74 Blacktop Obsession
"Shayde, stop. Come here." Carter followed her in the next room, watching her drink from the bottle. She looked at him, turning away from him.
"No." She said, turning away again from him.
"Don't fucking turn away from me." He said in a low voice, making sure no one else could hear him. She looked at him defiantly.
"I'm still very upset with you." She warned, taking another drink. He didn't really care for her to drink. It didn't look good for 'their image'.
"So I see. Can you please slow down on the drinking?" He asked, trying to be nice and not start a fight since he was only in town for a little while.
"Can you just own up to what you did? You are not even really concerned." Shayde muttered.
"We are going to talk about that shit you just pulled in front of everyone." Carter warned, scoffing, his mouth pursed to the side in irritation.
"There's nothing to talk about. I wanted you and everyone to know what she goes through. It's only fair to her that you guys try to understand things from her point of view. I am tired of you always being mad at her for needing me and tired of Dom always laying into her for how she acts when she can't help it. You both need to learn patience and understanding." Shayde said, looking at Carter with angry tears in her eyes.
"Just let me hold you." He coaxed, reaching for her shoulder.
"Don't push me." Shayde said, shrugging him off.
"I'm not pushing anything. I am trying to be here for you." Carter explained.
"How about you be here for us both? I needed you back then to help with your daughter and couldn't have you there to help. Now you are here and not caring about what is best for her. How is that? Who are you?" Shayde asked, not sure who she came back to at this point after all of these years.
"That's not fair. I couldn't be there. It wasn't my choice that they were trying to set me up and take us all down." Carter said, holding out his arms in disbelief.
"Yet you blame her for not wanting to come back to you?" Shayde asked, turning to face him and searching his face for any sign of remorse. "We were both hurt. We needed you. They were after us too. We didn't have your Cartel protection like you did. I had to be the protection. I had Hector and Han and whoever could help me at the time." Shayde said.
"I know. I know." Carter said, taking a drink of his whiskey.
"You don't know, Carter. You really don't. I got shot in the back four times and I had to get better to help her. No one else was there for her. It was my father who didn't want her because she was 'broken' and the state who tried to keep getting custody. That wasn't happening either. Where were you? Where was the protection for us?" Shayde asked, hoping he would look somewhat remorseful.
"I tried and I could never find you. You ran so much." Carter said, shaking his head, at a loss for words.
"I ran because I had no freaking choice. Do you even know how hard it was? I couldn't even pick up money from you because they watched everything you did and sent. We had nothing and you had everything and you are mad because we didn't run right back to Florida. Are you sure you are not like my dad? Are you sure you want her back? You thought she was better and then you want us back?" Shayde asked, shaking with so much anger.
"Sweetheart, I begged you to come back way before. I tried to get you back. It was because of Kaidyn you couldn't come back, in case you don't remember." Carter reminded her.
"Yes, because I know what is best for her and you couldn't accept the fact she needed help and medication. Looks like that hasn't changed, has it?" She asked. "I told you how everyone told her you were bad and how your name triggered her. You were the one who said you'd stay out of the house and let her get used to this place before coming back and now you are trying to make it happen even though she's not ready." Shayde growled.
"If you don't try to get her to accept it and work with her, she will never be able to hear my name and not be triggered." Carter said, rolling his eyes. "Have you tried to work with her?" Carter asked, starting to get angry.
"OH, I know you did not just ask me that." Shayde hissed.
"Why does she think I am the bad person? How does my name trigger her? I don't get it." Carter said.
"I don't know, Carter. She doesn't remember you as her dad even though you raised her for so many years. Why doesn't she remember anything? I wish, God, I wish I had these answers. I would love to say I love you to my daughter and be a mom again. I don't know why she couldn't walk or talk other than she got shot. I don't know why she got shot. I don't have the fucking answers. I wish I did. I just know what triggers her brain and how to stop it and how to help her. I've had to learn a lot while we both healed. I don't know why she is scared of you, your name. I wish I could tell you." Shayde shrugged. "I wish I knew more than I did. All I can do is learn and adapt to what she needs and try to be there for her, Carter. I need you to do the same. You wanted us back, we are here now. Act like you want to learn this stuff." Shayde ranted.
"I am here, Sweetheart. I want to be here. I want our family to be whole again. I do want to learn." Carter pulled her in his arms, even though she was reluctant.
"Why did you talk to Dom about her? Everything about her should have been between me and you. When did it change?" She asked, looking hurt.
"I thought you wanted us to get along. I thought you would be happy I was making an effort to get along with Dom." Carter cupped her face, looking apologetic. She shook his hand off of her face. "I was pleasantly surprised he agreed with me after all these years of not liking me." Carter admitted.
"Getting along is one thing but her well being is another. That hurt me, Carter. I have been doing this for eight years." She said, taking a deep breath. "I know it's getting worse. I am failing her as her mom and I can't help her. Every one of these episodes seems to be getting worse. I can't help her and I know what I struggle with and I can't imagine how she's dealing." Shayde said, tears fully running down her face, her body racking with sobs. "I can't stand to see my baby hurting." Shayde said, shaking her head. She pulled away from him.
