First part : going forwards

Jim :

Seafret – Oceans : watch?v=RpdXBjwXbMg

I don't know what I did that night. Kissing her.. Really? After what she told me about her and Thompson. What I was thinking ? ?

Since the moment happened, Jim couldn't stop thinking about it. Chris was not looking at him the way she used to. She was cold, distant. She didn't even talk like they talked before. Like something was broken. He should have been more careful and not obey his instincts.

Ok I was attracted to her since the day I arrived in SWAT team but that's not a reason! She warned me many times and I only listened to my needs… Damn it !

That day in the kitchen at work, when she told me we couldn't be friends anymore killed me. How such a short moment broke my world, our world apart? Ty and Kyra, she's sure she loves them but that's a mistake. That day, I couldn't keep it for me; I told her aloud. And she pushed me… "Not your problem, Street". But IT IS MY PROBLEM.. And I was honest when I said I don't want her heart broken. But she didn't hear me (or chose not to…). She doesn't even look at me… I know we are not together and I doubt we might be one day but I still need her to be my friend… She's the person who understands me clearly.. She saw me when I was dragging down with my mum and she didn't judge me. She was harsh – one of her qualities !- but she was right. And if she had not been here, I would have dragged down with my mum. Thanks to her, I opened my eyes and understood my mother only wanted to get things from me…

This afternoon, we assist to Deacon's moment of fame – he so deserved it ! He' kind of a model for me – and we couldn't sit next to each other… We are so tense about what happened and we can talk about it because she refuses to think about it or even erase it from her memory… I looked at her anyway… I know she felt it .. Or is it just my mind which played ticks on me? I'd rather tell me that she didn't notice it… It makes the situation easier to bear.

Even if it is complicated, I am trying to move on and explore new situations. I was sitting next to Molly, Hicks' daughter. He was nice to see someone so nice and pleasant to talk. No drama. Just two people sharing thoughts and funny words in a joyful moment. I almost forgot Chris for a moment.

No… I have to stop thinking of her… She made it clear she didn't want to have something to do with me in anyway except at work. I need to move on and get out of this relation… It is a fact : I need to see other people and get Chris out of my mind and it is starting now ! Tomorrow, I'll call Molly to have a drink and maybe a meal together. I will see where it takes me (if possible as far away as possible from Chris…).

Taking my courage into both hands, I call Molly this morning and we decide to see each other tonight after work. I don't know if it will make me forget about Chris. But one thing is sure : if I do nothing about it, I will become crazy before the end of the week.

Molly and I met at Betty's dinner in Santa Monica at 7. We both had a hell of a day at work – Chris didn't even tell me a word ! Ok I stop talking about her ! – and our appointment was really a good idea. We talked (a lot!) about weather, cooking, animals, our jobs, movies and even our school years. It was a very great night. The kind of night you would like it never ended. We decided to see each other another time. Because we both know something could come out os this, something nice, cool, real…

We kept seeing each other for weeks. After 2 months, we decided to tell about our relationship to his father because we were tired of hiding. Hicks was happy for us. He told me I was a good guy for his daughter, but I had to be very careful not to hurt her or he will come after me. We laughed a lot that night. Everything was so easy, sweet, nice. I was happy and my fight with Chris was only a bed memory. Nowadays, we were only colleagues and I know she will always have my six. But that outside work, we couldn't see each other. Our paths of life were too different. It had been very difficult to accept . I was proud of myself to have succeeded in coming at this point in my life. All had been possible thanks to Molly. She really was my lucky charm. She led me on the right way and I had to take care of her the best way I could.