Hey guys, welcome back! I've had major surgery a while back and I've been slow at getting things done. Recovery is slow as well. I do hope you all like this chapter and I'll branch off into the Ah Si choice first. Then, I'll do Lei's, Meizuo's, and Ximen for kicks and giggles.
Let me know what you think. BTW wrote this on my IPad, so if anything looks funny, please tell me. Thank you!
~Enjoy~
The next day flew by so fast and I was so unhappy when Meizuo had to go home. We had gotten a majority of the sheet's covering the couches and other home items around the house off and then the maids cleaned behind us and I can't tell you how happy I was when the day was over. Before Meizuo went home, I baked him his favorite pie to take home and share with his family if he so chose to. I had it all packed and ready to go just before he left. He'll be surprised when he opens it and sees it. Why? Well, I am a bit of a smart ass...so that means instead of making it look all cute, I cut out the decimal pointage of PI around the edge of the pie. If you don't find that funny, then you missed the joke.
By the time Sunday morning rolled around I was a bit on the tired side. I decided to wear one of my older Rock and Roll shirts with my red leather jacket, jeans, and my DC's. When it came to name brand fashion, the one thing I did make sure I bought were my shoes. I wear skate shoes mostly because they're comfortable. I have a high instep and a low arch. Another reason I love my wedges. I'm complicated, I know.
I had just grabbed my phone wallet when Lei walked in the door.
[Oh, hey! Completely forgot you had a key…]
He smiled as I walked over to him.
[You ready to go?]
I nodded as I pointed at the garage.
[Do you want to drive somewhere or do you want to walk?]
[The weather's nice. Why don't we walk?]
[Sounds good to me.]
I grinned as we walked out and he closed the door behind him.
[You're dressed a little differently today.]
He looked at me.
[Does it look weird?]
I shook my head.
[No, you look good. I'm just so used to seeing you dressed up, so to speak.]
[I overslept today, so I just put these on and ran out.]
[So long as you're comfortable. I'm not really dressed to the ten's myself so don't feel bad.]
He smiled at me as he headed into town.
[Was there something in particular that you'd like to do today, LeiLei?]
He thought about it a moment before looking back at me.
[I don't know. How about you?]
[Not really.]
I looked at my watch.
[Well, it's almost lunch time, how about we go get something to eat?]
[Okay, fine with me.]
[Is that ramen shop Grandma Anna used to own still open?]
He nodded as he grinned.
[They just opened a bigger place a few blocks from here.]
I almost squealed as I clapped my hands excitedly.
[Then let's go pay Grandma Anna a surprise visit!]
[Whatever you want, Rosie.]
We walked in silence for what felt like forever. Things were starting to feel a little awkward, so, I decided to pull my headset out of my inside pocket and offer Lei one of the earbuds. He took it with a smile and I put my music on shuffle so that there was something to listen to while we walked in silence. I know he isn't much of a talker. This I did remember, even though I wasn't used to it again. Then as we walked by a bus stop I realized it was the one Jing's poster had once been displayed upon.
I grinned as I looked at him and before I could say anything he spoke.
[Don't talk about, Jing.]
I looked at him confused before I realized he looked upset. He had remembered the spot. He had also remembered what had happened between them and he was still being affected by it.
[I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know it might still be a touchy subject, but don't you think that avoiding her entirely is only you bottling up the you feel?]
Lei looked at the ground for a moment before looking back at me.
[I'm fine. Let's go.]
[At some point you're going to be okay. You don't have to force yourself to spend time with me like this. If you're still hurting sweetie it's okay. Can't avoid her forever. Not her name, not the subject of her, nor her if she ever showed up.]
Lei smiled at me as he shook his head.
[I just want to focus on us. As I said before, it's a different kind of pain.]
I chewed the inside of my cheek as he walked off. I was kind of worried but I wanted to believe him so I let it go. I scratched the back of my head as I followed him. There were still things about the boys that confused me. Things I still didn't understand. Jing, though she was once my friend too, was one of those things. Just because I remember everything, doesn't mean I understood everything.
I tucked my hands into my jacket pockets as Lei called out to me.
[Rosie.]
I turned to him, having realized I had walked past him.
[What is it? Something wrong?]
He looked at the ground and swallowed pretty hard as he started to speak and looked back up at me.
[This is the first time I'm on a real date with a girl. If I make you bored, I apologize.]
I tilted my head in question as he looked at the ground again.
[Now that I think about it, apart from Ah Si and the guys, I don't have many friends. Before you came back. I guess I'm a social outcast.]
I smiled as I walked back over to him.
[I don't think so. To be honest, out of all of F4, I think that you have the best personality. I mean, I get alone with all of you, love all of you, but if I had to choose some I genuinely find peace with, it would be you. You're laidback and very cool which makes you fairly friendly. Besides, with a smile like yours, I'm sure you'd make a lot of friends. But don't worry about it much. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a bit of a social outcast as well.]
I chuckled slightly as he rolled his eyes and grinned at me.
[Besides, people suck. I'd rather have a rose lei anyday.]
He started laughing as I grinned. It was a terrible pun but he was laughing. I loved hawaiian leis. Those flower necklaces are so cool and they're made with real flowers. How cool is that?
