I am completely overwhelmed by the amount of feedback I received on Height and I want to thank everyone for reading, leaving kudos and comments and bookmarking this story. I can not express how much it means to me and I dedicate this to all of you, for being so amazingly supportive.

Logan opened their bedroom door, only to turn back when Kendall's hand curled around his wrist. Kendall kissed him softly, pulling him close. Logan smiled when their lips met and wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck, happily joining in one more kiss before they left their room.

Kendall woke Logan up with soft lips on his neck two hours ago and they spent the rest of the morning kissing; still Logan couldn't get enough. Not even twenty-four hours ago Kendall asked him on a date and today Logan couldn't imagine ever spending a second apart again. He was floating, only held to the ground by Kendall's hands on his back, and after this kiss he was ready to climb back in Kendall's bed and not leave their room for the rest of the day.

"I wanted one more," Kendall told him, brushing his lips to Logan's forehead when he straightened up.

That was all it took for Logan to pull him in and connecting their lips again. "I don't think I want to stop."

Kendall's smile was blinding and Logan's cheeks flushed, but he found he didn't care anymore. Their date yesterday had been wonderful and since the first touch of their lips Logan knew this was it for him, he wanted to be with Kendall for the rest of his life. He wanted Kendall to know everything about him and to know everything about Kendall, because he wasn't ever letting him go.

Logan was a realist and he knew that this feeling wouldn't last, no matter how perfect Kendall was to him at that point. But for the first time, ever, Logan decided to ignore his head and follow his heart, because Kendall made him happier than he had been in a long time and he wanted to hold on to it for as long as he could.

Kendall pulled away when his stomach growled and smiled apologetically. "As much as I love this-"

"I know," Logan sighed.

"I'm sure we'll find another opportunity later."

Logan nodded and went ahead into the kitchen, glad to find it was just James at the kitchen table. He didn't have to hide just how much Logan loved being around Kendall for a while longer. "Good morning," Logan told him.

James didn't look up from his phone. "Hey."

Logan made coffee and Kendall prepared cereal for the two of them. Every time Kendall passed him he would brush his hands along Logan's back and it had him smiling widely by the time he filled three mugs. He placed one of them in front of James before sitting next to Kendall at the table. "Thanks," James said gratefully when he looked up, immediately reaching for it.

"No problem."

James met his eyes, but his gaze was quickly drawn by something below Logan's face. He cocked his head to study him and pursed his lips before turning to Kendall. "Really, dude? You think he can go out like this?"

Kendall grinned. "No," He answered bluntly.

Logan frowned when he looked between the exasperation on James' face and the smirk on Kendall's. "What?"

"You're covered in hickeys," James told him. "There's at least ten."

Kendall put a hand on his neck when Logan turned to glare at him, gently running his thumb along what Logan assumed was a hickey. "It's not so bad," Kendall told him.

Logan knew about the once from last night, but he had not been paying attention as much this morning; he had been on a quest to see what made Kendall moan the loudest. "For some reason I don't believe you."

"I have cover-up," James interjected.

"Thank you," Logan told him gratefully.

"You're fucking lucky Mrs. Knight took Katie shopping today. You look obscene."

"She texted me they were out," Kendall replied. "I wouldn't have let him go out like this."

Logan was thankful that Kendall had a sense of propriety and went back to his cereal.

James shook his head. "This feels like a good time to tell you that Carlos knows. And Stephanie."

His spoon froze halfway up to his mouth as Logan stared at James. "How?" Kendall asked him, who recovered faster.

"I slept in Logan's bed last night, you know, since I was banished from my own room. You look adorable cuddling, by the way."

Kendall rolled his eyes and put his hand on the back of Logan's chair. "Get to the point, James."

"This morning Carlos came barging into the room, demanding to know where you were. He thought you were kidnapped or something, since you were supposed to be in my bed. Your secret was pretty much out then, I couldn't come up with a decent lie."

Logan pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. He didn't mind that Carlos knew Kendall and he were in a relationship, but he would've liked to tell him himself. Kendall ran a hand down his back and one look at his face told him Kendall felt the same way. "It's fine. We'll talk to him later," Logan said.

Kendall nodded and turned back to James. "How did Stephanie find out?"

"Carlos told her the moment she walked into the apartment this morning."

"Of course. Why keep a secret," Kendall deadpanned. Logan shook his head in exasperation. At this rate the whole hotel would know before the day was up.

"I think Stephanie and I got it through to him that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone else," James added. "Though I think it's fair she knows, he loves that girl."

Logan nodded, he didn't mind that Stephanie knew either. She was smart and would keep Carlos from running his mouth, between the four of them they might manage to keep him quiet about their secret. Logan guiltily decided that he needed to spend time with them soon, because he had to admit he didn't know a whole lot about the girl that made his best friend so happy. Logan was eternally grateful for Stephanie, for putting up with Carlos' craziness.

"It's fine she knows," Kendall agreed.

"Anyway," James continued. "The bright side to Carlos finding out is that you get your room back; we made up while gossiping about the two of you."

"What gossip?" Kendall asked dryly. "We've had one date."

"And when you came back you were about to fuck," James answered, emphasising the last word excessively.

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "So you shared that with Carlos?"

"Of course!" James said, absolutely delighted. "Let's call it payback, you know, for making out in front of me. These innocent eyes did not need to see that."

Kendall snorted, but Logan felt his cheeks flush. He wondered what the hell came over them, to push it that far in front of their fried. Kendall rubbed softly with his thumb along his back, soothing him somewhat. "Sorry," Kendall told James. "But I've seen you do much worse."

"No, you haven't."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "I still remember Vegas."

"What happened in Vegas?" Logan asked curiously.

"Remember the concert last year? James found himself a male stripper at the after party and by the time they reached our room they were ready to-"

James cleared his throat. "Kindly shut the fuck up."

Kendall laughed. "I'll just tell him later."

"Let's not? This isn't meant for innocent ears."

Logan knew that was a dig meant for him and he was bluntly reminded that while Kendall was unaware he never had sex, James definitely knew.

Kendall rolled his eyes and took another mouthful of cereal. James took the opportunity to wiggle his eyebrows at Logan meaningfully and even though Kendall missed that little exchange, he still wished he could sink through the floor.

