Mr and Mrs Dursley, of Number Four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you would expect to be involved with anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. Mrs Dursley's estranged sister, Lily, her husband James Potter and son Harry on the other hand, most certainly were. And that of course was the issue.

In fact, most of Lily Potter's new family and friends would be considered abhorrent by both the Dursleys, an impression they were determined to imprint on their one year old son. Of course from James Potter's view it was the Dursleys that were the strange ones, what with their telly-phones and motored cars. After all what was strange about flying brooms, talking pictures or a tap that only poured out milk when it was cloudy. So of course when both the Dursleys were awoken shortly before midnight on Halloween 1981 by the sound of a roaring motorcycle and were greeted by a furious looking man in dark robes waving a stick around threateningly in one hand and cradling a tiny baby in the other, they were distinctly not impressed.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE" bellowed Mr Dursley, turning a rather violent shade of puce, followed by a distraught squeak of "Vernon, the neighbours!"
The man wearing robes barely seemed to hear the 15 stone drill salesman. "Shut it Dursley, unless you want a repeat of your wedding, though I remember thinking you quite suited the bulls horns we gave you." The man snapped back, and despite the lack of real heat to the barb Mr Dursley's face somehow became darker. This time, however, when he went to open his mouth no sound came out and his look of rage turned murderous.
"Your sister is dead Petunia" the man bit out and even with his cold tone a flash of grief could be seen passing over his face, "Thought you might want to know". Mrs Dursley gaped, her mouth flapping open and shut. After a few moments however she regained her bearings and snapped back, "I have no sister."
The look the man gave her for that might have led a reasonable witch or wizard, for that was what the man was of course, to mistake him for a basilisk. A moment passed, then another, then the young boy clasped in the wizard's hand began to wail, joined almost immediately by another. This seemed to shake the wizard out of his murderous rage, though his glare did not soften one bit.

"Lily would have never said the same thing" he managed to bite out and spun away, slamming the front door shut behind him and going to leave, though not before muttering something that caused Mrs Dursley's prized petunias to grow 4 feet high.
Immediately, however he was immediately greeted by two other faces. The man, Sirius Black, sighed heavily, this was the worst night of his life and he didn't know if dealing with his old headmaster was something that was going to help his ever-growing migraine and rage.

The strange looking centenarian gazed at Sirius sadly, "what have you done my boy?" he asked, peering into Sirius' flat grey eyes. This time it was Sirius' turn to gape, though in all credit he recovered much faster than Mrs Dursley. "What have I done? What have I DONE? I JUST RESCUED MY BLOODY GODSON FROM THE BLOWN OUT RUINS OF HIS FAMILY HOME, THE HOME YOU PROMISED TO PROTECT NEED I REMIND YOU" Sirius Black appeared to be upon the verge of tears at this point and at it was at this moment the third person stood in front of Number Four Privet Drive spoke up, a stern looking woman, grey hair pulled tightly in a bun and wearing tartan robes that stood out as strange even next to Sirius and the old man, who seemed to be wearing bright pink. "Sirius… Dumbledore said that you were the Secret Keeper." She trailed off, sounding uncertain even to herself. Sirius let out a choked laugh, "Me? Are you joking, besides the fact that it would be the most obvious choice in the world and we were trying to keep it secret, I've never dealt well with that kind of pressure, no it was…" Sirius paused, horror filled his eyes, quickly followed by more of the killing fury he had thrown at Mrs Dursley. "That fucking rat" he hissed. At this the old man seemed shocked, an expression that didn't suit him at all. "Young Peter? He couldn't…" Sirius snorted, though there was no humour there. "That's what we thought". He paced back and forth, snarling under his breath, every fibre of his being, every instinct under the bloody sun was screaming at him to hunt down the dirty little traitor but the presence of his young godson stilled him and incredibly and very possibly for the first time in his life Sirius Black acknowledged that now was not the time to act recklessly. "Dumbledore…" he addressed the old man, pausing as he mulled over his next words, "I want to stay at Hogwarts for a while, shouldn't need more than a few weeks… I… I can use my inheritance, call up a lawyer, everyone's going to think it was me, I have the Black Family reputation to blame for that, and, and I know you turned down the post of Chief Warlock, but you have a lot of sway at the Wizengamot, especially after…" he cut off his trail of thought sharply, but looked Dumbledore dead in the eyes, tears pricking at his own. "Please, for Harry, for my godson" he was begging. Sirius Black begging and he didn't even care. After what felt like an eternity the ancient wizard nodded and gave Sirius a weak smile, "Of course Mr Black… I, well I must say I feel very much ashamed of where my thoughts had jumped to." He beckoned to the stern woman at his side who laid a comforting hand on Sirius' shoulder. "We'll see you back at Hogwarts, I'd ask if you'd like to apparate alongside us but," she gestured at Sirius' motorbike "you'll probably still arrive before us."
Sirius thought that was the first time he had properly smiled the entire night.

