A/N: Hello readers! Hope you are well!

Here's another gut-wrenching chapter which I hope you will love.

Enjoy!

The Doctor entered the console room. The companion was smoothing the cold metal of the main console, and two gym bags were next to the door. She took a step way from the console as soon as she noticed the Doctor entering. "So, this is it." She breathed a laugh uneasily, holding back the tears.

"Clara -"

"No. Don't." She shook her head. "You'll make it more difficult." Clara bit her bottom lip to try and hold back the tears. "I still don't get why you're doing this. This... You, are the reason I'm still alive. You've made yourself essential to me... And you think you can just disappear? I don't care about how unsafe it is outside. You're closing me out again." She sniffed. "Now I know how other people feel whenever we're indifferent. I locked out every single person's emotion because I was taught that it was necessary. Hurt and pain is necessary." By this point, she was trembling but struggling to keep her composure. "I just never thought you would do it to me. For all it's worth, for how much you care about me, you could have at least let me down slowly." She sniffed yet again, hoping she wouldn't break down. The companion wasn't searching for sympathy. She was confused and frustrated at the man she prayed to call her soulmate. "I just hope, one day, you'll regret your decision and come back. That's all I ask."

He didn't say a word. Clara was hurt. He'd never seen her this hurt. If only... If only she would understand... If only she could see how much he was suffering... That he was doing all this for the sake of love... If only she heard how much his hearts pleaded get to stay... If only she knew about the battle and the torment he was going through.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Clara's heels against the cold metal floor as she made her way to the gym bags; taking one in each hand. She opened the creaking door, placing the two bags outside.

He looked at her longingly as she turned one last time at him as she held the door open. Her eyes were so inflated he would have commented on them had he not changed so much since he regenerated. "Thank you for showing me the stars. I hope I see you again."

She walked out the door, the latter closing with a barely audible click.

The Doctor couldn't move. He double breathed as tears made their way down his cheeks. He messed it up. And it was all for love.

It was worse than when they had left each other after PE's death. She looked happy when he had left her back then. Of course, he thought soldier had come back.

But now, both of them were visibly ached. Clara didn't want to leave, and he didn't want it either. Yet, he also knew that if they were to keep this up, she'd die right in front of him. He'd lose her and it would be all his fault.

Better not risk it, mainly for her sake... But also his.

The TARDIS gave a shrill. You'd better leave before you change your mind, Doctor. Run like hell.

And so he obeyed. The time lord dried his eyes with the back of his hands before pulling the lever down.

Clara was safe on Earth... That was all he could ever wish for.

Day 4 without the Doctor.

Life had become dull. Even duller than the life she had before a hyperactive monk showed up at the Maitland's doorstep.

Her life was now reduced to home... to school... to home. She would try to distract herself by scrolling social media for hours on end or watching the same episode of Eastenders on loop. She hadn't even finished correcting Year 11's tests...

Clara hardly ate anything. During her first day, she didn't even cook anything.

There was nothing she could do to get the Doctor off her mind. Especially when everything around her reminded her of him. The bed, the sofa, the kitchen, the TV...

She'd spend hours sitting at the edge of the bed, waiting for that gorgeous sound.

There had been so many times when Clara dreaded that sound... especially during family gatherings.

But now, she'd do anything to hear the old cow's wheezing and groaning as she materialised in her bedroom corner, to hear the voice of her hard-headed time lord...

It was that hope that she clung to...

and it was that hope that was slowly turning her insane.

One night, she had woken up in the middle of the night, her eyes wide open, gleaming... Clara swore she had heard the TARDIS materialising somewhere close. She looked around, desperately trying to find the Doctor. Clara sprung up from her bed, roaming through her small apartments with a wide smile on her face, trying to find out where the TARDIS had materialised, as well as check out the windows, in hope of seeing a random blue police box parked outside. As desperation was thrust upon her like a heavy quilt, she broke down crying in the middle of the living room. She woke up on the floor the next day, have an ice cold shower, dress and go to school.

She'd rather take the bus than the motorcycle to Coal Hill now. The motorcycle reminded her too much of the Doctor and besides... She'd be an emotional mess to be able to drive her way to school.

Courtney had asked about her teacher's latest adventure with Doctor. She put on a brave smile, said that it was amazing... That he had taken her to Antarctica to visit the current Expedition. But she cut short. Courtney felt that something was wrong, and she did ask her teacher. The latter dismissed the claim, saying that Courtney was going to be late for Mr Richards' math class (Mr Pink's substitute). As soon as the girl left the otherwise empty class, Clara's smile faded, trying to hold back the tears as she packed her bag for home.

Nothing on Earth had changed. Everyone else continued with their own life without a hitch.

Yet, Clara's life was broken into pieces no one could possibly glue back together.

Everything had become tasteless.

He had cut all ties with her just to keep her safe. The Doctor would never understand that for Clara, there was nowhere as safe as in his arms.

And she wouldn't trade that for anything.

Day 14 without Clara.

The TARDIS was a mess.

The time lord who lived in it was a mess. Emotionally and physically.

And the TARDIS didn't know how to help him without getting Clara back.

He hardly ate. Anything he did eat, he would throw up.

His sleep schedule had become worse than before. Clara... Clara was the one who would help him fall asleep. Her scent, her voice, her soothing breaths, the feeling of her fingertips on his chest... It was all gone.

Not only didn't he not fall asleep, but any time he was able to merely venture into the world of Sleep would give him nightmares of Clara, as pale as a ghost, laying in his arms. And he'd wake up screaming.

No Clara, no consolation... The lonely god.

It's for her own good, Doctor. He'd try to convince himself. Better this than to ever hold her cold limp body in your arms.

He had been told numerous times to not be alone. But he had seen so much death, so much suffering to anyone who even got close to him, that it would have been better that way. Unattached and alone. As it should be.

He'd done this once... After the Ponds left.

And then, she came along. His Clara. And in less than 24 hours, she died in front of him.

The Impossible Girl.

Now that he had the Original, his own Clara, he wouldn't - couldn't - imagine her dead in his arms.

Not her.

Not his Clara.

Everything around him reminded the Doctor of her. The console room, the kitchen, the Library, the Planetarium... his bedroom.

Many times he would have the temptation to place the coordinates to Clara's flat, pull the lever and go to her. He would spend hours staring at the console, thinking about all the possible scenarios he would face. Say he was sorry, that he wished he would have never pushed her away. He'd beg her to come back aboard the TARDIS. He'd confess his feelings to her, that he can't spend another day without her. The Doctor didn't give a damn if she were to slap him so hard he would regenerate.

He was once very close to doing that. The Doctor had decided that he would visit her as she slept. Just to see her resting peacefully one last time. To see that she was safe and well without him, probably hanging out a boyfriend.

He pulled the lever, but just before the TARDIS was done materialising in the living room, he soon commanded the TARDIS to take off. His knees felt weak, the pain in his hearts was unbearable. The time lord broke down crying there and then, his screams echoing through the time machine's corridors.

After that time, he ceased to stare at the console unit.

His job was to protect her. Going back to her wouldn't achieve anything other than starting another fight.

Was this hell even worth keeping her safe?

A/N: hope you enjoyed this chapter (apologies for the feels). Feedback is my motivation, as always, and I would truly appreciate any comments (ideas, thought or constructive critisism) you might have :)

Only 2 more planned chapters left, so if you're enjoying the story so far... stay tuned! It isn't ready!

Take care and stay safe xxxxx