I shrugged as he looked at me.
[It was a bad pun, I admit it. Sorry, Lei.]
He shook his head.
[I like hearing you say my name, Lei.]
I was confused.
[I know I call you LeiLei, but it's just your name twice. How is any different than saying it once?]
He gave me a look before walking off. This would be another one of those things that I didn't understand. I sighed to myself as I followed him. I was starting to wonder if the others felt this way.
I took my headphone back from him and put them away when we got to the restaurant. I was amazed as we walked in. The place looked amazing. It still felt like a wooden ramen stall but with tables, chairs, and booths. It was the coolest thing ever.
[Rosealine?]
I looked up and grinned as I flung my arms in the air.
[GRANDMA ANNA!]
She squealed as I ran up and hugged her.
[Little flower! Ooooohhhh! Let me get a good look at you.]
She pushed me away from her as I grinned at her.
[You look so beautiful, little one. You've grown up so well...and have been fed well. Just look at you.]
She started to pinch my cheeks and I waved her off as Lei laughed.
[Alright. I'm done messing with you. What brings you two by?]
Lei smiled.
[We're on a date. We were hoping to get something to eat here.]
I laughed as Grandma Anna gave him a look.
[Well if food's what you want, then food I have!]
She winked at me as I blushed and followed her to our table. We sat and ordered our drinks with the promise of being served the best ramen in the house. Then for some reason, Grandma Anna brought us a strawberry smoothie to share. The both of us were confused as she winked at us. She didn't serve shakes.
We talked, listened to music, ate, and held hands for a little while. It had been a long time since I was last able to just enjoy being with him like this. I was sitting beside him, watching him play a game on his phone when I got a text from Ah Si's sister.
I opened it as Lei looked at it with me.
[You have a LOT of explaining to do little girl! I'll see you tomorrow! xoxoxox ]
Lei leaned his head against mine.
[You did not.]
I smiled as I nodded.
[I did. I just hope I'm not trying to get this all ironed out too late.]
[Are you sure you want to do this?]
I sighed.
[Lei...If I had a choice, we'd just go back to being close. Being worried about passing classes at the worst...I have to be sure. Because if I'm not, I'm not sure what will happen.]
I looked at him as he took my hand in his.
[He'll be fine. We're all going to be.]
[I love how sure you sound.]
[One of us has to.]
I rolled my eyes as I smiled.
[Point made. Are you ready to go? I'd rather not walk home in the dark.]
Lei looked outside as he nodded. It had gotten late on us without use even having noticed. We got up and started our way back. Walking more sidebyside this go around. Once we were back at my place he came in with me to make sure the house was safe. After having left me at the front door, he came back and smiled.
[I'll go home now.]
[You sure? You can stay here tonight if you want to.]
He shook his head and held his arms up. I walked into him and wrapped my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. I was once again swept away in his warmth. It was comforting and something I needed. I looked up at him as he pulled away.
[I'll see you tomorrow okay?]
He nodded and kissed my forehead as he began to walk away. When I closed the door, I locked it with a slight sadness. I was going to have to get this over with at some point. I was just hoping that I could find that drive fast enough. I spent the rest of the night rummaging through the house. Only to end up empty handed.
The only class I had that next Monday was cancelled. It was a relief to be honest. I was too tired to do anything. I spent most of the day in the club room. Mostly looking to see if anything else was hidden in there. When I came up empty handed again, I gathered my things and started to head home.
While walking off campus I came across an elderly lady who was carrying a basket, that I learned through talking with her, once contained the lunch that she shared with her deceased husband. I was walking alongside her to cross the street when this guy on a bicycle came around the corner. I stopped as he didn't seem to want to stop but the older lady did not. I grabbed her arm and swung myself in front of her, trying not to push her down. The guy on the bike hit me and the three of us went to the ground. I did my best to keep the older lady on top of me so she didn't get hurt, but the guy on the bike landed on her legs, bike and all. After making sure the older lady was alright, I got up and glared at the guy who was yelling at us.
[Watch where you're going! Are you blind?]
[Are you? How unreasonable can you be? Watch where you're going! You knocked the both of us down and you as well as your bike fell on her legs. Take her to the hospital!]
I was a little cranky as I was lacking some serious sleep but this guy was at fault. He should be responsible for her.
[What the hell? It's not my problem she can't see.]
[Are you kidding me?]
I stepped on his bike as he went to bend over and grab it.
[Take her to the hospital.]
[Get off!]
He shoved me off of the bike and I grabbed his wrist. He in turn shoved me away again.
[You're asking for it!]
[On my best day.]
He threw his arm back, ready to slap me like the punk he was. When his arm came towards me I was ready to block it. But someone else's hand caught his arm before I could do anything. I turned to see Dao's sister standing there and I couldn't hold back the grin that formed upon my face.
[How dare you pick on a girl? You call yourself a man?]
She threw his arm back and pointed at the elderly lady.
[Go and apologize!]
He nodded at the both of us.
[Take her to the hospital, do you hear me?]
He nodded again.
[Okay, I will.]
Once the man and older lady was gone, she turned to me and smiled.
[Rosealine, you're losing your touch.]
