Caught Between

by Tuulikki

Making a friend like Hikaru is one of the best things that has ever happened to Sai. Once he also meets Touya Akira, his life could be perfect – if only he could convince his parents to allow him to become a pro go player. But he'll need the support of all his friends when he discovers something that has been kept secret from him his entire life. (intersex Sai who's Hikaru's age)

12. Chapter 12

I know I shouldn't be complaining given how hot it is elsewhere in the world, but this 30C heat wave that never ends is enough to slay me. I have no idea how people survive temperatures that go up to 50... well, all don't, I know. :/ I hope all of you are alright!

Also, I've been trying to proof read this today, but my brain's melting. So if there's something stupid int here, blame the heat. I know I do...

I thought of cutting also this chapter in two and leaving the start of the pro exam for the next chapter, but... whatever, it's now here in one go. This chapter would have become really short, anyway (by my standards, I guess xD)

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Chapter 12

Sai wasn't completely certain what his parents thought of him passing the preliminaries. Well, his mother seemed to be relieved. His father just congratulated him gravely, and remained so stone-faced that Sai couldn't really tell if he was angry or happy about it – or if he really cared in one way or another.

Hikaru's mother, though, was astonished.

"Pro exam?" she asked, eyes wide, one Saturday when Sai was visiting Hikaru and she had called them to the kitchen to have some pancakes. "What? You're going to… but you're still just a child!"

Sai couldn't help laughing a little. "I'm already fifteen! And the youngest ever to become a professional go player was just eleven," he said, and this seemed to stun Mitsuko even more.

"Eleven? Oh my!"

Sai shot a look at Hikaru. "Haven't you talked about these things with your parents?" he asked. Hikaru just blinked at him, mouth full of food.

"What?" he said, though the sound that came out was almost unintelligible.

"Don't speak with food in your mouth, Hikaru," his mother said. "Talked about what?" she asked then.

Sai's look at Hikaru turned a little exasperated, and the boy swallowed in a big gulp.

"Talked about what?" he repeated his mother's question.

"You should know!" Sai exclaimed. "Your plans, of course!"

"What plans?" Mitsuko asked, looking from one boy to the other.

Sai waited a moment, watching Hikaru expectantly. "C'mon now," he said finally. "I thought you had your parents' permission already!"

"I… didn't think I'd need to ask," Hikaru said, truly looking like the thought had never crossed his mind.

"After all trouble I went through with my parents?" Sai asked, feeling like just smacking the boy. He took a deep breath. "He's planning to take the insei exam in December," he said then to Mitsuko. When he saw she didn't recognize the term, he went on, "Insei are kids under 18 who study go at the Go Association. Their goal is to take the pro exam some day."

Mitsuko blinked. "Goal? Wait, do you mean…?" She looked at her son as if seeing him the very first time. "Hikaru?"

"I'll take the pro exam next year, mom. I'm gonna be go pro too."

"What?" Mitsuko breathed. "But…" Her eyes jumped from Hikaru to Sai and back. "But!"

"You shouldn't worry about it, mom," Hikaru said in a little annoyed tone. "Sai and Touya do it this year, and I the next. Then I'll have a job and I don't have to worry about such things as school." He frowned a little. "It sucks I can't do it this year," he said. "Then I wouldn't need to go to high school at all, right? But now I guess I should… or do you think I could skip it? I'd have more time preparing for the exam if I don't go to school."

"You know I'm going to continue school even when I'm pro," Sai said. "And Akira will too. You should, as well. People will look down on you if you won't even have finished high school!"

"So?" Hikaru snorted. "Who cares?"

"I care!" Mitsuko cried out. "Hikaru, what is this? Not going to high school? Of course you're going to high school! What would your father say, too! And, and I don't really know about that pro thing…" She glanced at Sai again. "Is it really wise… when you're so young and all… are you sure about this?"

"It's going to be okay, Shindou-san," Sai said with a reassuring smile. "And anyway, it will still be a year before he can take that exam, so you have time to find out about everything. You'll see how I and Touya are doing, too."

"I guess." Mitsuko didn't look quite convinced, but, Sai figured, she just needed some time. He shot another glare to Hikaru whose attention had again been turned to his pancake. He should have guessed the boy hadn't deemed it necessary to tell his parents anything about his plans. He decided that Hikaru would yet hear about this when they'd be alone. To judge from the look on the boy's face, he probably guessed that, too. That might be why, once they were done with the pancakes, Hikaru told him he should be doing his homework if they were going out on Sunday. Sai hid his smile and nodded.

"Shall we check out a new go salon again tomorrow?" he suggested, deciding to leave his chiding comments for later. Hikaru agreed enthusiastically. Sai went his way, and Hikaru did drag himself up to his room and to his schoolbooks.

A little later Hikaru was completely absorbed in the latest number of Go Weekly, when his mother called downstairs "Hikaru! Akari-chan's here!" With a sigh Hikaru lowered the magazine on the bed and dragged himself up and downstairs. Akari was standing at the door, in the company of her dog.

"Hi!" She gave him a bright smile. "Would you like to come for a walk with us?"

Briefly Hikaru wondered if having a dog really entitled her to talk in plural. "I was reading," he said, without bothering to specify what he had been reading. Maybe they would think he really had been studying.

"Why don't you go, Hikaru," his mother said. "You've been sitting inside the whole day. It will do you good to get some fresh air."

Hikaru gave her a look and bent down to put his shoes on. "Alright… but not for a long walk."

They walked down the street side by side. "I'm happy you came," Akari said. "It feels like we see each other so little these days, even though we're neighbors."

"Mmm, maybe. I've been busy."

"With go?" The girl watched him with serious eyes as they walked on. "It seems to me that every time I try to come to see you you're out somewhere doing something go-related."

