Summary: Azkabam escapees, politicians, dementors, divided loyalties, difficult questions and, soul mates? Things are getting complicated. Mentions of slash & 3soms. Violence and some language.

Misting Rain: Thank you

realdarkangel; Thank you

FEARMEfrancis: Soz 'bout that. I find writting lots of Hakkai hard, he's not a very noisy personality. Sanzo is, so he tends to grab the screen time.

mist shadow; Yes, deligation is made of win. But they have bible bashers as well, and fanatics suck all kinds of ass. Tho' not literaly.

amimegirl1994;Thank you

FallenHope-Angel: Thank you, and that is percisly why it won't happen.

Sandy Anderson: Er, probaly Sebastian but with them who really knows.

SometimesItsNotEnough/Holysinner: Hello, person with two profiles, an thank you.

HeavenSentHellBroken: My sympathies on your day from hell. Glad i could help.

Psychiatrists and Home

There is something to be said for the influence of a welfare state. They levied restrictions on the media, and looked after children, even nutty, dangerous children, to a remarkable degree. However, Wizzarding Britain was not a welfare state, and so rather than the government threatening the media for making ludicrous accusations at children, they ordered mental evaluations instead.

Neville frowned at the letter.

"Why do I have to go see a mind healer? No ones accusin' me of tryin' to take over the world! I'm a Huffelpuff! We just don't do that sort of thing!"

"Though if we did, we would quite probably be successful." mused Susan. "Evil empires fail due to impracticality and in fighting. We are a practical house and our loyalty would prevent infighting."

This was considered for a few moments. Then Harry nodded.

"This is perfectly true. Should you ever lead a Huffelpuff pursuit of world domination I would like to offer my assistance in return for southern Italy."

"Dually noted."

Oliver turned to his fiancé, his expression one of mild concern.

"Percy, does it ever worry you that your 13 year old friends are considering world domination?"

"Since they would probably get board and forget about it halfway through or implement sensible reforms, no. It doesn't worry me at all."

"Huh."

xxxxxxxx

The trip back to Platform 9 & ¾ for the Christmas holiday was noticeably quieter than normal. The general assumption was that the Defenders of Anarchy where planning something massive for the trip back

Xxxxxxxx

"Harry!"

Sirius Black, despite considerable therapy and the calming influence of Remus Lupin, was as exuberant as ever, and the attempt to avoid the glomp failed pathetically.

"Why didn't you tell me you were planning to take over the world? Am I not your dogfather? Do I not deserve to know?"

"I am not actually planning to take over the world."

"The horror!"

"Inside voices Sirius."

"But we're outside Moony."

Remus sighed, looking heavenwards for calm.

"That is not the point. Hello Harry, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm quite well." said Harry, wiggling out of Sirius's arms and looking Remus over thoughtfully. "You've gained weight, finally. It's about time you started looking after him properly, Sirius."

Sirius blushed. Remus blushed. Harry looked between them, an ended up blushing as well.

Ron, walking past them to face his mother, glanced at them and snickered. Loudly.

Perhaps in response to the deep an intense embarrassment the trio were radiating Madame Longbottom swooped over to claim her ward, and the reports that had been edging towards them fled the force of her glare.

"I suppose you two will want to visit over Christmas."

"If you wouldn't mind Augusta." said Remus meekly.

She pursed her mouth.

"You keep him," Sirius yelped as he was jabbed with her umbrella, "under control. My son told me about your antics at Hogwarts and I will not have it in my house."

"Yes ma'm."

"Alright then. Where on earth has my grandson gotten to..?"

Harry wordlessly pointed to a clump of over excited reporters.

Xxxxxxxxx

"Who are you to be my brothers concubine? How are you suitable? What are your qualifications, huh?"

Miranda was glaring, Neville was quailing, Yuki was looking highly amused and Indigo was banging his head against a reporters shoulder. Said reporter was looking a bit terrified.

"Can you sing?" demanded the 10 year old, who as somehow looming over Neville, despite being significantly shorter than the brunet. "Can you dance? Can you swear a blue streak in Russian an at least three other languages?"

"No! I can't! I'm sorry!"

"Then what are you doing in my brothers harem you useless little man?"

"I'm not in his harem!" wailed Neville, half tearful. "I don't wanna be in his harem! I don't!"

This did not appease Miranda in the slightest.

"And what, precisely, is wrong with my brothers harm?"

"I don't know! I'm sorry! I'm sure it's a very nice harem! I'm sorry!"

"So you do want to be in Indigo's harem!"

Nevilles face was a study in bafflement.

"Miranda! Cease!"

The reporters went a little more wild as Indigo pulled himself together.

"There no harem, okay? None! I do not have a harem! I do not want a harem! I am 13! That is too young for one lover, let alone several!"

The last statements made a lot of people feel suddenly very bad about themselves.

"No harem?"

"No!"