I grinned as I nodded.
[Are you alright?]
[I'm fine, thank you.]
She grabbed the wrist I was holding and looked at my hand.
[Your hand is bleeding. How is this fine?]
I laughed as she smiled.
[Come. Let's get this treated back at my house.]
[I'm not sure that that's a good idea.]
[Nonsense. I won't let you treat it yourself.]
I sighed.
[Let's go then.]
She hooked her arm with mine and we walked back to her car.
[You have a lot of explaining to do.]
[I know. I'll catch you up later. I'm too tired right now.]
[I understand. I'm just glad you're okay.]
[Me too.]
We smiled at each other and got into her car. When we got to her house, I hesitated at the door. Zhuang smiled and grabbed my wrist, dragging me into the house as she did so. I followed her as she looked down the hall.
[Mr. Liu, I'm back!]
I smiled as I shook my head. I couldn't believe I had forgotten his name. I'm great with faces and very bad with names.
He bowed as we stopped by the table near the kitchen.
[Mrs. Zhuang, welcome back. Ms. Rosealine, welcome back as well.]
Mr. Liu smiled at us.
[It's wonderful to see you both again.]
I nodded as Zhuang smiled.
[Mr. Liu, get me the first aid kit, please and tell Ah Si to come down and greet her.]
He nodded, bowed, and started to walk off.
[Wait! There's no need to get Ah Si. He's probably studying.]
[Enough.]
I bit the inside of my cheek as I pouted at her.
[Mr. Liu, treat her wound, and Rose…]
I looked up at her.
[You seem to have forgotten who I am. Cooperate or I'll make you. Got it?]
I rolled my eyes as grinned at her.
[Got it. I'll behave.]
[Good. I'll see you shortly.]
I nodded as I looked at Mr. Liu.
[This way then.]
He motioned in the direction I was to go and I followed him. I waited for Mr. Liu in the guest bathroom and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to leave. I'm not sure what it was but something told me I needed to get out of here. I was nervous. The anxiety got the best of me so I walked out. I walked around the house looking for Mr. Liu when I ran into Ah Si. Literally.
I looked up at him and the anger on his face caught me by surprise.
[Dao?]
[Why are you here?]
His tone was cold and I suddenly felt guilty over nothing.
[Coincidence.]
He scoffed and for a moment, I could see the pain in his eyes.
[Coincidence?]
I nodded.
[Did you come here to brag about your new boyfriend?]
[You know very well that I'm not. Lei's not my boyfriend. No one is. Please don't misunderstand.]
Dao suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and pinned me against the wall, holding my injured wrist beside my head as he did so.
[Stop pretending, Rose. Who do you think you are? I'm not sad at all. I'm already over you.]
The grip on my injured wrist got tighter and I winced.
[Liar! If you were so over me then why lash out like this?]
[You know why!]
[I just want my friends back!]
Tears threatened to fall as I struggled against him. His glare softened ever so slightly as I looked at my wrist.
[You're hurting me, Dao…]
The second he looked at my wrist, Zhuang's heel collided with the side of his face. My eyes went wide as Dao was sent flying to the floor. I think some part of me had forgotten how violent this family was...at least with each other anyway.
He looked up at her the same time I did.
[Is this how you speak to a girl? Or Rosealine for that matter? You're embarrassing our family.]
He was speechless as she looked at me.
[Are you okay?]
I nodded as I smiled.
She glared as she looked down at her little brother.
[Zhuang, when did you come back?]
He cringed as he rubbed the side of his head.
She crossed her arms as she turned to face him.
[What? Can't I come home? You haven't seen me in a while. Didn't you miss me?]
She smiled as he pouted slightly.
[I did. I video call you all the time, don't I?]
She scoffed as she rolled her eyes.
[You only tell me useless stuff. When were you going to tell me Rosealine was alive? Hm? And when were you going to tell me she was home? I had to hear it from Mr. Liu.]
Dao looked at the floor in shame.
[So what?]
He looked back up at her as he sulked.
She shook her head as she grabbed my wrist.
[I'm going to treat her wound, now.]
Zhuang suddenly dragged me off again. She sat me at the dining table as Mr. Liu handed her the first aid kit. She treated my wound and wrapped me up.
[Not bad, right?]
[Thank you, Zhuang. You really didn't have to.]
[You're welcome. Just like old times, hm?]
I nodded as she smiled.
[The two of you used to get into fights and get injured all of the time.]
[And you'd treat the wounds on both us while we argued.]
She grinned as she placed her hand on my arm.
[The two of you are arguing again, aren't you.]
[He started it.]
[Rosealine. You know better.]
[Why am I not surprised? You're always making me be the better person.]
[That's because you are. But I guess you need a little help this time.]
I nodded as she packed everything back up.
[Are you hungry?]
[Always.]
[Then stay for dinner.]
I smiled at her as I shook my head.
[I really should be going. I need to study.]
[If I say we're having dinner, then that's what we'll do.]
She gave me that intimidating stare of hers and I caved.
[Fine. I'll catch you up on all you've missed while we eat then.]
[Good.]
A little while later, and we were ready to eat. Zhuang didn't bother to invite Dao down until I told her everything.
