Chapter 11

The hero rescues the princess. Sort of

I headed back to the edge of town, trying to avoid people's glances as I now had a chunk of raw meat on my shoulder. Who is the town idiot now? It's you, you are the town idiot. I suppose any activity can seem strange, when you're on the outside looking in. But the people doing that activity have perfectly valid reasons for it. But it had to be done, and making my way past the last house and to the lake I looked around.

No dragon.

Great, if they've decided to leave me here, it's going to be a long trip back. I searched the water, and saw a dark shape rising from the depths and stepped back.Ah, there they are. Maybe I should step back?The dragon exploded out the water, sending it everywhere, and shook the water from their eyes and looked around. I was of course drenched now, standing there looking at the dragon like "did you have to do that?"

"Ah, you're back!" they exclaimed, totally ignoring the look or not getting it. They are a dragon, how practiced would they be in reading human facial expression and body language? "That didn't take long, I was hoping to…" They cocked their head to the side. "I can't help but notice that delicious looking thing is not a key, unless they've started making them very differently from when I last saw one."

"I've got several, don't worry about it." I patted my… My… I knew I had several keys on my person, knew it as certainly as I knew there was a dragon in front of me. But exactly where they were I wasn't sure. Did I put them in my pants pocket? I must have, my armor doesn't have pockets, where else would they be? But I don't feel them. Yet I know I own them. Also if there was a door I know I could unlock it. Odd. Anyway get rid of this thing before dogs start chasing you or… When was the last time I saw a dog anyway? "This is for you." I held up the meat and the dragon swam over to the shore.

"Really?" the asked suspiciously.

"Yes. I figured you would be hungry after all this so I got you some meat. Is that so strange?"

"A little," they admitted, climbing out. They sniffed it like a cat and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Doesn't smell poisoned."

"I didn't poison it!" I insisted, starting to get a little miffed. You aren't the Dragonlord, and are currently helping me. Why would I poison you at this point? "I went to the inn, asked for it, and brought it right out to you. I had some gold left, and you helped me out, so I'm repaying you. Maybe you would have preferred the gold but like you said before, where would you put it at this point?"

"You really thought of me, this whole thing is for me?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. I would have to cook part of it anyway and we don't have time for that. Do you want it or not?"

"Of course I want it, are you crazy!? I'm starving. I was trying to catch some fish but-" They grabbed it and started wolfing it down. "Oh that's good," they managed between bites. Bones crunched as the dragon tore into it, ropes and all. Didn't take them long to devour the whole thing, and I had to force myself not to imagine how little time it would take them to eat me like that should they have a mind to. "Wow, I could go for another one of those," they lamented. "Man, thank you. I didn't think you would do that, you really are not like people I've met in the past. How about that? Of course many were just yelling and screaming (there's a difference you know) and trying to run away. From me! Can you imagine it? Cuddly old me, invoking such fear."

No not at all.

"Unless you're hiding another one somewhere we should probably get going. Climb on!" They turned and hunkered down, letting me scramble onto their back again. "Holding on tight? We're off!"

The trip back went as smoothly as the trip there, the dragon retracing his steps back to the swamp cave in short order, though the sun was getting real low by the time we made it back. That's still weeks off the journey, I can't imagine how I would have made it without this dragon's help. I'm glad I convinced them, and have to hope the princess is alive at this point otherwise how am I going to get away? They would have to bring me in, maybe even blame me somehow, like I got past them, killed the princess for some reason, and they caught me. What other choice would they have? Eating me? They see the princess is dead, say 'well, that's too bad. You know that beef really whetted my appetite why don't you just come a little closer and help me take care of that?" and chomp me down. They close the door again, and put on a look of surprised dismay when someone comes to get her again.

I cast my spell of light once again once we reached the cave, though the dragon said they didn't need it because they could see in the dark. I couldn't, and they didn't mind, so we made our way back to the door and again I had to stagger around a moment because my legs felt all weird. Finally I shoved the key into the door (that I pulled from somewhere but despite my trying to pay attention to where I still didn't seem to mange it) and twisted it gently, hoping maybe it would survive another use if I wasn't rough with it. I jumped back as the thing simply vanished, the door creaking open. What? But I had little time to ponder this mystery as inside a small stone chamber was the princess… And the smell that something died.

"That's disgusting," the dragon said, looking around. "On the floor?"

"Where did you think she would go?" I retorted, working up my courage to brave the stench and see if she was still alive. "There's no chamber pot in here. There's no anything in here. It's just a tiny, stone, chamber." Why? Why put her in this tiny chamber? What does it achieve? My goodness, she was in the dark, in this slimy, nasty smelling cell for weeks? Even if she did survive her mind may not have. Nursing her back to health she may have real issues after all this, like a fear of the dark or enclosed places or bad smells or being trapped-

"I suppose. That whole eating all the time thing, I guess that means you have to… Uh you know- So is she… dead or what?"