"But, your pretty." protested Miranda, waving a hand vaguely. "You could total have a harem. And dark lords are supposed to have harems."

"…I think people with harems generally have better things to do than become dark lords, and I'm not actually a dark lord. Why do you want me to have a harem anyway? Scratch that, you're 10, why do you even know what a harem is?"

"I read. Compulsively. And I want to be an auntie, and rule Spain."

"But, you don't speak Spanish."

"I could learn!"

"Well yes, but…" Indigo trailed off, rubbing his forehead. "You know what? Screw it. Have Spain, just don't expect me to take it over for you. I am going home with Flare."

Indigo stalked off, Augusta came to claim her distressed grandson and Yuki giggled evilly and walked off, arm in arm with Miranda.

Sirius leaned heavily against Remus, his grey eyes wide and slightly fearful.

"Moony, I'm worried. Why are Harry's friends so weird?"

"I suspect that they are friends because they are weird, or they many have gained weirdness from each other by osmosis…"

"What's osmosis?"

The half-blood reader of scientific journals hesitated.

"I'll tell you later. Augusta has invited us to tea, we mustn't be late."

"Okay!"

Remus sighed as Sirius dashed off. He was not anticipating having to explain osmosis to the pureblood in the slightest. With luck Sirius's short attention span would kick in, and he would have forgotten all about it by the time they got home.

Xxxxxxxxx

The start of the Christmas holiday had been extremely tense in the Weasley household.

Molly was fuming, Ginny was plotting, Arthur was as uselessly oblivious as ever, and Ron was the only one of the three boys at home who wasn't wandering around looking hopelessly emo due to the lack of Jackie. It was really something of a shame that Bill and Charlie hadn't managed to get home from Christmas, they would have undoubtedly have found the situation hilarious.

The explosion was inevitable, really.

"-an those friends of yours Percy, I mean it nice that you have friends your own age at last, but letting them call themselves your-"

The dinner table became abruptly silent as Percy, finally pushed too far, slammed his table knife though the two inch thick wood.

The Twins actually snapped out of their 'we miss Jackie' funk for long enough to goggle at their brother's unexpected display of brute strength and stare at their own cutlery in wonder.

"You speak of my fiancés, madam." Percy stated, his tone one of pure ice that he just had to have stolen from Yuki. "Have a care."

"Wha… No." Molly straightened, and frowned sternly at her third eldest son. "No Percy, you will not marry those, people. I will not permit it."

"I turned 18 last month. I no longer require my parents' permission to wed." Percy raised his chin and glared a challenge. "And I thought that you wanted your children happily married. You have been bugging Bill and Charlie to settle down since they got jobs."

"I may wish my children happily settle but I will not tolerate an unfaithful wife to one of my boys! I will not tolerate some, some churlish boys' bastard children to call me grandmother!"

"As Penelope an Oliver both have perfectly pleasant, charming and affectionate mothers I see no reason why any children of my marriage should call you anything at all." Percy offered his mother a glacially polite smile. "And since I am just a churlish boy that shouldn't bother you in the slightest."

"You will not marry that slut!"

The fork impaled the wood, missing Molly's hand by a fraction of an inch, and Percy snarled. For the first time in his life the warrior fey blood he had inherited from his mother shone clearly in his face.

"You will not insult my beloveds!"

"How are you take that tone with me?"

"Molly-wobbles, perhaps you should…"

"How dare you insult my fiancés?"

"I'm gonna be under the table, if anyone need."

"I am your mother boy!"

"We'll be-"

"-with Ron."

"Me too."

"You are a vindictive controlling harpy!"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Gladly." hissed Percy, glaring down at his enraged parent. "Excuse me whilst I pack my things."

He swept out, slamming the door hard enough to send plates crashing from the dresser as he left. A few moments later Ginny crawled out from under the table, and picked her way around the crockery shards to go after him.

"What are you doing Ginny?"

"Going to help Percy pack." stated Ginny, facing down her mother's stare. "You shouldn't have said that Mum, any of it. Penelope and Oliver are nice, they love him and he loves them."

Her brothers, half shamed by their little sisters sudden dip into being a good sibling and same, un-obsessive human being, crawled out as well. The Twins went with Ginny to help Percy. Ron grabbed the floo powder and went to arrange accommodation.

They knew 8 people who live in manors; at least one of them would be willing to put him up for a few weeks.

Xxxxxxxxx

Gideon Wick had always liked his job. He got to meet lots of interesting –insane- people and had the warm, fuzzy feeling of helping them.

Neville Longbottom was worrying him, and not for any of the normal reasons people worried him.

"-an' it was on fire but the ice cream wasn't meltin', an' it can't be magic 'cause their muggels so how'd they do it?" Neville fixe huge, confused, imploring eyes on Gideon and wave his hands wildly. "Unless everyone's been lyin' an' muggels do have magic, which would explain a lot actually."

