This is a story that's my knocking around in my head for a few years. It came to me after a bad time with one of my friends, and some of the events are inspired by that situation. Actually, I came up with this story as a way to try to understand how my friend could fall prey to an abusive relationship.

Due to that, this story is on the darker side. If stories that deal with abuse or self-harm bother you, you may want to avoid this one. I don't glorify those problems in any way, but I don't shy away from them.

Please take care of yourself.

With that said, I hope you all enjoy. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think!

I admired my cute, strange doodles and hoped Alice would notice that they were supposed to be different silly interactions between Tels and Claykun (the two most memorable characters we'd made up years ago for books we wanted to write someday, long after we'd graduated college and bought a house together in Alaska). I'd worked hard on the art I stared at. Though I couldn't draw a straight line, I thought I'd done a suitable job.

But... to be on the safe side, I removed the bright silver pen I always kept behind my ear and labeled Tels and Claykun. When I finished, the pen went to its usual place, and I crossed the crowded Rod and Gun club floor to where Alice chatted with Rosalie and Lauren.

Alice had her back to me, and a wicked urge struck me.

I shimmied up behind my best friend, leaned over her shoulder, and cried, "Allon-sy!"

Alice let out one of her odd shrieks she did when terrified and spun around. Her small-featured face had turned tomato red and her slanted golden-brown eyes were as round as my large man-hands. I giggled, and Rosalie and Lauren joined in.

"What—the—hell?" Alice croaked. She sucked in air as she clutched her chest. "Why… the heart attack?"

I poked her soft stomach. "Because I can."

Alice stuck out her tongue, though her skin had faded back to its pretty light tan color. Her breathing had yet to even out.

"You suck."

I batted my eyelashes. "Doesn't stop you from adoring me."

"Like a diabetic adores an insulin coma."

I chuckled harder, and Alice cracked a smile.

Rosalie and Lauren, seeing that the fun had passed, muttered goodbyes and shuffled off for the long food table on the other side of the building.

When I stopped cackling like a cracked-out hyena, Alice asked, "What do you want?"

"Here." I shoved the decorated-computer-paper-wrapped present I'd gotten her into her hands. "Open it but be careful. Don't rip Claykun's face!"

Alice studied my handiwork, and one of her unruly black eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Why are they in the same dress at the same time?"

I shrugged. "Tels wanted to see if they would both fit."

Another smile tugged on Alice's thin lips. "Somehow they did."

"Much to Tels's delight."

Alice shook her head and slipped her long fingers under a fold in the paper. She pulled until the tape holding it in place came undone. She removed the thin book inside and read the title.

"Oh, Bell," she whispered, and her eyes brimmed with tears. "I can't believe you did this."

My mouth puckered in response to my confusion. Alice was a lot more… grateful than I had imagined she'd be. No, scratch that, she seemed agonizingly touched by my gift.

Why the extreme reaction?

I studied the person I considered a second sister closer.

Oh, okay. Wait. Hardly an ounce of joy was in Alice's expression, and I knew why. The powerful demon Depression had its unforgiving teeth in her.

The book hadn't done that to her (well, probably not). I figured her dad had decided—but, no. No father would refuse to attend his daughter's graduation party just because he was divorcing her mother.

Mr. Holm wasn't that big of a douche bag, was he?

"Alice?"

Alice looked at me, realized I could see her about to bawl, and bowed her head so her short black hair made a curtain between us as she pretended to be interested in the various authors' praises for the novel she had clamped in her hands.

"This is so nice."

Despite all her effort to hide her sadness, her voice shook.

I sucked in my left cheek and chewed on it. That was her answer to the question I wasn't sure I had the balls, or right, to ask. I guess Alice's dad was the epic prick everyone knew and wanted to stab.

"I know it broke your heart that Odin ate your copy, so when I spotted this at the mall the other day, I couldn't help but get it." I hoped to distract her from causing a scene I didn't think she could handle.

Alice sniffled and poked her fingers at her eyes. "But I... I didn't get you anything."

I pretended I didn't notice as I gazed around at the other people in the room, at our friends and families celebrating us graduating high school. Most of the family members were mine.

There should have been twice as many people, but most of Mr. Holm's side of the family had avoided the event. They weren't mature enough to deal with whatever Mrs. Holm's relatives might say about Alice's dad's infidelity and ultimate destruction of his family.

"I didn't get it intending to receive things," I told her when I could no longer take the awkward silence. "I just didn't think it would be right for you to go off to college without Empire."

"But that shouldn't—right."

