CHAPTER NINETEEN

Wednesday morning.

Wish this pounding in my head would stop.

Drag a hand through my hair and force my eyes open, face up to the fact that I'm actually in here. That it isn't all some bad dream.

"Hey Myers!"

Land that first satisfying hit on him before he realises what the hell is happening, get in a couple more decent blows while he gathers himself, starts fighting back. Not exactly anything clever, no real idea what the hell I'm planning on doing next. Don't stop it feeling damn good to finally be taking some action though.

Glance across the hall, through the bars, at the clock on the wall.

Half past eight.

Home will be chaos right now, Angela running late for school and Ma working herself up over nothing. Leigh'll be at work already, like I'm supposed to be. Should be clocked in and starting my shift, trying to make the time go quicker by joking around with the guys there and thinking about the evening ahead that I'm supposed to be spending with Leigh. Only instead I'm stuck here. Locked up in the drunk tank with some stinking hobo and two guys who haven't stopped talking and moaning since the minute they got shoved in here. No, I've got no chance of going anywhere, any time soon.

Lean back against the wall and close my eyes again. Can't stop myself from replaying it over and over, torturing myself with how I got it so wrong.

We're brawling, really going for it and I'm starting to feel like I've got the edge in this, enough to let me ignore the pain shooting through my side from Saturday's injuries and slug him another time. Smile to myself as Wayne stumbles to the floor then take advantage of the pause to catch my breath before he comes at me again.

Only he don't get up, just sits there grinning at me.

"You done already Myers?"

He laughs at that. "No, but I reckon you soon will be, seems like you're running out of time real quick, Tim."

Should have paid more attention to what was happening, or better yet should have carried on driving to Buck's, stuck with my original plan instead of letting things get the better of me. Not try to do this with no thought to what the hell I was getting myself into.

Should have avoided the whole sorry mess.

All the while he's been speaking Myers has been fishing in his pockets, and I wonder what he's doing, what he's searching for, whether this is going to turn into something a whole lot more dangerous than us fighting in some back street, don't need to check my own pockets though, reckon I can grab my switchblade quicker than he can get to his feet. If I need to, that is.

Its nothing, only his lighter.

Can't believe he's that arrogant to sit there, smoking. Means we're stuck in some kind of stand-off. Him not moving, me not prepared to leave, and I'm so absorbed with watching him and trying to figure out my next move, that I don't notice the movement behind me until it's too late. First I know of it is when my face slams into the bricks of the wall and the cold steel of a blade is pressed against my throat while my arm is twisted up behind my back.

"Want me to finish him, boss?"

Sounds like Jimmy Fry, can't quite see though and I don't suppose it really matters who it is, if my time is up.

From the corner of my eye I can see Wayne approaching. Stands inches from me, that same smug grin still on his face. Why in hell are they all around this part of town?

"Nah, too easy. Want to make him suffer, not put him out of his misery."

The door to the cell is pulled roughly open, the noise bringing me back to reality.

"On your feet, Shepard."

Been here often enough to know the routine by now, time for more questioning.

"Want to make my phone call first."

Not that I got any great wish to speak to anyone. No way I'm gonna lay this shit on Leigh, that sure as hell ain't a conversation I need right now...Hey, darling, you know how I told you I'd be careful, well get this, I only went and got myself arrested... Settle instead for taking my chances on who picks up at home, have to make do with Ma. Suppose I should be pleased it isn't Harry at least, even if she does end up crying down the phone at me, don't listen to a word I'm saying.

~oOo~

Friday morning.

"Move it, Shepard, you've got a visitor."

A few minutes later I find myself sat in that exact same spot where Curly was, a few days ago. Figure after a couple days that Ma must have got her act together enough to get down here, if only to tell me how much trouble I'm causing her this time.

"What the hell?" The words slip out before I can stop myself.