The next few weeks were a flurry of activity, Sirius was beginning to forget which was left or right, he spent the first two nights unable to let go of Harry at all and the next two hurling every Dark jinx, hex or curse he could remember from his families library at trees in the Forbidden Forest until a distraught looking giant of man, Hagrid the groundskeeper, came to drag him back inside. Then when Sirius wasn't grieving, caring for a baby or plotting murder he had to run from hearing to hearing, two separate court cases and assaults by passers-by to prove that he hadn't in fact murdered anyone, no much how he wanted to at that moment.
Two weeks in Sirius was finally properly pardoned and freed from investigation, and though he didn't cry in the courtroom, his ego still couldn't allow that, as soon as he crossed over the threshold out the room he was bawling. The Rathunt, as Sirius had unofficially termed it, was in full momentum, with Lord Voldemort - or as many seemed to say now, You-Know-Who - defeated, presumed dead, and his forces scattered, every Auror, private-eye, Hit-Wizard and duellist was enlisted and scouring the country. Sirius wasn't sure if they'd ever find the bastard, if his former 'friend' Wormtail was good at anything it was staying hidden.

Not for the first time he thumbed at his old Hit-Wizard badge, he knew deep down he wasn't going to keep it, he'd only joined the Ministry to fight Voldemort to begin with, even being as good at Defence Against the Dark Arts as he was – he had never gotten lower than an Outstanding in his entire studies at Hogwarts – the responsibility and paperwork wasn't something he had ever been passionate for, and now there was Harry of course. Sirius gnawed at his lower lip as he considered what job he could get once Harry was old enough, he had enough inheritance to tide him over for a fair few years but Uncle Alphard hadn't been the most affluent in the Black family and his dear old mother would claw her way out the grave before he could get his paws on the family vaults. "Maybe I can be a guide dog…" he wondered out loud, before chuckling at his own joke. Jokes were good, jokes had always been how Sirius dealt with shitty situations, he remembered James threatening to book him a stand-up tour the summer he had run away from home…
That shut Sirius up and he growled, angry at himself for being such a sop and began twirling his wand in his hand, quickly stopping as a shower of sparks fell dangerously close to crib he had installed in his room. Harry had spent a lot of time in the Medical Wing, with Poppy Pomfrey the school nurse and Headmaster Dumbledore investigating the oddity of the scar that branded the baby's forehead.

Merlin that was yet another thing Sirius couldn't get his head around, Dumbledore was insisting that Harry had survived the Killing Curse, but that was ridiculous, everyone knew you couldn't do that, and anyway Harry was just a baby! Just over a year old, he probably couldn't even hold a wand yet. A soft knock at the door rattled Sirius away from his thoughts, "Er… Come in" he called out. A moment later, clad in what Sirius was a rather gaudy set of violet robes Albus Dumbledore stepped in. "How are you Sirius?" He asked, a small twinkle in his eyes, and Sirius couldn't help but think he had something planned. "'M alright" he grunted in reply. Albus spread his arms wide and gestured for Sirius to sit in a rather plush looking armchair that had just appeared behind him. "I had been wondering if you were thinking of what you wanted to do for future employment Sirius"
Sirius frowned, of course he had been doing that but it did get quite tiring having the old man always being one step ahead… well almost always. "S'pose I had, why did you have a suggestion?" Albus seemed quite delighted at this announcement and sat in his own armchair, this one decorated with blossoms that seemed to be slowly growing up the side of the backrest. "I imagine what with a child to look after and your own expenses you won't be able to survive on your inheritance for long. I know you aren't struggling right now but you aren't, ah what is that delightful muggle expression, 'flush with cash'"
"Can't be running out after Death Eaters nearly getting killed at any turn neither" Sirius frowned again, Dumbledore definitely had something planned. "Quite!" Dumbledore gave him a broad smile, "No something safer, closer to home shall we say?"
"I don't-"
Dumbledore cut him off again, "Yes I know you don't own your own place of residence currently, I seem to remember James complaining about you lounging around on his couch at many an Order meeting, but be that as it may you should know better than to forget that Hogwarts is your home too. It always shall be."

