45 Blacktop Obsession
Shayde went downstairs and stared at Kaidyn laying in the bed. It was sombering to see her the way she was. She sighed, her eyes welling up with tears because she felt so responsible for her. She almost looked like she was lying in a coffin, she was so straight and her hair was perfectly laid out. She looked like a blonde doll, just battered and bruised. The bruises were really starting to turn and it made Kaidyn look fragile, sad and abused. Her extremely pale skin didn't help her looking like she was dead. She knew she wasn't but damn she looked rough and she knew it was gonna get worse before it got better. It wasn't fair she had to live like she was. None of it was fair at all. Shayde blamed herself for it all. She had always thought it would be different, better even, for Kaidyn than it was. It was frustrating and sad that Kaidyn couldn't just be who she wanted to be. The path to who she was was set in motion so long ago due to everything that had happened, with none of it being anything related to Kaidyn. It was unfair. She wanted more for her. She sighed and jumped as the phone rang.
"Hey." Her best friend's deep voice on the other end said.
"Hey." She said softly.
"You okay?"He asked,
"Yeah, I am...fine." She lied, getting up to move and keep her distracted from letting her tears fall.
"Talk to me, Shay? I know you are not fine." He said with a sigh.
"She doesn't deserve this at all." Shayde whispered, her face hot from trying to keep her emotions in check.
"She has what she needs and people who love her who try to give her the best they can. That counts for something." He reasoned.
"It's not good enough. If you could see her, you would understand." Shayde said, the tears finally falling.
"I had Hector send me a pic. I know, it's not good. Has she seen herself?" He asked with concern.
"Once in the hospital. I should have just kept a better eye on her. If I hadn't left her…" Shayde said, blaming herself for everything and feeling guilty for everything.
"Don't do that." he ordered, his tone a bit more authoritative this time. "It's not fair to do that to yourself." He shook his head.
"There's just so much I wish I could change." Shayde admitted.
"Well, you can't. She's very lucky to have you and being there for her. You are doing a hell of a job with the hand you have been dealt with." He said, hating how his best friend was blaming herself for everything. "So you think she'd be better off in some foster home? You think the system would give her a better life? You are doing all you can for her and you are doing a great job. Don't let you convince yourself otherwise." He said, hoping his words would sink in.
"I'm just tired of her having to compromise and getting hurt." Shayde sighed, sitting down by Kaidyn.
"It's gonna be all over very soon. Just hang in there." He promised, making her hope he was right. "She's making progress, yeah?" he asked, folding his arms.
"I'm trying to hang in there, I am. I just feel like I should be doing better as a..." Shayde started but was interrupted by noticing Kaidyn was having a nosebleed.
"Shayde.'' Kaidyn sat up, sweat beads forming on her forehead. She looked at the blood on her hand and was taken back to that night that kept trying to sneak its way back into her blocked mind.
"Shhh, I am here." Shayde tried to reassure her. Kaidyn's blue eyes were looking right at her but it was like she just wasn't seeing her.
"SHAYDE! Noo!" She screamed, starting to kick, gasping for air.
"I'm right here, Kaidyn. Kaidyn, it's a dream, come on honey, please." Shayde begged, hoping the boys would not be able to hear all of this. She did not want to have to explain any of this right now. Kaidyn was now in full fight mode, gasping for air, sweating and trying to punch anything that touched her.
"Noooooo! Don't touch me!" She howled, trying to get up to run. She couldn't get up, almost like she was being held down and instead crumpled into a heap of sobs. She was shaking her head trying to get the memories out, begging them to stop.
"KAIDYN." Shayde tried to yell, shaking her, trying to get her to snap out of it.
"Let me talk to her?" The voice on the other end of the phone asked, feeling bad his best friend was having to deal with this.
"She's not responding to anything I am saying, but you can try." Shayde hesitated.
"Might want to get some meds ready. Put me on speaker and let's just try." He coaxed.
"You're on speaker." She said, hurriedly working on getting the doctor ordered medication in the needle for this very scenario.
"Kaidyn, it's not real. Come on, Focus on where you are. Deep breaths." He said, not sure if it would work or not but being so far away, it was the only thing he could do to try to help Shayde.
"She's dead." Kaidyn sobbed, shaking her head and crying like her heart was broken. She covered her ears. "It's my fault." She cried.
"NO. No, she's not." The voice said intently, then softened his second no.
"Make them stop shooting. Please." She whimpered, now rocking back and forth.
"Kaidyn, wake up." The voice on the other end of the phone said, more authoritative this time. "Kaidyn, Princess, wake up. This is a dream." He said, trying once more.
"Why'd they shoot her? Why'd they break into the house? Why?" Kaidyn tried hard to remember. She was starting to get angry and she couldn't really put her thoughts together enough to talk. She held her head, rocking. "Make it stop pleasssssee." She begged.