She processed everything I said for a moment before looking at me.
[Do you believe our mother is responsible for everything?]
I shook my head.
[She may have played a part, but I don't believe she's solely responsible. She hates me but she's not that evil.]
She nodded and then smiled at me.
[It may be biased of me to say this but I do hope that my brother wins in the end.]
[Wins?]
She nodded.
[I may already consider you my sister but it would be more fun if you were really a part of the family. I hope you choose him even though I hope you choose the one who brings you the most peace in your life.]
I nodded in understanding and she sent Mr. Liu after Dao. When he came back, Dao wasn't with him.
[Ah Si said that he has an important report to finish for school, so he went out.]
[Did I hear correctly? He isn't going to eat with me?]
She sighed as she looked at me.
[I'm sorry Zhuang, it's my fault. We're having a hard time being around each other right now.]
[He's going to get a beating when he gets home.]
I nodded as she dismissed Mr. Liu. I nibbled on a slice of cake as she smiled at me.
[Rosealine, drink with me.]
She held up her glass as I looked at her.
[It's going to put me to sleep, with as tired as I am.]
[Just this glass then. Come on.]
I lifted my glass and tinked it against hers. I sipped at my wine at the same time she sipped at hers.
[Want to tell me why the two of you are fighting?]
I sighed as I looked down at my plate.
[He doesn't want to give me time to enjoy them. He wants me to make a decision now.]
[Have you?]
I shook my head as I drank some more.
[When I couldn't remember anything, I fell for Lei. Even when I didn't know who he was. He was just my penpal. For years, I was so close with him...now that I remember everything...I'm discovering things I didn't used to know. I've found that Meizuo cares for me and some part of me knows that Ximen does too. I just don't know what to do with all of it except to explore it.]
She stared at me for a moment before nodding.
[Do you remember the last Christmas you spent with us?]
[The one where Lei gave me his grandmother's ring?]
She nodded again.
[I was young and in love once. I wanted nothing more than to spend every moment I had with him. To enjoy his warm embrace. To love him and feel his love for me. It's not something I would have second guessed in my whole life. Then one day, he was gone. Just like that, my world meant nothing to me.]
I inhaled the rest of my wine as she set a hand on the wrist of the hand holding my glass.
[You have been through so much, Rosealine. If for even a moment, you believe someone is your everything, never let them go. I'm always here if you want to talk about it.]
She smiled as I nodded.
I yawned slightly as I moved my glass and placed my other hand on top of hers.
[Actually, there's something I want to tell you…]
[Go ahead.]
[Here not too long ago, Dao asked me out. Forcefully and kind of not a question. He just started calling me his girlfriend and no matter how much I said I wasn't, he wouldn't be moved.]
I smiled as I shook my head.
[I did the one thing I've been trying to avoid...I hurt him. I've managed to turn him against Lei as well as myself and it's killing me. I mean, it's fine if he's angry with me, there's not much I believe can ever really kill our friendship, but him being this kind of angry with Lei hurts me. This is my fault. I did this. I'm the one to blame. I love these boys...I do...so much...I just feel like I'm pulling them apart and I don't know what to do.]
I blinked pretty hard before looking at her wine bottle.
[What is in that?]
Zhuang smiled as she patted my hand.
[All you need is a good night's sleep.]
[You didn't.]
[What if I did?]
I laughed slightly as I pulled my hands away from hers and propped myself up on the table.
[I don't like seeing Dao sad and hurt...in pain like he is. He deserves better than me.]
I sighed as I closed my eyes. I was almost asleep when I heard a chair scoot.
[Stupid girl. You didn't learn your lesson after the last time you got drunk...or from drinking with my sister.]
I flicked him off as I opened my eyes a little.
[Slipping me sleeping pills is cheating. She knows that.]
[Ah Si.]
He looked at his sister the same time I did.
[Is she really your girlfriend?]
Dao straightened in his chair.
[She's just a schoolmate.]
She looked at me and I barely managed a shrug.
[Told you. We have problems…]
She looked back at Dao.
[You know just as well as I do that Rosealine is special. She's got a sense of justice just like I do. She stood up for an old lady today even though the man started to bully her. She's always stood up for others, always defended them. Why should she have to defend herself too?]
Dao looked at me as I closed my eyes again.
[She's a loser, but fights for others. She shouldn't have to but she needs to.]
The next thing I heard was Dao gasping in pain.
[Who?]
[Rosie, of course. Zhuang, your kicks hurt, okay?]
[Do you miss the days when I used to beat you up?]
I smirked at the smile I could hear on Zhuang's face.
[Why would I?]
I scoffed slightly.
[I know I do. You've no idea how much I've missed you two.]
I was starting to mumble. I wanted to stay awake, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could manage it.
[By the way, how's her hand?]
Dao knew I was falling asleep. I was almost touched at how he asked the question to his sister so as not to bother me with it. So he didn't keep me awake. But I answered anyway.
[Why? Are you concerned about me now?]
I heard him scoff.
[Of course not. I don't care at all.]
[Whatever…]
I was no longer able to speak. I was only conscious enough to be able to hear them talk now.
[Ah Si. Carry her to the guest room.]
