Transcript #3

D: Good morning! Welcome back! I was really proud of both of you last time. I thought we really made some great progress.

C: Me, too. (Looks at L. and smiles.) You really helped us.

L: (Smiles back at C.) Indeed. I think we are seeing light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, if I may say so.

D: I'm so glad you both agree. And I love that you are holding hands this morning! But I'm not sure we're done here, Lucifer. I think we may have a few more loose-ends to tie up, so to speak.

L: (Sighs.) Yes, the marriage ceremony. (Looks at C.) You know how I feel about it. It doesn't matter to me. It can't matter to me. But you can have whatever ceremony you want.

D: Lucifer, I'm hearing that the ceremony is not as important to you as it is to Chloe.

C: Honestly, I'm not sure it's all that important to me, either. I mean, if Lucifer says we're married, then that's it as far as I'm concerned. Who's going to say 'no' to him?

L: I was hoping you'd see it that way.

D: I don't understand. Chloe, I thought you were concerned about the ceremony and who was going to officiate it. I was thinking of the religious angle. You know, two people with differing beliefs, trying to find a common ground. But now you say it's not that important to you. I'm confused.

C: (Nods.) I can see why. But it's not a religious thing. (Looks at L.) I think it's fair to say that we both see eye-to-eye on Heaven and Hell and God. We're kind of aligned on those issues. But what I said last time was 'who would we get to actually marry us?' Who would perform the ceremony?

D: Because you two couldn't agree on an officiant?

L: No. Because who has the authority to bind me in marriage? You know, 'til death do you part.' That stuff. Basically, not applicable to me. (Looks at C.) But if you want a fancy ceremony, then a fancy ceremony you shall have. I've given it a bit of thought, and I believe I can get the Pope to perform the ceremony at the Vatican, if that would suffice.

D: The … the Pope? As in Pope Francis? The actual Pope?

L: Yes, if that's what she wants. We'll get the Vatican for the ceremony and we'll have all the Cardinals as witnesses. (Looks at C.) Just say the word. I'll pop-off to make it happen.

C: Thank you, Lucifer. I mean it. Thank you. But that sounds like too much, you know? Too much ceremony and probably too much explaining. What would you tell the Pope?

L: The truth, of course. I always tell the truth. (Pauses.) Might be a bit hard for him to accept, though.

C: (Nods.)

D: So, uh. Let's perhaps have a more practical discussion. What about a local ceremony? Would you two consider getting married here in Los Angeles?

C: That makes sense. Maybe a Justice of the Peace? Just a quickie at the Courthouse?

L: How prosaic. Might as well hop to Las Vegas and get it done there. (Looks at C.) And you know I don't do 'quickies.' (C. smiles.)

C: Okay. No quickies. (Smiles.) But Las Vegas is a hard no. I think you've already been there and done that. No. I don't want to be Las Vegas Wife Number Two, thank you very much.

D: So you've been married before, Lucifer?

L: Well, technically yes. We were married. Lasted about two or three weeks. Now divorced.

C: And how is Candy?

L: She's fine. Owns her own casino, now. And don't be jealous, darling. It was only ever a marriage of convenience. She meant nothing to me.

D: And Chloe. You've also been married before, as I recall. How long did that marriage last?

C: About nine years, officially. We were separated at the end. This was before I met Lucifer, of course. We got separated and then we decided to make the separation official. (Pauses.) And then I got engaged to Marcus and then I broke that off. Thank God! (L. smiles.) And then Dan—my ex—found somebody else, but she died. In fact, it was Marcus who killed her. And then Marcus tried to kill us, but Lucifer killed him instead. (Pauses.) And then Dan died, killed by some thugs who'd been hired by Lucifer's brother.

D: I must say, this sounds like a soap opera plot, even though I know those events caused real trauma for you, real feelings you've had to work through. When you recite those events, Chloe, how does the story make you feel?

C: I guess … sad. Especially when Dan died. Even though I know his death wasn't my fault. I just feel sad, especially for Trixie, but I'm not as sad as I was a while ago. As you said, I'm working through the feelings. Being with Lucifer is helping me focus on the future, not the past.

L: Thank you, m'dear.

D: My point is, you both have prior marriages. You both have baggage—emotional baggage—from your prior relationships. I think you both have to be honest about what you bring to your new relationship and how that baggage affects your relationship. If you talk about it, you can deal with it.

C: (Nods.) Truth be told, I'm a little freaked-out by Lucifer's baggage. I mean, there's just so much to deal with.

L: I don't fully understand. Chloe, you know you're my first love. You know that. What else can matter?

D: I wonder if Chloe's talking about other lovers.

C: (Nods.)

