What once was, can not be.
Lily felt herself glancing out a window, the plane was taking them home. She turned to see Sara was sitting beside her blocking most of the view out of said window. Out of everything to happen, heading back to Panama, then to be told that there was a mix up with evidence, and that Sara was free to come back to the states.
The whole time in Panama wasn't as bad as the first time, and while Lily felt maybe it was over with, a part of her didn't want to accept that Michael was really gone, but with a funeral to plan, and then thinking of a new chapter of her life starting. It was like the feeling of a possible normal life, having the idea that having a family. LJ sat in a seat behind them. The whole family was going to stay together, well if they can get LJ graduated and off to collage.
Lincoln watched Lily next to him, and Sara by the window, he knew both of them were not speaking much to each other, he knew that Lily was still in denial about Michael, and as he placed his hand over hers he could tell she wasn't going to be the same. He didn't know how he was going to deal with life without his little brother. He didn't care what Christina told him, Michael would always be his brother.
The feeling of the plane ready to land, Lincoln kept thinking of all the things he'd have to do, he was going to be a father again, but also an uncle.
Lily could feel Lincoln holding her hand, her eyes going to the details of his hand, always strong, and while she could never imagine not having these hands holding her, she could feel the hesitation in his touch, even she could feel hesitation in his kiss.
Closing her eyes Sara could feel the plane making it's final decent into John F. Kennedy airport. They all agreed to move to a different state, to leave Illinois behind them.
The idea of New York was Sara knew people there, and with her needing to get her career back on track, she wanted to get back to living. Even if until they all got on there feet they would live together.
Lily walked through security, she imagined police, being held up, but they simply walked through with no trouble and she knew that it was over. Her hand held her bag, and even if her and Sara were not far in both of their pregnancies, Lily could feel like a time bomb was inside of her.
The whole time they were feeling as if this was surreal, and while Lincoln got them a cab, all they had was a few things. It was starting all over again, the place that as set up for them only had three rooms, so it was enough for them to stay permanently.
Lincoln felt the side of the bed, he could see her silhouette by the window in the dark. "Why are you up?" He sat up to turn a lamp on, he could see her sitting on the windowsill staring into the darkness of the outside world.
"They never let us see the body..." Lily spoke softly, her eyes kept focused on the glass, she could see Lincoln watching her, and on the door was his suit ready for the funeral. Her hands rested on her stomach, and her heart felt heavier with each moment. "It's not fair."
"Are you still on about that?" Lincoln pushed himself out of the bed, he walked carefully to place his hands on her shoulders rubbing them lightly. "Why do you need to see it?"
Lily closed her eyes, she could feel herself tense for a second, but Lincoln's hands were soothing her stress. "I need closure, I need to understand." Her voice was a soft whisper, but she didn't understand why Sara and Lincoln were not questioning why they got this house, how they got money to survive, and how a funeral was already paid for.
Lincoln ran his fingertips down her collarbone, he stopped moving it up her throat. Her chin now in the palm of his hand, he could stare deep into her eyes, the green catching him every time. "You need to get some sleep." His words a gentle purr, as his fingers moved to caress her cheek. Moving in slowly he brushed his lips onto hers.
Lily felt the hesitation in his kiss, but with eyes closed she took in the kiss, her body moving to get closer to his, her hands holding onto him for balance, and she pulled herself into him making the kiss deeper.
His hands travelled from her face, he felt her skin under his touch as they went from her neck to her back. He thin nightgown between them he felt it riding up her thighs as he placed himself closer to her.
Lincoln couldn't stop, her fingertips up his chest, her kiss holding him, he wished for everything that he could stop what he had started, but with her touch on him, he knew he would never want to be without her, but the doubt was always haunting him.
Her breathing getting heavier, Lily wanted him, she could stop, but her hands found herself moving between her thighs to find him wanting it too. The fabric of his boxers were thin, and it wasn't too hard for her to push them off him.
For a second the kiss stopped, and with that moment Lincoln felt the pull of her eyes, the light tremble of her bottom lip still swollen with his kiss. The eyes she'd always look up to him with, the eyes that said so much without her having to speak.
Lily could feel his breathing, she couldn't tell what was going through his mind, but she knew that she didn't want to stop. Her hand already holding onto him, he didn't stop her soft stroking. Lincoln's hands still on her back, and moaned lightly feeling himself giving into the moment.
bringing his lips back to hers Lincoln kissed stronger this time, he wanted to feel her, he wanted to be a part of her. Moving his hands to hers, he stopped her rubbing, taking a hold of her panties, he pulled them off with such force he ripped them.
