A/N: So who's ready to see what happens to Hardison? Onward!
Disclaimer: It is for this reason that I have named her crate Jurassic Bark.
When he opened the door to Nate's apartment, Alec Hardison was met with silence. "Am I the only one here?" he wondered, his dark eyes scouring the unit for any signs of life. What they found was a pile of clothes on the worktable, a pair of boots in the kitchen, pants in the hallway, and a shirt on the stair banister. And was that Eliot's jacket?
"Nate?" No answer. "I guess I am the only one here." With a shrug, the hacker flopped into his usual chair to send the last bit of evidence against VerdAgra to Lieutenant Patrick Bonanno of the state police. "Though if anybody is here," he addressed the apartment, "make sure to keep it down! Don't nobody wanna hear all that."
Just as he was about to hit send, the apartment door opened to reveal Nate, Sophie, and Parker strolling through. "How are you after last night, Parker?" Sophie asked, drawing Hardison's interest. Had something happened last night?
"Way better." Parker didn't say anything else as she occupied herself with pouring a bowl of cereal.
"That's good to hear. I'm glad Eliot was able to take care of it himself."
"Oh yeah, Eliot did wonders for me last night. I swear, his hands are magic."
Those words had Hardison's eyes snapping away from the computer screen and toward the thief, eyebrows furrowed.
"He is good at what he does," Nate piped up over a spiked cup of coffee.
"That's right, you've been on the receiving end of Eliot's care," Sophie seemed to remember.
"Though that was centralized to only one area. Parker needed practically full-body attention."
"Not quite full-body," Parker amended through a mouthful of Apple Jacks. "But he did get all the important places. And I felt amazing afterward. He even came over early this morning for another round. That's why I came in late."
Hardison choked on his orange soda.
All eyes turned on the hacker. "You okay, Hardison?" asked Nate.
"Yeah," he coughed. "Yeah, I'm aight. So, uh, where is Eliot if he was just at your place, Parker? Wouldn't he have come in with you?" And his voice totally did not just crack on that question.
"He had to go to the pharmacy and stock up on more supplies," the thief (un)helpfully answered. "We used up most of his supply last night and this morning, so he decided now would be the best time to get more. Y'know, since he might not have time later."
Now the hacker was coughing. Just in time for the door to admit the as yet absent hitter. "Hardison, you alright, man?"
"He just started coughing and choking! Eliot, you need to treat him like you treated me last night!"
"NO!" Hardison eked out between coughs. "I'm good, I promise I'm good."
"You sure? I bought plenty of stuff. Think I even got some cough drops since Parker was complaining of a sore throat this mornin'. Parker, check for cough drops, wouldja?" Eliot tossed over the plastic grocery bag as he entered the kitchen to fill a glass with water. "Drink this slowly," he instructed as he walked back over to Hardison.
Deciding he was better off listening to the much stronger and bulkier man, Hardison accepted the glass and took a few small, slow sips, taking care not to choke on this drink as well. "Thanks, man," he coughed before taking another sip.
"Here, I found cough drops." A pale hand entered Hardison's field of vision, fingers clutching a small pouch of lozenges. "Eliot, is Hardison dying? Do you need to heal him?"
"No, darlin', Hardison's not dyin'," Eliot assured the thief. "He's just choking on his soda because he doesn't drink enough water."
"You should definitely drink more water," Parker ordered Hardison in the most sage tone she could muster. "Eliot told me last night that I needed to drink water so I wouldn't be dehydrated. Apparently, being dehydrated is bad."
"Yeah, dehydration's bad," Hardison agreed between coughs and clearing his throat.
Apparently satisfied with Hardison's condition, Eliot sat back and turned to refill the glass of water. He paused on the way to the kitchen when his eyes caught sight of Parker. "Parker, what're you wearin'?"
"My favorite shirt," answered Parker, looking down at the black, long-sleeved shirt she'd chosen to wear that day. "Why?"
"It's too clingy." The hitter's footsteps turned into stomps as he resumed his trek. "I told you not to wear anythin' too tight, I even went through your closet and told you what you could and couldn't wear. Your skin's still too sensitive for something that tight. Here." With a growl and a glare, Eliot began unbuttoning his own flannel shirt, sliding it down his arms and tossing it toward Parker. "Change into that. At least it'll be loose on ya and not stick to your skin."
"Fine," Parker huffed, which sounded to Hardison as if she'd been doing that a lot lately, before ripping her shirt off right there and then.
"Whoa, mama!" gasped the hacker as he whirled away from the half naked thief. "I think Eliot meant go to another room and change." Before he was completely turned around, however, Hardison realized something hadn't been quite right about Parker's back when she took off her shirt.
"Not like he hasn't seen it before."