"Not sure." I headed inside and knelt by her, rolling her over. She must have been just sitting there and passed out, she was face first on the floor. Her once fine clothes were torn and dirty, her face smudged and hair tangled. In short, she looked like someone who had spent weeks without food or water, sunlight, fresh air, or a comb. But she also looked "Alive. She's alive," I announced. "Barely. She breathing, but look at her." Her face was pale and sunken, her skin dry and cracked. "She needs a healer, I don't have those skills." Or anything to give her. I could cast my curative magic on her, but she's not hurt, simply dehydrated and starving. Magic can't help with that.

"I suppose I've come this far," the dragon lamented. "We'll have to get her out of here. Can you carry her and ride me at the same time?"

I was stronger than I thought, my recent experience showed me that, but this was something else entirely. "We would have to pass through the poison swamp! She's not in any condition for that!"

"Just hold her nose, she'll be fine."

"Hold her- she's breathing shallowly enough as it is, that might finish her off."

"What choice do we have? You say she needs a healer, right? We can't bring one here."

I considered it. "No, I suppose we can't. We didn't spend long there, I suppose there's no help for it." I gathered her up into my arms, she didn't actually weigh that much that I could tell. Not eating for weeks will do that to you, I suspected. I cradled her in one arm and held onto the dragon's horn with the other. "Okay, let's get going."

The dragon made their way out of the cave, heading north again. "Actually, we don't have to pass the swamp again," they decided as we wove through the cave. "The ocean is right there. Faster to swim anyway."

"I suppose it could work," I decided.

"Come on, don't you trust me? It'll be fine. Hang on tight now!" They shot from the cave, heading south, and plunged into the water. I did hold her nose as we went under, and the dragon looked back at me as they started west. "Oh, right, sorry, hit the water a little harder than I intended there. She still okay?"

The water had soaked her, so now she wasn't just filthy she was muddy too, her hair now stuck to the sides of her face and head. But she still seemed to be breathing. "She's fine."

"Okay then, here we go!"

The moon was high in the sky as we neared the island where the Dragonlord had made his castle, and I could just make out where the bridge must have once stood. It didn't actually look that far from one coast to the other, honestly a small boat could easily make that journey in moments. I filed it away for future reference, knowing I would need to head to that island one way or another fairly soon. We swam past it, following the northern coast as closely as the dragon could.

"By ash and smoke," they lamented. "I hate being this close to his castle. What if he can see me? He looks out and sees a dragon swimming around, with two humans on his back? He'll just kill me with magic from there. But this is so much faster than land, and we don't have time to waste."

"First of all, is that really possible? And secondly, is his eyesight really that good? I can tell there's an island there, yes, but I can't even see the castle. How would he see us at this distance?"

"It's there. And he's studied magic a long time. I have no idea what he could do."

"Just concentrate on swimming. He has no reason to be looking this way anyway, magically or otherwise."

"I guess you're right."

"I mean if he kills you, he kills all of us. I'm right on your back after all. We live or die together, my friend."

"Oh yeah. That's a small consolation though."

The hours past.

We finally made our way towards the castle, and the dragon had me get down while were were just in sight of it.

"No, keep going," I told them. "I can't fight and carry this princess at the same time. We're marching right up to the gates just like this. I can't risk it."

"You'll have to," the dragon told me. "I can't get near the place."

"Of course you can. Believe me, they have like six guards in the whole place, tops, and none of them is going to be able to hurt you."

"That's not it."

"Then what? Remember the Dragonlord's castle is right over there. You don't want to be out in the open. Are you just going back? Don't you want to know if she lives?"

"Yes, but I just… It's complicated, okay?"

"No it isn't. Come with me. I'll tell the guards you're with me, we can even say you had a hand in saving the princess. You'll be a hero. Maybe be appointed an adviser like you said." Not that you would fit up the stairs but I'm sure something could be done.

"I can't get near towns, no nearer than I went back in Rimuldar, okay?"

"Why?"

They hesitated.

"Come on, tell me."

"It's the smell!" they shouted. "Happy?"

"Smell?"

"You humans. Apart from just now when you went into the water with me, when was the last time you bathed?"

"Uh..."

"Exactly. We 'monsters' have a very developed sense of smell. All of us. Why do you think towns are safe? My kind don't want to get close because it smells so bad. We can't stand it."

"It's smell that keeps monsters out of towns? I thought there must be some reason, but not that."

"What, did you think it was magic or something? No, ugh, I can smell all the humans in that castle from here. You have to go the rest of the way yourself. Sorry."

"You will stick around though, right? No one is going to believe me otherwise."

"I don't know..."

