It all started with a crush. A stupid, stupid crush.

She'd never met her best friend's twin brother, though she knew of his existence. Rin talked about him on occasion – they were extremely close growing up, and they still were, but things had changed. Being separated by an entire ocean had a way of doing that to relationships.

Miku was shown pictures of Rin's brother, sometimes. Back before their parents went through that messy divorce and they were separated, one child to stay with each parent. Rin with her father, Len with his mother.

He was so young then. Happy and carefree. Rin and Len had their arms slung around each other, Rin with an exuberant grin on her face, Len a more reserved version of her but looking no less pleased with himself. That was our last day of elementary school, Rin told her, sounding wistful. I haven't seen him much since.

The only thing Miku noted was their exceptional resemblance to each other. They truly seemed like two halves of a whole, Len simply a more masculine version of Rin. At this point, the only thing Miku thought was that it would be nice to have a twin.

Then one day Rin said that Len was coming to visit. No, more – he would be transferring to their university, and Miku couldn't help the concern that flickered through her.

She ought to be happy, she knew that – the twins had been apart for years, and it would be selfish to want anything else. Rin missed her brother, she could see it in the way she talked about him, the way her blue eyes shimmered with excitement every time she glanced at the date on her phone. And it wasn't like Miku to be a dampener on her best friend's spirits, especially not for something this important.

But she was selfish, and she couldn't help it. Having Len here meant less time for her, right? Rin would be caught up in their reunion, and them being twins probably left little space for anyone else in their relationship. Would she be pushed to the side, forgotten as Rin fussed over her brother? Was she less important than Len?

So as Rin counted down with bated breath to the day Len would arrive, Miku paced back and forth in her room, biting her fingernails ragged. A nervous habit, one she had never really managed to grow out of. She stubbornly, optimistically, maybe almost foolishly hoped that nothing would change.

Then the next day came and Rin was followed by a boy who turned heads when they walked down the hallway, and Miku knew it wasn't just because he was new.

Gone was the baby fat she'd seen in his pictures. He was taller than Rin, taller than her – he had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen, eyes that shimmered and changed like the ocean, and there was a quiet, almost refined grace about him that was so unlike his sister, and Miku couldn't help herself. She stared and stared and stared until Rin waved a hand in her face, laughing as she glanced away in embarrassment.

This is my twin brother, Len. I've told you about him. Len, this is Miku – she's my best friend, so I expect the two of you to play nice! Rin said this with the air of a scolding mother, waggling a finger to complete the look, and mutely they nodded.

Since that introduction, it was like she couldn't take her eyes off him. She sought him out wherever he was, drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and no matter how hard she tried to tear herself away, she always gravitated back to him before long.

Like the moon orbiting the sun. Like the ebb and flow of the waves, gentle but inevitable – she didn't want to do this, didn't want to stumble into the cliché of falling for her best friend's brother. Yet here she was, treading into dangerous territory, and she was powerless to stop, caught up in the swell of the tide.

She didn't notice, but Len was always watching her too, beautiful and distant and quiet. He was polite with the others who talked to him and he cultivated a circle of friends outside of his sister – Miku's earlier fears about losing her best friend were thankfully unfounded – but he was always, always looking at her.

Once in a while, she swore she could feel a burning gaze searing the back of her neck, but every time she turned around, there was no one there.

She promised herself that she'd get over him before they all graduated and went on their separate ways. It didn't make any sense to fall for him when they barely spoke; when they hardly exchanged anything more than a passing glance in the hallways.

But still, she yearned. She wanted. She wondered what it'd feel like to run her fingers through his blond hair, whether it would be as soft as her own. How he might look on top of her, blue eyes burning, burning, his voice rasping out her name. How she would loop her arms around his neck and draw him closer, pressing kisses against the column of his neck, nosing at his jaw until he sank his fingers into her skin and hissed profanities into her ear. And then she'd register all these thoughts and her eyes would fly wide open as she scrabbled back, hugging her pillow to her chest.

Len lived in a different dormitory from her and Rin, which made it slightly easier for Miku's poor heart. She didn't know how she'd react if she saw him in the morning, stepping out of his room with his hair tousled, his eyes sleepy – she'd wonder if he knew the thoughts that ran through her mind, dirty, filthy thoughts that made her face burn in shame when she was forced to look him in the eye. Thoughts that she instinctively turned to in the middle of her night, her lithe fingers slipping past the waistline of her panties as she gasped out his name, face tilted to the ceiling.