Sirius had to admit he was thoroughly baffled; he didn't have a clue what Dumbledore was leading to and was only more confused as the old professor fixed him with a rather stern gaze. "I'm aggrieved to say that once more Hogwarts seems short of a Defence teacher, this time Professor Davis has announced her retirement not even a month into her employment, I find myself wondering if perhaps that student rumour of a jinx on the job is true after all, it seems harder and harder to hold onto people every passing year."
The pieces slowly fell into place in Sirius' mind, he couldn't help himself but burst out laughing, "No way, you can't possibly be serious"
"I believed that to be you Mr Black" and Sirius snorted at the old joke. His thoughts were running a million miles an hour, a teacher? How is that even possible, it would give McGonagall a heart attack. Snivellus might even off himself if he heard the news. Damn this sounded more and more tempting every passing moment.
"How could I though? I'm not qualified to be a teacher!"
"I seem to remember you having quite the gift for the subject during your time wandering these halls, not to mention after poor Gideon and Fabian's passing you took up Auror training by yourself for several months"
"That was diff-" the argument died on Sirius' tongue. Was it different? Could teaching a load of teenagers be that much harder than drilling people his own age on exercise courses, antidote recipes, Dark Creature identification? Not to mention, he thought wryly, with his experience it would be damn difficult to get anything past him.
"Shall I return at another time for your answer Mr Black?" asked Dumbledore, with a knowing smile as he rose gracefully from his armchair.
"I shouldn't think so Dumbledore" replied Sirius with an old devilish flame relighting in his eyes, "and that's Professor Black to you".

Professor Dumbledore had been incredibly efficient in organising the take-over from the previous DADA teacher Leah Davis, though, Sirius mused he had had a lot of practise in changing the guard for this particular subject. Lesson plans, curriculum overviews, lists of students, exam guidelines and rulebooks coming out of his ears, Sirius wondered what on Earth he had been thinking when he agreed to the post, of course that meant he wouldn't change it for the world. All those years teasing Mooney for being a swot and now this? Sirius Black in a position of authority! Minnie still hadn't been convinced she wasn't having some kind of bizarre prank-potion induced fever dream. Harry was slowly getting used to the new surroundings and though he wasn't allowed in the classes during school hours he was always under the careful eye of one Hogwarts staff member or another.

The first day of classes under Professor Black, it was broadly agreed by staff and student alike, was unforgettable. Firstly, before even one student had reached the Great Hall for breakfast and the former Marauder was setting up in the traditional office he noticed something odd. Magic, dark magic at that seemingly permeated the entire room, at first Sirius was willing to shrug the feeling off, after all it was the Defence Against the Dark Arts class no doubt the residual magics taught there over the centuries had simply built up in the ancient lecture hall, however the foreboding feeling only grew and as Sirius was placing his finishing touches for what was going to be his opening to the NEWTs lessons he finally threw his hands up in despair, DADA classroom or not his gut told him something was deeply wrong in here and a the gut instinct of a Black when it comes to the Dark Arts is worth more than most libraries. Casting several detection charms over the room, Sirius finally got a ping, a curse, or rather several curses, hexes and many other Dark incantations were layered over the huge dragon skeleton that hung over the desks, most notably a Misfortune Curse with a few minor alterations. Sirius frowned, two more, more refined, detection charms were aimed specifically at the skeleton and then his face paled, the pieces falling into place.

The Misfortune Curse had been altered with a clause that resembled an Age Line, only affecting those over the age of 17, and was less severe than a typical form of the curse, aiming for longevity over immediate effect. But long-term exposure… say over the course of an academic year… Sirius Black whistled a low tone, "The position really was cursed." A glint entered his eye, he did have a reputation to uphold after all, and Dumbledore wouldn't mind a teensy-weensy bit of property damage once Sirius explained everything. Professor Black grinned wickedly and fired off several charms, cancelling his original plans for his first lesson of the day. After all, as every good prankster knew, the most important factor in any plot, plan or scheme was room for improvisation. And Sirius Black was a very, very good prankster.

