Authors note I am not going to lie. I haven't watched the episode where Barba left he was my favorite, and I was really hoping that he and Olivia ended up together. I really need her to find a dad of Noah lol. Anyways I really have no idea the time frame when he left, but I am making near the end of May.

Chapter 1: Talking

Olivia Benson looked down at her phone after hearing the familiar "ping" it was 9pm and she had just gotten Noah to bed. It was a Friday night and a little over 2 weeks since she had talked to the name coming up in the text.

Barba - "Can we talk?"

Olivia had 100 things running through her mind, He knew he had family support, and of course all of SVU had his back, but she felt bad she hadn't reached out sooner and was upset he even bother asking.

Olivia – "Of course, you're always welcome, Noah's asleep so don't knock just let me know when you're here.

Not a second later he replied

Barba "Here"

Olivia scrunched her face in confusion looked out the peephole, there he was Raphael Barba waiting who knows how long before sending that text.

Olivia opened the door. There he was in dark jeans and a polo. He was clean-shaven but he looked tired and upset, and she instantly opened the door.

"I wasn't sure you'd let me in." He said, looking down to the ground.

"I thought you said you had to move on," Olivia replied.

"I know what I said, and at the time, I meant it I needed out. I just, I needed time. Now I know I can move on from the job, but not you, not as a friend." Barba said, looking into her eyes.

Olivia just looked at him he was the first person to just come back, other than Cassidy, but that was a different story and a different time. He looked at her again. They stared at each.

"You and your team changed my whole perspective on everything. I just need to talk to you." Barba said,

"Come sit down, do you want something to drink?" Olivia asked

"I had a few scotches to get the will power to come here I think water will be okay." Olivia went and grabbed 2 glasses of water, putting the bottle of wine she had planned on opening away, and then sat back down on the couch with Raphael.

"You had a pretty good performance in the kitchen there what else do you have on your mind?"

He smirked at the retort, but he knew that she knew he had things left unsaid.

"I don't know I just don't know how to feel I have been up all night for days. I got my last paycheck from the city today, and it hit me. Everything is final, and I just don't know what's next.

Olivia looked in Raphael's eyes knowing he was hoping she knew what to say.

"It is going to take time this doesn't happen overnight." Olivia placed her hand on his bicep.

"Like you said , not everything is Black and White. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask?" Olivia stated.

Barba didn't like where his head was going with those statements. If he had no filter, he would have asked right now for her to kiss him. Instead, he said

"I just need to have someone to share my space. Other than my mother your the only one I've talked to other than formalities."

"I'll be here for you, you have to know that. If you need something more, there is no shame in someone seeing a therapist a counselor." Olivia said.

"Please Liv I know you're trying to help, don't paint me out as a victim." Barba cautioned.

"You know I'm not I would tell that to anyone, if you need help get it." She stated.

"Sorry Liv, I know I'm just not in a good state of mind to take advise right now."

"I know."

He couldn't help need to feel her touch and slightly leaned toward her. She took the hint and allowed there legs and arms to touch. They leaned into each other, and he put her head on her shoulder.

"Thanks for being here Liv," Raphael stated.

He was utterly exhausted and quickly fell asleep. She felt terrible for the man who had risked everything, including prison time for doing the right thing, and she had done it herself on multiple occasions. She didn't want to delve into that now, but it was a conversation for another day. Olivia wasn't sure what to do, she slowly leaned away, but wile still asleep he reached out for her. She didn't want to wake him. She leaned back, to let his body relax again before successfully getting up. He was in a contorted position on her couch but figured he needed the sleep and would wake him in about an hour.

Olivia finished up around the apartment, cleaning up dinner careful to be quiet, and picking up toys of Noah's and putting them in a toybox in the living Room. She had the weekend off becoming Lieutenant she only had to work 1 a month and was happy her rotation was last week.

"Raphael, you need to change positions, your not going to feel good in the morning laying like that."

Olivia said as she rubbed his shoulder.

He woke up confused, then realized that Olivia had her hand on his shoulder and had fallen asleep.

'Sorry, I just must have dozed off, I should go."

"Stay, it's late, this is a pull out you can stay as long as you need," Olivia claimed.

He was too tired to say and simply nodded his head. She smiled at him and pulled the cushions off the sofa and pulled it out.

"Let me get you something comfortable to sleep in," Olivia stated.

She went to her bedroom and pulled out basketball shorts and a large NYPD t-shirt and took it to him.

His eyebrows rose at the ensemble. But knowing that it was better than what he was wearing and he had no reason to argue. He stepped into the bathroom, neatly folding up his jeans and polo and pulled the shorts over his hips. They fit snugly but were comfortable. Next was the soft shirt it smelled like Olivia, he breathed in the sent before padding back into the living room where Olivia had already put a sheet on the mattress and was giving him a few pillows.

"You're too kind. Thanks, Liv." He smiled.

He was dreading a flimsy sofa mattress but found it soft memory foam better than the bed at home he pulled a cover over his body and almost instantly relaxed falling about asleep.