"Carlos and I also had a delightful discussion about how we ruined your first kiss with our little fight the other day."

The image of James and Carlos sitting on his bed together filled Logan's mind -the two of them laughing and watching Kendall and him sleep in the other bed- but he was glad the conversation moved on from sex. "I'm glad that was fun for you," Logan told him.

"Lighten up, Logie. I'm moving back in with Carlos, so you'll get your room back. Now you can finally get some, you should be happy!"

"Lay off, James," Kendall told him and Logan was eternally grateful that Kendall answered, because he didn't know how to. This was now the second times James hinted that he was a virgin and Logan was immensely uneasy with the situation.

James ignored Kendall's request entirely and continued prying. "So did you do it? I know I told you not to, but the with the way you were on Logan I really can't be sure."

"We didn't," Kendall told him, entirely unconcerned with James' interest in their sex life. "Now let it go."

"Fine," James said, but Logan knew him well enough to know he'd bring it up again. "Who are you going to tell?"

Logan wondered about that briefly, yesterday before their date. He didn't think it was a good idea to come out to the public; they didn't discuss it with the label yet and they only just had their first date. Today Logan was convinced that he never wanted anyone else again, but a lot could happen in just a few weeks. "We haven't talked about it yet," Logan answered James, then met Kendall's eyes. "Though I think we should tell your mom."

"Yes," Kendall agreed. "Before Carlos tells her, preferably."

"Or before she walks in on you making out," James added.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Or that."

"Though we all know you don't mind that, fucking exhibitionists."

"Or you're a pervert, for staying to watch," Kendall retaliated.

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Logan pleaded.

James laughed and Kendall shook his head in exasperation. "We'll tell mom and Katie later tonight," Kendall said. He'd finished his cereal and moved his chair closer to Logan's to curl his arm around his waist. "What about Gustavo?"

"Don't tell Gustavo," James warned before Logan could answer.

Both of them looked up. "Why not?"

"Because he flipped when some website published a photo of me making out with some guy last year, said it was bad publicity."

"What the hell?" Kendall asked.

"Are you sure it was because of the guy and not because you were caught making out?" Logan inquired worriedly.

"No, it was definitely because of the guy."

Kendall frowned. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"The picture was never picked up by mainstream media and my next date was with Aubrey Stewart, so Gustavo let it slide. I'm not sure how he'll react to two bandmates dating."

"I'm not hiding," Kendall answered immediately. "Screw him."

Logan took Kendall's free hand and laced their fingers. His mind was going a mile a minute to figure out why Gustavo would react like that. "I don't think Gustavo gives a shit we're dating, his concern is with our image."

"I don't give a fuck about our image."

"I do," James interrupted.

Logan saw Kendall was about to go off and squeezed in his hand to get his attention. "We'll only be hiding for a little while," Logan told him, hoping Kendall picked up he was hinting at their conversation from the day before. If Logan decided to go to med school and they decided to end the band, it didn't much matter what Gustavo had to say about it. Once tour was over they would be free to do as they pleased, that meant six months of hiding at the most.

Kendall stared in his eyes for a few moments, his grip on Logan's waist tight. Eventually he nodded and Logan smiled, leaning in to kiss him. Kendall took the opportunity to pull him in his lap, nuzzling Logan's cheek when he pulled away from the kiss. "Okay," He told Logan. "I'll keep quiet."

"At least once we tell your mother we won't have to hide in the apartment," Logan said optimistically, feeling his butterflies twirl around happily when Kendall smiled at him.

"That's true."

"See? Exhibitionists," James jeered.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"I'm waiting for you to let go of your boyfriend long enough so I can cover up the hickeys."

It was the first time anyone had used the word 'boyfriend' to refer to them and Logan was surprised by how much liked hearing it. He met Kendall's eyes and bit his lip to keep from smiling when he saw the light in them. Kendall squeezed Logan to him and kissed him softly.

"Well?" James asked impatiently.

"Right," Kendall answered. He downed the last of his coffee and pushed Logan off his lap. "Go fix your neck. I'll see if I can find Carlos anywhere so we can officially tell him we're dating."

"Can you bring him here? I'd like to be there."

Kendall nodded. "I will."

Logan smiled up at him and a second later Kendall's lips were back on his. He wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck, gladly pulling him closer when Kendall's hands curled around his hips. Kendall leaving to get Carlos was the first time they would separate since yesterday and even though it would be for a short while, Logan didn't like one bit of it.

"Are you kidding me?" James asked, clearly annoyed. "What's it gonna be like when Mrs. Knight moves out?"

Kendall pulled away and smirked at James. "More of this, for sure."

"Just go? I believe Carlos and Stephanie are having breakfast in a cabana."

Kendall left one last sweet kiss on Logan's lips before walking out the door. Logan stared after him, only distracted when James cleared his throat. "You need to work on that," James told him.

"Sorry. I've never had this before."

James' face softened and he smiled. "I know. And I'm happy for you. Not so much for Kendall though, he bugs me."

Logan laughed. "Thank you. I guess."

James ushered him towards the bathroom. "Let's go clear up your neck. I have places to be."

Logan nodded and let James position him in front of the mirror. His cheeks were red again when he saw just how many little purplish spots were along his neck and he decided that he really needed to talk to Kendall about this. The hickeys were fun and cute the first time, when this was still new to them, but he never wanted anyone to see him like this. "Yeah, it's bad," James commented when he saw Logan's blush. "Though I guess it's cute Kendall likes you so much."

"You think?" Logan asked hopefully.

James met his eyes in the mirror and raised his eyebrows, as if he didn't comprehend how Logan missed something so obvious. James shook his head and pulled out a tube of something, applying a generous layer of its contents to Logan's skin. "Tell me about your date," He requested in favour of answering Logan.

"It was amazing," Logan answered, his lips spreading in a smile. With Kendall gone he felt relatively safe from any teasing from James.

"Where did you go?"

"Kendall gave me a choice between going to the movies or hiking up to the waterfall I wanted to see."

James pulled his nose up. "The mosquito one?"

"Yes. He brought a blanket and bathing suits and we had a picnic next to it."

"Romantic," James commented, taking out a sponge to spread the concealer evenly along his skin.

"It was."

"Come on, Logan. Dish," James urged him. "I need details."

Logan frowned. "It feels weird to tell you."

"Why? You've always told me about your dates."

