Author's Note: This story comes after The Tomato-Bastard's Gift. The title of this story is translated to "I am Myself." I hope you enjoy.

Germany was still questioning himself as to the reason of his insistence for a therapist. He was sitting in Northern Ireland's living room, waiting for that nation to come back. Germany was fine, surely. He was just tired and overworked. Not that he would blame anyone but himself over that fact. He liked working. It gave him purpose… even though he knew he should focus a little more on family, friends, and other hobbies. Old habits die hard.

And then, the boy with the black hat looked at him again, standing in the shadows in between the bookshelves. Him. That was the reason Germany was there. This ghost kept following him everywhere, looking at him with this judging look. It was as if there was something Germany was doing wrong… or forgetting…

"So," Northern Ireland came back to the sitting room, with a tray of tea, "Where do you want to begin? I'll follow your lead, seeing as I have no idea what you are here for. Ire didn't tell me."

"Well, I didn't really tell him much." Germany was still wondering why Ireland suggested to talk to Northern Ireland instead. This nation reminded him a lot of Italy. He had that bubbly personality. The main difference was that Northern Ireland was more of an introvert, based from what Ireland had told Germany in their conversations. "I've been… having a harder time concentrating. It's gotten to the point where the people I'm close to are noticing and are worried."

"I did see you were looking at this one particular part of the conference room during the world meeting last month. Is that a part of it?"

Germany nodded. He was annoyed during that whole meeting because of the fact that the ghost was there. Staring at Germany and watching his every move. "We do have doctor/patient confidentiality?" Germany asked. If any of this got out for any reason… it would be a social disaster for him.

"Yes?"

"…I, um… This is going to sound insane…"

"I've deal with leprechauns on a regular basis. There's no judgement here." Northern Ireland smiled kindly.

As much as Germany would have liked to know what leprechauns did, he knew it would have to wait for another day. "I think a ghost is following me."

Northern Ireland looked confused. "Huh. That's less therapy and more ghostbuster work if you ask me. Is it here now?"

"Yes," Germany looked over back to the boy, who had come a little closer. He seemed interested in the proceedings. "He's here."

"What does he look like? Is he transparent?"

"No… He's…" Germany wasn't sure how to put it into words. "The best I can describe him is that he looks like a younger version of myself… except… moody."

"Does he have a name?" Northern Ireland asked, taking out a stone with a hole at its center.

Germany looked at the boy, who scowled back at him. His sapphire blue eyes pierced through Germany's heart. "…Holy Roman Empire."

"He's a nation?" Northern Ireland had put the rock up to his left eye, looking over to the chair the blond boy stood at. "You sound very hesitant about him. Does he threaten you?"

"No. Not really. He is something of the past."

"But he does concern you. What does the Holy Roman Empire mean to you?"

Germany sighed. "There is a sizable gap in my memory. Most things before WWI are muddled for me. I know nothing of my childhood and the unification is in pieces. The only thing I know is that this body was once Holy Roman Empire's before he died."

Northern Ireland lowered the stone, looking back at Germany. "You don't consider him and you as the same person?"

"We are different nations. He is a different person. I don't have any of his memories."

Northern Ireland wrote something down. "Have you ever had a feeling of déjà vu? A feeling that you couldn't explain why you felt it?"

"… I have." Germany wasn't sure where Northern Ireland was going with this. "Once, um… I was at a local festival. A revival of sorts. I couldn't help but feel like I had been there before… with someone else… Probably a memory of when I was younger that I've forgotten."

"Have you had a feeling like that with another person?"

"Yes… when I first met Italy. But it was his first time meeting me as well, so we couldn't have known each other before. He remembers everything." Germany had always felt a little jealous of Italy because of it. Italy had centuries worth of memories that he would talk about constantly. He was well versed in not only his own history, but where he came from as well. Germany wished he had that.

"Hm…" Northern Ireland wrote down a few more notes. "Ludwig… first, do you mind if I call you that?" Germany gave permission. "You can call me Spiér… or North. Most of my friends call me North. Anyway, would you humor me, Ludwig? There is something I would like to try with you."

"And what may that be?"

Northern Ireland took out a clear crystal tied to the end of a chain. "Hypnosis. It's a technique used to get at memories that people suppress. I'd record it, and give you a copy so that you'd be able to listen to it later. Only if you want, though."

Germany really didn't like the thought of it… but… the boy from the chair looked very intrigued. "Fine."

"Don't sound so resigned. You do have a choice, and there are other things we can do."

"But this is what you recommend. It sounds like a direct way to do it."

"Alright then." Northern Ireland got up and fiddled around with a CD player nearby. Germany adjusted himself in his seat so he was sitting at attention. "Relax, Ludwig. You're too tense. Have you ever been under hypnosis before?"