"Don't flatter yourself that I give a damn, Shepard. I'm only here on account of Leigh. When word got around yesterday she was all set to come down here herself," mutters Nick Miller, arms folded as he leans against the wall. Looks about as pleased to be here as I am to see him.

"So what the hell are you standing there for?"

"Repaying a favour. She's helped me out with Sylvia, and we both know this isn't exactly a place a girl should be. So I offered to come instead." He shakes his head. "Jesus, but I thought I was past doing all this shit once my sister finally found herself someone decent. Figured Leigh would have had more sense than to get caught up with you again too. So what is going on, how long you reckon you'll be here? "

"No clue, get a few months in County maybe."

"Yeah? You sure that'll be all?"

Just shrug, can't be much worse, it's not like the kid is dead or nothing.

"So did you do it?"

Wonder what he's heard. "Do what?"

"Hell, Shepard, don't play fucking dumb with me." Nick scowls at me. "Did you do what everyone's saying or not? Did you shoot that kid? What d'you want me to tell her? Personally, the way you've been heading lately I think it's quite likely, but for some unknown reason Leigh don't believe you did it, seems to think you might be better than that."

Sit there in silence, considering whether it's worth admitting the truth; decide if she's prepared to have faith in me then I at least want her to know that I didn't do the worst of it.

"I was there, but no, I didn't do it."

"Then why are you in here? What did happen?"

"It's kind of complicated."

"Complicated how?"

The cop at the door's not listening, I don't think. He studies his finger nails, scratches his head, yawns and stares out into the corridor.

"River Kings complicated."

From where I'm sat I can see Myers. He's over the far side the room right now, talking with his brother, not paying any attention to me at all. But there's no point in making a break for it. Not with a guy by the door, a couple more standing around watching. I know where we are, place used to be a bar, shut down a few years back. Didn't know he operated out of here though, wonder how I managed to miss that fact—and what I've blundered into tonight.

Door swings open and two more guys walk in. The first one is pale, serious, the other taller, stockier, and both of them a little older than the rest of us; don't recognise either one of them. But the way Myers acts as he speaks to the first one makes it clear he's some big noise around here. Maybe this is his domain, certainly seems at home, in control, anyways. Get a real bad feeling as Myers and the guy both head this way.

"So this punk is the cause of all your troubles? The one that's been screwing with my profits?"

"Yeah."

Turns then and punches me straight in the jaw. He's stronger than he looks; reckon if the seats weren't fixed to the floor I'd be on the ground right now. Shake myself, keep my mouth shut and wait for the pain to subside, don't think it's broken at least, don't seem any point in saying anything.

Still don't know who he is, but he's not local that's for sure, his accent makes that much obvious. Texan, I reckon, sounds one hell of a lot like that waste of space Harry anyways. Guess this must be Myers' business associate, the one he has to answer to when things go wrong. Like when we were screwing up his deals.

"So what you gonna do with him Myers? Take him someplace and put a bullet in him? Need to show me you can take care of things up here, no exceptions. Don't need to be holding your hand every five minutes and cleaning up your mess all the time."

Jesus, sounds like I'll be ending up the same way as Winston. What a fucking joke. Keep staring straight ahead, like I don't give a damn, like I'm not the slightest bit bothered by what he's said.

"Not exactly..."

"Shepard? You going to answer me? What the hell happened?" Nick demands.

"Ain't really important, is it?" Seems no point in sharing any of the details, not with him, won't make any difference to how things turn out.

"Jesus, Tim. So you're letting them charge you? You're not even prepared to sell out scum like Myers, you're ready to get locked away rather than give him up? You ever think that this has got a little out of hand?"

I shrug at Nick, his continued questioning is getting to me now. "Don't have much choice do I? I got no actual proof it wasn't me, it'd only be my word against that of some other guy. Telll Leigh to forget it, to stay away from me."

"Unbelievable." He shakes his head, moves towards the door. "Hey, officer, I'm done here."

