when he found it.
"Me? No, no. I'm just along for the ride - this is your project."
"Well I just...came a-long…for the ride…" he sang while drumming out a slow beat.
Her glare cut across the night to spear him. "You know what? You can have that one." She quirked her head. "You just have to say what you mean - rhymes are overrated."
Oxygen was overrated. He couldn't breathe until she blinked and released him from the intensity of her stare.
They drove around for another hour, tossing lyrics and jokes between them. Lily pulled up the voice memo app on her phone to catch snippets and ideas. The effort was sabotaged by the erratic nature of the progress, and no matter how many times she yelled "stop laughing!" she eventually gave up on getting a clean take.
"So, Mr. Potter," she held her phone to his mouth like a microphone, "What - would you say is your biggest musical inspiration?"
"That is the lamest interview question ever."
"Yeah and you're gonna have to answer it a million and one times so might as well start practicing your answer."
He sighed, "Well, The Monkees, Beatles, Arctic Monkeys, Echo and The Bunnymen, The Wombats, Gorillaz, Pussycat Dolls-"
"Oh and let me guess, the Cheetah Girls?"
"They're the ones that really got me into music."
She snorted. "I'm sure."
"You gotta STRUT like you mean it, FREE your mind!"
"James!" She laughed and her hand holding the phone fell back into her lap.
"I don't think I should be taking any songwriting advice from you if you can't appreciate their ability to combine great hooks with strong, empowering lyrics-"
"Alright! I believe you! Inspired by animal bands only."
"Yep, can't stand inanimate-object bands at all. The Doors? Ugh! Cake? Never!"
"Especially not if you're a French peasant."
"Hmph!" He kept his face forward as he blushed.
Sirius and Lily's friendship was less immediate, and, even after it started, was at it's best when James wasn't around. While he couldn't deny the swell of pride that came from being fought over by his favourite people, the rocky dynamic was a twinge in the back of his mind. Had he left the oven on? No, Sirius and Lily were glaring at each other through the rearview mirror of his car.
The only thing they seemed to agree on was that James was an idiot and it was their profound duty to protect him from his own ridiculousness. This agreement did not, however, extend to what, exactly, classified as ridiculous.
Lily would frequently text him in the mornings to remember a pen, his football kit, to put 3 sugars in the tea he was going to bring her, thank you very much. Sirius would subsequently remind him that tea was one thing, but a dedicated thermos was another and would he please close his mouth a bug was bound to fly in.
Lily's friends weren't especially approving of James and Lily's friendship either. He couldn't figure why, but their reactions to him whenever they were the same vicinity varied from strained politeness to cool disdain. Lily always shrugged it off and carried on as if nothing was amiss. The animosity was less overt, but James found it much less tolerable than Sirius and Lily's squabbles.
In fact, there was really only one point for which their arguments seem to come from true disagreement rather than clash of personality.
They were heading to a party at Lily's friend Mary's house. Not, of course, because Mary particularly wanted them there, but their school was small enough that everyone ended up at everyone's parties. Sirius was already sulking, because Lily had already been sitting in the passenger seated when they'd pulled up in front of the library.
After he reluctantly slid into the back seat, Lily turned to face him. "I didn't know you had a brother." James tensed. This was not going to go well. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar figure make his way down the street in the opposite direction to them. Lily must have seen him too and drawn the easy conclusion.
"Jamiekins is my brother."
"Obviously," she smirked, "But that guy who came out behind you, looks just like you, and goes to our school I think?"
"He's not my family," but the severity of his tone, along with the undeniable resemblance, gave away the truth.
"That's pretty harsh." She kept going, "Did you get in a fight or something?"
That was an understatement - a dangerous one. She needed to stop before-
"You can't fight with someone who's dead to you."
"What?" Lily's voice conveyed her shock at both the words and the venom that dripped from them. "You can't mean that."
"Who the fuck are you to say what I do and don't mean?!"
"You can't just give up on family like that!"
Sirius' voice was cold and sharp. "Trust me, it's a mutual indifference. A real improvement from our former relationship, actually."
"I...I can't believe you." James glanced over and saw she was flustered and red in the face. "He's still here but you're giving up…"
"Lily…" James took his hand off the gear shift for a moment to touch hers with equal parts consolation and reprimand. This was obviously as personal to her as it was to Sirius and he needed to move them past the topic as quickly as possible.