"Yes, when you didn't know the other party. This was a date with Kendall."

"So?"

"So I don't want to tell you anything that's private."

James snorted. "Right. You know Kendall talks to me too? I can literally tell you all the places he's done it in."

Logan blinked a few times, because that was a part of the friendship between Kendall and James that he'd happily ignored until now.

"Carlos talks to you whenever he's fighting with one of us, Kendall does about feelings and shit, but you all come to me when it comes to dates and sex."

"Oh." Logan went to James for help with Camille years ago and again when he first wanted to experiment a bit last year, but he didn't know Carlos and Kendall did too. Logan was impressed that James managed to keep this to himself.

"Kendall never told me about you though," James told him, answering the question Logan didn't want to ask. "That was a surprise to me."

"He was scared to tell me," Logan answered fondly, then immediately wanted to take it back. "Shit. This is the stuff I don't want to tell you."

"I won't say anything," James promised. "You're still allowed to talk to your friends though."

"What do you mean?"

"That when something's bothering you, you don't need to suck it up for Kendall's sake. If you need to talk about anything to me or Carlos he'll just have to deal with it."

Logan met James' eyes in the mirror and was taken aback by the fierce sincerity. "Thank you."

James smiled at him briefly, then angled Logan's head, so he had better access to his neck. "Did you tell him about Julian?"

"He knows of Julian," Logan said carefully. "I mentioned him a couple times while that was still going on, but we never went into specifics."

"Kendall doesn't know you never had sex."

"He doesn't," Logan confirmed, annoyed when he was reminded of James' teasing earlier. "Would you stop hinting at it when he's around? I'd like to tell him myself."

James shrugged. "I won't anymore. I thought you would have told him though."

"I didn't get a chance to yet."

"Last night you had a perfect opportunity," James deadpanned. "'Hey, Kendall, I've never had sex before and I don't think that's a good idea after our first date.' What would you have done if I wasn't there?"

"I don't know."

"I do," James told him. "You would've gone through with it."

Logan rolled his eyes and gripped tightly onto the sink as James continued working on his neck. He didn't understand why James was up in his business. Yes, he and Kendall were his best friends, but that didn't mean he got to interfere in everything they did.

"Kendall's had sex," James told him after a couple of minutes.

"I know."

"A lot."

"What is your point?"

"I don't want you to make a mistake."

"What?" Logan asked, straightening up to look into James' face. "Do you think this is a mistake?"

"No," James sighed. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I just don't want you to regret anything."

"I don't think I would've regretted it if I had sex with Kendall."

"You regretted Julian," James reminded him gently.

Logan paused. "For a whole other reason," He muttered.

James put his hands on his shoulders and turned him back to the mirror, pulling out another flask of something. "You clearly don't want my opinion, but since you owe me for this you'll just have to suck it up. It is a mistake to have sex so soon. I know you and right now you're happy and excited and that makes you blind. You have been friends with Kendall for years and I don't think that would ever change, even if this doesn't work out between you, but it would be a lot harder for you to get over him when you take that step."

"You have casual sex all the time and you don't get attached."

"No offence, but we're very different people and you can't separate sex and feelings like I can."

Logan opened his mouth to protest, only to close it when he couldn't come up with an answer. James was right and Logan knew he was only this defensive because he didn't want to admit how easily he got attached to someone. Julian had been a huge misjudgement on his part and Logan didn't like to be reminded of him. He knew that he had to tell Kendall he never had sex, he deserved to know, but Kendall would have questions and that would lead to Logan telling him about the whole Julian situation and Logan wasn't at all ready to relive that yet.

"Kendall won't pressure you into anything," James said quietly. "But you have to provide him with the right context, because Kendall thinks you've had sex and he might move faster than you want him to."

"I can just tell him I want to stop."

"Logan, I wouldn't be pushing this conversation if I thought you were capable of that."

Logan cast his eyes and James placed his hands on his shoulders, squeezing softly. "I know you hate talking about this, but I hope you know I'm just looking out for you."

"I know," Logan whispered, fighting the tears threatened to escape.

"Tell Kendall," James urged him gently.

"I will."

"I mean it, Logan. Not just for your sake."

Logan looked up at the urgency in James' voice and was taken aback by the concern on James' face. "Kendall is head of heals in love with you and I think it would kill him if he hurt you, even unintentionally."

"No, he's not," Logan answered, focusing only on the first thing James said.

James smiled involuntarily and shook his head.

"Really. We've had one date."

"All I know is the guy can't keep his hands of you and I haven't seen him so damn happy and proud since the last time we won the hockey league."

Logan laughed in surprise.

"Anyone who spends three seconds with you two will say the same thing. We can ask Carlos when he gets here," James suggested.

"Don't," Logan said. "It's not true."

James raised an eyebrow, but didn't retaliate. He sprayed something on Logan's neck and stepped away, studying his work. "This should do it."

Logan observed James' work in the mirror and he had to agree, none of the hickeys were showing. "Thank you," He said gratefully.

"No problem. Well, maybe a little bit. I really don't want to do this again."

"I'll talk to Kendall," Logan promised, because he really didn't want to have to go through this again either.

"Please do."

Logan knew James wasn't talking about the hickeys anymore and he turned around to nod. "I will."

"Good," James said. "Because I think your relationship might just work out."

The front door opened before Logan could answer and they walked back into the kitchen. Kendall came back with Stephanie and a bouncing Carlos. "Logan! Is it true? Kendall wouldn't tell me until you were there."

Logan grinned. "Yes. But I think you already knew that."

"James said so, but maybe you had a nightmare and Kendall slept next to you because you were scared. You used to do that when we were kids."

Logan stared at him, because as far as he was aware neither James nor Carlos knew about.

"We're dating," Kendall told Carlos.

"This is so exciting! Now I can go on double dates with my best friends."

"Thanks, pal," James said dryly.

Logan cringed slightly and saw Kendall glance at James as well, but their other friends just pursed his lips.

Carlos realised his mistake then. "Oh, no. You can come too."

James rolled his eyes, but perked up when his phone rang. "Sorry, gotta take this." He disappeared into the back hallway quickly and Logan heard a door close behind him.

"That wasn't nice of you," Stephanie scolded. "You need to think before you speak."