"Hey, Miller." Watch as he pauses, glances back over his shoulder at me. "I never planned got things to go like this. So tell her... tell her I'm sorry, okay?"

~oOo~

Thursday afternoon.

The judge is summing up, getting ready to deliver his verdict and my mind starts wandering as he goes back over all the same shit about me that I already know.

The court room is half empty. There's Ma, still sobbing into Angela's shoulder looking to the rest of the world like she might actually care some for me while my sister stares straight ahead, eyes focused on the wall behind the judges head, doing that thing she used to do when she was younger where if she tries to pretend something's not real then it can't upset her.

Over to the right is what must be that kid's family, glaring at me. Can't say I blame them, especially 'cause they all believe I'm responsible for what happened to him. But at least he's still alive. At least I'm not getting sent down for killing no one.

Couple rows back behind Ma, there's Leigh. Sat on her own, in the middle of an empty row, watching me. Guess she hasn't told Frank she was coming here 'cause I can't believe he'd let her within a million miles of me no more. Really wish she wasn't here too, 'cause good as it is to see her it still feels pretty crap that she's heard all the bad shit they've been saying about me.

As the judge says something else about me Leigh stares over, catches my eye, almost smiles before she looks away again. Wish I knew what she was thinking right now.

Either way I'm an idiot, have blown everything.

Should have been more careful, thought about what was actually important. Stuck with my plan.

Had just seemed like a damn good idea at the time.

Find myself wishing that Leigh, at least, knew the whole truth of it. Don't much care what anyone else thinks of me, or even about the jail time. County can't be that much worse than the reformatory, not from what I've heard. Don't like the uncomfortable feeling I get when I think that maybe she believes that I did what they are saying, that she thinks badly of me.

Too late now though.

Don't suppose I'll get the opportunity to speak to her before they send me upstate. Maybe I could call her once I'm there, try to explain everything, write her or something. Although I doubt she'll want to know me after today anyway. Not after hearing them claim that I put some guy in the hospital, that it had been touch and go for a while whether he would make it.

Not that how they told it is anywhere close to how it went down—not that it matters, 'cause there ain't anyone who can change things that would believe me, even if I told them the truth of it. Whole thing sounds ridiculous, like something out of a bad movie.

I'm bundled roughly into the back of my own car between Fry and some other hood. Its only a short drive before were stopping again, and they're shoving me inside of a tiny convenience store. Place is empty, aside from some kid working the counter on his own. He seems real impressed to see the River Kings boss turn up like this, grins at Myers, asks him how he is as one the nameless heavies turns the lock on the door, changes the sign hanging on the inside the glass to read 'closed'.

"Not bad, Tony, not bad. Now, you still interested in being one of us?"

Kid nods, too eager to impress. "Yeah, absolutely, you know I'd do a good job."

"Well, here's the thing. We need some help with Mr Shepard here. Only depending on how he plays it, it isn't gonna be easy for you, but you do this and once it's all over then you'll have earned a place in the Kings."

"Sure, sure, anything." Christ, kid looks like all his Christmases have come at once, even though it's obvious to everyone else in the room that he won't be coming out of this unscathed either. And with that Myers turns back to me.

"Okay, Shepard, here's the deal. Either you give it up voluntarily, give up your half-assed aspirations as some kind of gang leader, make it known you're handing it all over to me."

"Or?"

"Or I put you out of action right here and now. 'Cause one way or the other, after tonight there won't be no Shepard gang. So you need to decide what side of that deal you want to come down on."

Know the smart move would be to agree, 'cause I don't stand a chance against all five of them, and there's no way I'm getting out of this place unless they let me out. Except all I can think of is everything he's ever done to me these past months, say the first thing that comes into my mind instead. "Fuck you, Myers."

He laughs. "Maybe you're not as smart as I thought then, Tim. Which is a shame, especially for Tony here." He nods to the guy behind the counter. "See, Tony, here's how it goes when the cops ask you anything. Which they will. Now, pull out that baseball bat you got under the counter."