"I'm here, I'm here, Kaidyn." Shayde said, scooting beside her as Kaidyn gasped for air. "Wake up, Babygirl." She said, shaking her gently but firmly again. Kaidyn's eyes went wide as the blood seeped out of her nose. She touched the blood and then began to get dizzy. Kaidyn jumped up, grabbing her chest and gasping for air. She was trying to run but couldn't, almost like she was frozen.
"Shayde, talk to me, what's going on?" The voice on the other end of the phone asked.
"She was coming out of it until she saw the blood from her nose. I am trying to get close enough to get her medicated. She's running and If I chase her, she might hurt herself. Keep talking, please." Shayde begged, realizing now that it was the blood taking her back to that day and making her a prisoner of her own mind.
"Kaidyn, come on, honey. You know this isn't real. It's your mind playing tricks." He tried to tell her.
"No, I don't trust you!" Kaidyn screamed, shaking her head, running into a wall. Shayde was able to corner her and came up behind her, injecting her.
"Kaidyn, it's me, Shayde. Come on, let's get you to the bed. Come on, it's okay." Shayde coaxed, putting an arm around her and leading her to the bed. She laid her down, sitting beside her, playing with her hair after cleaning up her nose. She couldn't keep the tears from falling, seeing how bruised and battered she was.
"Shay? Why are you crying" Kaidyn asked a bit later, opening her eyes and seeing her crying. Kaidyn reached up to Shayde's face and wiped her tears.
"Hey Beautiful. You gave me a pretty big scare." Shayde said, wiping her tears. "You okay?" She asked, smoothing her bangs out of her face then moving her hand.
"I did?" Kaidyn asked, looking concerned. "I'm sorry, Shay." She said, grabbing her hand and putting it back to her hair. This made Shayde laugh. "Yes, silly girl you did. How are you feeling?" She asked, playing with her hair.
"Tired. It's hard to move my hands, my wrists hurt." Kaidyn admitted with a yawn. "I'm sorry I am always causing you problems." Kaidyn said quietly. "I don't want to make you cry." She said, her eyes very heavy now as she fought the meds. "What'd I do?" She asked, concerned.
"It's not you, baby girl. You don't make me cry at all." Shayde promised, still playing with her hair.
"I had those dreams again, Shay." She looked up at Shayde with a concerned expression.
"We can talk about those later, okay?" She said, stroking her hair as Kaidyn started to fall asleep. She knew if they started to talk, Kaidyn would wake back up and possibly have another flashback. Kaidyn nodded.
"Please don't ever leave me, Shay." Kaidyn sighed contentedly, now very calm and docile, holding onto her arm, her eyes still closed.
"I won't as long as you don't want me to." Shayde sighed, again feeling guilty that Kaidyn didn't understand any of the secrets she was holding.
"I'd never want you to leave me." Kaidyn said, playing with the ring on Shayde's hand and falling asleep.
"Shay, you okay?" Her best friend, still on the speaker, asked after it became quiet.
"I forgot you were on the phone, sorry. I am as good as I can be, considering." Shayde admitted, a single tear falling out of her eye. She swiped at it furiously. She hated crying. "The worst part is she blames herself for this now? Ugh, I just wish I could help her." Shayde said sadly.
"Come on, it's okay." He promised.
"It's not okay. This is not normal. She shouldn't have to be going through this. She won't want me in her life when she finds out." Shayde broke down crying, no longer able to hold it in.
"You're being too hard on yourself, Shayde." Her best friend chided.
"No, things have been too tough on her." Shayde shook her head, feeling guilty. "It's not fair to her." Shayde said, watching her sleep.
"Life's not fair, we both know this. She's gonna be okay. She comes from strong family lines." Her friend reminded her. "You can't blame yourself for this or what other people did. She may be unlucky for what has happened but she's lucky that she has a family who loves her and would do anything for her. That's more than a lot of people have." He said matter of factly.
"I know but when it all comes back to her...and if she thinks I am the bad person…" Shayde trailed off.
"We'll take that risk and we will handle it if it happens. Tell you what, when you get home, I will have a car waiting for you. Hector and her personal babysitter can watch her but you and I are going to get some time together, what do you think?" He expected her to turn him down since she never did anything for herself and was always more concerned about Kaidyn.
"She won't deal well with me leaving her." Shayde said, shaking her head. "That's if you don't run into any trouble." She shook her head.
"She'll be fine. I will make sure they have enough to keep her busy. You need a break." He refused her protest. "I'll do my best but according to what I know, we should be good." He said confidently.
"I will cross my fingers it works out, I'll hopefully see you soon." Shayde promised and hung up the phone, emotionally too tired to fight him on it.