"James will get over it," Carlos answered, unconcerned. "I think I insult these guys at least once a day and they still want me around."

Logan laughed, because while it wasn't once a day, Carlos did very often insult them unintentionally. "You don't have to worry about that," Kendall told him.

"They love me," Carlos told Stephanie.

Stephanie shook her head. "One of these days..."

"Hey, Logan?" Carlos asked, ignoring Stephanie while taking her hand.

"Yeah?"

"When you asked me that stuff about that book the other day, were you talking about Kendall?"

Logan met Kendall's eyes briefly and he was glad that he'd already told him about that conversation the day before, but he still blushed when he saw Kendall's grin. "Yes," He answered.

"That's so cute! I gave good advice, right?"

"The best," Kendall told him before Logan could answer.

Carlos turned back to Stephanie. "See? I can give good advice!"

"I never said you didn't, baby."

Logan took Carlos' distraction as an opportunity to walk around the counter to get closer to Kendall and he smiled gladly when his arms closed around Logan's waist. "Hey," Kendall murmured, pressing his lips to Logan's hair.

"Hi," Logan answered, placing his ear over Kendall's heart. It unnerved him how much he'd missed Kendall for the half hour he was away to look for Carlos.

"Your neck looks good."

"Yeah, James did a good job."

"Sorry for that, next time I'll leave hickeys in places you can cover with clothes."

Logan smiled, but the coil in his chest tightened at the hint in Kendall's words. This wasn't just innocent banter and he knew James was right; he needed to talk to Kendall. But not today, Logan decided, because they were already telling Mrs. Knight and Katie about them later and he could only handle so many difficult conversations. "Maybe next time I'll give you some," Logan answered, biting his lip when Kendall's eyes darkened.

"Fuck." Kendall cupped his cheek and brushed his thumb along his bottom lip to free it before brushing their lips together briefly. "Looking forward to that."

Logan spent the first two hours of the afternoon playing video games with Kendall, Carlos and Stephanie. James joined them an hour later, in a significantly better mood. Logan shared a look with Kendall when James didn't even go off at Carlos ruffling his hair; he'd definitely been talking to Lucy. The women came home from her shopping trip and Mrs. Knight told them to go do something useful with their day off, ordering them to go play outside after requesting they'd all be back for family dinner and a movie night.

Carlos and Stephanie vanished to do their own thing and James took Kendall along to the gym. Kendall had given him a look that clearly said he'd rather follow Carlos' example and find a supply closet with Logan, but Logan needed to study and Kendall reluctantly went with James.

Logan didn't lie about needing to get schoolwork done, but once he got to his desk he didn't feel like it anymore. He spent half an hour mindlessly scrolling through his essay before he gave up. Logan knew exactly why he was distracted, but he tried desperately not to let those thoughts back into his head. For nearly a year he'd managed to suppress the memories from his time with Julian and he really hoped he could keep on doing that indefinitely. However, James was right when he told him to talk to Kendall.

Two years ago Big Time Rush started gathering nationwide recognition. Gustavo sent them to every party he could get them in to, with the order to start networking and make a name for themselves. James, Kendall and Carlos jumped at the opportunity and Logan went along with it. Logan didn't do well with people, generally, but Gustavo completely blindsided him. Until the first party, he was blissfully oblivious to what he was getting himself into.

James was completely unattached and Hollywood Parties were exactly his cup of tea, finding guys and girls to fool around with every weekend. Kendall wasn't much better; Jo just left for New-Zealand and he entered into a slutty phase. Kendall was always a people person and he easily found girls to take upstairs, though the first time Logan saw him making out with a guy had been a bit of a shock. Carlos was a social butterfly and while he always found people to hang out with, but he rarely received more than a kiss from a girl.

The whole situation baffled Logan, because he still felt like the twelve-year-old in middle school his peers barely looked twice at. He dated Camille for a bit when they just arrived at the Palm Woods, but mostly because she came onto him so strongly. She broke it off for good when she realised Logan had no idea what he was doing. As he watched James flirt with another girl and Kendall dance with some guy and even Carlos was trying to hit on the chicks from New Town High, Logan felt completely incompetent and clueless.

A couple months in Logan confided in James, who found Logan's cluelessness hilarious, but also promised to help Logan the next party they went to. James helped him dress up and spent the entire night by his side, pointing out different girls for Logan to hit on and giving him useful suggestions on how to go about it. However, Logan found excuses to shot down each one and James was getting fed up with him. He returned from the bar with a tray of shots and after making Logan drink a couple, told him he needed to start fishing in a different pond and started pointing out guys.

Logan had never felt as uncomfortable in his life as when a very tipsy James whispered to him what it was like to fuck a dude and by the end of the night James had him convinced that Logan was at least as bisexual as James and Kendall were.

Logan needed a week to come to terms with that, because he had never even considered the possibility he might be into guys. In retrospect Logan knew that was terribly short-sighted of him, since he'd watch James and Kendall go at it with several dudes, but then again, Logan was unaware of most of what he felt. But at the end of the week, Logan came to the conclusion the only reason not to try dating a guy were his bigoted parents. Their opinion didn't much matter to Logan anymore after two years in LA.

Once at the party Logan almost chickened out. At exactly the right moment, James popped up -after securing his date for later that night. James had Logan drink until he lost most of his inhibitions, before strategically placing him at the end of the bar. On the other end of it was one of the most gorgeous people Logan had ever seen, a tall guy with sandy hair and piercing blue eyes, who made Logan's stomach flip when he smiled at him. James told him that if he didn't make a move within half an hour, he'd ditch the girl and go after that guy, but before ten minutes were up the guy came over and introduced himself to Logan.

James winked at him and left them alone. Logan's heart nearly stopped several times due to the nerves, but Julian was calm and friendly and didn't come on strongly. They talked about Big Time Rush and Julian's TV show and music and his hometown in Canada and Logan's aspiration to be a doctor and before long, Logan was enjoying himself. Julian made him feel good and flirted just the right amount and at the end of the night he found himself pressed up against a wall, making out like he'd seen James do countless times.

They exchanged numbers and after that Logan never complained about going to a party again. James was extremely pleased with himself for turning Logan's dating life around. Kendall noticed something changed and raised his eyebrows in amusement every time Logan let something slip about Julian, but never asked further. Carlos complained to him that he had no one to hang out with at parties, as Logan had been his go to friend to hang out with when he was rejected again. Logan felt terrible for leaving his friend alone and told him he was hiding out in bathrooms, reading his books until it was time to go home.