Lily felt his finger gliding over her, pushing quick enough to make her gasp in his mouth, rubbing the inside, and rolling his thumb, she couldn't control the kiss, his lips travelling to her neck lightly sucking and biting. He could feel her body tensing, aching for him as he was for her. He didn't take long to guide himself into her, he pushed in quick enough to feel her catch her breath.
Arching her back Lily felt him inside, and it was always a feeling of being complete, his hand held her ass, but he rested his other hand on the nap of her neck burring his face into her blonde hair. His thrusts were met with the movement of her hips, he felt her tense around him. He could feel her building up to orgasm, feeling beads of sweat rolling down his back, he wanted to hold onto this moment, he wanted to listen to every moan of her. She was trying hard to not be too loud. Lincoln wished he could freeze the moment before it was over. As he felt himself release, he caught his breathe, and for a second caught his reflection in the window.
Lincoln didn't like the way he felt, but in the seconds of coming down from the high of his climax, his eyes looked down to see Lily's big green eyes staring up at him. The sweat on her chest seeing he'd ripped her nightgown too. "We should get some sleep..." Was all Lincoln could say as he turned and headed back to bed. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but as he see her heading to their on suite bathroom, he knew that she was starting to feel it too. The feeling of him pulling away from her.
line here
The next morning Lily felt herself standing amongst the small group of people who came to the funeral, and while Lily studied over to Sara wearing all black, everyone looked sombre, and she couldn't wrap her head around it all.
Weather was reflecting the mood, Lily didn't want to be here. As the coffin was being lowered into the ground, Lincoln remembered how Michael didn't want a big deal to be made with his funeral, but a bigger part of Lincoln was just wishing his brother was still here, he kept staring over to Sara.
Sara feeling the tears falling from her eyes, down her cheeks hitting the fabric of her dark dress. Her hands resting against her stomach and wondered how she was going to be a mother.
"And as we lay to rest our dearly departed Michael Scofield. A devoted brother, a loving husband and caring friend." The reverend spoke softly.
Fernando placed a hand to Lincoln's shoulder, he couldn't believe this was happening, but as they all carried on listening he could see Lily had started to walk away from the service. Part of him couldn't understand, but then he never thought he'd be attending Michael's funeral.
The service, as short as it could be people started to leave, and with that Sara watched as LJ and Lincoln headed towards a car, Sara's eyes went to Lily standing by as the dirt was being pilled onto the coffin.
"Why do I feel you're the only one not blaming me..." Her words a low whisper, and Sara knew that Lily's mind was somewhere else. "I know I didn't know Michael as long as you..."
"No you didn't know him like I did." Lily was blunt, "I saw Michael dying an old man, and I saw my family happy." Her hand brushed under her eye, "As his wife you could of demanded that we saw the body!"
Sara pulled a hand through her hair, "Why Lily?" Her voice was bitter, "Why do you keep pulling this up, he's gone, the voltage of electricity fried him, he wouldn't of looked like Michael."
"I need to know he's really gone!" Lily snapped her eyes on Sara's. "For all we knew Kellerman was dead, and then he walked into our lives..."
"You didn't see what Michael had to do," Sara's tears flowing more down her face. "He died so I could live, he was going to..." Sara felt frozen as Lily's hand meet her face with quick force.
Lily stood still with her hand still up, Sara holding her cheek. "I'm so sorry..." Her eyes going to the people who were still lingering around. "I..."
"I know," Sara took a step pulling Lily into her arms, "I'm sorry."
Lily felt odd being held, she kept her hands by her sides, "I don't blame you Sara..." finally speaking so Sara would let her go. "I just don't understand how after you escaping, after everything we are here, and we are..." Her hands brushed down her stomach. "We are all here." Her eyes going to the cars, and her mind not taking it in. "He doesn't feel gone."
"I wake up sometimes, I wake up and feel like I am going to see him. Then I remember and I hurt." Sara's hand reached for Lily's cheek. "And it's like I'm losing him all over again."
"Just don't forget him," Lily bit her lip, she could see that Sara was starting to show, but both of them measuring around thirteen weeks. "We can't forget what he's capable of." Turning away Lily headed to the car waiting for them.
Sara was first to speak at the small restaurant, she could see that it was only the core of what was left of the group. Lincoln, LJ and Lily, Fernando and Alex. It seemed after the funeral Benjamin went his own way.
"I think this is it," She held a glass of water. "We are all here because of Michael," Her words were hard to speak. "He never gave up on anyone in his life, and if he didn't break Lincoln out of prison..." She laughed, "Well we wouldn't be here for sure, but Michael was a great man, and we'll never forget who he was."
everyone raised a glass, and it was hard to think of what else to say. Sara sat down and looked to her plate, she didn't know how she was eating, but with her baby, she knew it wasn't just her anymore.