"Might be." Hikaru walked on hands in his pockets and looking straight ahead and not her. "You know, Sai and Touya are taking pro exam this year…"

"Yeah, of course I know!" she said happily. "It's so great. I bet Sai must be happy. …I've not seen much of him either, ever since the summer vacation began. Couldn't we all go somewhere some day? To the beach? Or movies, or anything?"

"I'll ask him. I don't think he wants to go to the beach, though." Hikaru frowned a little. "Anyways, I was saying… Sai and Touya are taking the pro exam this year, and I'll do that next year."

"What?" Akari stopped and gave a little laugh. "You're joking, right?" Hikaru gave her a glare over his shoulder, without stopping, and she hurried after him. "But… are you really good enough?"

"Not yet," Hikaru said. "But I will be. I'm not going to let those two have all the fun! Being a go pro sounds great. And then I can play official games with Sai and that's going to be even greater. And with Touya too, of course, and everyone else…"

Akari followed him quietly a long while. "So… you'll all be pro, then?" she said then quietly. "I just…" She fell quiet and shook her head a little. "It sounds so strange."

"Does it?" Hikaru said a little defensively. "Why? Sai thinks I'm good enough, even if you don't. What would you know, anyway?"

"Not much, maybe," Akari snapped. "But I…" She paused. "You're following Sai, aren't you?" she said then quietly. "But I… I can't…"

"Well, if he becomes pro this year and I next, so yeah, I guess I'm kinda following him," Hikaru said, not quite understanding what she was talking about.

Akari sighed. They walked on in silence, every now and then pausing for a moment when the dog stopped to sniff at something. Hikaru was just happy of the silence, though he couldn't help wondering if there was something troubling the girl. Usually she was babbling all the time, anyway. Now, she had been quiet for minutes, walking on with a thoughtful expression on her face.

That was good, though, Hikaru decided to himself. It was nice to walk in silence, for once. And even if something was troubling her, it couldn't be anything too serious. Besides, she would surely start talking about it sooner or later, so better just to enjoy the silence as long as it lasted.

He had barely finished that thought when Akari glanced at him.

"Say, do you like Sai?" she asked, and Hikaru frowned at her.

"What do you mean? Would I be friends with him if I didn't?"

Akari was shaking her head. "No… I meant… like like. You know?"

Hikaru stopped, staring at her with a stunned expression. Akari paused as well and turned to look at him, ignoring the dog that was trying to pull her onward.

"Like?!" Hikaru finally exclaimed. "Are you stupid or something! As if!"

"Okay, okay!" Akari raised her hands up, in a gesture that was both calming and defensive. "I was just checking! You just seem sometimes so… obsessed about him. And a bit jealous."

Hikaru snorted. "You're an idiot," he snapped vehemently.

Akari glanced at him angrily. "Look who's talking," she muttered. "I don't know why I even… oh whatever. Just, if you ever will start, you know, liking him, let me know, okay? That's only fair."

Hikaru said nothing to that, just glowered at her, and they walked back to their houses in silence.

Back in his room Hikaru was still fuming. What was that idiot girl thinking, asking him stuff like that? Just because he liked playing with Sai didn't mean anything else. He remembered what Sai had once said about Akari having a crush on him and snorted. Girls. Was she jealous of the time he spent with Sai or something? So stupid.

He dropped to lie on his bed, grasping the go magazine again. He'd been in the middle of an interesting game record when she had interrupted his reading for this nonsense.

The go salon where Sai and Hikaru went the next day was a nice enough place with good enough players, and as usual, Sai swept through the place like a fresh breath of air. Hikaru watched the crowd that gathered to follow his games, and he watched Sai, completely in his own world when he sat in front of a go board. He played too, of course, and during the games he momentarily forgot everything around him, but as soon as the game was over his eyes searched Sai across the room, and saw that the admiring circle around him had just grown wider.

Hikaru played one more game and walked then to Sai's table. "Hey," he said quietly, and then a little louder when Sai didn't seem to notice him. Sai looked up from his game, looking at first a little annoyed at the disruption, then surprised.

"I gotta go," Hikaru said. "I forgot that… mom needs me. For this thing. See you tomorrow?"

Sai nodded, still looking a little confused. "Sure."

"Bye." Hikaru nodded his head and walked away. Outside he paused to wonder where to go. His mother would wonder if he went home already – yes, he was quite sure Sai had seen through his obvious lie about her needing him for anything, but so what. He just had wanted to get out of that place for a moment.

He considered Touya's go salon, but that wasn't really an option either. He didn't feel like talking with Touya right now. That guy had a habit of asking annoying questions. Going just to hang out somewhere, or maybe call some of his old soccer friends… well, in truth he was in mood for go. Just, not with Sai in the same room, not right then. Making up his mind he headed to the subway and to the Heart of Stone.

There were, as usual, quite many customers in the go salon. When Hikaru arrived, some turned to look, nodding when they saw him, but seeing that he was alone they turned back to their games. Hikaru paused, wondering if he had any real reason to be there. Then a shadow appeared behind his back, and a heavy hand descended on his head.

"Well, if it isn't the brat himself! Where's your pal?"

Hikaru squirmed away from Kawai's grasp. "Stop doing that!" he exclaimed. "And Sai's not here today, I'm alone."

"Oh?" The man grinned at him. "Why don't we play a game, then?"

Hikaru glanced around the room. Practically everyone else seemed to be in the middle of a game. "Fine."

"How many stones you want this time?" Kawai asked as they sat down by a free board.

"No handicap!" Hikaru said strictly. "Let's just play!"

"Ha, as you wish!" Kawai opened his stone bowl with a grin. "Do you like being beaten or what?"

Hikaru said nothing but started the game, and growing serious as well Kawai took his first stone.

