Chapter 1: Living Without You

She looked up at the sun as she walked, 'must be noon by now,' she thought as she looked back in front of her, readjusting the basket she was carrying. She looked around, loving the sounds the forest made in early spring; the birds were chirping, the small animals were stirring in the grass and trees as she made her way up the inclined path going through the forest. She was happy it was spring again, and she could wear her light fabric kimono's once more; after such a long cold winter this was just what she needed, she sighed with contentment. When she finally reached the top of the small hill she was slowly climbing, she turned around and scanned her surroundings. She could see the whole hamlet from there, she noticed Kaede's Village looked small from this distance. She surveyed the village, smiling to herself; she still couldn't believe she has been living here now for little more than six years. She was an accomplished priestess now, and was now in-charge of looking after this village since Kaede; her mentor and teacher had passed last year.

Kaede had taught her so much in the short time they had together; and now she was the leader and teacher for this small village. A sad smile appeared on her lips; 'Kaede...' she thought, 'oh how I miss you.' She then chuckled to herself, remembering one of the last conversations they had shared. Kaede was bed ridden, and was boosting to Sango and her twin daughters; who were visiting, how she had surpassed her teaching early on in her training, and there was simply nothing left to teach her. Kaede then took Kagome's hand after gushing, and while holding it tightly said 'I have no fear child, the village is in very capable and caring hands with you, Kagome dear.'

A single tear escaped Kagome's right eye, as she tried to blink the mistiness away, the tear trailed down her cheek before she patted it away with her free hand. She turned around, facing the path again, trying to dismiss her thoughts. She turned her attention back to the task at hand, it would be dark soon.

After a few more minutes of walking, she finally reached her destination, the trees broke open when she reached the small clearing. At the other end of the clearing, hugging the tree line were two graves. She didn't pause as she walked closer, and when she reached them, she kneeled down in front of them. She set her basket down next to her, and pulled a rag from it. She started to clear off the dust on the graves, and cleaned up the tall grass surrounding them as well. She was silent while she worked, when she was satisfied; she put the rag back in the basket and pulled out two small bundles of wild flowers. She put one in front of each grave, she leaned back, closed her eyes, bowed her head and put her hands together in prayer. She was very still, and silent as she prayed; all that could be heard was the slight breeze blowing on top of the trees, and the birds singing in the distance. After a while, she opened her eyes and dropped her hands.

"I'm sorry I didn't come that much during the winter; it was rather harsh this year. It's a beautiful spring day though today, isn't the warmth nice?" She ran her hand down the first grave, tracing the characters engraved on the stone.

"Kaede, the village is doing very well. We had two new additions this winter. Both are happy, and healthy babies." She then turned to the second grave, and did the same to the second stone.

Her hand lingered on this grave, "Inuyasha…" she breathed. "It's been four years since you left me. I hope you and Kikyou are well and together on the other side." She then closed her eyes, as horrible images she didn't want to remember flashed in her mind. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying, when she spoke again her eyes were still closed, her voice was rough and cracking; "I miss you" she whispered softly.

After a few moments she opened her eyes and stood. She bowed to the graves, "I will visit again, may your rest continue to be peaceful." She picked up her basket and turned around to return to the village. As she made her way back to the village, going back the way she came; she let her mind go and let herself remember, as images of four years ago flooded her mind.

Kagome was lost in thought as she sat wrapped up in a blanket by the fire in Kaede's hut. It was late at night, and Kaede was sleeping in the corner of the room. Inuyasha and her had another fight, and she was trying to find the words to go talk to him.

Her and Inuyasha had been living together since she returned from her time two years ago, but everyday seemed to get harder to stay with him. He just couldn't let go of Kikyou, he always brought up how she and him wouldn't fight like this, and when he did sleep he would talk about her while he slept. This fight today was different though, he was so angry she thought she saw tears when he turned and ran off.

They had another disagreement about what Kagome wanted from this courtship, and Kagome was not going to just accept being Kikyou replacement in his life; she didn't want him to forget Kikyou entirely, but just accept that Kagome is here now and that Kagome loved him. She wanted a family, and to settle down too, but he just couldn't devote himself to her completely. He yelled at her that she will never be Kikyou and that he wished she was her sometimes. Kagome sighed heavily as the conversation kept running through her mind, she needed to go find him and apologize, even though it was his fault she was so angry; she did say some mean things though. She sighed again, and stood up. She grabbed her heavy kimono and wrapped herself up, even though it was spring, the nights were still awfully cold. She headed into the forest; in the direction he ran off in after their fight.

"Inuysha!" she called loudly walking around the village. Kagome started to get worried, she couldn't sense him anywhere and she had been walking around looking for nearly an hour. She called out for him again, "Inuyasha! Where are you!?" No answer.

She stopped walking and decided she would try something Kaede had been teaching her. She sat down on the grass, and crossed her legs. She closed her eyes and put her hands together like she was going to pray. She took a very deep breath, and focused all her spiritual energy into sensing Inuyasha's energy and presence.

She mentally scanned the whole village and forest from where she sat. She would have to tell Kaede that she finally figured out how to use it now, she could see everything near and far with this technique to a certain distance. But she still couldn't find him. She kept scanning, he had to be somewhere; that's when her senses flashed her an image of the 100-year-old tree to the north of the village... and she saw red at its roots. She gasped as she opened her eyes in a flash, 'something was terribly wrong!' she thought as she quickly got to her feet. Then as fast as she could she ran in the direction of the old tree.