Lincoln felt his eyes shift over to Lily, then back to Sara on the other side of him. He knew Sara was carrying his future niece or nephew. Lily on the other hand it was eating him up that he didn't even know if it was his child.
Lily drank some of her water, with Lincoln beside her she couldn't help but feel a distance between them. Her hand coming to lightly rest on his thigh her eyes meet his feeling the pain. "I think we need to talk." She mouthed to Lincoln.
Lily stood up from the table heading into the garden, she could see that the weather was turning to possible snow soon. The ice cold was making Lily wish she put on a coat. Her hands now resting in her armpits for warmth.
Lincoln could see how Lily stood, he could always tell her mood, or in this case her hands curled around herself as she moved from one foot to the other. He took his jacket off wrapping it around her shoulders.
"Thank you..." Lily turned to see Lincoln's face, he had his hard expression on, it was easier for him to turn to stone when it came to expressing sadness, it was easy for her to know that Lincoln didn't like to look venerable. "Are we breaking up?" Lily started, but stopped herself. "I'm not stupid Lincoln."
Lincoln felt her eyes, he was trying to keep a level head, he hated how much he loved her, but he couldn't help but feel like he couldn't live the rest of his life not knowing. He bit his lip, and while she kept still now, he felt lost. "I can't."
"Can't what?" Lily shivered, but it wasn't the cold, it was the fear of not knowing what to expect. "Can't be with me?"
Lincoln's eyes diverted away, he couldn't look her in the eyes. He didn't want to see the pain that was no doubtfully there. "I thought I could live with not knowing, but I can't do it. I have to know." He finally looked into Lily's eyes. "I need to know if it's mine."
Taking a step back her eyes went to her feet, Lily couldn't believe this. "You want a DNA test?" Her voice caught in her throat. "And what if it's Michael's?" She didn't want to bright herself to look at him, she didn't want to feel her heart ache.
Lincoln hadn't thought of this part, his hand going to her chin, he was feeling bad for how stupid he was being. "I thought we wasn't Ross and Rachel?" He asked her softly.
"But if you need a test, and then you know that your not the father, then what does that mean for the baby." Her hands resting on her stomach, "You might say that it doesn't matter, but I know you too well."
A moment was filled with silence, Lincoln could tell what she was thinking, and he knew what he was thinking. "I won't ever neglect a child Lil," He finally spoke out. "I just can't live my life not knowing." His voice was trying so hard to be soothing, but what he was saying was killing him. "I know you, but I never thought you and Michael could ever..."
"Have sex." Lily finished, "And it didn't mean anything to me, I just." She could tell it was an awkward conversation. "I never asked about you and Sofia."
Lincoln took a deep breathe, "I don't think you want to know."
"Is she going to show up?" Lily had to ask, "She didn't seem too happy to see you in Panama." She added remember bumping into her at a market.
"I guess she made it clear what she thought of me," Lincoln also remembered getting hit. "I know I made a mistake with her."
"And that is what I made with Michael. I was lonely, he was lonely. It wasn't about us, it was getting to feel like someone was there." Lily finally meeting Lincoln's eyes with her own. "I have always loved you."
His hands holding her face, "I have never loved anyone as I love you." He brought his face to hers, kissing her carefully. "I just need this one thing."
Lily felt his forehead resting against hers, and as much as she knew that Lincoln meant no harm from it, she couldn't bring herself to speak. Her fingertips brushing to his cheek, and feeling a tear roll down her face her heart heavy, she didn't think she wanted to know.
While the days didn't seem to move as fast as Lily wanted them too, she knew that she wasn't living for the life of leisure. Her hands holding onto a cup of coffee as she stared out a set of French doors leading into a big garden. Her eyes trying to work out where the property ended, or if this was all some kind of dream.
She could only imagine what was going to happen, but Lily knew at some point she wanted to have a job again, even if she knew that she was only good at one job, she wanted to be that person again. The person she built herself to be before Michael asked her to help him in his plan to get Lincoln out of prison. The person that went into a hospital and knew what she was going to be helping people.
"You sure you want to be drinking that?" Sara just woke up heading into the kitchen, she could smell the coffee from the top of the stairs.
A quick snap of the neck to look around Lily shrugged, "One cup a day the doctor said." She held it up with pride, "My one cup is all I will have."
"That's a good point," She moved to the centre island of the kitchen picking up a mug, "Has Linc been with you to the doctor?" She asked trying to ignore the itching in her heart to know what was going on between them.