It surely was no surprise to anyone, not even to Hikaru himself, that he lost that game, but even so he was far from disappointed with it. Kawai too seemed quite docile after the game and started discussing it without any gibes.

"So, how was it?" the man said when they were done. "You're going to join the insei?"

Hikaru nodded. "The insei exam will be in December," he said. "But yeah, that's the plan. I'll take the pro exam next year."

"Just one year among the insei, huh? Or even less than that." Kawai raised an eyebrow at him. "You're confident."

"It rubs off in the company I keep," Hikaru muttered with a bit sarcastic smile. "But yeah. I'm gonna catch up with Sai and Touya."

"Touya?" Kawai gave him a surprised look. "You mean Touya Akira?"

"Yeah. He's Sai's pal. Well, I guess mine too, kinda."

"Touya Akira," Kawai mumbled thoughtfully. "And Sai-kun. They're both taking the pro exam this year, right? It's going to be interesting."

"It's going to be interesting next year too," Hikaru said sharply as he collected the last stones into their bowl. "I'll see to it."

Kawai grinned at him. "You have to work hard, if you're going to steal the spotlight from those two."

"I won't steal anything," Hikaru said quietly. "But I damn well will share it."

Kawai gave him a long look. "Getting on your nerves, are they?" he asked. "I bet it ain't easy, hanging around with two prodigies like that."

"What?" Hikaru gave him a look. "It's fun to be with them. I mean, with Sai anyway. Touya's… maddening."

"Hmm." Kawai's smile said he wondered who the maddening one truly might be, but he said nothing. "Fujiwara," he said then. "Sai-kun. Does he have some reason to hide his gender like that?"

"Sai doesn't do anything without a reason," Hikaru said.

"So," Kawai whispered confidentially, leaning over the table closer to Hikaru. "Can't you tell me which it is?"

Hikaru shot him a glare. "Why would you need to know?"

"I don't!" Kawai said, sitting back again. "But some people are placing bets on it, and I thought I could collect some cash here."

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "You really are a selfish creep, aren't you."

"Hey, money's money!" Kawai exclaimed, spreading his hands. "And that if anything would be easy money. But whatever, keep your secret." He dropped his voice a bit. "People mostly think that he's a girl," he said. "But I think I was originally wrong. He's a boy, right?" Hikaru kept quiet and he sighed. "Fine, tell me nothing."

"I promised," Hikaru said. "Besides, that's a real stupid thing to be betting about,"

"Maybe. But, you know, everyone will find out when he becomes pro, right? So I don't really get what's the point with this mystery. Seems a bit childish to me."

"Everyone will find out the truth?" Hikaru asked quietly, watching the board. Then he shook his head and looked up at Kawai, eyes serious. "No. People might never find out the truth."

"Huh?" The look in Hikaru's eyes seemed to make the man a bit bewildered. A moment he just stared at the boy. Then he shrugged. "You think so? Well, who am I to argue – you surely know best. Want to have another game, kid?"

"Yes! I need to play a lot before the insei exam."

"You've a long way to go," Kawai said, his tone a little skeptical. "You're far from being good enough to pass the insei test yet."

"I'll be a lot better in December," Hikaru said with confidence, and the man smiled a bit.

"How long have you been playing?" he asked when they started the next game.

"Hmm? Seriously playing… about a year, I think," Hikaru replied, his attention already focused on the game.

"No longer than that?" Kawai's eyes widened a little. "But you're…"

"Do you want to chat or play?" Hikaru asked sharply, and the man fell silent.

"Well, well," he said after a few moves. "A year, huh? And you think you'll be good enough to pass the insei text this year, and the pro exam next? If you're right about that, I hope you keep coming here. I want to see how you grow."

...

Just a few days before the start of the pro exam Hikaru and Sai were hanging around in their little park, doing nothing. It was a beautiful, sunny day, but still not too hot – summer at its best. They had no ball with them, and for once they weren't playing go either. Mainly they just lay in the grass, watching the clouds, talking of this and that.

"So you'll have first half of the pro exam before school starts?" Hikaru asked. Sai nodded a bit, though the boy didn't see it, lying currently on his back. "Well, that's good, I guess," Hikaru went on. "Though I don't know, I think this is a pretty dumb way to hold the exam. Shouldn't there be some way to do it that doesn't take like, what, two months?"

"Yeah. Maybe." Sai sounded a little absent-minded, and Hikaru glanced at him, wondering if he really was listening.

"I went to the Heart of Stone yesterday," Hikaru said. "You should have seen Kawai-san! He was fuming about Ogata-san's loss. He's a real fanboy. Though he got so mad when I called him that."

"Hmm." Sai made a little noise that might have been amusement. Hikaru looked at him again and saw that he had sat up and was watching a family of four who had apparently come to the park for a picnic.

"Kawai-san can be kind of annoying at times," Hikaru said, watching Sai's face for a reaction. "He's the next most annoying person after Touya I know. But I like playing with him. And, you know what? I don't need handicap stones against him anymore! I just play black without handicap. He was so astonished…" Sai said nothing, and Hikaru's voice trailed off.

"Hey!" He said sharply, and the boy looked at him with a start.

"What?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"You… oh? No handicap against Kawai-san? That's great, Hikaru!" Sai grinned at him. "You're improving really fast."

"That's what Kawai said too," Hikaru said with a self-satisfied smile. "He just didn't want to believe it."

"I bet," Sai said. He hadn't been to the Heart of Stone as often as Hikaru – it had become something of Hikaru's place, while Akira's go salon was his place – but even so he knew enough of Kawai's game to know that this really was a good sign.

They spent a moment in silence after that, Hikaru lying on the grass enjoying the sun on his face, Sai sitting quietly next to him.

"You know what would be fun?" Sai asked suddenly.