Later that morning Professor Black's first class of seventh year NEWT students filed in only to give bewildered stares at the classroom layout. Instead of the typical row by row of desks they had been arranged in a large semicircle, leaving the centre of the room clear. As the final student made their way through the door it slammed shut behind them and there was an enormous BANG as the dragon skeleton they had studied underneath for the previous seven years crashed to the floor before them, causing some of the weaker-willed students to shriek in fear.
"All right there now kiddies" came a bemused chortle from above them. The students, thoroughly baffled at this turn in events stared at their Professor who was, for some reason perched in the rafters.
"First lesson for you starts now. Dispelling curses" he gave the class a blinding smile, "Any student who manages to identify, dispel or mitigate a curse on this skeleton will earn 20 points and has an exemption from todays homework." He grinned again as his statement stirred up an excited buzz in between the teenagers. Soon after they calmed down one girl raised her hand rather nervously. "Um sir can I ask a question?" she mumbled, though it appeared Sirius had no issue hearing her.
"I would certainly hope so or you'll be in for a rather miserable year of NEWTs, Miss…?"
"Hopkirk, sir, Mafalda Hopkirk" she cleared her throat in an attempt to rid herself of her nerves, "I was going to ask sir, why are you up there?" Sirius let out a throaty chuckle, "Ah that, well I needed to get the bloody thing down from the ceiling somehow and it seemed more fun to do it this way."
The students simply gaped and some others muttered under their breath about their excitement for the following year.

As it so happened three students were able to identify the Misfortune Curse – two Slytherins and a Ravenclaw - though none were able to dispel it, as Sirius had suspected, however he didn't penalise them for this and finished the class with an overview of how most simple curses could be dispelled and followed up with an explanation that for something of the power and complexity layering the skeleton the skills required to remove it would only be taught at Mastery level or if you were pursuing a career in curse-breaking. This fact had earnt him several good-natured grumbled from the students as they realised that at least one of their assigned tasks was impossible for them at this stage in their education. The rest of the day's lessons, though not quite as unique as that morning's were equally beloved by the students in all years, including time-delayed jinxes placed at random points across the class, prank-chairs that screamed "CONSTANT VIGILANCE" if sat upon without inspection and a third-year class that involved Sirius transfiguring the outside corridor into resembling a mangrove swamp to simulate the environment of the South Bengal Rottywurt.

Ending the day Sirius leaned back exhausted but simultaneously thrilled as he went over some notes and jotted down several more with ideas on how to cover the following weeks, noting how students had reacted to the various situations and most importantly to plan more pranks, he may be a teacher now but first and foremost he was still a Marauder. A knock on his door disturbed him from his work and he called out to welcome the person outside. A rather timid looking first year stood there, looking from side to side as if expecting something to leap out at any moment, not an unreasonable suspicion Sirius thought, lightly snorting. "Yes?" he queried kindly, "W…well sir, I'm so sorry sir I just wanted to see you after class."
"Of course, what can I do for you?" Sirius asked, silently levitating a chair over to face his desk and gesturing for the child to sit. The boy however hesitated and spoke slowly, glancing at the clock, "Um, I just wanted to say that I loved todays lesson sir" the small boy's eyes flicked back up to the clock and Sirius frowned lightly, curfew wasn't that close, though it was a firstie, he was probably terrified of even risking curfew, might not even fully know the castle yet… Sirius mused lightly but brought his attention back to the student as he started talking again "I also think my old friends would have loved it too…" The boy seemed a lot more confident and stared Sirius directly in the eyes with a mischievous glint, "Especially Prongs." As the boy said this, and before Sirius could do anything but topple over in his chair the boy shot up in height, his hair lengthening and lightening to a tawny brown, his eyes, previously a light blue had shifted to a soft amber and a trademark grin spread across his face even as Sirius gaped at his old friend, no, brother. "Mooney?" he gasped, receiving another smile, "the one and only Padfoot, I can't believe you Paddy, a Professor!" he sighed theatrically, grasping at his heart, "everyone knew that was supposed to be my role, you were meant to be the eternal bachelor and scrounge off James until you finally conned that old bint you call mother out of her money."
That first day of classes with Professor Black was legendary amongst students and staff at Hogwarts, but similarly it was also legendary amongst the two last Marauders as for the first and, as Padfoot insisted, only time in his life Sirius Black was left speechless.

The following days had bled into weeks, then months. At Sirius' insistence Remus Lupin, as Mooney was known at least legally, moved into a small cottage the last Black had bought in Hogsmeade and was fast becoming the chief carer for young Harry while Sirius was working in Hogwarts. The old Marauder and werewolf had explained he had been away in France when the attack had occurred and hadn't returned immediately fearing that his condition would be unearthed, and he would be targeted as another betrayer like Sirius had been. Their relationship before the attack had been tense, both admitted this, but both men moved past the old wounds in order to care for Harry and Sirius was particularly delighted as just short of a month after Mooney's arrival Dumbledore revealed in a staff meeting that Remus was being considered as a replacement for the History of Magic professorship the following year. Privately the Headmaster had revealed his reasoning to Sirius after the rest of the staff had filed out, "It would appear that the efficacy and popularity of your teaching has given the rest of us a shock to the system and myself and Minerva agree that it was high time some of the Hogwarts curriculum was modernised" the Headmaster gave Sirius his characteristic twinkling look through his half-moon spectacles. After a moment's pause as Sirius laughed he had replied "I think what you mean to say is that I've given you all a royal kick up the arse"
"Quite so Professor Black… Quite so" Dumbledore had merely smiled.