Ignoring the thief's loaded statement for the moment, Hardison turned back around, his eyes catching a glimpse of Parker's bare back before Eliot's borrowed shirt could cover it. The skin there was red and puffy, as if burned. "Parker, what happened to your back?"
"The exploding vault was really hot and burned me through my clothes," Parker summarized. "According to Eliot, it's better now than it was last night."
"That's because I was able to treat those burns quickly," explained Eliot. "They didn't have time to do any damage to your skin. They shouldn't even scar."
"Good. I don't think I'd want burn scars on my butt. Could you imagine trying to crawl through an air duct with burn scars all over your butt?"
"I think the ones on your shoulders are what you should avoid hurtin'. They were the worst burns," reminded Eliot.
"How much'a you did get burned, anyway?"
"From the base of her neck to just under her calves and nearly the full length of her arms. Long's she stops wearin' those tight shirts, she should be just fine."
"Parker, listen to what Eliot says," admonished Sophie. "He knows a whole lot more about these things than the four of us combined."
"Okay, okay," the thief grumbled, buttoning the last button and situating the oversized shirt so it felt more comfortable. "I won't wear tight shirts until Eliot says I can."
"And since Parker needs a little time to heal, we won't take on any clients for a few days," Nate decided for the group.
"Sounds good to me, boss," Hardison sighed. Honestly, it had been too long since they'd had any downtime, and the hacker was ready for a break!
With that settled, the team lounged around the office, having nothing else that they needed to do that day. As Eliot stationed himself in the kitchen and Parker perched herself at the bar across from him with cereal box in hand, a thought occurred to Hardison.
"So," he hedged, eyes flitting over everything except the pair he was addressing, "all y'all did last night was treat Parker's burns? Nothin' else happened or anything... right?"
"I never said that," mumbled Parker through a handful of cereal. All eyes shot toward the pair in the kitchen. Eliot was leaning against the counter, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Parker was still eating without a care.
"Really, Parker!?" Eliot growled, jaw clenched and lip trembling in the way that everyone knew would lead to very high volumes of yelling.
"What? We did do more than just treat my burns."
Silence rang for several long moments as the other members of the team stared at the pair. "Well, I'm off to get a shower," Nate announced, bounding toward the staircase before anyone could argue.
"I need to go, um, not be here. Yep, tha's right, I need to not be here." And Hardison was out the door.
"I have an appointment I really must get to," said Sophie, looking at her right wrist, regardless of the fact that her watch was on her left, before she followed Hardison. The door slammed, and the thieves were left to themselves in Nate's kitchen.
Eliot slowly raised his eyes to meet Parker's. "I thought we weren't gonna bait'em like that."
Parker shrugged casually, but Eliot could see a distinctive glint in her eyes before her expressionless face morphed into an amused smirk. "I couldn't resist," she admitted.
Despite his best efforts, Eliot's own lips twitched as his eyes sparkled with mirth. "It was pretty funny," he relented with a growing grin, which gradually became a chuckle. "Though I'm still mad at you for wearin' that tight shirt after I told you not to."
"You got a free show out of it, didn't you?" From the look on Parker's face, Eliot couldn't decide if Parker had worn the forbidden shirt for specifically that reason, or if it was just a bonus. Not that it really mattered at this point.
"Whaddya want for breakfast?" Eliot finally asked. He decided changing the subject was probably his best course of action, seeing as he wouldn't get a straight answer from Parker. Or if I did, it wouldn't be one I'd want to get at Nate's house.
"Pancakes!"
Eliot immediately began gathering ingredients for Parker's request. "What kind?"
"Marionberry, like the ones you made a couple weeks ago." Crunches of cereal followed.
"Uh, I don't think we have any marionberries here. But the farmer's market is open today."
"Ooh! Let's go!" Cereal box still in hand, Parker shot up from her chair and pelted toward the door, not even waiting for Eliot, who followed at a much more sedate pace.
"No stealin' from'em this time, Parker!" he hollered after her, shrugging back into the leather jacket he'd discarded as he prepared to cook. With a roll of his eyes, Eliot made sure he had his keys and wallet before slamming the door behind him.
Upon hearing the door slam, Nate ducked back out into the hall and leaned against the banister, eyes roving the empty apartment. Despite the distance and the doors between him and the younger pair, Nate could hear most of what they'd said. And despite his ability to see the most minute detail of any plan or scheme, this the mastermind had missed by a mile. Now that he knew what to look for, he would be looking for it a lot more from now on.
Especially in his guest bedroom.
"Well, this should be interesting."
A/N: So... what else could Parker and Eliot have been doing last night besides treating Parker's burns? I'll let yall use your imaginations on that. Thank you for reading, and don't forget to leave a review!