Hikaru raised his head from the grass and looked at him. "What?"

"To have a kid who loves go. Someone you could teach from a young age, and see the development from the very beginning."

"Oh." Hikaru lied back down. "I got to say I haven't been thinking about stuff like that so much."

"I have," Sai said quietly. Something about his tone made Hikaru sit up.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm." Sai nodded. "Ever since I learned I most likely can't have children."

"Oh," Hikaru said again. He literally had no idea what else to say. "That… sucks?" he said finally. "I mean… eh. So it's because of… that?"

Sai nodded. "I'm sorry I've not told you before. I just don't like talking about it." But, he realized, now he was talking about it, and it was much easier than ever before. Still a subject he didn't like and one that made him depressed, but even so.

Hikaru remained quiet, staring at something in the grass with a deep frown on his face. Sai touched his arm slightly. "It's okay. I can live with it. Many people do. Who knows, maybe I'll marry someone divorced who has children from a previous marriage, or then we can always adopt. Or something. I'm sure there are ways."

Hikaru let out a breath. "I didn't even know you want kids," he said.

Sai laughed a little. "I didn't either, before I heard I can't get them. Silly, isn't it?"

"Hmm. Not really." Hikaru lay back down. "Life's just not too simple, is it?" he asked, staring at the blue sky. Do you like Sai? Akari's voice whispered in his ears, but he ignored it.

"No," Sai agreed, lying down as well.

Time was a funny concept, Sai thought on the morning of the first day of the pro exam. First it seemed to drag itself, move so slowly Sai sometimes suspected that someone turned the clocks backward while he wasn't watching. Endless days after endless days… and then, suddenly, the day he had waited for was there, and it felt time had suddenly just disappeared somewhere. It couldn't be that long since they had been playing in the preliminaries, could it?

Now he had two hours to the start of the exam, and he wondered if that was going to be a short or a long time. Most likely the latter, in this case, he thought.

He went early to the study center where the exam was held. He had agreed to meet Akira there before the exam. He suspected the boy feared he might have another breakdown now, in the beginning of this exam, but Sai was feeling quite confident. He had spent long hours talking about everything, his fears and worries, with his therapist, and though they still existed, he wasn't going to let them in control anymore. The pro exam was too important that he could afford a single stupid loss.

He was waiting for Akira in the lobby, reading some game results on the notice board, when he heard the door open. He glanced behind, hoping that Akira had already arrived, but saw instead another youngster, a couple of years older than him. Their eyes happened to meet for a moment, and Sai nodded, smiling.

"Good morning," he said on the spur of the moment. "Are you coming for the pro exam too?"

The other looked a little startled, but nodded. "Yes. Good morning to you too. I…" he seemed to hesitate, glancing away, but in the end decided not to continue his way yet. "I'm Isumi Shinichirou."

"Fujiwara Sai," Sai said, smiling brightly. "Nice to meet you, Isumi-san!"

Isumi smiled as well. "Likewise. Are you…" he started, but the opening front door cut him short.

Sai waved his hand, seeing his friend coming. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," Akira said, coming to them. He gave Isumi a questioning glance.

"Oh, this is my friend Touya Akira," Sai said to Isumi. "And this is Isumi Shinichirou. He's taking the pro exam as well."

The two nodded at each other, Akira with his usual politely blank expression, Isumi looking a little stunned.

"Shall we go to the cafe then?" Akira asked Sai, who nodded.

"We're going to have some breakfast," he said to Isumi. "Do you want to join us?"

"I, uh, no thanks, I've eaten," Isumi said, tearing his eyes off Akira. He looked at Sai, blinked, looking a little confused.

"Good luck in the games, then," Sai said, himself becoming a little confused of the situation. He and Akira headed to the cafe. Isumi just stood there, watching after them.

They had a quiet breakfast, and headed then toward the game room. There were quite many other people around by now too, and Sai watched them curiously. Some he remembered from the preliminaries, but there was also a group of youngsters he hadn't seen before. Most likely the top insei, who didn't need to take part in the preliminaries. Isumi was there too. His assumption was strengthened when he saw the girl he had played against joining them. He couldn't help smiling – so she had passed the prelims. He wasn't sure if she was good enough to pass the real test, but even so he was happy for her. She noticed him too and waved in his direction, and he nodded his head. One of the boys she was with seemed to ask her something about them, and Sai wondered what she would say. Anyway, it made all of the insei turned to look in their direction as one, and Sai looked away, his ears turning hot.

As in the preliminaries, Shinoda-san was part of the staff organizing the test. Sai wasn't yet totally comfortable with him, but he wasn't going to let that bother him. Not now. He wanted to have a good start for the exam.

His first opponent turned out to be someone he had no memory off. Too old to be an insei, though, so he must have come in through the preliminaries. He must have passed them quite soon, too – probably with three straight wins. Sai was sure he'd remember him if he had been there in the fifth day.

None of that mattered, he told himself, and as the game started, he aimed his whole focus on it.

When they paused for lunch (this was one of those times Sai was astonished how fast time could pass. Had they truly been playing for two hours?) the man looked a little sweaty. Sai felt a little sorry for him – not just for losing this game, but because he didn't believe this man had what it took to pass this test. Or then he was just having a bad day.

"Good for you," Akira said to him when he told him that during the break.

"Yeah," Sai said. "And I'm sure you're going to win against him easily too when you play. So, how's your game going?"

"Pretty good. I think I'm against an insei. He's not bad – but not good enough, either."

Sai grinned. "So we'll both get wins on the first day, huh?"

"Let's finish the games first," Akira said calmly, and Sai nodded eagerly.

Hikaru had come to the Association once he left from school. Sai was the first to finish his game, and when he saw the boy he raised his hand to a high-five.

"Way to go!" Hikaru exclaimed, clapping his hand. "So, how's Touya?"