"Nein."

"This should be interesting then. Ok," Northern Ireland walked over to Germany and pulled up a chair so he was closer. "I mean it. You have to relax and trust me. Or else this isn't going to work."

Germany took a deep breath. "I trust you."

"Let's begin then." Northern Ireland let the pendulum dangle from his hand. It did catch the light in an interesting way, making the crystal look as though there was a rainbow trapped inside.

88888

Germany wasn't sure when he spaced out, but he became extra aware of his surroundings after a time. He knew he was slumped on the couch, his head resting on the arm of it. He sat up again, and noticed he was alone. There were scones out on the table and the tea pot was missing. The grandfather clock told him that it had been a few hours.

Northern Ireland came back, holding the tea pot as well as a small dish of lemons.

"What happened?" Germany asked. His voice sounded a bit rough.

"Ah, you're up. Good. As I said, you were hypnotized. It was very interesting. How do you feel?"

"Surprisingly well rested? And… a bit sad." He wasn't sure why the latter.

"Well, I'm not surprised. You got very sentimental over your lost lover, so…" Northern Ireland saw Germany's confused face. "Right, I should explain. First, I don't know if you will get back any memory of being under hypnosis. It varies from person to person, but I do have the recording for you to listen to on your own time. I'll cut out the induction bit, because that part is boring and I don't want you going back under like that."

Germany didn't like the build up to what happened. It made him more nervous than he maybe should have been. "Please, get to the point."

"Ah, yes. Well, long story short, your younger self wants you to remember your past and find your lover."

"Why?"

Northern Ireland shrugged. "I didn't get an answer to that. That's something for you to find out. Or not. The way I see it, Ludwig, is that you are at a crossroads. You could ignore the issue of your younger self following you, but I highly doubt you want things to stay the way they are."

"Nein, you're right. So, what are my options?"

"You can either try to remember your past, or suppress it completely."

Germany tried not to show he was frustrated with the first option. "I've been trying to remember though." Prussia had tried so many times to get Germany to remember his childhood; none of which succeeded.

"I bet you have. And it's not your fault. The memories of your childhood are locked in a very secluded part of your head. I couldn't get there because you can't get there. Now, I am magical, so I can break that lock so that you can remember those things. Now, if you don't want to do that, I can do the opposite and suppress those memories even deeper than they already are so that your younger self doesn't bother you anymore."

Germany cringed a bit. "I'm not mad about it, but North," Germany thought it was odd calling Northern Ireland something casual, but there he was, "Holy Roman Empire isn't me. We are two separate entities."

"Do you really believe that?"

"You don't."

"That doesn't matter."

Germany thought about it for a moment. "…not exactly. But, I had to, because Prussia would not stop calling me Holy Roman Empire when I was younger. I eventually gave him the name Ludwig as something to call me because I was so frustrated. I was no longer Holy Roman Empire."

"But, you do admit, you were once."

Germany begrudgingly nodded. "But that stays here."

Northern Ireland poured some tea for Germany. "That all depends what you want to do next. Think about it. I have to edit the recording anyway." Northern Ireland pulled his laptop up and began preparing the CD.

Germany sipped on his tea, while eyeing the scones. He had heard the infamy of England's scones, but would Northern Ireland's be the same? Eventually, Germany caved and had a scone. His final verdict was not bad, which is a step up from just edible. As much as Germany would rather have the past be in the past, he knew that the biggest regret anyone had in dying was leaving things unfinished. And since he was a nation, he had the time to make things right… maybe. "Unbind them," Germany said after a while, "I need to know my past. I owe that to the people I knew before…"

Northern Ireland smiled. "I was hoping that was what you were going to do. Lean in." Germany did, and Northern Ireland drew an interlocking cross on Germany's forehead. Northern Ireland's eyes glowed for a moment. "There. Now, you won't remember everything all at once. Which is a good thing, because that would be very chaotic. The best way to get those memories out is by finding triggers for them though items or stories. Talk to family. Maybe do some autumn cleaning."

Germany nodded in recognition. "I have been wanting to clean out the attic for a while now."

"Perfect. Also, you need to own your memories. Regardless of what they are about or how the people in them refer to you as. You need to own it all, even if it means accepting who you no longer are."

Germany looked over to Holy Roman Empire, who looked pleased with the turn of events. He agreed to the condition.

"Now, if nothing happens in a week, give me a call and we'll figure it out. But you need to be trying to trigger something."

"Right… Danke."

Northern Ireland took a small bow, and handed Germany the CD. "If you need anything, even if you just want to talk, give me a call. I'll listen."

There was a weight in the CD that Germany could feel in his heart. This was the start of something, and he was both excited and scared as to where it was going to go.