"You don't understand," Sirius told her.
"I understand perfectly that you're just putting up this bullshit front that you don't give a damn!"
"Or maybe you give to many damns, huh? White dress at a house party? Who are you trying to impress? Jamiekins over here would prefer you naked."
Lily's face got impossibly redder, whether from anger or embarrassment or both he couldn't tell.
"As driver, I'm calling an end to this conversation." James was desperate and blunt. "Also someone needs to tell me when the turn is."
Lily directed him to her friend's house in a low murmur.
Now
"Just sacked Pete." Sirius said in greeting as he climbed onto the tour bus.
"About time, his polo shirts are clashing with our aesthetic and ruining our street cred."
"Like you know anything about aesthetic."
"Yes but I only wear polos when I'm visiting Gran."
"And she also thinks you look awfully stuffy and posh," Sirius informed him, "She asked me where I got my jacket last Christmas."
"She didn't."
"She did, but I told her it was one of a kind."
"We just sacked Pete," said Remus, who had also just boarded the bus.
"Too late, Sirius' already played that bit."
"You told him?" Remus turned to Sirius.
"I'm telling him."
"What?" asked James.
"We fired Pete because he was embezzling from the merch stand." Remus said in a sober tone that frequently made an appearance a few pints in and also when he was delivering bad news. An unsettling coincidence to say the least.
"Yeah he's been sneaking fivers and the odd tenner from the cashbox for years."
"This isn't just a few quid to subsidize his burrito habit, he had a whole operation!"
"What?!" he said in alarm.
"He's been cheating the inventory lists and then keeping the money from the extra merch," explained Remus.
"I can't believe this!"
"He even had a whole set up on his phone for people to pay with cards that he'd switch out with our tablet," added Sirius.
"How'd you find out? When did you find out?"
"Got a call from Frank," Remus answered, naming their accountant. "I went to ask Peter about it and he just...spilled."
"He spelled out his whole scheme like he was in confession," Sirius said, "And then he bolted."
"He ran away?"
"Yeah, I was walking out of the bathroom and got to bar just in time to see him hop the table and bust through the fire exit."
"Not the brightest move, considering all his stuff is still on the bus." Remus moved over to Pete's bunk and grimaced.
"Huh. Sorta wish I could have seen him jump the table."
"It was impressive in its drama and physicality I'll admit it," said Sirius, which was a great honor, considering the model of drama and dramatic physicality he himself was.
"But shite," James caught his head in his hands, "Now we need a new person to sell merch." The boys nodded solemnly. They could sort their feelings about Pete later, but for now, they had a show in a couple of hours.
Touring was expensive, especially for small time bands on local tours or supporting acts on larger ones. Often bands would tour on a loss to get exposure and build relationships. Merch, overpriced though it was, was a vital source of income. Since their debut had gotten some traction, The Marauders weren't in the straights they'd been in before, far from it in fact, but James could still remember when the take from one nights t-shirt sales determined where they could stop to eat on their drive to the next tour stop.
For a moment, the image of a delicate hand tucking hair behind an ear before smoothing out a crumpled bill flashed in his mind. But he'd had a lot of practice forgetting about that part of their early days touring, so he was able to push it back quickly enough.
"Lily," Remus said, as if plucking her out of James' mind.
He froze. Sirius glanced at him before agreeing with Remus. "Yeah, she could do it."
James didn't say anything, but Remus still turned to him with a rationale. "She knows the gig and she's just graduated uni so chances are she's free."
Again, he saw her; wide eyes full of passion and big ideas for the world. He couldn't imagine she'd still be the same girl in charity shop cutoffs, cross legged in the back seat of their van to count out their dinner funds. She was meant for things, wasn't that the whole point?
"Even if she had the time, I doubt she'd want to follow us around again."
"We've come a long way from that heat stroke of a van," said Sirius, picking thoughts out of his mind.
"I guess the bus is nicer-"
"That's also true."
"-But it still smells and she wouldn't have privacy and the food sucks and we'd have to get her her own hotel rooms because she can't bunk with us-"
Remus interrupted his tirade. "Okay, while Frank would love to hear you've actually taken time to think about the logistics of tour for once," he stood up and made for the front of the bus, "Lily's our best bet, it's that simple. Call her before you work yourself up too much, we need her as soon as possible."