Alice latched on to a pinch of her usual sentimental aloofness and swallowed her melancholy. She straightened, rubbed her inflamed cheeks, and flashed me a grin that resembled a grimace.

"Thanks, Bell."

"Just make sure Odin doesn't destroy this one."

I forced a laugh, and my stomach flipped like I'd eaten too much ice cream. Ugh, I should have done more to comfort her, but Alice probably would have run into the bathroom if I'd tried. Or gotten mad and glared at me until I stopped talking.

Should I have let that stop me, though?

Pressing the issue would have been healthy for Alice, right? Wasn't that my job as her best friend, to do what needed to be done for her regardless of what her reaction towards me would be?

Had I acted cowardly or respectful?

All the questions swirling in my head triggered a headache.

I rubbed my temples and begged the waking monster to go into hiding. The best way to chase it away was caffeine, especially of the carbonated syrup variety, but I couldn't give in, not if I wanted to drop the stubborn fat I carried around my middle.

My will had to be stronger than Pepsi's siren song.

The headache eased enough that I breathed easier.

While I'd been thinking and coaxing a headache into submission, Alice had gained back her rock-like composure.

She gestured to the blue and gold decorations that covered the room. "I like what your sister did in here."

I nodded agreement, though I thought Jess had gone overboard, or maybe I just didn't like the abundance of my high school's colors. It made me feel like I was stuck in the beast's belly.

Hadn't I gotten the golden ticket that told me I had completed my prison sentence and no longer had to have anything to do with that awful place?

"Hey, I wanted to talk about—Oh, great."

Alice's expression darkened as her focus shifted away from me.

I gazed over my shoulder to see what had captured Alice's attention and turned her mood sour.

Yay, I thought as my ex-girlfriend and enemy number one to Alice stepped out of the crowd.

Victoria met my eyes, flashed me an incredible smile, and increased her pace.

"Hey, honey."

She invaded my personal space and kissed me on both cheeks. Her hands snaked around my back and brushed the top of my ass as she embraced me.

I untangled myself from her warm, inviting arms. "Hi, Victoria."

I knew I shouldn't still want her; I shouldn't have to fight the urge to plant my lips on her black red ones and touch every part of her curvaceous body. She'd screwed me over, and we hadn't been together for five months. I guess that wasn't long enough to kill the passion we'd shared for a year and a half.

Maybe trying to remain friends with her had been a dumb decision.

"Hey," Victoria greeted Alice.

She grinned; her peachy skin aglow with mocking humor I could almost see slap Alice in the face.

"I'll go somewhere where I don't have to listen to a fake bitch," Alice said to me.

She waited for a second to see if I would join her. When I didn't make a move, Alice sulked away.

Victoria watched Alice leave with spiteful glee. "Well, someone's not very cheery today."

"She has her reasons."

"That no one cares about." Before I could respond, Victoria swept some of my hair behind my ear and rested her fingertips against my neck. "I like this color you've died your hair. Strawberry blonde suits you, and your dress is amazing. God, Bella, you look breathtaking."

She fed me a line and a lame one at that, but I blushed as if I'd never flirted before. I hated it, but I hoped she'd say more.

I shrugged like my palms weren't sweating; like my heart and common sense weren't waging a war I fooled myself into believing was settled every time I was alone but that started up again once in Victoria's presence.

How did she have this power over me?

"I just have the talent," I said with a passable amount of competence.

"Oh, I know you have talents."

Victoria trailed her fingers down my arm. They reached my hand and grasped it. "It's a pity we called it quits. You got me going right now." She flashed me her sexiest smile. "How about we get out of here and find an abandoned tool shed or something and have a little fun… for old time's sake?"

Her words stung like a wet towel snapped across my back and my sinuses burned with tears.

There wouldn't have to be an 'old time's sake' if you weren't a cheating slut, I wished I dared to say; the courage to knock her off her smug pedestal. Maybe then she'd express actual remorse for what she'd done to me.

She'd been my first love. I gave her my virginity and had suffered through daily humiliation because I'd believed I'd found my soul mate in Victoria Lamper.

What had come of it?

Nothing but a broken heart and unbearable self-consciousness.

What made it all ten times worse was it seemed Victoria enjoyed watching my struggle for a sense of normalcy.

"It's almost time for cake," was all I ended up saying.

Yup, my inner voice said as I swallowed my tears, you're a pathetic coward. You have no backbone. You deserve everything you get.

"Can't that wait?" Victoria lost some of her charm as her tone grew unstable.

"Bella! Alice!" my dad's voice cried over the noise in the room. "Come over here."

"Your cake," Alice's mom added.