Olivia took a deep and breath and watched him sleep for a few minutes before going to bed herself. Olivia couldn't deny that she was heart was racing. She couldn't believe Raphael Barba was in the next room. She thought like everyone else that he too would just leave. Here he was sleeping in the living room, and she sincerely hoped that they could see each other outside of work. She would make room for him someway somehow. Noah had met him multiple times when going over case notes at home. He was so comfortable with him. Then her heart stopped for a moment, what is Noah going to say when he sees Barba on the couch spread out. She shouldn't worry she thought it wasn't like he was in the same bed, but she hadn't had anyone stay over since Tucker, and she wasn't sure how confusing this would be to him. She tried to stop the thoughts rushing for her mind, but they didn't until she was too exhausted to think anymore. The last thought on her mind before drifting off was would he would be there when she woke up.

The next morning Olivia rolled over the sun was high, and she looked at her clock it was 9am, and this was the first time since Noah came home she had slept in this late her heart was pounding he was always up by 8am at the latest and she quickly opened the bedroom door forgetting for moment Raphael Barba had taken over her couch. She heard the conversation and relaxed a little. She felt a bit odd spying on her 6-year-old and Raphael, but she was curious about the conversation.

"So are you going to live here now?"

Raphael laughed, "No, Amigo, your mom is a really good friend and let me spend the night."

"So, you and mommy don't work together anymore?" Noah asked.

"No, we don't work together anymore."

"Does that mean you'll stop coming over?" Noah asked, sadly.

"I hope not."

"Will you still come read me stories. " Noah asked as tears threatened to fall.

"Of course." Raphael said.

"So If you and mommy don't work together anymore, where do you work now?"

"Well I don't work anywhere at the moment, I haven't really decided."

"Mommy says you have to go to school for a long time then after school is done, you have to work even longer."

Raphael laughed. "Well that's true, but you don't always have to stay at one job, you can pick another job, and that's what I am in the process of doing now."

"Okay."

"Can we wake up mommy now, she must be hungry."

"Let her sleep in, I can make you something to eat."

Olivia smiled and then let her presence made known.

"Mommy is awake Noah and yes, she is starving." She laughed, but "He's right, it's nice to let Mommy sleep in."

She got a peek into the living room for the first time. Raphael was still in the basketball shorts and NYPD shirt, but he had fixed the couch back and was continuing to walk over to the fridge.

"Rafi, there is no reason I can cook, I am sure you have a thing to do," Olivia stated.

"Actually I don't and making breakfast is the least I can do," Raphael responded.

"Fine," Olivia stated.

He rooted through the fridge finding eggs and sausage, and Olivia got out a pan he began to cook. Olivia set out 3 plates, and before long, the 3 of them were having a meal. Noah went on about school almost being over, and how Lucy will be over all the time. Olivia and Raphael just listened to the boy and drank down coffee like it was their life force.

Raphael was getting a little antsy although he said he had nothing to do, he wanted to Shower and brush his teeth. He wanted to shave and clean up. He was comfortable around Noah and Olivia fine enough but the basketball shorts and t-shirt made him feel exposed. He was thankful the shorts were longer and kept feeling as they needed to be pulled down.

Breakfast Was done and he went and changed quickly, leaving the laundry neatly on the bathroom sink not knowing what else to do with it. He dressed in clothes from the day before and breathed a sigh of relief. He walked out of the bathroom and wasn't sure what to do or say.

It was approaching 11am, and although he loved Noah, he wished he could talk to Olivia more alone, in all honesty, he wouldn't know what to say.

Raphael emerged out of the bathroom, picked his keys off the kitchen table, and went to say goodbye.

"Thanks again for everything." Raphael said.

"That's what friends are for, please don't be a stranger." Olivia stated.

"I couldn't if I tried."

Raphael Barba returned to his small apartment in Battery Park. He picked it for the view. The river was seen in the large windows of the living room, and he would regularly sit in the oversize windowsill to take it all in. Even though he had considered Olivia and a lot of SVU staff friends, he had never allowed them in. This was his private sanctuary. His mother had been a few times, but even when she was insistent on an excellent home-cooked meal, he would typically go to her house. He knew it was a cop-out. He is fearful of letting people in.

He Knew it was unreasonable, he knew its why he was single, and he knew it was why he needed a career change. When looking back when he first went to law school, it was for himself but also for his mother. He had the passion and still did, but then it was for the law, and now after being an ADA, it was his passion had changed to justice for people who so desperately needed it. He had already reached out for ideas from other colleges. Of course, he had some private sector officer defense attorney positions, but he couldn't do that now. He was doing a search on his laptop looking out of the window, wondering how his life got so complicated.

He knew the answer he didn't want to admit to himself, but he had changed, he still and always would have his mouth. He smirked at the thought, but Olivia Benson had changed him for the better. He had let someone in for the first time in a long time, and it was like she was water to him, and he was always thirsty for her attention. He felt like 5-year old at this point, but all he knew was he needed her friendship and wanted more, but at this point, he couldn't risk anything more. He could deal with the pangs in his heart, he could deal with his thoughts and feeling and locked them away if it meant they could be friends.