"I looked at his game when I left. He's going to win too, it's almost over."

"Great! "Hikaru grinned. "Let's wait for him, shall we?"

They stayed in the corridor watching the people who left the exam room. The next person to step out, not looking so happy, was the insei girl, and Sai perked up.

"Hi," he said, and she looked at him, only now noticing them. "How did it go?"

She gave a wry smile. "I lost," she said. "Figures."

"It was just the first game," Sai said. "There's still twenty-six to come. One loss doesn't matter that much."

The girl sighed. "I don't know. I would have wanted to win the first game. To get a good start. How about you? I bet you won." Sai nodded and she smiled a little. "Are you taking the exam too?" she asked Hikaru who shook his head.

"Nope, not yet. I'm here just to see him." He was watching the girl a little suspiciously, but she either didn't notice or didn't care.

"I thought so," she said with a little laugh, her eyes lingering on Hikaru's blond bangs. "I would have recognized your, I mean… you."

"He's not yet taking the pro exam," Sai said, "but he's going to take the insei test in December, so who knows, maybe next year. I hope so."

"Oh? Well, if I keep on going like this, we'll get to study together next year, huh? I'm Nase Asumi."

Hikaru introduced himself too. Then Touya appeared in the doorway. "A win, huh?" Hikaru asked, and Touya nodded. His eyes stopped shortly on the girl and continued then their way to Sai.

"Here it starts," he said with little smile which Sai returned. "Would you wait a minute, I need to go to the toilet."

Nase watched after him a little mournfully. "Three losses," she muttered.

Sai turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"I'll have at least three losses," she said. "This one, one against you, and one against him."

"Don't be so pessimistic!" Sai exclaimed, but Hikaru laughed.

"Hey, think about it like this," he said. "Everyone else is going to lose against them too, so those two losses don't count."

"Shindou!" Sai said sharply, but Nase laughed.

"He's got a point," she said. "But I need to be going now. See you tomorrow."

"Who's that?" Hikaru asked when she was gone.

"One of the insei. I played against her in the prelims. It was the third game, the first I won."

"Oh? She's not too good then."

"Good enough to be in the pro exam," Sai said sharply. "Maybe not good enough to pass, but I liked her go. I think she can pass, some day."

"Hmm." Hikaru was still watching after her. "I didn't realize there are girls among the insei."

"Hikaru!" Sai whacked the back of his head, and he gave a whelp. "What do you mean by that? Why wouldn't there be?"

"I don't know, I just said I didn't come to think of it! Stop hitting me Sai!"

"What are you two doing?" Touya asked, returning to the scene. "Don't make such noise, there are still people playing."

Sai quieted down, still glowering at Hikaru, and the three of them headed out, Sai and Hikaru resuming their argument as they stepped out, Akira shaking his head at them.

...

Both Sai and Akira truly got a good start in the pro exam, and they both easily won the first five games. On the sixth day, Sai saw that Akira would be facing Kadowaki, who had been his second opponent in the preliminaries. "He's good," Sai told Akira. "One of our strongest opponents here, I think. Don't be hasty with him but think everything through and through. He can plan his strategies really far."

Sai's opponent was an insei. Sai had seen him in Nase's company but didn't really know anything about him. He had to be one of the oldest insei, though he appeared slightly nervous, facing Sai. A moment Sai was a little annoyed – had Nase been scaring them with stories about him? – but figured then that it wasn't his problem if someone was that easily scared.

Honda Toshinori. Sai knew he too had won all his games so far. He had to be good, in other words… but, he informed the older boy in his mind, the first black sign would soon appear after his name.

"You were right," Akira said during the break. "This Kadowaki-san really is a good player. He's definitely good enough to be pro. In fact, I know some pros who'd probably lose to him."

"How are you doing?" Sai asked.

"Fine, I think," Akira replied thoughtfully. "I haven't yet figured out my strategy for the upper left corner, but I'm sure I can do something there."

"I have a slight lead in my game," Sai said. "I don't know how Honda-san is ranked among the insei, but he must be among the very best."

"It's the best eight who can take the pro exam without having to go through the preliminaries, right?"

"I think so." Sai glanced around in their lunch room and saw Isumi and Nase among some other insei in the other side of the room and he stood up. "I think I'll ask."

"What?" Touya looked after him, startled, as he started walking toward the insei. "Wait…!"

Sai paid him no attention, and a little hesitantly he too got up and followed him.

"Hi!" Sai said brightly, reaching the insei. They all looked up, most of them with somewhat surprised or suspicious expressions. Nase seemed delighted, though, and nodded at him cheerfully. "How's it going for you today, Nase-san?" Sai asked, and she shrugged.

"Pretty good, I think. I might yet win."

"That's great!" He grinned at her. "I saw you'd won your other games after the first one, too. Doing pretty good, right?" He nodded at the other insei. "I'm Fujiwara Sai," he said. "And that's Touya Akira," he added, inclining to Akira with his head.

"We know," one boy said glumly, and Isumi poked him with his elbow. Sai had a very sudden vision of himself and Hikaru.

The insei he didn't know introduced themselves too – Waya, Fukui, Iijima… Sai did his best to memorize the names. "Mind if we join you?" he asked, and at Nase's inviting nod sat down at their table. He recognized only Fukui and Iijima, the others had not been in the preliminaries. He looked around curiously, there needed to be other top insei somewhere near by.

"Honda-san's quite impressed with your game, too," Nase said suddenly, and Sai's mouth formed a surprised o – he had just been about to ask of their rankings, and didn't really want to talk about himself.

"Well, thank you," he said, a little embarrassed. "It is a very good game, in every regard from you too, Honda-san. Quite fun."

"Quite hard work, though," Honda muttered, looking a little ill at ease.