[No! Why should I carry her? You brought her here.]
[Just do as I say. You can't expect me to carry her. This is an order.]
I chuckled to myself as I heard her walk away as well as Dao calling after her. I then heard him sigh as he got up and walked over to me.
[Come on. Wake up enough to help me.]
He pet the back of my head for a moment before I was able to rouse enough to turn to him. He placed my left arm around his neck and picked me up. It was almost effortless for him and part of me was surprised. I was beginning to be surprised at things like this every time they happened. My boys were strong and I was now beginning to understand just how strong. I'm sure if I say this often enough, I'll trust them to help me.
When Dao started up the stairs, I nuzzled my face into his neck. Unlike the time Lei carried me up the stairs of the other house, I never once felt like Dao was going to drop me. I trusted him. I wonder why I never noticed that? Didn't I trust all of my boys? Isn't that why I want to trust them enough to help me?
[Rose, listen…]
He trailed off as he shifted me a little.
[I know this is hard on you. It's hard on all of us. But I'm tired…]
I sighed as I wrapped my other arm around his neck.
[Me…too…]
He shook his head.
[You've always been a real pain in the ass. Always falling asleep at the wrong moments, always trying to be everything to everyone…]
He paused as he reached the top of the stairs. I used to know exactly how many were there. That was something I still didn't remember, but it would be the most practical place to pause at the moment.
[We're not kids any more, Rosealine. You can't just bounce between us any more. Especially between Lei and me. If you can't make your decision yourself, I'll make it for you.]
I wanted to protest. Wanted to squeeze the life out of him. But I couldn't. Not only was he right about everything…but he was right about me. I wasn't just a problem to them…I was THE problem. The only one. I fell asleep as he carried me into the guest room. The nightmares that followed…haunted me all night.
I jolted upright in the bed and clenched my chest some time later. Tears trailed down my cheeks as the fear started to fade.
[Rosealine…?]
Zhuang's voice was soft and suddenly I realized she had fallen asleep in the chair beside my bed.
[I completely forgot you suffered from those nightmares. I shouldn't have given you those pills. Forgive me.]
I nodded at her in reply as she got up and walked out. I got up and sat in the chair next to hers as I picked up my phone off of the table. It was 3am.
I sighed as she brought a cup of tea and set it infront of me.
[Here. Lavender and honey to calm your nerves. It'll also help with your headache.]
[Thanks.]
[Do you remember what Ah Si was like when you first met him?]
I thought about it for a moment as I took the cup and sipped from it.
[Kind of. He was always trying to give the other kids toys so they'd play with him. Not that it ever worked. I also remember him being very angry all of the time.]
She smiled as she crossed her legs and leaned on them.
[Our parents were also busy or away on business. Ah Si and I both took out our frustrations by venting on other people. Our parents never had the time to teach Ah Si and me. When you came into our lives, you were so different. So sweet, kind, and caring. You never tolerated our outbursts. No matter what. Having you around, changed the both of us. You made me want to be independent and yet open all at the same time…and you made Ah Si, want to be a better person.]
I looked down at the cup as she smiled.
[We were devastated when we thought we had lost you. During that time, I met a man. Someone I loved more than anything. He was my everything. I remember the look in his eyes when he looked at me. I can see that same look in Ah Si's eyes when he looks at you.]
I looked at Zhuang as she rubbed her hands together.
[I hope you'll reconsider Ah Si.]
I raised an eyebrow in question at her. Surely Ah Si had someone else he could chase. Someone who wasn't as indecisive as I was.
[I realize Ah Si comes off as a playboy, but he's clueless about love. You're the only one he can compare his feelings to. You were his everything and still are.]
She chuckled slightly as I sipped my tea again.
[I know how one sided this sounds. I apologize for that. I know you've always been particularly attached to Lei. But I feel like if you look at the way things were, the way things are, and the way things could be, you'd see what I see.]
I sighed as I set the cup down.
[And what is it you see?]
[A scared little girl trying her best to please everyone at the same time.]
I glared at her.
[I'm not scared. I know what I want.]
She narrowed her eyes back at me.
[No you don't. If you did, you wouldn't be torturing yourself like this.]
[How do you know?!]
I was reaching my tipping point. I called her to help me with Dao, not to lecture me on things she has no idea about.
[Because I know you. You don't trust anyone. Not the way you should. You can't let your past dictate the way you see your future.]
She had a point there.
[Rosealine, you can't keep doing this. How have you not learned?]
I crossed my arms.
[Why is everyone so convinced that I have to be with Ah Si?]
Without blinking, Zhuang pulled a flash drive from the pocket of her jacket.
[Because you gave me this.]
I blinked in shock as I stared at her.
[What's on it?]
[Every thought you had before you 'died'. You're the only girl Ah Si ever brought to this house and that scares you.]
I looked at her and sighed pretty hard, like I needed to find a way to breathe.
[I want Lei. I want to explore what Mezzie might be like to be with. I want to love Ximen the way he deserves.]
[You can't be everything to everyone.]
[Don't you think I know that? I spent years being abused and mistreated. How is it fair that I don't get to feel everything I've wanted?]
[That's just it, Rosealine. Life isn't fair. You need to grow up.]