Guy does as he's told and we both watch wordlessly as Fry slips behind the counter beside him, takes it from his hands and swings it around a little.

"See, Tony, you're going to be the veritable local hero. This dumb hood tries to rob you, threatens to shoot you." Pulls a hand gun out his pocket, waves it at Tony, grinning. "Only you don't take it and hand over the cash. You try to fight him off, smash him over the head and knock him out cold. Only the thing is, as you do it, the gun goes off, gets you at close range. Understand?"

"Y-Yeah." Kid turns a little pale now, don't know that I blame him; pretty sure this isn't what he was expecting to be doing when he started work this evening, when Myers was making him promises.

"Right, so tell me what you're gonna say happens when you get asked."

Kid does so three, maybe four, times, until Myers is happy. Try not to focus on what's happening as Wayne raises the gun, shoots him then laughs and turns to me as the kid falls to the floor.

"What's to stop me selling you out? Telling the truth of this?"

"Well, course, you got to do what you think is right, Tim, only it'd be a real shame." He smirks at me again.

Take the bait, ask the question. "What would?"

"If anything was to happen to that little sister of yours, that girl you're so hung up over, or even your old lady. You know, it would have been a lot easier for everyone if you'd taken the deal, Shepard," he says, his laughter the last thing I hear before everything turns black.

Next I know I'm coming round to the sirens of police cars and ambulances, the gun's on the floor next to me and the kid's being taken out on a stretcher while I'm dragged up and handcuffed by Tulsa's finest then shoved in the back the police car, no sign that anyone else but the two of us had ever been in there.

Guess it won't be long now until I'm heading for jail.

Wish the judge would get on with it, tell me how long I'm getting so I can get out of here. Force myself to concentrate on his dull, monotone voice as he talks endlessly about getting tough on repeat offenders, tightening up on crime, severity of the guy's injuries, the seriousness of the offence, the callous and premeditated nature of it, taking my record into account, whatever the hell all of that means.

Only when he does reach the end of his speech and gets down to the details I change my mind, don't want this to be over no more.

Figure I must have misheard, that it's got to be some mistake.

Maybe he said three months, has to be.

Can't have been years.

Except that ain't likely. Not if he's sending me there, 'cause you don't go to that place for a short spell.

Look around, see the shocked expression on my sister's face. That kid's father smiling and nodding as he hugs his crying wife. My mother, finally silent, with her handkerchief clutched to her face, her other hand gripping Angela's arm real tight.

But Leigh, she don't exactly seem surprised. Upset, unhappy, but not taken aback. More, I don't know, it's almost like she's been expecting something this awful all along. Wonder why I didn't even consider it myself. Guess I've been fooling myself, thinking that nothing much was gonna change, that it was no big deal, that it wouldn't be nothing I couldn't handle.

But McAlester. I ain't heard one good thing about that place. And now I'm heading there, for the foreseeable.

And as the judge finishes up and the guards head my way, it finally hits me how bad this actually is, that I've thrown away everything good in my life for no reason, achieved nothing apart from hurting myself and the only people on this earth I give a damn about—and there's not one thing I can do to change that.

Can feel everyone's eyes on me as I walk out, try to stand a little straighter, not let it show that I'm bothered, how terrified I am.

Just got to get on with it now, try to make it through my time in McAlester, not let Myers completely destroy me. Not let him win.

THE END

A/N: HUGE THANKS to everyone who's reading my little story—if you've enjoyed it, I'd love for you to let me know :)

Thanks especially to everyone who's reviewed followed, favourited, or read to the end, you have no idea how much I appreciate it :)

If you want to read more about Tim, then Cars and Girls is a short story which focuses on his time in jail.

Or if you'd like to know how he copes in his return home and if he manages to work things out with Leigh, then Back to the Start picks up on his return to Tulsa.

Thanks again for reading, you're all awesome :)