"You must be one of the top among the insei, right?" Sai said. "May I ask how you're ranked?"

"I'm third," Honda said. "Isumi here is second, and Waya's fourth."

"Oh? Who's the first then?"

"What, are you trying to mole out info about the enemy?" Waya asked, leaning back on his chair, arms crossed and on his face an expression that again reminded Sai of Hikaru on a grumpy day.

"Totally," he grinned, and Waya's sour expression turned a little surprised. "I'm just curious, you know?"

"Ochi-kun rose to the first place in the last rankings," Nase said. "He's not here right now. He's the small kid with round spectacles and bowl cut, you've probably seen him."

"And according to him, he's going to pass without a single loss," Waya said with a snort. "I'm sure we're all going to see that won't happen."

"We'll give him a proper fight, at the very least," Sai said earnestly. "I bet it's going to be fun to play against him! And you all too, I'm sure." He smiled at the insei and glanced then at Akira who had been sitting silently next to him. "Should we head to the test room already?" he asked. "I think the break's almost over."

Akira rose up as if he had just been waiting for the permission to go. "Let's. I might go to the toilet first." They nodded to the insei who nodded back, and walked away.

"You're a bit weird," Akira muttered as they headed to the toilet. Sai blinked at him.

"Why?" he asked, confused, and Akira just shrugged, awkwardly.

Sai won his game against Honda. Quite soon after they continued their game Honda made a slight blunder, something Sai spotted instantly and it strengthened his lead. Honda must have realized it soon too, for a frown appeared no his face and didn't disappear before the end of the game.

"Thank you for the game," Sai said happily when it was over, and Honda returned the phrase, though not quite as heartily.

Sai paused. "Winning would be more fun if it didn't mean that someone else has to lose," he said then. Honda gave him a long, blank look.

"You're a bit weird," he muttered then, and it was Sai's turn to blink at him.

"Why?" he asked, and Honda gave a shrug that was the twin of Akira's.

Akira won his game too, in the end without much trouble. Checking the list after the game, Sai saw there weren't that many people without a single loss anymore. Himself, Akira, Isumi and Waya, as well as that Ochi they had mentioned, plus two other people he didn't know.

He checked the chart. In about a week he and Akira would play their game. The idea made him excited, though he knew that after that one of them would have a loss. One loss though wouldn't matter that much. He was going to play against Waya two days before he would play with Akira. Isumi would be the twenty-second game, and the infamous Ochi… he raised his eyebrows a little. Two days before the last? Well, that would keep some excitement in the air. Kadowaki he would face within three days, and Nase after that. Those were games he was eagerly anticipating. He knew how good Kadowaki was, and now he too would play his best from the beginning. And Nase, it had simply been fun to play against her.

After eight games much hadn't changed about the lead. Sai, Akira, Isumi, Waya, Ochi, and an insei called Komiya still had no losses, and Kadowaki and Honda were holding onto one loss. The day of the ninth game broke rainy and gray. Sai's mother took again the car with him to the go study center, it had become something of a habit for her. Right as they left the real downpour started. Sai watched the water that poured down over the window, making the view distorted and unclear, going in his mind through the game he had played with Kadowaki.

"You're deep in thought," his mother said, watching him.

"I'm going to play an important game today," Sai said, and she smiled a little.

"Is one of these games more important than the others?"

"No, of course not… but this will be against a really strong opponent. Kadowaki-san is pretty well-known amateur. I lost against him during the prelims. I think I can win today, though."

"Oh." The car stopped at red lights, right before they arrived at the study center. She turned to look at him. "This would be your ninth win, right? You're doing well." Sai nodded, a little unsure if that was really a compliment or just a statement.

"What does father think?" he asked carefully.

"I don't know," she admitted, turning to watch out of the window. A moment she stared out into the rain. "I guess he expects you've just been lucky so far."

"You don't win in go with being lucky," Sai said a little indignantly, and she gave him a wry half-smile.

"I guess."

...

Akira wasn't yet at the study center, and Sai stayed in the lobby, waiting for him. He watched the people arriving, more or less wet, and nodded to those he knew, and also to some he didn't know but caught watching him. It seemed like he was beginning to get a bit of reputation, though he didn't understand why. It wasn't like there weren't others without a single loss too.

He saw a boy come in and close his umbrella, and on the spur of the moment walked to him.

"Good morning!" he said, and the boy turned to give him a scowling look. "You're… Ochi-kun, right?" Sai asked, taken a bit aback by his expression.

"Yes?"

"I just… wanted to say hi. I heard you're the top ranked insei. I'm really looking forward to our game, though it's at the very end of the exam."

"Mmm." Ochi shook his umbrella a little. "Yes. But just so you know, I'm planning to pass without a loss, so I'm going to win that game."

"Well, of course we all want to win," Sai said, a little taken aback, "but that's not…"

Ochi wasn't listening to him but walked straight past him. Sai watched after him, lips in a tight line. "What's the matter with him," he muttered.

"Trying to talk with Ochi?" a voice said behind his back. He turned and saw Waya who was just taking his wet shoes off. "That's pointless. You can't really talk with him. Gah!" He shook his shoes a bit. "I hope these dry by the time the game's over…"

Sai looked at the drenched shoes and thought it unlikely. "Who are you playing against today, Waya-kun?" he asked.

"One outsider, Tachiyama-san. He's not been doing too well, so I think I should be able to win against him."

"Oh, him. I think I played him in the prelims. You're right, he wasn't too good. I'm playing Kadowaki-san today."

"I know," Waya said dryly. "We're all waiting with interest the result of that game."

"Oh?" Well, it made sense, Sai thought. He and Kadowaki were really among the best in the test. "I guess you're not cheering for me here," he said, and Waya looked a little startled. "I just mean that Kadowaki-san has one loss, and I don't have any, so if he would take me down a peg that would help everyone else, right?" He smiled at Waya who looked away in confusion. "Makes sense."