I turned around to see the pair standing at one end of the food table. All the food had been pushed back to make space for a large pale pink box.

My face split into a grateful smile, and I sent a silent prayer of thanks to God.

"I got to go," I called to Victoria as I raced across the floor, away from the painful spell she'd cast.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice slink away from the throng of bodies and fall in step beside me. She kept her head straight ahead, determined to make me regret choosing Victoria over her.

Couldn't she tell I did?

Mrs. Holm pointed at the spot between her and my dad. "Here, girls."

Alice and I slid into place beside our parents.

My dad squeezed my shoulder just before Mrs. Holm threw back the lid to the box.

Alice and I peered inside, and both our breaths caught.

The cake was split down the middle. The left side was a picture of a creepy, lifelike zombie rising from its grave in a deserted cemetery. 'Congratulations, Alice!' was sprawled across the lonely tombstone.

The right was a hand-painted image set on a pale blue icing backdrop of L from Death Note sitting in a chair, curled into his uncomfortable-looking sitting position. The Death Note opened in his lap said, 'Congratulations, Bella Beish. 1:30 p.m.'.

Alice and I turned towards each other and squealed.

Mrs. Holm laughed. "I think they like it."

"They had better." My dad tweaked my nose when I looked back at him. "No expense was spared."

"It's awesome!" I cried.

I threw my arms around my dad and gave him a tight hug which he returned with a bone-crushing grip. I didn't mind that it was hard to breathe. It just wasn't that important compared to the love that gushed out of my dad. Love that, at least for a moment, I didn't have to share with a single soul.

"How much was it?"

Alice's thin words captured my attention, and I stepped out of my dad's embrace to see what occurred.

"That's not your business," Mrs. Holm told Alice.

Her face turned cherry red as her cardboard brown eyes flitted about the room. A few guests looked our way, probably curious when they'd get a piece of cake, but none were close enough to hear the conversation.

That didn't stop Mrs. Holm's mouth from creasing with embarrassment.

"Where did you get it from?" Alice asked, her voice raised a few octaves.

My eyes widened.

How could Alice be so rude to her mom? Didn't she care that her mom looked like she wanted to stick her head through the wooden floor to escape this shameful confrontation?

"I think we should try our cake. It's probably delicious," I suggested with little enthusiasm or force.

Alice acted like I hadn't spoken. "Mom, where did you get the money?"

"Alice, it was only right that he helped," Mrs. Holm whispered.

"That asshole bought this?" Alice cried, and the entire room quieted.

The blood drained from Mrs. Holm's face, and she got that wretched deer-in-the-headlights expression.

My dad made to touch Alice's arm. "Maybe this is better discussed in the kitchen."

She jerked away from him and took a step closer to her mom. "I can't believe you'd let him do that. Don't you have any pride, any self-respect?"

Mrs. Holm shoved her hands to her face. "Alice!"

"This—you—ah!" Alice all but screamed. She ran from the room and out the door that led outside. She disappeared into the surrounding woods.

Everyone watched with disbelief; some bounced their heads back and forth between Mrs. Holm and the door Alice had used for her exit.

I spotted Victoria and the delight that danced in her neon green eyes sickened me.

I looked away from her to Alice's mom. The small, thin woman's chest heaved, and she sounded close to drowning in her misery. She shouldn't be on display like this.

I didn't know how to get her to safety, but I elbowed my dad and gestured toward her. He had to have some idea of how to handle this.

My dad coughed. "Er… Esme?"

Mrs. Holm didn't respond, but that didn't stop my dad from wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He guided her to the women's bathroom.

They vanished from sight, and the awkward tension they left in their departure was close to ending the celebration. Many people glanced around, no doubt searching for their coats and purses.

If everyone took off, it would make the rest of the day even worse for Alice and her mom, but how did I stop them? Would they even take notice of a clueless eighteen-year-old?

"I guess there's no point letting the flies have the cake," a voice cut through the silence.

I held back a groan as my dad's leach—oh, I meant fiancée—Sue approached the table. She picked up the knife Mrs. Holm had set next to the cake box. Sue dipped it between mine and Alice's very odd designs.

"I didn't even get a picture," I grumbled.

Sue didn't stop dividing the cake into little slivers. "Oops," she said as she finished and put pieces on plates.

She handed me one with a fork nestled on the side. The cake was L's head.

I stared at the piece, decided it wasn't worth trying to make Sue happy, and walked over to one of my younger cousins and gave it to him.

"Thank you," he chirped.

Sue watched this with pursed lips and furrowed eyebrows. I crossed my arms and met her gaze with a dark one of my own. Sue flinched and went back to divvying out the cake.

