The next day Liza decided to say something about the previous night's encounter. She knew if she had made a move, they could have woken up feeling very differently this morning. But her own stubbornness kept her from saying what they both knew. They still loved each other. It was evident in the way Charles had cared for her these past weeks, and how she asked him to stay by her side since she had been technically well for some time.
"Good morning," Charles said, handing her a cup of coffee, prepared exactly how she liked it.
"Good morning. " Liza sat down with her coffee, grabbing the newspaper the same time he did.
They laughed. "Go ahead," he said. He turned his attention to the sports section.
After a minute she spoke, "Can we address the elephant in the room?" She knew it had to be her breaking the ice. He probably felt awkward telling her, a guest he invited to stay, that he still had feelings for her. Liza knew he would never say a word unless she went first.
"Right," Charles replied simply. He was clearly shy about what could have been.
"I just wanted you to know that if you feel uncomfortable with me, and you know, what happened, I'm feeling better and I can sleep alone now. Unless you want to stay with me, of course. Because I'm ok with either way. " This wasn't coming out like she planned. She was getting all flustered, her face turning red.
"I thought you might be feeling better, but was waiting to see if you pushed me away, " he admitted. He was blushing a little, too.
"So, it was a test? To see what I felt for you?" She wasn't sure what to make of his words.
"Not exactly. Not a test. I have been trying to keep things professional. I tried to move on, dated again, a few times after that writer's retreat." He waved his hand nervously. She felt a flicker of jealousy. She hoped that was over.
"And then when you got sick, I couldn't deny that I was having feelings for you again. When you said you loved me on the phone that night, I got scared. That it would end like before if we tried again. "
Liza recalled the next day, her nurse asking her if she talked to her husband. She explained that their situation was complicated. Kellie had seemed confused. If they were just friends, why did she say she loved him when they said goodbye. She hadn't recalled saying it, she was on such strong medicine.
Charles continued. "I tried to go back to how it was, but I'm finding it's impossible. You are the one who is here for me, even if I'm fighting it. I'm lying to myself that we could have the type of arrangement where we pretend we are just colleagues. Since I met you, since we became involved, I just can't recover. I can't go back. I don't want to."
She looked at him. He was beet red and seemed out of breath. She reached for his hand.
"I feel that way too. I didn't remember saying that on the phone, that I loved you. I was probably doped up on meds." Liza saw his face drop. She continued, "But it's true. I still love you. I never stopped. You were there for me through all this, being sick, taking me in. Through all our ups and downs, you didn't run away, even through this."
"I guess for once, I didn't. " Charles admitted to himself. "If you're up for it, maybe we try to accept that we keep finding our way back to each other, despite our stubbornness?"
"I think we can." She said, "If we can get over what hurt us in the past, and try to take it day by day, forgiving each other when we mess up, instead of immediately bolting." She was mostly talking about his behavior, but she had done her fair share of sabotaging them over the years as well.
"When I thought I could lose you, that's when I realized. I couldn't let us fall apart again. We can't keep going back and forth forever. We've wasted so much time being afraid," he said. "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't know what you wanted, and didn't want something to happen if it was all one-sided. "
"You could have read between the lines. I mean, I did kiss you." she teased.
"Ok, fair enough. I worried it was an accident. An old habit. Like the habits we fell into lately being with each other. "
"It was an accident. But a good one. When I was at the hospital, I was told I kept calling out for you in my sleep. No wonder that poor nurse was confused." Liza laughed. "I couldn't tell if you felt the same way last night. I was afraid to ask. So that's why I didn't."
She turned to face him and all of their worries fell away. She finally was able to kiss him like she had wanted to for a long time.
"Can we just start over? Forget all those missed opportunities and misunderstandings?" Charles asked.
"We could stop being afraid together. Make whatever mistakes we make and stop worrying."
That night was the first of many that they spent together as a couple. They didn't know what the future held, but through the years of supporting each other in good times and bad, they decided to make a fresh start.