As he browsed through the numerous openings, he was surprised by one,

and captivated by it all at once. In his master plan that went out the window years ago, it went from DA to Judge retiring and teaching a class or two. But as he scrolled through, he saw a position. "Criminal Law Professor at NYU"

He knew that they would know him, and know what the papers read, and something like a college may have issues with it, but this is what he was wanting and he was Lawyer damn it he knew how to plead his case. So, here he was applying online, filling out the forms, and hoping for the best. He went through and applied for a few other places nothing as interesting but things he knew he was good at and waited for a response. He hoped putting Jack McCoy as a reference would help.

He Looked around the apartment he had gotten shortly after becoming ADA he could barely afford it, but he couldn't be in the dump of an apartment and be an ADA at the same time. He had saved enough to make it through the next few months, and if he got the Professorship, he would make double than as ADA. The apartment was small but adequate for himself. He kept it clean as he could, but there were books strewn around bookmarked for a later time. The bathroom was decent, but the product was taking up the whole lip of the bath. He liked it here, but he couldn't help think of Olivia apartment as homey. It wasn't his style far from it, but it felt like home. His small apartment felt like a place to live, it was overindulgent to himself, and he loathed it. At the time when he was decorating this was him, he wasn't denying his self-indulgence but back then it had been overly so, and now he wouldn't mind something not so bachelorly.

He had nothing to do, he was a workaholic and always had been. He had his hobbies but barely indulged. He could read one of the 6 books that had a bookmark, or catch up on a TV show. He could binge on Netflix, but what he really wanted to do is go and talk to his friends. Instead of staring at the four walls any longer, he went to the bar. He took the subway to the familiar bar that he and SVU had frequented multiple times before. He sat at the stool when someone came up behind him his heart raced not sure what was occurring but took sighed relief when he found Fin was the one standing behind him.

"Why don't you come to join us?" Fin asked.

He looked over at the table to find Munch

"Oh no, I'm not ruining your date." He said with a smile.

Fin hit him in the arm harder than he meant too, and Barba rubbed it.

"If I knew I would be assaulted; I would have gone to McCafferty's."

Fin looked at him but didn't say anything else as he sat over with the other 2 at the booth.

He was holding a single malt scotch that he had just received and finished it in one go.

"That bad, huh?" Fin asked.

"I don't know, it's just I am so unsure of myself, and I've never felt that way before."

"I understand it's a new concept for you, but you get used to it after a while." Fin stated.

"Don't, don't get to used to it, you know you made the right choice no matter what anyone says." Munch stated.

Fin looked at his old partner and shook his head but the 3 of them stopped talking, Barba ordered another scotch but sipped this time and was happy to in the company of people he knew.

"you know you are always welcome at the precinct, Liv won't mind her favorite ADA being around time to time." Fin stated.

"Shouldn't the honor of favorite go-to Alex?" Munch asked

"Not anymore my friend." Fin stated.

Barba blushed at the comment, the alcohol had gotten to him he hadn't meant to blush and smirk, but it slipped, and now Munch was eyeing him.

"Really you and Liv?" He asked

"God, no, could you imagine that paperwork, no besides she's not interested." He knew he said to much shouldn't have made the comments.

"So you let the paperwork stop you?" Fin asked.

"No, No Liv isn't interested. Barbs said, trying to convince himself more than the other two.

"I usually, don't meddle, but I had never seen her cry when somebody left, not even Elliott and they were partners for 12 years. The moment she found out you were leaving, she ran into her office. She didn't even hide it. I have a feeling that paperwork was her excuse as well, especially after Tucker." Fin stated.

Barba hated the name; his ears rang when he heard it, and it annoyed him to no end. He wanted to believe Fin, but again, getting his hopes up about it would surely break him if it wasn't the case.

Barba couldn't keep his mind on her anymore.

"enough about me, please tell me anything not relating to your work." Barba stated.

Munch and Fin tried to stray away from work, but it was sort of hard not to talk about it. Barba appreciated them trying, but he just wasn't in the mood for friendly conversation. He said the appropriate words when he was paying attention, but he knew he would only be going back home.

After he finished, his 3rd drink, he was feeling pretty good and decided to go back home. He got back on the Subway and made it to Battery Park walking around the area, not willing himself to go back to the apartment all alone. So for the first time in a long time, he just sat and took everything in looking at the Skyline, watching n the people around him, watching as the pigeons and Squirrels looked for food.

He was hoping his outlook would be a little brighter soon, or he Wouldn't be able to afford his apartment much longer. After an hour or so He walked back to the building watching storm clouds rolling wondering if it was a sign of things to come.

AUTHOR NOTE: I get in and out of writing things and I really wanted to write a good Barba Benson Story. I attempted to once but abandoned it not sure where to go with it. With this story I have a semi-clear path, my problem is I always want to account for every second of every day when telling a story and I know have to rein it back. I hope this will be at least 10 chapters we will see where it goes. This isn't going to be a low burn but I definitely will have Olivia giving Barba a lot of talks before the relationship gets serious I hope you all enjoy please review.