"Well, yeah… I guess. But, um, good luck still?"

Sai smiled brightly. "Good luck to you too!"

Akira arrived to the go study center quite late that day, so they exchanged just a few words before getting into the exam room and to their boards. Kadowaki was there already.

"Good morning," Sai said, sitting down, and the man nodded to him returning his greeting. "I'm going to play better today," Sai went on, feeling like he needed to say something. Kadowaki smiled a little.

"I'd like to say that that's good, but I'm not quite so sure. From my point of view, that is. But, as it is, you will have to play quite a lot better to win this game."

Sai raised his eyebrows a bit, wondering if the man had already forgotten his final spurt in the game they had played, but said nothing, just smiled.

The games started. Sai watched his opponent during the first moves. He was quite sure that Kadowaki did imagine he would win this game. Perhaps he had convinced himself that the way Sai had caught up with him in the preliminary game had just been an exceptional stroke of genius, and that he wouldn't be able to play like that again.

Sai smiled to himself. Well, what the man thought or didn't think wasn't his problem. He turned his attention to the game.

When the break started he rose up a little stiff-legged – he had been so into the game he hadn't remembered to switch position for a long time, and his feet had quite fallen asleep. Kadowaki, he noted happily, had quite serious look on his face. Were you really not expecting this, Sai wanted to ask, but managed to hold his tongue.

Not that the game would have been settled yet. He knew he had to proceed carefully – Kadowaki would certainly not miss a single mistake he made. But if he managed to avoid mistakes and Kadowaki's traps and kept his lead until the endgame… he was pretty sure he would be able to strengthen it then. He remembered gaining up a bit during the endgame in their previous match, and Akira too had mentioned that endgame didn't seem to be Kadowaki's strongest point. So, he would just need to keep his slight lead until then, and then… wrap it up.

Akira didn't seem to have much trouble with his opponent that day. Sai saw the young man leave the room first, looking quite desolate, whereas Akira's face was as unruffled as always.

"No lunch today either?" Sai said as he took out his lunchbox and went to Akira who was sitting by a table without anything to eat. Akira shook his head.

"I just don't have appetite in the middle of a game."

Sai nodded. "I'm hungry!" he declared and attacked his lunch with fervor. Akira watched him eating a while with mild amusement.

"Looks like you're not having too hard time with Kadowaki-san," he stated then.

"Mmm, no," Sai said, swallowing his mouth empty. "It's a good game, though. Quite a lot of fun! Kadowaki-san is such an inspirational player."

A group of insei appeared by their table and Sai made a little room for them.

"Fun, huh?" Waya said, sitting down next to him. "For most people playing these games is a hard work and quite stressful too, but you seem to be just enjoying yourself."

"I…" Sai blinked. "Well…" he paused again, not quite knowing what to say.

"If you know you're good enough to pass, there isn't much reason to stress," Akira said quietly.

Waya shot him a glare. "I guess you aren't stressing much either," he said glumly. "That's just…"

"It is going to be a tough exam for the rest of us, for sure," Isumi put in, cutting off whatever Waya had been going to say. "If the two of you will pass… there's just one free spot for someone else." He glanced at Sai and looked then away, blushing a bit.

The insei group shared a look. "It's just about impossible, isn't it?" Nase wailed then, letting her forehead fall on the table. "I'm never going to make it!"

"Never say never," Sai put in a little awkwardly. "You can't know what will yet happen."

Nase straightened her back, shaking her head. "No. I've got four losses already. It's hopeless against you guys." She shot a look at Waya. "You've still got just one loss, so stop bitching about them."

"What if we don't do it this year either," Isumi said, leaning back in his chair and watching Waya. Waya grimaced.

"Morishita-sensei's going to kill me."

"What will you do, Isumi-san?" Nase asked. "I mean, if… gah! We shouldn't be talking like this!"

"I don't know," Isumi said, ignoring her exclamation. "I can't be an insei anymore after this year. Maybe I'll just quit."

"You shouldn't," Waya said emphatically. "You're way too good for that. Much better than that idiot Mashiba, for one."

"Mashiba passed the pro exam last year," Nase whispered to Sai, who nodded. He had thought the name sounded familiar. He didn't remember anything about this Mashiba's pro games, though.

"That if anything should prove you that miracles happen," Fuku put in, and all the insei laughed.

"Yeah," Nase said with a small smile. "Everything's yet possible. This is only the ninth game, after all."

Sai returned to his game feeling a little gloomy. It was such a shame only three could pass. But, he told himself, this was no time to start feeling sorry for his opponents. If they weren't good enough to pass, it was their problem, not his. He sat down by the board and looked up at Kadowaki as the man entered the room. You might pass, he told the man in his mind, but not without losing this game.

The game proceeded pretty much as he had imagined. He kept his lead, made it a bit bigger in the endgame, and ended up winning with four and a half moku. Kadowaki's head was hanging after the game. "Damn," the man muttered. "Where do these child prodigies keep coming?"

"Thank you for the game," Sai said, and the man looked up. "Thank you for the game," he echoed Sai's words. Then he shook his head. "Damn," he said again. "You and Touya-kun, you're quite a couple."

"We're both planning to pass," Sai said seriously.

Kadowaki laughed. "Aren't we all? But for some of us that might be a bit more realistic dream than for others. I, though," he smiled a little wryly, "I'll be sure to grab that third spot."

"Good luck to you with that, Kadowaki-san," Sai said and stood up. He looked across the room. Many games were still on, Akira's among others. He glanced at his friend's game and saw he had no trouble to win it – in fact he didn't understand why Akira's opponent was dragging it to the end. He went to record his win. On the way out he still glanced at a few boards, Waya's, Isumi's, Nase's – she seemed to be losing again, he noticed to his sorrow.