"Why me?" he asked. Remus started down the stairs to exit the bus. "Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna go look for Pete," he said matter-of-factly, "I'll be back in time for the show."
Of course he would leave immediately, giving James no room to argue. With little hope of respite, he turned to Sirius.
"You're thick in the head if you think I'm going to call her for you," he answered the unasked question. "You're either over it and need to stop acting like a wimp, or aren't over it and need to get over it." He left.
James knew they were right, and to be honest he hadn't even had time to think on the possibility of seeing her in the near future. He could figure out how he felt about that later. But just then he was too preoccupied dodging the countless memories that flew up like bees from a nest. Each stung and smarted, but also reminded him of that chest-filling warmth that she always brought with her. A messy braid in the mornings, a wet thumb rubbing lipstick off his face, the smug smile that followed. He swore he could hear a buzz building in his ears before he shook his head and followed his bandmates off the van.
He walked back into the venue and into the green room. Some cold pizza the club had provided was set out on a table. They were just getting past the stage where they had to rely on those for survival, steps up from counting cash in the back of a van, but it looked like some of the sound guys had helped themselves to a few slices. He grabbed a water from the same table, threw himself onto a lumpy but surprisingly comfortable couch, and reluctantly pulled out his phone.
He then promptly put it back in his pocket. It was lunchtime, he thought. The missing pizza slices proved it, as did the empty shwarma wrapper abandoned back in the bus on his bunk which he really should have taken with him to throw out. People didn't answer phone calls when they were eating, he reckoned. There were a million reasons why a person might not be able to answer the phone.
The problem was, for all the memories and bee stings, he couldn't remember the last thing he'd said to her. He could remember all their conversations from when they would cocoon together at parties and her friends would complain she was ignoring them. But he couldn't recall how the most significant relationship of his life had ended other than that it was more his fault than not.
He'd ignored her calls so often that it took him a couple weeks to realize they'd stopped. What's worse is that his first reaction had been relief. Then came surprise, and only after that came the much more appropriate guilt and shame.
Hadn't he told her to call him? "For anything and everything, Evans," he'd said with that signature smirk - one that used to be just for her but now was fawned over by thousands. But on that night, not quite the last night but the night that marked the end, it was all for her. Not because he'd been in a joking mood, but because her eyes were starting to glaze over with tears and he would do anything to get her to smile.
Fifteen year old James would have given anything to be in his place. It had taken him all of the years since to mature from an idiot adolescent trapped in a hell of hormones and an inflated ego to someone that Lily Evans didn't want to say goodbye to. Really, he ought to be kicking himself.
The growing grumble from the other side of the door told him that he was running out of time. People were returning to the venue from the afternoon meanderings to start getting ready for the show. Even if he could press dial right that second, the chances of being interrupted were too high.
Equal amounts of relief and anxiety trickled down his back as he left the room and retraced his steps to the bus. He did away with the abandoned trash on his bunk before flopping down and once again pulling his phone from his pocket.
He stared at her number and fell out of time for a moment. Then he pressed call.
Then
Inside, she'd given his hand a quick squeeze of farewell before disappearing into the crowd, presumably to find Mary. While James wanted to wrap her up until the bleak expression on her face melted away, he also wanted to talk to Sirius.
His best friend was still standing in the middle of the doorway, hands up to pull his hair back at the nape of his neck. He'd started growing it out to bus his parents, and showed great pride in the new length. However, James couldn't help his amusement at the extra time he now spent messing with it to make sure it constantly appeared perfectly disheveled and casual. Even now, he rucked a hand through the front of his hair so some pieces fell into his face. It was a move that Lily had pointed out as one of his own, and on more than one occasion had laughed upon catching them simultaneously ruffling their locks.
"So," James didn't know how to start.
"Aren't you going to follow her?" Sirius jutted his chin in the direction Lily had left.
"I'll find her again later." James answered without looking away from him.
"Are you going to tell me off for arguing with your girl?"
"She's not my girl," he interjected.
"She's going to be," Sirius said in calm confidence.
"Ahh...Listen," James continued, "I'm not about to ream you. I know that she doesn't understand about you and Reg...and I wanted to see if anything she said got to you."
Sirius sighed, "I'm a big boy Jamiekins."
James shrugged, "You're my best mate."
"Red may have ruffled my feathers," Sirius admitted, mirroring his shrug, "But I'm not gonna hold it against her. I'll get over it, but there's something she's obviously not over, so keep that in mind."