That was only half a lie, because Logan spent a lot of his time at parties in bathrooms. Julian and Logan met up at most of the parties Gustavo sent the band to and after simply making out the first couple times, Julian's hands started wandering. Logan suggested going on a date first, to meet without alcohol at play and to have a proper conversation, but Julian shut that down by relaying the tale of his bigoted producers and how he would surely be fired if he was caught with a guy.

Logan felt bad and agreed to keep their adventures a secret; he had met enough people in Hollywood to know how powerful producers were. They sought out bedrooms and bathrooms to fool around in and in the beginning, Julian made a point of making Logan feel special with sweet words and little presents beforehand. They were moving further each time they were alone, but Logan didn't think much of it. He'd seen Kendall make out with a hand up a girl's shirt and James grinding into another dude on the dancefloor, jerking Julian off didn't seem like a big deal.

However, as the weeks passed their talks got fewer and Julian stopped sweet talking him, until the point where he greeted Logan with two shots and a nod towards the room of his choice. After the first time Logan gathered up enough courage to drop to his knees and pleasure Julian orally, he never wanted everything else. Logan assumed most guys weren't very romantic, but he missed closeness afterwards.

They fell into a routine so slowly that Logan didn't even notice Julian stopped returning the favour. He had himself convinced that he liked Julian, that if it wasn't for his homophobic producers they would be going out on dates and Logan could introduce him to his friends. Logan wanted to wait it out, see if Julian would get a better opportunity on another show and actually start dating then. Logan convinced himself that he didn't mind dropping to his knees and giving Julian blowjobs, even though the hand behind his head scared him and Julian always left rather quickly when it was over.

Logan tried a few times to hold off on the sexual part of their evenings, but eventually Julian got annoyed with him and he told Logan about his very stressful workdays and how he looked forward to finding some release all week and would Logan please just take care of it?

Later Logan was able to pinpoint the exact moment he realised Julian was using him. After a few months of weekly blowjobs, Julian brought back the little presents and the sweet words. He called Logan 'babe' and cuddled after Logan sucked him off. But when Julian tried to slide his hand down the back Logan's pants, Logan stopped him and once more suggested trying to have an actual relationship. Julian had gone off on him and yelled at Logan about how he had waited months for this, that he always came to the parties Logan was sent to and didn't he want to find out what it was like to be fucked by a real man?

Fortunately, Logan ran into James almost immediately after leaving the bathroom. Julian followed him out and tried to coax Logan into coming back with him, but had taken James just one look at Logan's face to tell he didn't want to. James dealt with Julian and after finding a quiet place where he calmed down, Logan confessed everything that happened since he met Julian.

James felt horrible for pushing Logan towards this guy and kept apologising, but Logan told him he just wanted to forget. He asked James not to tell Kendall and Carlos, because he didn't need Carlos coddling him and Kendall watching over him everywhere he went, but mostly because the humiliation Logan felt was unbearable.

Logan refused to go to parties until he found out Julian moved back to Canada. He returned to his wallflower-ways whenever attending a party was unavoidable and rejected advances from anymore guys. Carlos was happy Logan was available for him when his conquests didn't pan out and he knew Kendall noticed something changed, but for some inexplicable reason Kendall didn't pry it out of him. Logan was very grateful when James kept his promise and didn't tell him, because the idea of Kendall knew how gullible and dumb he'd been pained Logan deeply.

Thankfully, Gustavo didn't pressure him too much as long as he kept going about once a months and Logan still networked at more formal soirees.

Logan liked going to the smaller parties thrown by his peers at the Palm Woods better, because the familiar setting and people and the option to walk out kept his anxiety at manageable levels. He hung around with the guys and Camille and Lucy and was content to not date. As the months passed, Logan was able to suppress the awful memories of Julian until he reached a point where he barely thought about him.

Until Logan was brutally reminded.

It was one of the first times since Julian Logan felt comfortable drinking alcohol again and the game of 'Never have I ever' snuck up on him. Logan had fun watching his friends drink to various ridiculous or embarrassing suggestions, until Carlos pointed out that Logan had yet to take a sip. Everyone jumped at the chance to make him drink and began suggesting notions specifically for him. The pressure to give in increased as they kept coming up with stuff Logan had never done before and the girls started calling him a wuss. When it finally came down to admitting if he ever had sex before and Logan saw even Carlos raise his glass, he panicked and drank too.

The girls cheered, Carlos jumped on him with a million questions while Kendall watched on curiously and Logan was about to have a panic attack until James jumped in and distracted everyone with his own stories.

And so the lie was born.

Logan managed to avoid talking about it to Carlos and Kendall and eventually they left him alone, writing it off to Logan's introversion.

His laptop went to stand-by and Logan ran the mouse along the screen to wake it up, only to bury his face in his hands after staring at his barely finished essay for a couple seconds. Logan knew Kendall wasn't anything like Julian. He was convinced that Kendall was the last person on earth to ever hurt him. But he also knew how much Kendall hated being lied to and how much he valued openness and honesty amongst his friends.

Not only had Logan told a very deliberate lie, the reason for that lie was a much bigger deal Kendall was also unaware of.

Logan hated lying to Kendall. He desperately wanted Kendall to know everything about him, to finally know what it was like to be with someone who wanted him for more than sexual favours. Yesterday he got a taste of what it was like to be with a guy who knew him so completely, so thoroughly, that Logan just had to look at him to show how he felt.

Julian put a huge dent in Logan's self esteem. Logan was a genius, how could he have been dumb enough to believe Julian wanted him for more than sex? All the signs were there; Julian lied about his intentions, pressured Logan into more than he was ready for and refused to provide him with very basic support.

James was completely right when he said Logan was unable to separate his feelings from sex. For James, and likely for Kendall too, the arrangement with Julian wouldn't have been a big deal. But Logan wasn't like them, he wasn't confident enough to walk away when it became clear Julian wasn't going to return the favour, he wasn't strong enough to tell Julian off about not wanting a genuine relationship.