I wiped a tear that started to run down my cheek.
[They deserve better than me.]
She reached over and wrapped her hand around my arm.
[You're the best thing that's ever happened to them. Me included.]
I smiled a little at her as I started to cry. She was right. I had to choose. Making everyone suffer like this wasn't fair.
[But why Ah Si? Why not Lei?]
[Loving someone because they need you isn't love, Rosealine. Loving someone because you want to, is.]
Something in the back of my mind rang a very faint bell.
[I'm not trying to force you two together. I know how hard choosing is for you. I just want you to think about it some more and at the very least, take it back down to the two people you know you need.]
She placed a hand on my cheek and wiped the tears away as they fell.
[I am your sister after all. I have to look out for you.]
I smiled as she patted my cheek. She was right. Always was. I needed to stop being childish and most of all, I needed to stop being selfish. But with the way things had occurred in my life, how could I tell if Lei was the one I loved because he needed me or if he was the one I loved, because I wanted to love him? How could I tell if Ah Si was the one I wanted to love because I wanted to or if he was the one I loved, because he needed me?
[Ximen's POV]
I had just driven up to Rose's driveway when I saw a black SUV pull out of it. I hesitated for a moment before driving up to her house in a hurry. I quickly parked and hopped out as I realized a box had been left on her doorstep.
I picked up and opened the attached card, knowing it wasn't going to be anything good.
[Dear little Xue of mine,
You can run, but you can't hide. Let this be a warning to you.
You will come home when I tell you too.
Love,
Mother]
I dropped the card and quickly opened the box. Inside was the severed finger of what appeared to a man. A black lotus was tattooed at the base just above the ring it was wearing.
I glared at the box as I tried not to throw up. Of course they had found her. How could they not? We didn't exactly hide her now did we?
I took the box and the card and placed them on the floorboard of the passenger's side of my car and got back in. I called Meizuo as I drove off. Rose was obviously not home so checking on her at this hour would have been pointless.
[Rose's POV]
That next morning was hard. I had decided to skip my classes and practice the harp in one of the music practice rooms. I started playing Sadness and Sorrow from an anime I had started watching a while back. Then I transitioned into My Heart Will Go On.
From there I started playing Bach's Prelude No.1 in C Major. It's one of my more favorite pieces so I just fiddled around with that for a bit. It wasn't very long before I heard the familiar tune of a certain violin. It was accompanying me and I smiled as I shook my head. I turned around to look at Lei as he set his violin down on the piano beside me.
[When your classmates told me you hadn't come to class today, I thought you might be here.]
I grinned as he stood beside me.
[You always know where to find me.]
[Great minds think alike.]
I stood up and gave him a small hug. He returned it and smiled as I walked over to the door to grab my bag.
[Have you eaten yet, Lei?]
He shook his head as he grabbed his violin and placed it back in it's case.
[I wanted to ask you if you would join me.]
[Sure.]
I grinned as I slid my bag over my shoulder. We walked out of the practice room and headed towards the cafeteria. I couldn't take not telling Lei about what happened last night, so I did the only thing I could do…I told him everything.
[I see.]
I scratched the back of my head as he stopped to look at me.
[Do you want to give Ah Si a chance then?]
I sighed as I looked up at him. This was one of those days that I wish I had worn heels instead of my DC's.
[I honestly don't know what I want at this point.]
He smiled as he started walking again.
[What?]
I followed him.
[Let's deal with Ah Si first, then we can deal with everything else.]
I nodded as we walked outside. We were walking side by side when we noticed the boys sitting on the stairs of the courtyard.
Meizuo grinned as he saw us.
[Rosie. Lei.]
I smiled at him as Ximen looked at us. He seemed worried. Ah Si looked at us as well but with more of a glare than a look.
Ah Si then returned his glare to Meizuo.
[Who said you could talk to them?]
I rolled my eyes.
[Dao, how long are you going to keep this up?]
Ximen nodded.
[How long, Ah Si?]
Meizuo looked at him.
[We can't just disband F4 like this? Nor can we just act like Rose isn't a part of us either.]
Just then, like on que, my friend Kai came running down the stairs. I don't know how long it's been since I last saw him, but it was good to see him.
[Xue! Xue!]
I smiled at him as he stopped and held up a brown paper bag.
[Look, Xue. I brought some bananas from my uncle's place!]
I sighed as I shook my head.
[What's wrong?]
Kai then looked at everyone. You could feel the tension between us.
[Who said F4 was disbanding?]
Ah Si then looked at us as he pointed at Kai.
[He'll be the new F4 member.]
I looked at Lei the same moment he looked at Ah Si. I slid my hands into my jacket pockets as I looked at Ah Si too.
Kai just stared at Ah Si.
[Are you serious? I'm a part of F4 now?]
It was all I could do not to roll my eyes at Kai.
[Also, you're forbidden to talk to them.]
Kai crossed his arms.
[That's impossible. Xue's my best friend. She's your friend too, right?]
Ah Si turned and glared at Kai, who in turn, looked at me. I shrugged as he nodded.
Ah Si then stood and walked over to Lei and me. He stayed on the last stair so he could glare down at Lei. Lei just continued to stare ahead.
