20: Steph Has Opinions
There was no mistaking Steph's voice. Sadly she no longer realised how loudly she was speaking, despite Chris regularly suggesting she turn her hearing aid up. She'd refused, saying there was nothing wrong with her hearing, the real problem was that everybody mumbled these days. None of us were quite what we used to be back when we worked at Waterloo Road. And Steph was growing old disgracefully – I wouldn't have wanted anything else for her. Anyway, I was quite interested to overhear her opinions – although we all know you don't need to eavesdrop on Steph, she never said anything behind your back that she wouldn't say to your face. Steph was many things, but she was not two-faced. But she was surprised. "I don't think I ever realised the depth of her love for him," she began. "You know, I realised they fancied each other, but Eddie was clearly punching above his weight, she was always well out of his league. And the way he let her earn the money while he looked after the kids, did the cooking and stuff. I never got why she was happy to keep him. It always seemed like he loved her ten times more than she loved him. I really thought it was all about the kid, she just wanted to raise the kid, but I was wrong, wasn't I! I thought she'd leave him once Charlie grew up, but she didn't, so maybe I should have realised. But seriously, she completely bloody adored him, didn't she."
I never let on to Steph that I heard that. I asked Kim about it a few weeks later, knowing my best friend wouldn't keep anything from me. She really squirmed, not wanting to let on what people used to say about us. But it turned out Steph hadn't been alone in her opinion. I suppose no one really knew Eddie like I did, he had this way of appearing open, without actually telling anyone about himself. Well there were occasions when I had to prize him open myself, but eventually he always told me what was going on for him. That's why they couldn't see what I did. Because I had something that no one else did: his trust. And perhaps no one else knew me like Eddie did. I was never one to blab my emotions all over the place, no one but Eddie needed to know how much I loved him. I wanted to be professional, respected, I never wanted my colleagues too close. Waterloo Road, somehow, was different. Although we'd all moved on to other schools, we had a firm and lifelong connection to each other that would weather all the storms of life. Those guys were my best friends, all who came before and after them were merely colleagues, many who I liked and respected very much, but none of them ever quite broke into my inner circle like the Waterloo Road team. But even with them, I never spoke about the ins and outs of my marriage. That was always private, just between me and Eddie. I always referred to Kim as my best friend, but really, that spot was always Eddie's. Only he really knew the true Rachel. Kim came fairly close though.
The reality was, out of the two of us, Eddie was by far the better parent. I would have done anything our children needed, if I'd had to. But I didn't have to. Eddie was kind, gentle, affectionate, a great listener, the one they would go to with their problems. It's not that I completely lacked those characteristics, but I was always ambitious, driven, practical, and I never needed to do the softer side of parenting, simply because Eddie always did it. I could solve their problems, but Eddie was the one who listened when they just wanted to talk about how they felt about them. Our differences were what made us such a great team.