James nodded. "Alright." Sirius wasn't one to wax poetic, but James trusted him enough to take him at his word. "Let's head in then."
They'd arrived on the earlier side because Lily was decisively punctual and had also wanted to offer Mary any help sorting the house for the party. But James and Sirius found some beers in the kitchen and then claimed a spot to sit and entertain themselves. Needless to say when Lily finally came around to look for him, it was not difficult.
Sirius was doing a handstand off the back of the back of Mary's couch shotgunning a beer James held for him.
"It is literally not even nine why are you acting like a bunch of inebriated hooligans?!" she exclaimed after Sirius made his dismount.
He grinned mischievously. "My balance isn't as good by Hooligan Hour," he offered in explanation.
"So you aren't going to give it another go later tonight?"
"Oh, Red," was all he said, before he left the room.
Lily turned to James with a look of exasperation on his face. "He's not upset with me is he?"
He shook his head as he took her hand and pulled her to him. "He's a big boy, Red"
She rolled her eyes but took his meaning. "Well, that's good I guess," she said before narrowing her eyes at him, "You're not going to take a turn at couch handstands, are you?"
"Couch handstands aren't really my style," he hedged.
She caught the distinction but didn't press him. "Come on, get your guitar and show me the new bridge." She set off towards the foyer to find the instrument.
"We're at a party?" he protested as he trailed behind her.
"You've got to get used to performing in front of people eventually."
"If I don't even have a bridge I don't know what you want me to play for people."
She spun around to face him while continuing to walk backward. "I'm sure you could pull off a passable rendition of Wonderwall."
"You're so funny, I hope you know that. I die of laughter just looking at your face," he said in a droll tone.
She crossed her eyes and twisted her features, "Tell me I'm pretty!"
He laughed and reached out to grab her to him. "Lils, you're going to walk into bannister."
"Oh!" she gasped, coming to a stop with his hand on her hip. His grin stalled at the surprise in her face. He let his hand fall.
She looked down at his hand, now hanging heavily at his side. "Um, did you stow it upstairs or..?" She glanced around for the guitar case.
"Yeah," he answered. The same hand found its way into his thick hair, gripping the tangled locks in an effort to dissipate the lingering sensation. Just from touching her, for goodness sake. He dashed around her and ran up the stairs without waiting to see if she'd follow.
She didn't and was waiting where he'd left her when he came rumbling down from the room someone had told him to leave his coat and case.
She smiled at him, the curve in her lips small but genuine, and with a smooth turn, lead him to find a quiet place.
They doubled back to the kitchen where Lily swiped a bottle of something strong and then wandered into Mary's empty dining room. They settled into a corner sitting criss-cross on the floor facing each other. Lily opened the bottle, cheers James, and took a healthy swig.
"Alright?" he asked when she grimaced.
"I'm perfection," she answered, before passing it off to him.
He followed suit, the liquor tingling down his throat, but examined her expression. He'd almost caught on to a flicker of something before she started talking.
"Mary's gunning for Sirius, just so you know," she started. "I told her he's lost his head up his arse so now was not the best time for propositioning."
"I don't think she'd have any luck regardless."
"Obviously, but if he's still worked up from whatever tantrum he threw in the car, I don't think he's going to be nice about letting her down. Except I didn't tell Mary that and now she thinks I just don't want her to start hanging out with all you lads as well and then when I told her I had to go find you she worked herself up about never hanging out with her anymore which is ridiculous because I've just spent the last hour trying to talk sense into her about this Sirius thing because I'm a good mate like that...and anyway that's why we're hiding."
He was relieved to finally see her take a breath, but grabbed onto the last thing she said as most of what'd she'd said had flown right by him. "We're hiding."
"Mmhmm." She smiled conspiratorially before taking another drink from the bottle Then she quirked her head. "Well, maybe just I'm hiding, but you're here to entertain me." She gestured at the instrument in James' lap.
"You've brought me into the bunker."
"Well actually the bomb shelter Mary's great-granda built during the war is in the cellar"
"Why would they bomb out here?"
"I don't presume to understand Nazis." Fair.
James couldn't help but preen internally to know that Lily preferred spending time with him over her other friends, even if he felt a twinge of vague guilt. But he wasn't in the mood to examine it, especially with her leaning in close and watching him with wide eyes. He brushed his flop of hair from his eyes, and the worry from his mind.