It was humiliating, almost. On particularly needy nights she'd go out of her way to avoid him the next day, often to his confusion, and Rin would have to reassure him that he'd done nothing wrong, that Miku was just being…cranky that morning.

Rin was aware of Miku's infatuation, and she found it all quite hilarious. Honestly, I don't care if you two get together. I want to be an aunt! Go make me some babies! And Miku would bury her face in her hands and wonder what she ever did to land herself in this situation, listening to her best friend cackling at her predicament.

They didn't share any classes, and she didn't know if that was a blessing or curse. She figured that if Len took any of her modules, she'd fail spectacularly, and that would be entirely her fault. He was good with his studies – of course, he would be, he was perfect wasn't he – and sometimes she'd head to the library so she could watch him study, his head bent over his books, oblivious to the world around him.

Len was usually not as oblivious as she thought he was, nor was Miku particularly subtle, and on the days he sensed her presence nearby, he'd make sure to stare at his notes, stare so hard that he might just burn a hole in the paper.

Miku wondered sometimes if she ought to say something to him. If she ought to drop a hint or two – hey, want to hang out? Watch a movie? Grab lunch? But every time she saw him her voice died in her throat, and she forgot how to speak.

He'd look expectantly at her and her toes curled when he said her name in that gentle, melodious voice that made everything sound like poetry. She'd open her mouth, clear her throat, then wave and mutter hello before running away like a spooked deer, and he wondered if he'd have better luck if he just caged her in between him and the wall so that she couldn't bolt so readily in the future.

Everything Miku knew about Len was from his sister. Rin readily shared stories about her brother, more than happy to recount the past, and from there Miku steadily built an understanding of Len's personality and his preferences.

Like his love for spicy food, how mentioning a good meal alone was more than enough to make his eyes light up, an ocean reflecting off the summer sky. How once upon a time he'd been afraid of the dark – he'd grown out of it, but he still kept the night light Rin once gifted him for their birthday a long, long time ago. How he excelled at everything he did but seemed to give up words for perfection, preferring to keep his thoughts to himself unless he absolutely had to speak.

That made her wonder what it'd be like to tease his voice out of him when they were in bed together, and the thought instantly made her face flame. When Rin asked her why she seemed so flustered, it took everything Miku had to say that nothing was wrong, she was just hot, wasn't it such a hot day today?

And Rin gave her a strange look and told her it was raining, pointed out that Miku was swaddled in her blankets and maybe she should come up with a better excuse if she wanted to lie, so Miku resorted to throwing a pillow at her best friend's head.

One day she bumped into him in the middle of a courtyard. It was past midnight, she had come out for a stroll to clear her head, and there he was, leaning against the giant oak tree in the middle of the square, staring up at the dark sky.

She paused, wondering if she ought to surreptitiously turn around and sneak back to her room. Was about to take a step back and run away when he looked down from the heavens and met her gaze, his blue eyes searching.

It felt like she'd gotten hit in the face, and she froze, her breath misting in front of her. It was a chilly night, and she regretted not wearing more layers – she was clad in little more than her nightdress and a cardigan – but when she left her room, she thought she'd just take a short walk. Five minutes stretched to fifteen stretched to thirty and now she was here with her skin prickling. From the cold? From his stare?

She didn't know. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know either.

When he started to walk towards her she considered whether to hold her ground or turn tail and flee. It would be easier to act on the latter option, but as she shifted her weight, he seemed to sense her intent and he reached out to grab her wrist. Her heart stuttered, and slowly she turned towards him, trying to understand his actions.

He was watching her, those ocean eyes dark like the midnight sky above them, and she swore she could see constellations in their depths. "Miku," he breathed, and it was a sound filled with – longing? Desire? Want?

She inhaled, trying not to think. It was so much easier not to think, not to wonder – her stomach was churning, and it was impossible to hold his gaze for too long. It made her feel sick. She thought back to her fantasies, to the dreams she dwelled on when she was snug beneath her covers, and instantly she wanted to pull away.

He held fast. "Do you hate me?" he asked, and his voice was soft. Soft, like the rest of him – quiet and precise and perfect and she had to shake her head no, how could she ever hate someone like him? He exhaled, a tense, shaky sound, and she realised this was the first time she'd seen him be anything less than composed.