Several years had passed since that fateful Halloween and had it not been for the constant ache for their missing Marauder brother Sirius and Remus may have called them the best years of their life. It hadn't all smelt of roses of course, a fierce legal battle shortly after Sirius' mothers' death had just barely kept the Black vaults out the Malfoy's hands and while Sirius had reluctantly assumed lordship he loudly denounced the family at any turn and hexed anyone who attempted to approach him in the formal manner. Several months after that debacle, known Death Eater, former Marauder target and one-time Potions Master candidate Snivel- ahem, Severus Snape, had 'let slip' about Remus' lycanthropy and despite a concerted effort by Lucius Malfoy and several other notable members of the Wizengamot and Hogwarts Governor's Board the petition to oust him from his role as Professor of History of Magic was overturned due to the combined political weight of the Lord Black and Vanquisher of Grindelwald, as well as character testimonies from roughly 300 Hogwarts students both current and alumni.

As it was Harry Potters 11th birthday was fast approaching and both his fathers were deep in planning. After all it wasn't every day your son was going to be accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and therefore a prank was of the utmost importance.
"How about dying everything in his room bright pink?" suggested Mooney, already twirling his wand
"Not nearly flashy enough" sighed Padfoot "He's starting school soon Mooney! This has to be big! What about charming all of the chairs to throw him off like a buckaroo?"
It was Mooney's turn to sigh "I already did that for his eighth birthday… Replacing all his toothpaste with chocolate?"
"That's better suited for your birthday Mooney you sugar fiend, what about hiring a dwarf to follow him singing love ballads?"
"Mmh, I like it but we should save that for Valentine's day"
The two overgrown children snickered, Padfoot stroked his goatee thoughtfully "What about-"

"What about teaching me to be an animagus like you Padfoot" chirruped a small voice mischievously, both men leapt up from their chairs and glanced down at the small boy beneath them, Harry Potter was tall for his age, with a mop of black hair and piercing green eyes hidden behind wire-frame glasses, a pair of dark blue jeans hid his knobbly knees and a baggy black tshirt with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon cover printed on the front – Sirius' choice -
"Drat we've been caught red-handed" cursed Padfoot
"Outed right in the act" added Mooney with faux sadness
"Once more we Marauders have been barred from our schemes"
"Impeded right from the start" came the follow up
"Fettered"
"Foiled"
"Deterred" Sirius finished with an over the top look of aggrievement. Harry merely giggled at them
"And to answer you Prongslet as much as you want to you really aren't ready for that level of magic quite yet, remember the deal? Outstandings in both Transfiguration and Charms in your second year" Sirius said and Harry gave him a nod, though not before taking his own turn to thrown a dramatic sigh, "I suppose it was too much to ask from responsible adults such as you" a glint appeared in his eyes "After all..." there was a grand pause "You. Went. Legal." This sentence was delivered with much gravity and amusement by Harry and Sirius' eyes widened "I cannot believe you're holding that over me" he whined, and Remus chuckled at his friend's perceived injury. "Are you taking his side Mooney!" Sirius gasped, "He makes a point Padfoot and Prongs would never let that go either, nor would you had the situation been reversed" This time Sirius snorted. "Little Snitch is too like his father for his own good." At that particular statement Mooney's eyes gleamed, "I would say he's much too like you Padfoot".

Hello y'all just a bit of shop-talk, first things first I want to say that the idea of the cursed dragon skeleton has been stolen shamelessly from a fic I read a few months back and whose name I've completely forgotten but if anyone comes across it please PM and I'll add an AN about it next chapter. The fic was about an adult Harry going back in time and posing as James Potter in order to raise his younger self if that rings any bells. Second order of business, yep I had originally posted a much shorter, much shittier version under this under a different title, that story's now been deleted as I'm annoyingly perfectionist about these things which probably why I abandon fics so much, hopefully I will actually stick to this one though as I have some idea's rattling around that really interest me, oh and having a global pandemic on means I'm not exactly short for time to write. Final bits and bobs then, I'm keeping the pairing on the hush hush as to keep you all on your toes, though no doubt it will become clear in time, I have a tendency to rush fluff, and finally give us a nice review if you want, it makes this all the more fun and god knows my ego could use it. Ta-ta for now