He played her something from one of their late night car rides, and then started taking requests. A progressively intoxicated Lily found it increasingly hilarious to watch a more-and-more drunk James twist his fingers and tongue into knots as he tried to read tabs and lyrics at the same time.
Her forehead was resting on his shoulder as he tried to say the words "crocodile rocking was something shocking…" over and over again in her ear, her peels of laughter buffeting into his shirt when Mary finally found them.
"James can you not sequester my friend at my party? Didn't you bring some ruffian you should be watching?" Evidently, there'd been a misfire with Sirius.
"Mary, don't blame James just because Sirius doesn't have the hots for you. I told you but then you went into a tizzy so I found James here to cheer me up with some tunes."
"Alright, you're brilliant with perfect intuition and I should have listened. Now make me feel better." She pleaded and stuck a hand out to pull Lily up from the floor.
"Sit with us! James will cheer you up too!"
He saw Mary purse her lips, as though she was trying hard not to say something. "Lily."
"Fine, fine." She stood up without Mary's help, the humour draining from her face to be replaced by a convincing portrayal of sobriety.
She looked down at James and bit her lip. "Do you think you'll be able to drive me home in a couple of hours?"
He shrugged, "Probably." Usually he and Sirius would spend the night at one of these parties, but he had the oddest feeling they wouldn't be welcome.
"Lily, you can stay here," Mary said with exasperation.
"No, James will take me home."
Mary huffed out of the room. Lily sent him a smile, then followed her friend out.
James liked Mary enough, truly, and while he had been taken aback enough by her initial reactions to him, he couldn't lie and say she didn't make Lily happy. He'd heard enough stories during their long drives to know. Maybe he was spending too much time with Lily, Sirius certainly thought so. But he couldn't bring himself to feel any regret or guilt. He'd take as much of her as he could get. If she wanted to hide from a party, he'd help her hide. If she wanted to make a fool of herself, he'd be right there with her just the same.
It felt inevitable when, a couple hours of joking with Sirius later, James found himself catching Lily before she bulldozed into his chest on his way to the kitchen.
"Hey, stranger, you alright?"
"Hey yourself." The spark was still in eye, but the vibrating energy she'd had when he'd seen her last had dulled to a hum. "Dance with me."
He grimaced to cover a grin. "Lils, why are you so set on making a spectacle of me?"
"I'm trying to make a spectacle of me." She pulled back to the dining room where they'd been hiding before, only now the room was full and someone had brought the speakers with them.
All of a sudden she was standing on the table, shimmying with some girl from their Literature unit. Well, dancing on tables beat Wonderwall.
He hoisted himself up and slipped his hands around her hips, spinning her to face him. She laughed and wiggled in her best attempt at moves. He bobbed his head to the beat and for the life of him couldn't stop grinning.
More people were joining them on the table and he took a step to make room when all of a sudden he was falling. He made hard impact with the floor and sharp noise cut through the music.
James didn't know if he should be more worried about his foot, which was swollen to a comically large size and also felt like it was burning with the fire of hell, or the fact that Lily and Sirius were alone together in the waiting room. Both had tried to give excuses to the overtired nurse at the reception desk for why they needed to accompany him to his examination to no avail. James suspected that one of them might have had a chance to be crowned victor if their bickering hadn't startled the nurse that came to collect him, causing her to give the reception nurse a curt shake of her head.
Things between them had been icy throughout the party, but exploded after he fell.
To be fair, it didn't really help that when Lily screamed "Was that a crack or a pop?" Sirius' response was to sing the jingle for Rice Krispies.
She reamed into him while also kneeling down next to James to look him over, meaning most of her bellows ended up in James' face. He might have been more bothered if the pain in his ankle made thinking about anything else extremely difficult.
They squabbled over whether to call 999 or drive to hospital. Mary interjected by saying he wasn't dying and could probably get him to A&E before the ambulance could wind its way out to her house. Then the argument became who was going to drive.
"Do you even know how to drive?" Sirius demanded.
"Yes! Besides, you're still too sloshed to get behind the wheel!"
He ignored her point. "Couldn't tell what with James acting as your personal chauffeur."
"Just because I don't have my own car doesn't mean I can't drive one!" Then she shoved her hands into James pants.
Now holding his keys, she stood up and stomped out of the room, calling back for Sirius not to drop James when he carried him to the car.