Logan was sure that James didn't grasp just how much the Julian situation bothered him. When he had told James, right after running out on Julian, Logan felt empty and emotionless and he told the story apathetically, as if it wasn't his own. He didn't come to terms with the abuse until weeks later, when it finally dawned on him that Julian might even have been punishable by law for what he did to Logan.

How Logan got into the situation in the first place was incomprehensible to Logan, who kicked himself for being so naive and irresponsible. If a friend came to him with this story Logan would have told them to get the hell away from a guy like that. Julian was never going to give Logan what he wanted, that much had been obvious since he lied about his bigoted producer. How could he have been so stupid?

All Logan wanted was to fall in love, with someone who was kind and considerate and open. Logan wanted to go on dates, to spent nights holding hands in a movie theatre or in a restaurant where their feet would touch. Logan wanted to kiss because he could, not just so they could quickly move on to the next part. He craved intimacy, which was strange because usually Logan wasn't one to seek out other people.

His chest constricted painfully. Normally when his mind was too full of emotion Logan would run for solitude; hide away for a few hours and drown himself in fiction until he was calm. Now all Logan wanted was to go find Kendall.

Logan knew, he just knew, that Kendall would tell him nothing about what happened with Julian was his fault. Kendall understood him, he would see through Logan's soul and know exactly how big the impact had been. Kendall would do everything in his power to make Logan feel comfortable and safe in their relationship.

James was right; Logan had to tell Kendall.

Logan pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes when black spots appeared. Too much happened the last few days. His mother disowned him, severing his last ties to Minnesota and leaving Logan without a family. He came to terms with his feelings for Kendall and they had an amazing, wonderful day together. Logan considered himself the luckiest guy alive, until James brutally reminded him of a past he desperately wanted pretend didn't exist.

Logan was well aware of his inability to deal with his emotions, but even a regular person would be overburdened by this much terrifying new feelings.

Just when he was ready to burst, the door opened and Logan stilled in his chair when he saw Kendall. "Hey. You coming?"

It took him a moment to find his voice. "Coming where?"

"To dinner?"

"Already?"

"We always eat at seven, Logie."

Logan glanced at the clock on the wall to see Kendall was right. He didn't register time passing. "Right."

"What were you doing?" Kendall asked, coming closer to look at Logan's desk. "Mom called you but you didn't respond."

"Um. Trying to determine the number of atoms in a carbon-12 molecule without using Avogadro's constant." His essay had nothing to do with chemistry and Logan prayed Kendall paid as much attention in that subject as he did in math. Everything inside him said this wasn't the time to tell Kendall about Julian and he needed to distract Kendall from his near panic attack. Mrs. Knight expected them for dinner and later they would have a movie night, Logan knew she wanted to spent time with them before she and Katie moved out. This wasn't his moment.

"That sounds difficult," Kendall commented, placing gentle hands on Logan's shoulders.

"It is. I haven't figured it out yet," Logan mumbled, hoping his lie was enough explanation for why he didn't react when they called him.

"I'm sure you will," Kendall told him, taking his hand to pull him up. "Mom made lasagne."

Logan loved lasagne and he managed a smile, gladly sliding his arms around Kendall's waist when he pulled him close. Kendall smelled familiar and the warmth radiating from his body was glorious. Some of the anxiety ebbed away and Logan gladly laid his ear of Kendall's heart, listening to the steady thumping. "Nice," He answered, though he wasn't just referring to dinner.

Kendall pressed his lips to Logan's hair briefly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Logan lied. "It just bothers me I can't find the solution to my problem."

Kendall chuckled and even though Logan felt terrible for lying more, he was glad Kendall bought it. "Can I help?"

"Do you know Avogadro's constant?"

"Not a chance," Kendall snorted.

Logan looked up at him. Kendall's eyes were light and happy and smiling and Logan didn't know what he did to deserve Kendall, but he would do everything he could to hold on to him. "It was nice of you to offer though."

Kendall brushed their lips together softly. "Are you still up for telling my mom?" He asked when he pulled away.

"Yes," Logan answered, though he felt some nerves crop up. Mrs. Knight was amazing and Logan didn't expect any trouble, but telling her he was dating her son was a big deal.

"Awesome. She'll be cool with it."

"You think?"

"Of course. I'm dating a future doctor. Parents love smart matches for their children."

Logan laughed. "What about the fact I've been your friend for ages and we also share a room?"

Kendall shrugged. "That's trivial, she'll move out in a couple weeks anyway."

"Alright," Logan answered.

"You just let me do the talking."

"Don't I always?"

Kendall grinned and kissed him again before pulling away. "Let's do this, Logie. It'll be fine."

They went into the kitchen and took their usual seats on one side of the table, James, Carlos and Stephanie were squashed together on the other side and Katie was at one short end, leaving the other for Mrs. Knight when she came to the table with lasagne. She also prepared chicken nuggets for Carlos and a salad for James and Logan realised once again just how much she did for them. He would definitely miss her when she moved out.

The first part of dinner they spent talking about their weekends. Both Kendall and Logan kept quiet, as most of their weekend had been about finally getting to kiss each other, but thankfully James and Carlos took the opportunity to explain their fight to Katie in great detail, who was annoyed she missed it.

"Hey, mom?" Kendall said when Katie finally stopped prying.

"Yes, honey."

"I'm dating Logan."

Silence fell over the table. Logan's fork froze halfway to his mouth and he stared at Mrs. Knight. He knew this was coming, but he didn't expect Kendall to drop the news so casually. Stephanie paused mid chew, James and Carlos stopped their dinosaur chicken fight and a slow smirk spread on Katie's face as she watched her mother with gleeful anticipation.

Kendall was the only one who kept eating as he calmly waited for his mother to respond.

"Okay," Mrs. Knight replied, setting her glass back on the table before she picked up her cutlery and continued eating.

Kendall grinned at Logan and ran a hand down his back before returning to his meal. Logan was completely bewildered as he looked between Kendall and his mother; whatever he expected to happen, this wasn't it.

"That's it?" Katie asked, channelling Logan's confusion.

Mrs. Knight looked up at her daughter. "What did you expect, honey?"

"You're supposed to be shocked and give them the talk! Embarrass them, make them switch rooms, that sort of stuff."

"Or yell at them," James suggested.

"Or faint!" Carlos added.

Mrs. Knight shook her head in exasperation. "This isn't much of a surprise, Kendall hasn't stopped talking about Logan in weeks."