"Er, would it?"

"Uh-huh, like TV's an' radios an' how fridges work!"

"I think they work by, uh, electricity and science."

"But don't they say that magic is just science they don't get yet? 'Cause I don't get how TV's work at all."

"Uh…"

The boy was defiantly odd. Very odd. Insane, well maybe a bit, but not beyond the limits of acceptable wizzarding lunacy.

"I, um, think I can sign you off Neville, you clearly have good mental health."

"I do? Yay! Where can I get cake around here? I haven't had anything since breakfast and I'm really hungry."

"There is a café on the top floor-"

The boy was gone.

Xxxxxxxx

"-I really have no intention to become a Dark Lord, Healer Medowsweet. It seems like entirely too much trouble."

"That is a good perspective to take Harry." Cooed Medowsweet, a person of indeterminate gender an heavy mascara. "However, there is another matter to be addressed."

"There are?"

S/he tittered sweetly. Harry just managed not to grind his teeth.

"Those nasty rumours about your becoming a concubine Harry."

"Oh, those. Those are just vile; honestly, I'm only 13, who even thinks of things like that?"

"I quiet agree. Just assure me that you won't become anyone's concubine, or consort, and we'll put an end to all this silliness."

Harry considered. On the one hand he was being offered a way to get away from this weird giggly person, on the other said weird giggly person had dragged him away from a truly fascinating conversation about the properties of syrup of hellebore and needed to pay.

"Oh, I don't know. It would be limiting my options rather."

Medowsweets eyelashes fluttered so hard that one fell off.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Well healer, come the zombie apocalypse wizzarding society will divide into two levels, the overlords and their consorts and concubines, and minions. If I promise that I won't become a concubine then I'll have to become an overlord instead, and that would be so troublesome."

The other set of false eyelashes joined the first on the floor.

"Harry, sweetie, there isn't going to be a zombie apocalypse."

"You don't know that! There are hundreds of viruses that attack brain tissue! And muggels have created these tiny machines that can keep the body functional after death! Not to mention necromancy!" Harry hit Medowsweet with an expression of huge eyed panic. "It could start any day now!"

"Harry, you need to calm down. Deep breathes, okay? Do you need a hug?"

Harry compose himself instantly, an offered him/her a polite smile.

"I don't do hugs."

"Oh honey, are you shy?"

"I'm not shy." Harry's smile changed, gained extra teeth and the idea of fangs. "I'm poisonous."

Xxxxxxxxx

Healer Jenkins was an intelligent woman with considerable experience in her field, and because she was intelligent and experienced she had come to this session with the expectation was a perfectly normal, fully functional member of society.

She'd been right about the functional bit at least.

"So you may actually destroy Texas?"

"Not all of it, just the religious fanatics in the population."

"What do you have against Christians?"

"It's not Christians, its religions as a whole. They bug me. Though I do fin the 'thou shall not suffer a witch to live' statement in Christianity extremely offensive, and the stuff against homosexuality? Not cool."

"Are you gay?"

"Meh, the jury has been out for a while now. I just think that anything consenting adults chose to do together is nobody's business but theirs."

"Ah." She considered this. "Well, good. I like that philosophy. And are you becoming a dark lord?"

"Gods no. The bother, the hassle, the paperwork!"

She snickered into her notes.

"Right, and Harry Potter?"

"Is a friend, though I could do a lot worse…"

"Do try to mess with my head kid, that's my job. But I take it you're willing to be a consort."

"Consenting adults, healer."

"Kid, you're sane enough for me. Go home."

Xxxxxxx

They met in the café. Neville was inhaling cake when Harry arrived.

"Good afternoon."

"Hey, you took your time."

Harry smiled pleasantly and accepted the cup of tea Indigo had poured for him.

"Yes, I had to convince my healer of the plausibility of a zombie apocalypse before it would let me go."

"Z-zombie?"

"Indeed."

"Why is your healer an it?" asked Indigo mildly.

"I was unable to determine either its actual gender, or the gender it preferred to be perceived as. Thus it is an it." Harry sipped his tea and sighed happily. "That's better. Is Percy staying with you Indigo? Ron said you extended the invitation but…"

"He was, but then Grandmother came to visit unexpectedly and he moved to Flare's for his own safety. Ma-ji seems to like him."

Neville raised his head and made a quizzical noise.

"Grandmother on the Malfoy side. She's imposing and hates people."

"Okay." chirruped Neville, finishing his slice of cake and zooming off to get another.

"How many?"

"That's the sixth."

"Where does it go?"

"I like the black hole theory. Is he actually carrying any money?"

Harry blinked twice. Indigo sighed.

"I'll go and fire call your guardian."

Xxxxxxxxxx

Josephine glared across the sad little fire at her fellow escapees.

"Remind me, whose bright idea was it to go to Scotland in the middle of winter again?"

No one answered her.

next time:Howlers and Fanghouls