They continued to argue all through the drive - Lily was in fact a capable, if not cautious driver - all the way up to the reception desk and throughout the wait for the nurse to bring him back to the examination rooms.
He sincerely hoped that whatever row they might be having now that they'd been left to their own devices in the waiting room would not cause so much distress. He'd lost his phone sometime over the course of the night, whether at Mary's house or in the car, so he couldn't check in on them, or even amuse himself while waiting for the doctor to come examine his ballooning ankle. It was either beginning to dull or he was starting to get used to it, because he had enough headspace to start worrying about his foot on top of his antagonizing mates.
Eventually, a kind but tired looking doctor came in, examined his foot, proclaimed he needed an x-ray, and left him to wait for another nurse to take him. It was about 7 minutes before he was alone again. Alone with his throbbing ankle and spiraling worries.
As time trickled by, he imagined screaming matches, his friendships with both of them ruined, a blood bath, authorities contacted, he might have to get his mother involved- shite, he was going to explain what happened to his mother. She might go easy on him for letting Sirius get arrested if his injury ended up being serious. His life was as good as over.
The worry, the pain, the waiting, was making him exhausted. They wheeled him back from the x-ray, then, after more waiting, came back with the diagnosis of a moderate sprain but no fractures. The doctors finally gave him pain meds and started talking about rice for whatever reason, gave him a boot, and then all of a sudden he was in a wheelchair whizzing down the hallway. Either the nurse was eager to be rid of him or his senses were all off.
He expected to come across a horrific scene of carnage. Sadness and guilt entered into the emotional cocktail that was ravaging his meds-addled mind.
A familiar laugh pealed through the air - apparently Lily had come out on top. But then a lower pitched cackle joined in. Sirius was not decapitated? Curious. He careened around a corner and saw a shaggy head of hair between his two companions. Wait, was that James? No, he was James, he had much darker hair, but who was that? The nurse wheeled him closer and he noticed that the newcomer didn't look like him at all, albeit he was occupying James' usual spot between Lily and Sirius. His hair, face, and sweater were all a similar dull blonde shade, but he had a wry expression that made James think he was responsible for the laughter that had caught his attention. Impersonator or not, that put him in James' good book.
A moment later, he felt a soft hand grip his, and realized that the nurse was speaking. Rice again.
"There was no fracture, but there were partial tears to some ligaments, so he'll need to stay off it for a while...ice, compress, elevate…." Ice? Rice? Who knew. It was making him hungry.
"Who's this then?"
Lily, who turned out to be the one holding his hand, turned her face from the nurse to him. "I'm Lily," her smile turned mischievous, "Your name is Fleamont."
"Middle name," he muttered, "Lils, I'm talking about the new bloke."
"The pain medication we prescribed him seems to be affecting him strongly—"
"Nah, we just met Remus," Lily said at the same time Sirius shouted, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD FORGET OUR OWN TRIPLET!"
The nurse, quickly losing patience, smiled and retreated through the doors behind the reception desk.
"Hello," "Remus" said.
"You're Welsh!"
He shrugged, "Moonlighted as one for a bit, born in Australia, Irish mum."
"Lily's Irish!"
"No I'm not, some Scottish on my grans side but honestly James, you don't just go around yelling nationalities at people, high or not."
He froze. "I am not! And don't you dare tell my mother that!"
"You most definitely are," Sirius said gleefully, "and Mia's gonna have a cow."
"I'm here waiting for my friend, Pete," Remus explained. Wonderful bloke, got right to the point, James was already very fond of him. "Poor sod ran into a door and broke his nose."
James found himself reaching up to touch his own nose. "Ow."
"Anyway, he was sitting all by his lonesome when he noticed Sirius and I-"
"-Noticed the two of them were about to tear each others heads off-"
"-So he came over and we've been getting along swimmingly and also he plays bass."
"Bass?"
"Also known the last part we need to form a proper band," Sirius jumped in.
Remus had that wry look again. "You could say I'm good at keeping things steady."
James was delighted that his favourite people were no longer about to decapitate each other, they would actually get to make real music, and his foot hardly felt like anything anymore. James Potter was ending his night in surprisingly good spirits, considering everything, so it almost made sense that his brain decided to forget the rest of it.