[Ah Si!]
Ximen stood quickly and Meizuo followed.
[How could you be so heartless?]
[What? I'm going to do everything I can to make them suffer. That's what they get for hurting me.]
I scoffed.
[Grow up will you?]
Meizuo cut in.
[Ah Si, if you go on like this, our friendship will go up in smoke. We just got Rose back. How can you act like this?]
Ah Si turned to them.
[I couldn't care less. What kind of friendship is this?]
He had a point.
[And since no one cares, let's just disband then.]
[Ah Si!]
Ximen was beside himself. He rarely loses his composure but this was pushing his limits.
[Are you done? I'm disappointed in you.]
[You people have made me more disappointed.]
That statement was aimed more at me than them. But I get it.
Meizuo seemed desperate when he spoke next.
[Stop it, guys. The friendship between the five of us should outweigh everything. Why has it come to this?]
[Why? Is it my fault? Has it ever been?]
Here we go again.
Ah Si turned to look at Lei again as I sighed.
[It's your fault, Lei.]
[Ah Si. Just deal with me alone. Leave Rose out of this.]
Dao chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second.
[Fine. I will.]
Ah Si started to walk off and out of habit, I called after him.
[Dao wait!]
He sighed pretty hard as he stopped.
I walked over to him and stood in front of him.
[Just let me say two things before you walk off.]
He just stared over my head.
[You have one left.]
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
[This whole thing is my fault. It was my fault then, and it's my fault now. I have always been able to stand you not forgiving me but this has gone far enough. I'm sorry, Daoming Si…for everything.]
I bowed. As far over as I could get myself. I've never apologized to him. I figured it was just time. I was the literal cause of this. For that, I'll always be sorry.
I stood back up and looked at Ah Si. He was looking down at me confused and more angry than he was before. Which caught me off guard.
[I'm finally taking responsibility for my indecisiveness. We've all been friends since childhood, but you've managed to stick together with Lie even after I was gone. I hope the bond you've built after that is strong enough to hold. I hope you won't let me ruin something that special.]
[Rosealine Evervine, you were bullied many times, and put up with so much over this time and you've never backed down. Not then and not back then. Yet, you're apologizing to me, because of him. Do you care that much about him?!]
I could hear the sadness in his voice.
[You've changed. I'm not even sure I know who you are any more.]
[Dao…]
[Fine. You want to take responsibility?]
[I do.]
[Daoming Si.]
Ah Si turned around to look at Lei the same time I looked at him.
[If you want to punish someone, punish me.]
[Huaze Lei!]
I couldn't believe him right now.
Dao walked over to Lei.
[If you say so. I'll give you what you want. Let's play for it.]
They looked at each other for a moment before Ah Si walked off. He then threw the F4 joker card at him and I caught it. Kai Looked at me and handed me the bag.
[Here.]
[Thank you, Kai. Go ahead and follow him. They'll go back to the club room.]
He nodded and walked off. I turned to Lei as I sighed.
[I wish you hadn't done that.]
[Should I have let you continue to embarrass yourself?]
I shook my head.
[I'm taking a sick day. I'm not going to any of my classes. I'll just do the work later.]
[Are you sure you want to do that?]
[Yeah…]
Lei walked off as I followed him.
We got our lunch and ate together on the roof. When we were done, I walked with Lei back to his Music theory class and then I went back to my locker. I had been avoiding it for a while now so when I opened it, I was not surprised to see it clean. I was surprised to see a little bottle filled with sand. A small note was beside it.
[Thought you might want a souvenir. Sorry about the mess. - Ah Si]
I grabbed the bottle and noticed it was a keychain. It had to have been here a while. A long while. I added it to my bag as I closed and locked it.
I guess I'll just go home. There's no reason to be here today. I'm not going to be able to focus.
I started walking home and somehow found myself at Ah Si's house instead. I sighed as I walked up to the door and knocked.
Mr. Liu opened the door.
[Hello Rosealine. Ah Si isn't home yet, but Zhuang is if you'd like to talk with her.]
[I would love to.]
[Right this way then.]
I walked in as he closed the door behind me. I followed him into the living room where Zhuang was having tea at the same table we were both at previously.
She looked at me and smiled.
[Rosealine, please, do sit down. Have some tea with me. Thank you, Mr. Liu. You may go now.]
He bowed and left us as I sat in the chair she had pushed out for me.
[Come now. Tell me everything as the tea brews.]
I told her everything that had transpired that day.
[I can't believe you're skipping your classes over all of this. It's just like you though. You never could handle the stress.]
She started to pour the tea.
[Zhuang, please. You have to help me think of something. The only thing I'm good at is pissing him off.]
She sighed as she handed me my cup.
[This is the Red Robe tea. It's famous in Mount Wuyi. I bought it specially from Ximen's family. I'll get Mr. Liu to pack some for you if you like it. I can't remember if you've ever had it. Try those snacks too. They're delicious and I can't finish them alone.]
[You're not listening at all are you?]
[I heard you.]
[I can't tell. I'm a worried mess and all you can talk about so far is tea and snacks.]
She sighed pretty hard.
[Please help me talk to Ah Si.]
