Jay had been wandering the streets of Chicago for hours now.
He didn't even realize where he was exactly, he didn't know where he was going, he had no goal.
Not even the storm, the rain, the cold of the night had been able to stop him.
He continued to walk mechanically, soaking wet.
He was in shock. His mind and how blocked.
He didn't look around, luckily since it was still night there wasn't a lot of people coming and going on foot, but especially by car.
He continued to move forward, with an uncertain step, trembling, but without batting an eye.
He did not even realize when the first light of dawn had shown itself and a shy sun had begun to peep through the clouds, it was becoming day.
The detective was tired, physically destroyed, but most of all emotionally.
His brother had died, and he had been the cause of his demise. That damn nightmares, him and the PTSD...
Slowly, continuing to walk, he came to a bridge and looked out from it.
- What is the use of continuing to live? It would be better to reach Will. - he thought in his mind.
He climbed onto the railing and after passing the other side he stood there on the edge for some time.
A big lump in his throat gripped him, his body was shaking, he felt so bad. His heart was now beating madly in his chest and his sense of guilt was making more and more space inside him.
He thought that if he jumped it would finally be over. He would no longer feel guilty, he would no longer have to suffer, but above all he would no longer harm anyone.
Unfortunately he was so cowardly that he didn't even have the courage to jump off the bridge. He didn't have the courage to die.
With great difficulty, at the risk of slipping into the cold of the morning, he got off the edge on which he had climbed and continuing to walk he holed up under the bridge, in a recess, in the most remote, most hidden and least visible corner.
Nobody there could have found him.
He crouched down on himself. It was in that moment that he realized how he felt. Every part of his body was cold, aching. He was trying to warm up somehow. He was starting to feel cold, but he did not perceived so much that due to the weather and the fact that he was soaked, but the internal chill due to his loneliness and internal suffering.
He felt his strength abandoning him more and more, his energies were at a minimum. He didn't feel like fighting, he was convinced that there was nothing to do it for. So he let go he closed his eyes and slowly, with a few tears running down his face, he fell asleep.
His condition, of course, was not good, he was completely dehydrated, soaking wet, and with his body already debilitated it would have been easy to even get sick.
Meanwhile, the intelligence boys continued to search for their colleague and friend relentlessly.
Voight too, tracked down by Antonio, immediately set out in search of the boy, his boy.
Halstead was like a son to him, he had learned to know him at work. He had always been stubborn, tenacious, courageous, but at the same time sweet and kind. Just the kind of man he liked.
The sergeant had sworn to himself to protect him. He couldn't lose it, not like it happened with Justin.
Jay was like a son to him now and if something happened to him he would never forgive himself.
Meanwhile, the group had left their car in the hospital parking lot and from there they had started to move on foot.
They had headed north, exactly as Jay had. They had followed his movements by watching the video cameras.
Hailey eventually joined them too.
She hadn't been able to stay in the hospital without doing anything to wait for news. So, after leaving her number to Meggie who had promised to call her in case of news, she had decided to reach the rest of the team with the desire to be useful.
And so, after dividing into little groups, the six began their searches intending to inspect every corner of the city without stopping until they found it.
Hailey went with Adam, Burgess with Kevin, while Antonio and Voight who had initially met not far from the Med decided shortly after to separate in order to control a larger part of the city.
The key thing was to be able to find him, they had been working together for years now. They weren't just a team, they were a family and this never leaves one of its members, especially if they find themselves in difficulty.
Dawson was the first to arrive near the bridge.
Arrived at the highest part of it he looked out and sadly thought:
- Jay, man, where did you go ... -
The two had known each other for years. It was he who had brought him to Intelligence, who had introduced him to Voight.
Sighing he decided to keep looking by continuing to walk and crossing the whole bridge.
Of one thing he was sure, he wouldn't stop until Jay was with him or one of his colleagues. Until he saw for himself that he was fine.
Sighing, he raised his eyes to the sky, as if to make a silent prayer to himself asking to be able to find him soon and above all that he was okay.
Then lowering his gaze his attention was drawn to something.
There was something on the ground that shone reached by the sunlight even though it was dim.
It was a bunch of keys and a few meters away was a cell phone.
Antonio took all the objects in his hand and began to check them.
Someone must have lost them, he thought
He put the keys in his pocket and started fumbling with his cell phone. There were several missed calls and it was once clicked on the wording that appeared on the display that the Detective figured out who the owner of the phone was.
The numerous calls were from Hailey. They were relative to the previous evening when the young woman had tried to call him insistently to find out where he had ended up.
Dawson immediately understood. It was his colleague's cell phone.
Jay got rid of his things about him and that showed Dawson how bad he could be. Going on a little further he saw another thing on the ground, something Jay felt about him and from which one never parted. It was his star with his badge.
-He must have thought that he no longer needed it, that he didn't deserve it ...- he thought
And indeed it was, that badge, that star Jay believed they no longer belonged to him.
How could he be a detective, a cop and protect people if he then endangered those he loved?
He was not fit for that job.
Antonio did not think twice, he collected all the objects and put them in his pocket.
Fortunately, Jay didn't have his gun with him that day. God only knows what could have happened.
Of one thing, however, the elderly detective was sure: Jay had to be nearby, it was around that he should be looking for.
He couldn't explain what he was feeling, it was more of a feeling, but he knew he was close by.
Immediately then Dawson picked up the phone and called the others informing them of where he was and what he had found and after doing this he started looking again in that area.
- Jay, take it easy. I will not abandon you. I swear I'll find you. -He thought with a heart full of sadness, but also of hope.