The fifth night in a row Lily came over to see him after he'd been out of hospital, he was surprised. Until then, he realized, he'd just been so used to spending as much time as possible with Lily that it hadn't occurred to him that she was putting off other plans or going out of her way to visit him. She had to take the bus the long way around to get to his house and back- it was why he always drove everywhere they went. The night before, a Friday, they'd stayed up so late laughing and watching old reruns that his mother, who adored Lily, especially after she brought a half asleep James home and was somehow deemed his 'saviour,' had insisted she spend the night in the guest room and let his father drive her back in the morning.
But, just a few hours later, she was there again walking through his front door and into the living room. It was where he spent all of his time not at school or sleeping with his foot propped up. She was wearing different clothes, and had managed to get the peanut butter from their late night snacking out of her hair. She sauntered on over, plopped down on her end of the couch, turned her head, and crossed her eyes at him. She blinked and grinned widely when he snorted at her, and then caught in the sunshine of her smile, it fell into place.
He'd considered himself so lucky these past few months. She always just happened to be around, free to hang out, right by her phone. He's felt like he'd been conning the universe to let him be near her. But it wasn't chance, it was choice.
"How are you feeling today?"
He grunted. He had ways to go as a lyricist but eloquence would never be his on command.
She interpreted something from it anyway. "I know you don't like that question but you've got this awful expression on your face so just tell me if you want me to get Mia to bring you more pain meds."
"No."
"Okay, well have you heard Sirius and Remus are really hitting it off? I swung by Pete's earlier they were both going back and forth on something. They want you to get over when you can because they can't move the drums but Pete's got a good space there so they figure that can be the band's practice spot."
"The band?"
"Yes, James." She rolled her eyes. "You, Sirius, and Remus. Pete doesn't play but with Remus you have all the parts. You told me the other month you were looking and then we met Remus that night you broke your foot and then it all fell together- you were rather excited about it at the time. Then again you were on a lot of pain medication. But honestly, you have a phone, the internet, there's no excuse for not keeping up to date with things."
"Lil," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thanks for coming."
She reddened, not expecting the compliment. She continued talking about the morning she had spent with the boys.
Sometimes it was hard to keep up with, what was a quote and what was her own commentary, but he was glad to listen nonetheless. He watched her hand come up to tuck an errant lock of hair behind her ear, and her legs pull up to cross them underneath her as she settled into the couch beside him. He gazed across the space between them and wondered if his realization had empowered him enough to call her closer.
"Do you want me to make a cuppa?" His face nearly split at her offering him tea in his own house.
"Sure, there's some of those hazelnut biscuits from Waitrose too." They were her favourite.
"You sure know how to show a girl a good time," she said with a wink as she slipped off the couch.
When she was out of the room, he fished his phone from the depths of the couch cushions and sure enough found a number of notifications from Sirius across multiple platforms and even a few from Remus and Peter, who he did remember meeting and getting on well with, if not inviting them to start a band. Sirius had sent him a number of video messages that seemed to just be them jamming.
When she came back in the room, he was watching Remus and Sirius lay down the bass and rhythm for something, presumably filmed by Pete on Sirius' phone.
"That's hot." She set a plate of biscuits on the table, placed the mug in his free hand, and, to his great delight, settled in next to him to watch the video.
"The music, not the tea," she clarified, "It's excessively milky just the way you like it. No chance of burns." She shook her head in disapproval. She'd also left the tea bag in the mug to make it extra strong, but tended to trade off on which aspect of his perfect cup was most insulting on any given day.
He took a sip and made an exaggerated show of enjoying his blasphemous tea. She scrunched her nose at him to keep from laughing.
Lily drank her excessively sweet tea and extra chocolatey biscuits as they went through the rest of the clips Sirius had sent them. Lily herself was in the background of some earlier ones, or behind the camera on others - notable for their weak attempt at angles and close ups and eventual drooping to capture just the bottom half of their faces.
With Sirius on drums and Remus on bass, they were limited to the foundations of a song, but already they worked so well together that James found himself humming guitar lines or melodies over them. Sometimes Sirius or Remus would 'bababa' out a loose idea for a tune. Most of the time, however, they just showed off for each other or felt each other out as they played together. Halfway through the remarkably high number of videos Sirius had taken the camera himself.
"There goes fair Evans, off to nurse our mediocre guitarist back to health with her womanly wiles."
"Shut up."