Carlos and James burst out laughing. Kendall rolled his eyes and balled up a napkin, flicking it into Carlos' open mouth and effectively cutting the laughter. Logan knew he shouldn't even be surprised; Kendall wore his heart on his sleeve and rarely kept anything to himself. Also, Mrs. Knight was the original source of Kendall's and Katie's extraordinary perceptiveness. It made sense she figured it out. "This is priceless," James managed to say after dodging Kendall's napkin attack, the tears trailing down his cheeks.

"Come at me, pretty boy," Kendall challenged. "Start using this against me and I'll tell everyone what happened in the bathroom in New York."

The guys started a whole thing and Logan tuned them out to listen to Mrs. Knight and Katie. Mrs. Knight cocked her head and was watching her daughter curiously. "I'm surprise you didn't notice."

"Of course I noticed," Katie scoffed. "I did the moment Kendall started talking about Logan's smile, he's such a sap."

Logan's butterflies went nuts and he hid his smile behind his glass; how did he get lucky enough to land a guy like that?

Katie continued. "But you were still supposed to embarrass them, like a regular parent, so the rest of us could have a laugh."

"They're adults, Katie. Anything I can tell them they already know. And I trust them, they're very responsible young men."

Katie shook her head in exasperation and went back to her lasagne. Logan was thankful for whatever made Mrs. Knight this cool. Yes, they were technically adults, but Logan lived with her since he was sixteen and for now this was still her apartment; she could've come up with some ridiculous rules to keep the PDA at a minimum. Instead, she decided to be the coolest mother in the world.

Logan couldn't possibly love her more than he did in that moment.

Kendall nudged his knee and Logan met his smile, reassuring him he was okay. Kendall nodded and for a moment Logan thought he would lean in for a kiss, he was thankful when Kendall held back. Logan couldn't handle doing that in front of Mrs. Knight yet.

When dinner was over the guys, Stephanie and Katie gathered on the couch to pick which movies to watch. Logan sighed and started gathering the dishes they left so carelessly; the least he could do after Mrs. Knight cooked for them was help her clean up.

"You don't have to help me, honey," Mrs. Knight told him. "Go decide what movie we're gonna watch."

"I want to help. They never want to watch what I pick anyway." The last time Logan got to decide what movie to watch even she had fallen asleep halfway through his documentary.

Together they cleared the table and Logan rinsed the dishes for Mrs. Knight to place them in the dishwasher. Just when Logan finished wiping down the table she appeared next to him again. "Come talk to me for a little bit," Mrs. Knight requested, stepping out of the apartment into the hallway.

Logan nervously glanced at Kendall over on the couch, but he was preoccupied trying to get the others to watch Spiderman. Mrs. Knight only asked to talk to him when she was worried he wasn't okay or when he had done something wrong. The last time she took Logan apart was when he'd been quiet and withdrawn after Julian. Logan managed to hold her question off the same way he did with Carlos and Kendall then.

Slowly he followed her out of the apartment and closed the door, shoving his hands in his pockets. Logan didn't want a talk about his relationship with Kendall and he prayed this was about anything else.

"Kendall and I were boxing up some stuff for the move before dinner when I mentioned I still had to call Sylvia, Brooke and Joanna about it."

He instantly regretted his earlier thought and he cast his eyes. "Oh," He mumbled.

"When he heard I wanted to call you mother, Kendall requested I tell Joanna to go fuck herself."

Logan smiled involuntarily. "Did he tell you why?"

Mrs. Knight nodded. "He didn't mean to, I pried it out of him."

"I should have told you after that phone call, I didn't mean to hide it from you."

"Oh, honey. It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, I just wanted you to know that I was aware of what happened."

Logan nodded.

"I'll also tell you that I agree with Kendall's sentiment wholeheartedly."

"Thank you," he answered gratefully. This was as close as he ever heard Mrs. Knight come to cursing and Logan felt infinitely better knowing she was on his side.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Logan answered, though the lie came out a bit too quickly. Logan wasn't okay, but his parents abandoning him didn't bother him as much as Julian did.

"I know you're not much of a talker, but I hope that you will about this. Kendall is a good listener, but if there's ever anything you don't feel comfortable telling him, I hope you'll come to me."

Logan nodded, the lump in his throat making it impossible to speak. Mrs. Knight was always more of a mother to him than his own ever was. Her words meant more to him than he could begin to tell her.

"Have you told James and Carlos?"

"Not yet," He admitted.

"Okay. I understand if you'd rather keep this to yourself and I won't tell them, but I think they'll tell you the same thing I just did."

Logan knew that was true. James pushed an awkward, uncomfortable conversation that morning, just because he was looking out for him. And had Carlos known, he would have tried to do the same thing. "I know."

Mrs. Knight nodded. "Good. I won't be calling your mother anymore."

He perked up. "No?"

"Once you turned eighteen I was no longer legally required to talk to your parents. Sylvia and Brooke asked me to keep the updates up, but the calls with Joanna were more of a courtesy from my part. A courtesy she doesn't deserve after the way she treated you."

Logan was taken aback when he heard the same fierce tone of voice Kendall used when he was mad. "Thank you," He repeated, fighting the traitorous tears in the corners of his eyes.

"I hope Kendall told you this, but you'll always be welcome in my family. I've known you boys since you were four years old and I loved you all from the day Kendall brought you home after school. After living with you for four years I can't imagine not having you and James and Carlos around for the rest of my life."

He looked up at her, but pulled his lip between his teeth before he could ask the question that threatened to escape.

However, Mrs. Knight, like her kids, was wickedly intuitive. "Even if your relationship with my son doesn't work out," She promised.

Logan nodded and hung his head when he couldn't keep his tears at bay. Mrs. Knight just offered him everything he wanted since he was sixteen. The first few months living in 2J with the people he loved most had been eye-opening; for the first time he learned what it was like to live with people that cared about him beyond how he did in school or his reputation within his mother's society. To know that Mrs. Knight wanted him to be part of that unconditionally meant everything.

"That said," She continued softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I hope it works out, because I am thrilled to have you as my son in law. Kendall could not have made a better choice."