"Look, you've chosen your side. You left your post, helped me bring the princess here, you're stuck with us. What, are you going to go back and guard an empty chamber? Pretend she just vanished through a locked door when someone comes to collect her? Report to the Dragonlord yourself that you had to give her back to the king before she died? You have no good options here, sticking with us now and hoping I really can defeat the Dragonlord is your best bet at staying alive at this point."

"Just… just go for now. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to think."

"All right. Hope I make it." It didn't seem like that long a distance but the minions of the Dragonlord didn't care it was night time. They would individually attack me just the same. I slid off the dragon's back and started towards the castle. I had to run from several monsters drawing near, it seemed the dragon standing over there didn't matter to them either, they made a beeline for me once my feet hit the ground. Wait, is that how the fairy water works? It makes you too smelly for monsters to get near you? But then that would imply… She called it 'fairy's water' first… like water that came out of a fairy? Kinda glad I didn't buy any.

Entering the castle the guards sleepily looked over at me, and then came wide awake.

"Is that?" asked the one to the right.

"Could that be?" asked the one to the left.

"Yes. I need a healer immediately," I told them.

"The princess!" they both shouted, running further into the castle. "The princess has returned. Bring a healer, quickly! Someone! Anyone! Help! The princess!"

They roused the whole castle and everyone started crowding around me until I shouted at them to keep back and give me room.

"Where should I take her? Where is the healer!?"

"I'm the healer," said a woman's voice from behind everyone. "This way."

We headed to her room and set her down on the bed. "Go on, get out of here," she was calling to the crowd outside the door. "Don't need you gawking at her." She came back in and quickly started looking her over.

"What happened to her?" she asked.

"She was held without food or water, honestly I'm not sure how she managed to survive to this point."

"She's a fighter, our princess. That matches up, she's quite dehydrated. But at the same time soaking wet. Have the kitchens send up some broth, cold, we'll need to get something in her right away. Right then, I have to get these clothes off her, warm her up, make sure there's no bruising. Well, what are you standing there for? I've told you what you have to do, haven't I?"

"Right! Broth, got it." I left. The crowd was dispersing but the king, a robe thrown over him, met me going the other way. He was, of course, accompanied by a guard.

"It is you," he breathed. "You succeeded?"

"I've brought her," I told him. "But if she lives or dies tonight is up to her and your healer. I need to get broth from the kitchens. Can someone show me the way."

"I will," said a man. "No sleeping after this, I can tell you that much. Come on, this way. The princess, returned! What a fantastic night."

"Wait," said the king. He embraced me, even as wet as I was from riding around on the back of a dragon through the ocean all night. "I owe you a great- are you wet?" He took a step back, looking me up and down. "What in the world? I didn't think it was raining out..."

Ah, he hadn't even noticed. "I came by the water, it was faster."

"That must be quite the tale. I must see her, but I owe you much, as I was saying. We'll discuss your reward tomorrow."

"Thank you, sire." Assuming she survives, anyway.

So the kitchens provided me some chicken broth, the cook saying yes, that was the best thing for her. "Just trickle it into her mouth," he said as he ladled some into a bowl. "A tiny bit at a time, so she swallows it naturally. She'll be up and about in no time. Best food in the world is right here in this kitchen, yes sir."

"That's probably what the healer has in mind," I agreed.

"Full of all sorts of goodness, our stocks," the man went on. "Quality ingredients, they make for a better end product as you can imagine."

Could you get on with it?

"Of course, I'll have to start the feast right away."

"Feast?"

"For the princess' return, of course. Did you think we wouldn't have a feast?"

"Better to keep it quiet, or the Dragonlord will just have her stolen again."

"Oh, there is that," they agreed. "Here you are. Maybe a small feast? A special lunch? Another egg with breakfast? Toast cut into triangles instead of rectangles?"

"Whatever you think is best." I made to leave before they started listing other options. "Thank you, I may be back for more if she finishes this."

"Not a problem, we've got lots," they called after me. "I should start making more," he decided, nodding to himself. "Yes, she may want more after that bowl, a lot more, gallons."

Gallons? The one that led me to the kitchens took me back and the healer took the bowl from me. I was not allowed in the room again, though I noticed the king was and there was a roaring fire in there now as well.

"Left her half frozen," she admonished me as she took the bowl. "What were you thinking?"

"Going by water?" It wasn't exactly my idea, I was just a passenger. But I do have to admit it worked. "To get her back here as quickly as possible. You think I could do that, carrying her over land and fighting off the Dragonlord's minions at the same time? She's back alive, isn't she? Now it's up to you."

"You would have managed something." She slammed the door on me.

Right, sure I would have. Fighting one handed with the dead weight of a princess in my arms. Tell me another one, and I'll hire you as my jester. With nothing much else to do I sat in the hallway out her door in case she needed something else. The long night of waiting began.