Author: This something I dug up recently. Yes, this is something I made a long time ago which I forgot when I buried it along with my other files in an old flashdrive.

Anyhow, this is actually the prologue (prequel?) for 'Lost at Sea and In another World' connected and mixed with 'Battlefield Angel' (also vice versa).

I am still here even if I was gone...

It's ironic how I would describe it as thin ice. It's fragile and hard to grasp with - my own memories I mean. Before I think there was this familiar sensation of content...warmth...happiness. Emotions are hard to grasp and to understand. I'm not devoid of them but I find it difficult to grasp these everyday feelings.

"I think I was very different before. Completely different than right now"

With my mind feeling lost and confused now, I confessed with a reluctant tone to Warspite, a veteran of the war contrasting her elegant and noble appearance. Even her her behavior makes it hard to believe this woman fought countless battles and she's one the oldest shipgirls in the navy. She's certainly an old lady but I've been told to never describe her as old in front of her.

"You are right about that. It's completely different from before" She responded with sympathy in her eyes

"I'm afraid to let them know, especially my supposed older sister. I don't...want her to know"

"Why is that?"

"Because..." I couldn't even say it

"It's because you are afraid of her sadness"

"She was very happy to see me again. She said she was just happy she got me back, but am I really? Am I really back?"

I bit my lip as what's supposed to be a warm memory of being reunited with my older sister turned into my frustration and worry. She was so happy. She was so glad. She didn't notice something was no right. All she saw was her "younger sister" whom she had lost before.

"Warspite, I don't know what to do. I'm scared to tell her. What if she find out that I...I..."

"Even so, you are Tirpitz. Your thoughts and your feelings are still Tirpitz"

Warspite reassured me with a gentle and calm tone. Even if I still feel anxious, her soothing voice lessens my worry even if it's barely and steadies my rapid heartbeat.

"I feel like I'm just fooling them by acting like nothing is wrong, like nothing is different. It's not the same...it's not the same..."

I still feel frustrated. I bit my own finger as my fear and frustration coils around my heart.

"It is still you even if it's no longer the same. It's true that you've been different after we had to sink you. It's normal that there's changes in both your emotions and personality"

"But..."

"Nothing felt different because you're consciousness is still Tirpitz. Your personality is still there so Bismarck couldn't see it"

"I'm still worried..."

"For the time being, do no think about it when in front of them. Act as if your worry has been set aside" She suggested

"..."

"You are still Bismarck's younger sister. Even if you believe it's not the same, everyone around you sees you as the same Tirpitz"

"A-alright. I'll try to be natural around, Bismarck"

In the end, I had to agree because it's all I can do. If I continue to drown myself in my worries, they will realize what's wrong. I don't want them to know just yet. I'm still scared that Bismarck's happiness will shatter into sadness.

"Hey!"

Someone had burst through the door. I turned my back and my eyes met an unhappy looking Ark Royal. She has a tendency to get impatient and frowns like she is doing now.

"Bismarck is here and she's looking for you"

"Again?"

"Of course it's again. You refused to be in the same room as your sister and you've been quiet around here"

"..." I didn't say anything

"Anyway, don't keep her waiting. You know how she is"

"..." I slightly frowned

"I mean...you know...that kind - forget it. Just go meet her before she starts throwing a tantrum"

Marching right towards me, the impatient Ark Royal grabbed me by the wrist and I allowed her to drag me out of Warspite's room. Before leaving, I caught a glimpse of Warspite waving with a gentle smile as if she's somewhat trying to ease my worry even for a moment.

"Isn't it hot wearing a coat like that?" She asked me while dragging me through the hallway

"A bit I suppose but I guess I grew accustomed to wearing it regardless of the weather"

"It makes me wonder why you took another version of your Drei form"

"I was having a hard time with my normal Drei so I had to retrofitted to match my current strength"

"Your current strength?"

She stopped so I stopped before I could bump into her back. She loosened her grip and turned around, tilting her head in curiosity. That's right, she looks puzzled because I didn't tell her yet. Frau Ooyodo, the secretary ship Saratoga, and "the old lady" are the only ones aware about my unplanned and sudden remodel.

"I'm not entirely sure but they said somehow they said they need to adjust my equipment or I won't be able to fight properly at all"

"Your navy has their own whims. Well I could say the same thing for mine"

Clearly, Ark Royal doesn't want to fully understand the reason behind this "Drei Alternativ" and just like her, I gave trying to understand. All I know is that I feel as if my isn't body was like a malfunctioning machine whenever I equip my rigging.

"Tirpitz! There you are! I've been looking for you since this morning"

...and the impatient and pouty Bismarck interrupted the two of us. Well, I suppose her timing was right on cue since I couldn't explain my remodel to Ark Royal.

"Well, your big sister is here so I'll be on my way"

Quickly enough, Ark Royal exits the scene before I could even say anything. I suppose it's because she felt like she had done her part and right now it's going to be between Bismarck and me.

"Ah, Bis - I mean, big sister"

"I feel like you're avoiding me on purpose. Are you angry?"

Her emotion quickly shifted to concern. I guess this is how older sisters worry for their younger sisters. It's not something I would easily get used to but I have to try for her sake.

"I'm not angry. You didn't do anything wrong if that's what you're thinking" I sighed

"Then why won't you share the same room like we used to. I really did something, didn't I?"

Who knew me personally asking the admiral to not return to put me in the same room as my sister again would make her worry. I don't want her to worry but I don't want her to know the reason. Aaaah! I feel so conflicted right now.

"Of course not!"

"Then why I feel like you're avoiding me"

"I just got here the other day so I'm still trying to adjust"

"Adjust? It's like you're saying this is the first time you arrived here"

Bismarck raised an eyebrow, puzzled to my phrasing which isn't entirely wrong but makes it confusing since I'm trying not to give the real answer.

"You know the whole coming back from the dead thing. I don't understand but those Royal navy girls said so"

"A-ah that. I was just really happy you're back that I didn't think you were gone for a while"

Seeing her genuinely happy that I returned ached my heart rather than warm it. I want to be happy for her but it still pains me when I look at her.

If you only knew the one you called your sister...

Filled with regret, I held back the words I want to tell her but if she were to learn about it...I knew she wouldn't handle it. I don't know why but my instinct is telling me that this one who is my sister will be sad if she finds out. Those simple thoughts always reminded me every time I have the urge to tell her.

"When I asked if you're angry, I was talking about shooting you in the face and stabbing you in the sword since you're too angry to die"

"...?" I tilted my head, seemingly confused

"You know, back when you became a monster who's too angry too die and kept coming back stronger than before"

"I don't really understand what you're talking about. What's this about an angry monster? Am I missing something?"

"J-just forget what I said. I'm just talking nonsense"

Bismarck felt embarrassed but I quietly took notice of it since she looked like she regretted saying it with how "confused" I was.

"R-right. Want to get something to eat at Mamiya's? I feel like I should make it up for making you feel worried that I was ignoring you"

"As long as it's your treat!"

She quickly accepted my suggestion and dragged me away. She looked so excited and glad that I instinctively smiled without quickly noticing it. I see...so I would feel content at slightest joy as long as I get to see her smile. "I" was always like this...or "I" was content so long I could see her happy too.

But it's not something I could just believe, is it? Because...

"I" was permanently destroyed back then...and she doesn't even know it...