When she finally saw the top of the large old tree breaking through the top of the forest, she was gasping for air as her lungs burned from the effort. She broke through the trees to the small clearing and saw the tree in its center; and suddenly she tripped. Falling on her face.

She pushed herself up on her hands and knees, gasping uncontrollably trying to catch her breath, 'what did I just trip over?' she thought as she turned to look behind her. Her body froze and her vision started to blur; she looked down and saw so much blood in the grass, staining her white kimono a dark red. The iron smell hit her hard a second later, and then she started to tremble. She slowly turned and crawled back reaching her hand out.

"Inu... Inuyasha..." she whispered through trembling lips, her voice sounding foreign to her. Her hand shook as she grabbed his red robe pulling him to her. "Inuyasha!" she sobbed as she erupted into tears. She yanked him to her and turned him over to see his face. At first she didn't know where this loud scream was coming from, but then she realized it was her that was screaming. His hair was black, she forgot tonight was the night of the new moon. She looked down, and resting in the center of his chest was his dull sword, Tetsusaiga.

She sat there holding his cold body in the pool of his blood. She just kept screaming and crying unable to move. "Inuyasha!" she howled loudly, resting her forehead on his trying to will his eyes open. "No!" she screamed again, "No! You idiot! Why!?"

"Someone help!" She screamed as loud as she could, "anyone! Please!"

Her thoughts caught up to her when she reached the village, the sun was setting now. She shook her head, as if to clear the bad thoughts away. At least she could remember what happened now without crying; she just felt numb thinking about it now. As she approached her home, she noticed Rin waiting for her in front of her hut. Rin was leaning up against the hut; she has been staying with Kagome on and off for the last few years. When she wasn't staying with Kagome, she was traveling with either Kohaku or Sesshoumaru. As Kagome got closer, Rin noticed her, pushing herself off the wall of the hut.

"Lady Kagome!" she called, waving at her. Kagome smiled and waved back, she was always so bubbly and happy. "What do I owe this pleasure Miss Rin?" Kagome said as she walked up to her, giving her a hug. Rin returned her hug; she was almost as tall as Kagome now being a young lady herself. "I have come to stay a few days if that is alright with you? Kohaku needs a break from traveling and the demon hunting and is off to stay with Sango for a few days, so I decided to pay you a visit." Kagome smiled, "of course you are always welcome Rin! Please come in, I was just about to make supper. I haven't seen you in nearly three months, we have so much to talk about." Rin happily followed Kagome into her home. Rin chatted away while Kagome started a fire and started cooking.

A few hours later Kagome was pouring herself some tea, while Rin sat across from her finishing a story about Kohaku's new technique he taught himself recently. "Sounds like you've had quite a trip this time, learning lots of new things. Also, I'm glad to hear you and Kohaku are getting along so well," Kagome smirked at Rin before taking a sip of her tea.

Rin blushed looking down embarrassed, "yes, we certainly are," she said softly. Kagome raised an eyebrow noticing her blushing. "Rin, is there something you want to tell me?" she asked. Rin laughed nervously rubbing the back of her head, "ah, maybe I do," she looked as if she came to some personal decision at that moment with new determination in her eyes. "Kagome. I do need to tell you something." Kagome nodded and came to sit closer to her next to the fire.

Rin cleared her throat, and turned to look at Kagome. "You are the closest thing I have to a real family Kagome, well besides Lord Sesshoumaru. I really think of you at my mom most days. And I need to tell you something." Kagome nodded, "yes?" she said. Rin gulped nervously, "you see... Kohaku has asked me to court him, and I have accepted." Kagome smiled brightly at her, "Oh Rin! That's wonderful! Congratulations!" Kagome said a little too loud. Rin sighed with relief and her shoulders relaxed.

"So you approve then?" she asked nervously. "Oh, of course Rin!" Kagome proclaimed, "I don't know why I was so nervous telling you! I think Lord Sesshoumaru will be harder to please," Rin laughed. Kagome pulled Rin into a tight hug, "Oh Rin, no need to worry. I'm sure he won't mind, and even if he does it's your life. Live it the way you want to, dear. Sesshoumaru may have been your guardian growing up but you are an adult now."

"Thank you!" Rin replied sniffling as she got a bit misty eyed. Kagome let her go, kissing her cheek "now it's late, I will be heading to bed soon. What about you?" Rin grinned, "I promised Kohaku I would meet him at Sango's tonight. He was telling Sango and Miroku our good news, and I would like to greet her and Miroku properly now." Kagome nodded happily, "of course! Don't let me keep you. If you stay late just come back in the morning alright?" Rin stood up, "I may just do that, I'm assuming Sango will want to ask me a lot of questions anyways," she laughed.

Kagome giggled, "yes I think she will." Rin looked back before leaving, "I will see you tomorrow Lady Kagome, good night!" Kagome gave a small wave as she walked out. "See you tomorrow," she called after her. As soon as she knew she was alone, Kagome sighed heavily and looked down and stared at the small fire in front of her. Of course, she approves of their courtship, she had dreamed of this moment since the first day Rin had decided to travel with Kohaku occasionally, she was pretty sure Sango thought the same.

Kagome smiled sadly to herself, even though it seems she is destined to live alone in this era she was glad her friends had special someone's to be with. Kagome stood up and peeked outside her hut, she looked up and stared at the moon; it was full and bright tonight illuminating the village. Just before turning back to get to sleep herself, she thought she saw a cloud-like dog flying far up in the sky.