L: Why would that even matter? Yes, I've had lovers. So has she! I mean, there's Trixie. I don't think she sprang out of thin air. (Pauses.) I was never under the impression that Chloe was a virgin. Neither was I. Why do past lovers matter?

C: (Whispers.) How many?

L: What?

C: Lovers. How many?

L: Really. We're counting now?

D: Chloe, I need to ask why this matters to you. Lucifer is right. You've both had other lovers in the past. But you're together now. That should be all that matters.

C: Ask him. Ask him how many.

D: All right. Lucifer, can you give me an estimate of the numbers of lovers you've had before Chloe?

L: Men or women?

D: Uh, both, I guess.

L: Thousands. Easily thousands. (Shugs.) I like sex. I've always liked sex.

D: Uh…Are you sure you're not exaggerating just a bit?

C: (Quietly.) No. He's not. He never lies, don't you get that? We had a case a few years ago, we had to interview his past lovers. 98 of them. And that was just from the past two months! You look at that rate over a decade, you would count at least 5,000 lovers. At least!

L: (Nods.) That's not wrong. Now ask me how many lovers I've had since Chloe and I got together.

D: Okay, how many since then?

L: None. Zilch. Nada. (Looks at C.) Only you.

C: For how long?

L: What does that mean?

C: How long until you get tired of me? How long until you want another threesome, or a foursome? Or a 'Decker sandwich'? How long until I get old and gray and you start looking for somebody younger?

L: Ah. There it is.

D: Is there an age gap here? Because I have to tell you, I'm not seeing it.

C: (Laughs.) Oh, yes. There's a hell of an age gap. And that gap is only going to get worse.

D: Chloe, I can tell this age difference bothers you. Can you tell us what's on your mind?

C: I'm going to get old and he's not going to age a bit. I'm going to be all wrinkly and gray. I'm going to go through menopause. And him? He's going to stay exactly the same. Forever.

D: I hear you saying you're worried about whether your love will last through the years. Whether he's still be attracted to you as the years go by.

C: (Snorts.) It isn't that. Not at all. It's that I'm going to age and he's not going to.

L: Chloe, darling. Why are you worried about this?

C: Because I'm human and you're not. (Starts to cry.)

D: Is this another metaphor?

C/L: (Together.) Shut up!

L: Chloe, this is not something you have to worry about. Not now and not ever.

C: Tell me why. (Pauses.) Because as far as I know, I'm mortal. Whereas you … are not.

D: I don't understand ...

C/L: (Together.) Shut up!

L: You see that ring? (C. nods.) The stone: what color is it?

C: It's a mix. Black and white.

L: Once upon a time that stone was white. Then it was black. Now it's a mixture. There's a story behind that stone; I'll tell you the story one day. But not today. (Pauses.) Here's what you need to know. So long as there is any black in that stone, you won't die. You'll be like me.

C: (Crying.) How can that be?

D: But …

L: I told you. There's a story behind that stone. I know it. Maze knows it. Even Trixie knows it, more or less. And I'll tell you that story, just not here in front of the Doctor.

C: I want to believe you.

L: Have I ever lied to you?

C: (Whispers.) No. You never lie.

L: So that's that, then. You're not going to age. Or if you do, it will be very, very slowly.

D: I don't understand this metaphor. Not at all.

L: And even if the ring doesn't work as I believe it will, you still have another ace in the hole, so to speak.

C: What's that?

L: Me. You know what's going to happen when I am … promoted, right?

C: I'm not sure.

D: I'm totally lost here.

L: You don't think I'm going to let you age, do you? I mean, what kind of God would I be if I couldn't send a miracle or two your way?

D: Maybe we should take a break …

C/L: (Together.) Shut up!

C: Are you sure?

L: As sure as I can be.

C: (Smiles.) Okay then.

L: Sorted. (Looks at D.) Well, thank you very much, Doctor. This has indeed been most therapeutic.

D: Wait!

C/L: (Together.) What?

D: Where did you decide to get married?

L: (Looks at C.) You know what I'm thinking?

C: (Smiles.) Yes, I think I do.

L: Let's get Amenadiel to officiate.

C: Excellent idea.

L: We'll have the ceremony at Lux. Just a few close friends.

C: And then the reception after?

L: Indeed.

D: Well, that resolved quickly.

C/L: (Stand up together to depart.)

D: Wait, one last thing.

C/L: (Sits back down.)

C: Yes, Doctor?

D: We haven't talked about sex. Quite a bit of my therapy sessions touch on the couple's sex life. Normally, that is.

C: And…?

D: Is it satisfying?

C: (Smiles.) You have no idea.

L: (Smiles.)

End of Transcript #3