"Then why do you keep avoiding me?" His gaze was penetrating, uncomfortably so, and she fancied she could feel him digging into her, those eyes of his demanding as any spoken word. "Am I doing something wrong? You're Rin's best friend and I want to know you better. It means a lot to her, you know." He hesitated. "That we get along."

"I know that," she mumbled, shifting on her feet. His fingers were searing her wrist – she thought she might combust if she stayed in his vicinity any longer. "I'm not avoiding you or anything, I promise. I'm just kind of awkward. We can be friends."

"Really?" His grip on her loosened slightly, and his brow furrowed, studying her. It was a challenge to look him in the eye, but she didn't want him to think she was lying. "That…that would be nice," he finally said, though he still didn't release her.

"Yeah. We can hang out. Grab an ice cream or something. Anything you want." And anything to make him let go. She wanted to run back to the safety of her room. Her wrist dangled limply in his grip, and she tugged lightly, trying to wriggle free.

That was the moment he seemed to realise he was still holding on to her, and he let go with a murmur of apology. She nodded, tapping a foot against the ground – he still looked like he wanted to say something, but in the end, he just gave her a soft smile, one that melted her to her bones and rendered her utterly speechless.

It was like staring into the sun. "See you when I see you, then." He made to leave, but she was struck by a sudden bolt of courage – maybe it was his smile, maybe it was the confirmation that he wanted to be her friend, maybe she was just reckless and an idiot and she'd regret all this in the morning – and she lurched forward, her fingers making their way to the hem of his shirt. He stopped, glancing back at her.

There was a question in his eyes. She dug her fingers into the fabric, fisting the material. Soft cotton, soft like his eyes, like his smile – "You said you wanted to know me better?" she breathed, and his eyes widened a fraction as he nodded.

She leant up to kiss him, pulling him down by his shirt, and for a moment there was no reaction – he didn't move, and she just stood there with her lips pressed against his, the bravery trickling out of her as time passed. He was frozen, even his breaths were still, and she wondered if she could somehow scrape up the shreds of her dignity, tear away from him and perhaps hit him on the head to make him forget –

Then his fingers wound through her hair and he was holding her against him, their kiss deepening, one hand roaming underneath her cardigan. She whimpered as he pulled at her bottom lip with his teeth, one hand crushing her waist, wrinkling her nightdress. It didn't hurt, and he was warm, so warm, almost hot, his kiss searing, everything burning where he touched – she felt her back slam against the wall, the hand in her hair cushioning her head from the blow, and already she felt dizzy.

Len was refined and polite and the very opposite of his enthusiastic, bubbly sister, but at this moment she didn't feel any of his usual gentleness, his hands and his mouth doing wicked things to her body that shouldn't feel this good, yet they did. She didn't know what to think about being felt up in the middle of the courtyard like this. It was difficult to act rationally. I want him I want him I want him.

Someone pulled away first. She wasn't sure who it was, but then suddenly she was staring into his eyes again, and they cut to her very bone, the intensity in them so unlike anything she'd ever seen before – he pressed an open-mouthed kiss right underneath her ear, and she shivered, her sensitive skin tingling at his touch.

"I'm not sure if this is a good idea," he murmured, still so close to her that she felt rather than heard him speak.

"You don't want me?" she asked, her voice faint, and his gaze snapped to her, wide and startled. She fisted her fingers in her cardigan, no longer cold, but there was a growing pit in her stomach and already she regretted throwing herself at him.

"I…" He hesitated. "I do, I do," he whispered, though it sounded almost like he had to convince himself to say those words. She swallowed, warmth stinging her eyes.

"You don't have to force yourself just because I kissed you, you know." Her smile was tremulous. "I mean, it was a – I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. Shouldn't have…"

"No." His voice was quiet, commanding, and it stopped her right there, making her toes curl. God, it was the first time she'd heard him sound this way, and she knew his voice would haunt her dreams tonight. "Don't apologise. If you want this, then I'm more than happy to give it to you." His eyes met hers. "Anything you want."

She drew a deep breath, wondering if she was maybe asleep in bed, and this was all just some fantastical dream. "Okay. If you…if you don't mind."

"I'm very far from minding," Len answered, and when he leant in to kiss her again, she didn't try to pull away.