Such a mad scramble for the last spot. He had never thought of it, but it really was a little arrogant of him and Akira just to waltz in without a single worry, completely convinced that they would pass. At the door he still turned to look back. He didn't know who he wanted to cheer on most, so he just sent a general strong wish do your best! into the room before turning away.

To his surprise he found again Hikaru waiting for him in the lobby. "Yet another win?" the boy asked with a grin that just widened when Sai nodded. "That's our Sai! And Touya?"

"He's winning too," Sai said.

"Damn," Hikaru shook his head, still grinning. "You two must be making the others despair."

Sai's face fell, and Hikaru gave him a surprised look. "Sai? What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Sai sighed. "There are just so many people here I would like to see become pros, and if me and Akira pass, only one of them can make it."

"That's hardly your problem, you know!"

"I know! I just don't have to like it!"

At this point Akira joined them too. "What are you talking about?"

"Sai's feeling sorry for all the losers here," Hikaru said, and Sai glared him.

"Hikaru! Don't call them that!"

"Well, if they don't win they're losers, right? That's all I meant!"

"Let's just focus on our games," Akira said, "and let others focus on theirs."

"Fine," Sai said with another sigh.

They spent a while together in a cafe, the three of them, replaying Sai's game against Kadowaki on Hikaru's magnetic board. In the evening at home he and his mother had a quiet supper together – his father was again somewhere with his business associates.

"Congratulations on your win," his mother said, raising her glass a little at him. "I checked out this Kadowaki online. I am quite impressed that you beat him. I'm sure your father will be too."

"I'm not sure if he's going to be happy, though," Sai said.

His mother just smiled at him a little. "Don't worry about that, darling. He has given his word."

...

The next game Sai played against Nase. "You seem to be in a good mood today," she said to him as they sat by the board waiting for a permission to start. "I mean, even more than usually."

"My mother was congratulating me yesterday," Sai said happily. "I think I've truly won her over!" Nase looked at him curiously, and he explained, "You see, my parents didn't want me to take the pro exam, and I think the only reason they finally gave me permission was that they didn't believe I could pass it, but now… I think mother's truly beginning to get on my side."

Nase stared at him. "I don't know what I find more shocking," she said. "The fact that they didn't want someone like you to become pro, or that they don't believe you could do it. That's just insane!"

Sai shrugged a bit. "They don't play go," was all he could muster for explanation.

"Even so." Nase shook her head. "I'm glad they did let you try! Even though it's going to cost the rest of us one spot… I don't know why we bother playing these games at all. It's not like I could win…"

"Would you stop talking about that?" Sai said a little awkwardly. "I mean, I know I'll probably pass and so, but… let's not talk about it as if it's written in stone or anything. And you're a good player, so don't dismiss yourself like that! I've been looking forward to this game, so please, do your best!"

Nase laughed a little. "Fine, I will," she said right at the moment they were told to start. "Onegaishimasu."

As Nase had predicted, there was only one way that game could go, but she put up quite a good fight nevertheless. When the game ended to Sai's clear win, they smiled at each other over the board.

"Thanks for the game!" Sai said. "It was even more fun than I thought it would be! Would you care to discuss it?"

Nase blinked, surprised. "Now? Well, I do have some time, we were pretty quick. I could ask Shinoda-san if we can use one side room, so we get to be in peace."

"I like your playing style," Sai told her as they were on their way to the side room. "You sometimes make such sly moves that it's really hard to see what you're up. Though I think…" he glanced at her, "that sometimes you're a bit too sly even for yourself."

Nase laughed. "I know, I was being a bit too clever there. But it almost worked!"

"Almost," Sai agreed. They entered the room and took out a board, and after just a short while were quite immersed in their discussion. They only snapped out of it when Sai's phone rang.

"Oh… it's Touya," he said, looking at the screen. "I guess his game is over too." He answered the phone. "No, I didn't leave yet," he said into it. "I went to replay the game I played with Nase-san. I mean I'm replaying it with her. In this… side room close to the lobby… wait, I'll come out." Sai got up and peeked out, and saw Akira in the corridor. "Here!" he called, cutting off the call, and waved at Akira who turned to look.

"I thought you'd gone already," Akira said, putting away his phone.

"I just played such a fun game with Nase-san, and I asked if she wanted to discuss it. Do you want to see?"

"I think I should be going. Just wanted to ask how your game was. Apparently you enjoyed it."

"Yes! How about you?"

"My game was okay," Akira said with a shrug. "Nothing spectacular, but a win nevertheless."

Nase came out of the room as well. "I put the stones away," she said. "It's later than I thought, I need to be going. But it was fun playing with you, Fujiwara-kun."

"Just call me Sai," Sai said. "Everyone does."

Nase nodded, smiling. "Sai-kun. It was fun to play with you." He nodded to Akira as well and went her way.

"This was already the tenth game," Akira said as they walked out of the go study center.

"Yeah! This is going really fast! We're soon half-way through the pro exam." Sai grinned. "Imagine. Then we'll be pro."

"Aren't you the one who keeps on telling others not to talk about it like it's all settled," Akira said with a bit of a smile, and Sai blushed. "I'm playing Waya-kun next," he went on then, without listening to Sai's stammers. "It might be more interesting than my game today."

"Waya-kun!" Sai exclaimed. "That's going to be fun! I want you to show that game to me right away! Maybe we could use tomorrow that same room I and Nase-san used now."

Akira smiled a little at his excitement. "We can always ask," he said.

---

A/N:

Thank you for reading! We should be back to weekly updates from now on, though I think I might shorten the chapters. We'll see, it all depends on how much time I'll have each week.