Lily took a sip of the coffee, her focus on the garden again, "No..." taking one of her hands off the mug to touch over her stomach, "Do you think I should get it?" Her voice haunted.
Sara could hear the fear, she felt that fear every time she'd catch a glimpse of the way Lincoln would look at her. "Now?" Sara's eyes to Lily's stomach, both of them were around the same amount of weeks pregnant. "That runs a great risk, and at your age it's not a good think to be doing..." Sara stopped seeing Lily's face. "You mean you don't want to know if."
"No, I don't want to know if the brother of the man I loved was the one to get me knocked up." Lily drank more of the coffee, "I don't want anyone to know, I just want people to just leave it."
Sara finished making herself coffee, her eyes kept staring at Lily, but she could tell Lily was more focused on the outside world. "Have you thought of how Linc could be feeling, he's hurting."
"And I'm not!" Lily's face snapped to stare at Sara, "You don't even know how hard this is for me, I have tried to make myself not care, but I think of how I felt finding out the man who raised me, he wasn't even my real father and he treated me like dirt because he knew he wasn't my biological dad."
"Lincoln isn't like that..." Sara tried to change the tone of the conversation. "You know that right now we are all struggling with the lose of Michael."
Lily bit her lip, her attention to the garden again, "LJ, doesn't know, and he's so excited to be a big brother."
"He'll be an amazing brother, Lily you need to stop thinking history is going to repeat itself." Sara placed a hand on Lily's shoulder.
Lily let out a laugh, "Well I am not my mother for a start, I don't think I could abandon my child for the life of fame, to end up a porn star..." Lily paused to the look on Sara's face. "Yea, I don't even know if she's still alive, I never thought to look for her either."
"Well I guess we both had shitty childhood," Sara gave a dry laugh, "And I thought you was Miss America..."
Lily laughed, "Why would you think that?" Her voice drifted off, "I mean, really?" She turned to study Sara's face. "I had the worst reputation, most likely to end up dead from an overdose."
"I was voted to be successful in anything I did." Sara nodded her head, "I was very good at messing up."
"Well we both subverted expectations by our high school peers." Lily laughed, "Got to love the life we live." She stopped seeing the kitchen door open and Lincoln walked in. "You two are weirdly happy this morning." His attention from Sara to Lily. "I've been talking to a few people I know, and I'm looking into getting some kind of work." He turned to Sara. "Have you talked about your medical licence."
"I've applied for an appeal against my case, I should hear something back any day." Sara glanced down the coffee feeling sick, she closed her eyes for a second to let it pass. "Also we've got doctors appointments this afternoon."
Lily felt her eyes seeing the expression on Lincoln's face, "Linc are you going to come to this one?" She asked hoping for an answer this time.
"I have to meet a guy about a thing," Lincoln kissed Lily's cheek. "I should have a job by the end of the day." He added walking away.
Sara turned as Lincoln walked away, "Linc, this is when we can find out what we're having." She couldn't believe he was being like this. "Lily needs you more."
Rolling her eyes Lily really wished that Sara would stay out of it, "It's fine, I can get a picture to keep." Watching Lincoln standing still in the doorway. "You don't have to come."
Feeling guilty he moved back into the kitchen, he placed his hands on Lily's face staring into her eyes. "I'm sorry." He kissed the tip of her nose. "I'll call Gary and tell him I'll be running late." He gave a small smile. "We really going to find out what we're having?"
Smiling was hard for Lily when she couldn't stop feeling as if she was forcing this on him, "Yea, I was never famous for my patience."
"No, but neither am I." Lincoln placed a hand to Lily stomach, "Also we'll be looking at apartments at some point." He added glancing to Sara, "Not that I don't love living with you, but I think we'd all be better for it." He then brushed Lily's cheek before taking his phone walking out of the room.
"Did you really have to do that?" Lily waited until Lincoln was out of ear shot before confronting Sara.
Feeling lost Sara felt taken back, "I sometimes wonder how you two can be so..." putting her hands in the air, "So dramatic!" her voice was trying to keep calm, but as the weeks have passed, it seemed like Lincoln were either fighting or just all over each other.
"I can't help it..." Lily bit her bottom lip, "I guess the hormones make it worse." She put her coffee mug down. "I'm still not sure if I'd ever be able to get a DNA test done." She tapped the table with her hand. "I just can't."
Watching Lily walk out of the kitchen Sara felt nervous, she couldn't believe that this was bothering her as much as it was. Part of her didn't want to know either, but what if Lily was carrying her child's half sibling.