Peter could be heard laughing over zealously. The camera zoomed in on Lily's glare so close it turned into a fuzzy screen of green.
"Do you object to the comment on James' prowess at guitar or my not so subtle insinuation?" He zoomed out dramatically, and they could see the quiet amusement on Remus' face.
"One of them is untrue and the other is none of your business!" She walked off.
"Puzzling, puzzling," mused Sirius before the clip cut off.
"You really aren't as bad as we all joke you know," real life Lily said in a rush.
"I know," he said, not calling attention to the blushing blooming in her cheeks. "If I was actually still shite after all this practice I'd probably have to admit that it's never gonna take."
"Oh I don't think I'd discount your stubbornness so quickly."
"Anyway, which one is the one that goes like…."
He played through some ideas and mumbled some tunes, which Lily recorded and sent back to the lads. A half an hour later, they were sent a pic of the boys toasting with "celebratory" packets of crisps.
He and Lily settled deeper into the cushions and picked out a film. They spent five minutes arguing before James surrendered to Lily's preference. She looked very smug but really he realized that he'd end up scribbling in his notebook through most of it.
He found he liked writing over Remus and Sirius' foundations. It was like the beat was taking him for a walk, and the duration could be as long as it took him to figure out what exactly the final destination, the finished song, would be. He dug his headphones out from the crease between the cushion and armrest and played this one clip over and over again. It was a smooth, rocking beat, but then they alternated it with a more energetic version - which often happened when Sirius liked something, but James agreed with him in this instance.
Even though their attentions were pointed in two different directions, James and Lily remained very aware of each other. Sometimes it was James' tapping out a beat on her thigh, another time it was Lily resting her head on his shoulder. She dozed off and slept through the onscreen explosions that finally pulled James' attention away from the song that was finally coming together. His laughter eventually woke her up, and again when she blinked at him in confusion.
"I should head home soon," she mumbled.
"Alright," He placed a kiss on her forehead.
She didn't move from where she was nestled into his side while he recapped the end of the film as the credits played out. The screen faded to black and they sat in a simple silence that stretched toward a breaking point.
"James."
The hint of urgency in her voice struck right at his heart - its pace quickened in response. He turned and she was there, her face close to his, eyes wide and searching. They both knew what the moment was, and yet paused to just gaze at each other. They were finally facing what they'd been dancing around for months and still, now, here at the precipice, they held their breath. He didn't think it was apprehension, rather, he was capturing every detail. If he could notice every single freckle on her nose, the shape and shade of her eyes, and the warm, glowing emotion reflected in them, maybe he could make the moment last forever. But the promise of the next moment was too good to ignore, so he would be content to hold it in his memory in perfect facsimile.
They crashed into each with the same uncoordinated eagerness. Lily's laugh hummed into his mouth when he couldn't move for his leg. The taste of the seam of her lips right before they parted was new, awkward, perfect. She rose to her knees to lean in as close as possible. James pulled her in roughly by the waist as they explored each other with soft caresses of their lips, tongues.
The rightness of the moment was only curbed by the growing discomfort from their positioning on the couch. Lily was about to fall over and pulled back. James couldn't help but feel a bit smug when he saw her pink cheeks and reddened lips.
"Um…" she said in a breathless voice, "Can I?" She shuffled closer to move one knee over his lap to straddle him, but part way there her foot got caught on the boot on his elevated foot and she fell onto his chest.
She giggled into his neck, then craned her head back to look at him. "Are you alright?"
"More than alright, Evans."
They fell back together with the same bashful relief as finding your sunglasses on your head after a frantic search, as looking for your phone and calling your friend for help, as first kisses and first love, and an optimism that just might be a touch naive. There was an innocence to their passion, because for the first, and maybe the last time, they were completely honest with themselves and each other. But they held each other close, or as close as possible with James' foot still propped up, wrapped in the belief that being in love would be as easy as falling. And even before the rosy frames of hindsight colored the memory, it was a sugary sweet night.
Now
After the second ring, he realized that closing his eyes really didn't have any impact on this purely auditory experience. He got up and started pacing instead. It wasn't easy in the messy tour bus, so he was more or less hopscotching over coats, towels, and the old take-away bags he always forgot to toss.
The phone kept ringing long enough for him to decide that she wasn't going to answer and begin to formulate the shortest possible message he could leave when he finally heard a click at the other end of the line.
"Evans?"
"Potter."