The party turned more festive once people were loaded up with sugar. The talk grew from a low rumble to a pleasant roar, but I didn't want to listen to it anymore.

I needed air.

I weaved my way across the room and left out the door Alice had. I crossed the large patch of grass and into the woods.

It wasn't too long before I stumbled onto Alice. She sat on the ground against a tall tree, her legs pressed into her chest with her arms around them. She'd buried her head in her knees.

"Hey," I said.

I plopped down next to her and cringed as I realized my dress was white and last night's rainstorm had drenched the ground.

Oh well, I didn't like it anyway. I only wore it today because my dad had pleaded with me to so Sue would be pleased.

"Is my mom okay?" Alice whispered.

"She will be when she calms down."

"I can't believe I did that."

I couldn't, either.

Sure, sometimes Alice's anger got the better of her and she said things she should keep to herself, but I'd never seen her do that with her mom. Mrs. Holm and her daughter were close in a way I wished I'd been with my mom. They were best friends, and not in the Alice-could-do-whatever-she-wanted-and-Mrs. Holm- would-one-day-steal-Alice's-boyfriend kind of way.

No, with her mom Alice had someone she could always turn to no matter the situation.

I wondered if Alice knew how lucky she was, how I envied her sometimes.

"You're both going through a lot," I said. Though true, I didn't believe it justified her actions.

Yes, Miss High-and-Mighty, my inner voice jabbed. Cast the first stone. It isn't like you've ever said anything horrible to your parents when pissed off. You're perfect, right?

I didn't answer (it wasn't healthy to, I'd read somewhere) but the brash honesty forced a nod out of me. I guess I was being unfair to Alice. Her family faced one of the most devastating occurrences a family could.

If she was on edge more than usual, so what?

She could be acting a lot worse.

Alice sighed. "Yeah."

Common sense told me it was time to change the topic. "So, this morning I woke up with a billion ideas for my book." I didn't fake the excitement in my voice.

"Awesome."

I didn't let her lackluster tone deter me. "I can't work through them by myself. Why don't you come over tonight and help me out? My dad made his spaghetti yesterday, and I saved you a giant bowl."

Alice raised her head. She was tomato red, her face damp, and her gaze reminded me of one of those dogs on the gut-wrenching ASPCA commercials. Her lips had grown chapped.

"I can't."

I wrestled lip balm out of the tiny pocket secured into the side of the dress. I held it out to her. "Why not?"

She took it. "You know my Aunt Lola, the rich one with all the fish?"

She applied the lip balm and returned it.

"Uh huh."

"She just told me today that she's taking me to Costa Rica as a graduation gift. I'll be gone for three weeks."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow night."

In my head, I counted off the days. My chest tightened as most of August flew by. "That only leaves about a day until you go to college."

"A little over a week, actually." Alice frowned. "I'll barely have time to pack everything."

"So… we won't hang out before you leave?"

Alice shrugged. "I'll try, but it looks that way."

I'd known since Alice got her acceptance letter in April that the bitter reality of growing up and furthering our education would tear Alice away from me, but I'd thought I had time to get used to the idea gradually. I'd believed I'd have all summer long to spend every moment I could with her, almost to where I was sick of seeing her, just so it wouldn't be as painful.

I wasn't prepared for the abruptness of this. My throat burned, and my eyes watered. What would I do without my best friend?

"Oh, Bell, don't worry." Alice held my hand. "I'll only be an hour away. I'll come home on the weekends whenever I can, and I'll have a lot of breaks, which I'll spend with you. Plus, I'll call you, every day. It won't be that horrible."

"I'll miss you."

"Don't you say goodbye now." Alice flashed a real, beautiful smile. "I promise we'll have a proper farewell."

I sniffled. "Okay."

Alice squeezed my fingers before she released my hand. She sat back against the tree as I got myself under some control, though not much.

I was miserable, and it would only get worse from here on out, but I didn't want Alice to know that. She had enough on her plate as it already was. It wouldn't be right for me to add anything more.

I bottled my feelings inside, put on the happiest face I could muster, and pulled my cell phone out of my cleavage (the only proper place to keep such devices). I went to the music player on the phone, set it on random and turned the volume to maximum. I placed it on my bare knee and caught Alice's eye.

"Hopefully it plays something good," she said.

"Me, too."

I pressed 'PLAY'.

The jolly, techno beats of Toy Box thundered into life around us.

I leaned against Alice and closed my eyes. I didn't allow myself to think anymore and pretended I didn't know how to feel.