Logan gladly accepted her hug and he stopped fighting the tears. His life would've been so different if not for Kendall's stubborn desire to keep him, James and Carlos close and her willingness to leave her life in Minnesota behind so they could try to make it as Big Time Rush. Between her, Katie, James, Carlos and Kendall, Logan knew he would have enough love in his life.

Especially with Kendall, who told Logan he was his favourite person in the world and who made Logan so deliriously happy just by being near him.

This was marked the third time today Logan felt the nearly painful urge to find him and hide away in Kendall's arms.

Mrs. Knight pulled away and Logan quickly dried his face with his sleeve. "Talk to us, Logan. You're not in this alone."

"I will," He answered. Logan wanted to, he just needed to find the courage to.

Mrs. Knight smiled at him briefly before walking back into the apartment. Logan hung back a moment, breathing deeply to calm himself. Today was too much, Logan reached his limit of feelings he could handle halfway through his talk with James. He was exhausted and he needed to think, but most of all he wanted Kendall.

Immediately upon entering the apartment Logan felt eyes on him. Kendall was already halfway out of his seat just by looking at Logan and he hopped over the back of the couch, following Logan into their bedroom. Logan fought to calm himself and somehow found the strength to smile at Kendall when he pulled him into a hug. "Hey."

"Hey, Logie."

And then Kendall's lips were on his and Logan finally stopped thinking; sinking into the blissful mindlessness that came over him when Kendall was near. Their first kiss was barely twenty-four hours ago and already Kendall's presence was so familiar to him Logan felt safe enough to lose himself in the strong body of his best friend in the world.

Kendall laced his fingers through Logan's hair when he pulled away and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm okay," Logan told him before he could ask the question.

"Good. I was worried," Kendall admitted. "What did she say to you?"

"That you asked her to tell my mother to go fuck herself."

Kendall nodded, his nostrils flared in anger. "I did."

Logan stood on the tips of his toes to kiss him. "Thank you," Logan whispered. "For looking out for me."

He smiled at Logan, brushing his lips to his nose and then his forehead. "I always will," Kendall answered.

Logan moved his arms up to wrap them around Kendall's neck and kissed him again. After his mother disowned him Kendall held him close until he fell asleep, but this was a thousand times better. Kendall's lips were soft and their kiss was sweet and all Logan felt was how much Kendall wanted him too.

It was all Logan so dearly hoped to find in a relationship.

"As much as I love this," Kendall murmured when he pulled away. "I came here to talk to you."

"I'm okay," Logan repeated, playing with the hair in Kendall's neck.

"What did you talk about?"

"She wanted me to know you told her about the call with my mother and that she won't be calling her anymore. She also told me if there's ever anything I want to talk about I can come to her."

Kendall smiled and placed his forehead to Logan's. "That's good. I have a cool mom."

"The coolest," Logan agreed. "The way she handled our news was awesome. Katie was so disappointed."

Kendall shrugged. "Katie will deal."

"Your mom also told me she was thrilled to have me as her son in law."

"Well. Who wouldn't be?"

Logan blushed and leaned in for another kiss. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered contently and warm, fuzzy feelings pushed his distress into dark corners of his mind.

"What do you want to do?" Kendall asked. "Mom requested a movie night, but I think she'd be okay if we hung out here, given the circumstances."

"Let's watch the movies," Logan said. "I'm fine and I'd like to spend time with your mom and Katie while they're still living with us."

"Okay," Kendall agreed.

"And we'll still have tonight alone, right?"

Kendall smiled softly and leaned in for another kiss. "Yes, James should be moved back in with Carlos."

"Good. Last night was fine, but it really weirded me out that James and Carlos were both in here while we were sleeping."

"We'll lock the door tonight."

Logan nodded. Alone with Kendall behind a locked door? That meant making out at the very least, but given how willing Logan was to stop thinking today, that might lead to a lot more than Logan was ready for. The previous night had been a perfect example for that. Logan didn't regret a single moment, but he reluctantly admitted that was only because James stopped them just in time.

Making out with Kendall felt amazing and Logan already made up his mind about eventually having sex with him, but not before Kendall was aware of his whole story.

Logan hesitated when he stared into the soft green eyes looking down at him. He should handle this like jumping in the cold creek yesterday; blurt it out and just get it over with. They were alone and had a whole night ahead of them still, if he handled it right tonight would be the only time he had to talk about Julian. Logan would be honest and tell him everything, Kendall could ask his questions and afterwards Logan could go back to forgetting it ever happened.

Kendall narrowed his eyes slightly. "You sure you're okay?"

Logan nodded quickly. "Yes."

"You're taking the whole thing remarkably well," He commented. Kendall was back to talking about his parents.

"I knew it was a matter of time," Logan said. "I hate that it happened and I wish my parents were better people, but I only talked to her once a month and I haven't missed her once since we came to LA. There wasn't a relationship to mourn to begin with. It would've been different if I was still living with them, but I'm here, with you guys and I'm happier than I ever was with them."

Kendall nodded and ran his fingers through Logan's hair. "You'll always be welcome here, even-"

"I know, your mother told me the same thing," Logan answered softly.

"Good. Even if we're not... I really hate to think of it, but-"

"Me too," Logan interrupted, because once he got a taste of what it was like to be with Kendall he never wanted it to let him go. "So let's not think of it."

Kendall kissed him hard and for a long time they didn't break apart, standing in the middle of the room and simply holding onto each other. "You sure you don't want to stay here?" Kendall murmured, running a few fingers up Logan's shirt.

Logan smiled and was tempted to give in when Kendall's mouth travelled down his neck. "Everyone will know exactly what we're doing if we don't show up."

"They already know, Logie."

"Yes, but we can still be discreet about it."

"Fine," Kendall sighed when he pulled away. "Your neck tastes like make up anyway."

"Whose fault is that?"

"Yours, for being so delectable."

Logan blushed and Kendall leaned in for one more kiss before he stepped back. "Let's go now, I can't control myself if we stay here."

They went back to the living room and Logan realised as they sat in the corner of the couch that he'd let the moment pass to talk to Kendall about Julian. He'd do so tomorrow, he decided when Kendall wrapped an arm around his waist and Logan curled up to his side. Logan wanted one more night to just be with Kendall and not worry about anything else.

Thank you for reading!

I will try to update this once a week. I have four chapters written that I will edit before I post, and maybe two or three chapters left to write. I will change perspectives throughout the story, likely every other chapter.