[What makes you think he'll listen to me?]
[He respects you.]
[Tell me. How did Ah Si and Lei get into this mess again?]
I hung my head. I knew where this was going.
[It was my doing.]
[Then what good will I do? It's never ended well before and it won't end well now.]
I sighed as I placed a hand on the back of my head.
[I know. But I'm getting desperate. I used to know how to handle these boys but the more mess I cause, the more I realize Ah Si is right. I don't know them anymore.]
[If you didn't, you wouldn't be here.]
[I guess. I'm running out of options, Zhuang. I know that if I leave, Lei and Ah Si will be fine but…]
She cut me off by hitting the side of my head.
[Ow!]
[And here I was thinking you were a smart girl. Only you can change Ah Si's mind. Only you can end this Cold War.]
[I get that. However, I think winning the poker match will only anger him further.]
Zhuang groaned at me.
[You can't be this stupid.]
[Oh gee, thanks.]
She grabbed my hand and placed it on her heart.
[You must use this.]
[My heart?]
She nodded.
[That's how I got us into this mess.]
She glared at me as she let my hand go.
[You know what I meant.]
I smiled as I started drinking the tea.
[Do you like it?]
I nodded as I set the cup down. She then called Mr. Liu into the room and asked him to wrap some up for me as well as some of the bubble tea filled pineapple cakes I was trying to eat. They were a bit chewy okay?
Once I had my Togo bag I hugged Zhuang who gladly hugged me back.
[Stay strong, Rosealine. I believe in you.]
[Thanks sis.]
She grinned back at me as I walked out of the house. I really only knew how to fight with Ah Si. How was I going to end all this using my heart? I sent Lei a message asking him to practice with me until we faced the challenge. I hadn't played in a long while and I needed to play. I placed my phone back in my pocket and started walking down the driveway when I noticed Ah Si was parked by the hedge line. He was leaning against his car with his head hung as stared at the ground.
He looked up at me as I walked over to him. I stopped a few feet away and straightened my back.
[I guess there's no other way to say this so, listen up. Don't assume that just because we have a history that I'm going to take it easy on you. I didn't come here to surrender. Huaze Lei and I are a team this time. We'll win, so long as we do our best. I will not lose like this. Got it?]
He continued to stare at me and it was making me uneasy.
[Why aren't you saying anything? I thought you'd like the chance to argue with me.]
I was confused and then suddenly surprised as he stood up and walked over to me, pulling me into his embrace as he did so.
[Just tell me you like me and I'll cancel the bet with Huaze Lei.]
I tried to push him off but he just held onto me tighter.
[Just say it, okay? Say it.]
He was desperate and wanted to give me one last change to make the decision on my own.
[Dao, let go. You're actually starting to hurt me.]
That was strange for me, might I add. I think I might have just realized how much stronger they were than me. They really didn't need me at all.
Ah Si grabbed my shoulders as he stepped back. A grip that would bruise later if he held on too long.
[Say it. Say you like me!]
[For the last time, Ah Si, stop it! I won't make it like this!]
I grabbed a hold of his wrists as he looked at me. I could see him begging. I could just say it and this would all be over. But I was too stubborn for that, now wasn't I?
[Do you hate me that much?]
I was taken aback for a moment.
[Hate you? I don't hate you.]
[Then why must it be Lei? Why does it always have to be my best friend?]
[I…I don't know how to answer that question, Dao. I really don't.]
Liar.
He scoffed as he let me go.
[I must be stupid. Why do I even like you? You're indecisive, impulsive, and annoying. You have no figure, no sense of direction, and you lack style.]
[You've made your point, Dao.]
He sighed as he looked back down at me.
[Are you sure you and Lei want to challenge me?]
[I've never backed down from a challenge before. I'm going to start now. I'll accept any and all consequences.]
[What if you lose?]
[Not going to happen.]
[You better not regret it later. And…I'm going to go easy on you, either. Just so you know.]
He brushed past me and I scoffed.
[Daoming Si!]
He stopped.
[I'm not backing down. We'll use your deck. I won't regret it either.]
He turned to look at me as he tried not to smile.
[Now that's the Rosealine I know, and remember.]
I smiled as he walked off. I hoped he would understand what I was doing. I hoped they all would. I hated none of them and loved them equally, or so I kept telling myself.
When I got home, I pulled the last of the herb I had been given and set it next to the stove for later. The only thing I would regret was not having made this decision sooner. I know what I'm going to do. What I will do. This time, I wasn't going to do it because I was a coward. No. This time, I was doing it because coming here in the first place was the wrong decision.
My boys are in danger because of me. If the video of my adoptive father's ring finger being cut off wasn't bad enough, I knew one of them had found the box. I wasn't sure as to whom, but I wasn't going to let this go much farther. They needed each other. They didn't need me. Or at least, this version of me.
Rosealine, don't you dare do what I think you're going to do. I will write you right out of this thing and bring in a new character. Don't you make me do that.
Yeah, okay, I'm bluffing. But is Rose?
Stay tuned to find out!
P.S.
I've had a request come in so I'm going to be working on that next.
Still working on a title for it but it's for Ah Si and Shancai so keep a look out for that as well.
~Leave some love~