"Shayde…" He started. "You are NOT failing her." He corrected her.
"Just don't. I can't do this right now." Shayde said, shaking her head, wrapping her arms around herself. "Tell me something, Carter. And be honest." She said, taking a deep breath.
"Anything." He replied, watching her intently with concern.
"People ask me if I want out of this relationship and if I am safe or if it's what I want. I am gonna ask you, do you want out of this? I don't want you to stay here because you feel obligated. If you feel obligated to stay, please don't." Shayde begged, her eyes meeting his.
"What?" Carter asked, taken aback, the shock on his face apparent.
"If you want to leave, you can leave anytime. I won't hold you back." Shayde said, wiping her eyes. "Kaidyn won't hold you back either. If you don't think we can benefit you by staying or we are not perfect, then go. This is your chance." She offered.
"Where would you get this from?" He asked with disdain.
"I won't give you this chance again." She warned. "So you should really think about what it is you want." Shayde said, taking another drink of the whiskey. "If Kaidyn is too much for you to deal with, I can handle it on my own." She said, looking him in the eyes. "I did it for eight years and I will do it as long as I need to." She swore.
"I think this is the alcohol and stress talking. I think you should stop drinking." he said, rubbing his mouth with his hand.
"I'm very well aware of what I am saying. I am not even affected by this alcohol. Are you avoiding the question?" She asked, raising her eyebrow. "I haven't even had that much to drink. Don't act like it's the alcohol." She growled, getting more annoyed now.
"Damn it, I love you, Sweetheart. I don't know where this is coming from. I don't know what would make you think you could leave me so how does it make sense I would leave you?" he asked, clearly upset over this discussion.
"Does any of our lives make sense? Shit doesn't have to make sense, Carter." Shayde shook her head. "It has been EIGHT years, Carter. You can move on if you want. She may or may not get better. I will be there no matter what for her. You are free to go if you want." She said, looking him in the eyes. "I know there is plenty of women who would love to be with you." She said, smirking almost.
"Where the hell is this coming from?" Carter grabbed her chin, his temper taking over for a second. He composed himself and took a deep breath. "Look at me, Sweetheart. Where is this coming from?" He asked, gently shaking her. She was quiet.
"Does it matter where it is coming from? I want to know what you want to do. I have a right to know if you still want to be married after I have been gone so long. If you can ask questions, so can I, right?" Shayde asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Answer me, damn it." He started to raise his hand but stopped. "We've never had this issue and you've never questioned me." he said, looking her in the eyes.
"That little bird that flew in today with Dom and Jesse said you felt obligated to stay and that you were into Monica." Shayde said, looking at him.
"Sweetheart, you know I would never." He said, looking her in the eyes, pulling her chin close to him and kissing her. "I am here for you and Kaidyn. That little birdie can go to hell." he said, holding her tight. He held her for a few minutes, no words spoken as she thought over things.
"I think you had better be sure about this because I am not sure you know what you are getting into." Shayde warned.
"I want you to think about what you are saying. It just doesn't make sense. Hmm." He caressed her shoulders while he held her. "I will squash that birdie if I have to but for now lets just let it see where it goes and what her intentions are." He said quietly. "You are my wife, and you will stay my wife. We took vows, remember. Until death do us part." Carter whispered in her ear, sending chills down her spine.
"You're right." Shayde sighed. "Let's keep it between us. I am not sure what's going on with that. She just came back after leaving him." Shayde said, her mind all over the place as to why Letty would bring up Monica. "It's not important what others think anyways." She smiled at him, deciding to let things rest for now. She would likely have more time up in the room to talk about tonight as it was, knowing him.
"Are we good?" he lifted up her face, caressing her cheek. She nodded. "Mhmm. That's much better. I love you." He smiled at her, pulling her close and smiling, happy he won the argument.
"I love you too, Carter." Shayde sighed, embracing him in a tight hug. She knew she had to make him forget this argument before they got upstairs behind closed doors.
"I am sorry for trying to be impatient to get her better. I honestly was just trying to help." He said, holding her and rocking her. "I trust you know what's best." He promised.
"It's just how you are. I understand. I want her to be better too. I tried to do it without meds a long time ago." Shayde said, her head on his chest. "I don't want her to hurt herself. In the long run, it's harder to explain and it snowballs into more work. Please use the meds and let me handle it." She requested.
"I will let you handle it but my input will be important too. I am her dad and I expect to be able to help." He said. "We will use the meds until we figure out a better way to handle things." He predicted.
"Carter…" Shayde started to say something, feeling frustrated.
"I want to make sure you are going to be okay, Shayde." he said, running his hand over her stitches. She nodded as she looked up at him. "If she starts getting out of control and hurts you again, I am stepping in." He promised.
"Carter, I have been shot. I am an assassin. I can handle anything she does. Just let me handle things." Shayde refuted his statement.
"My wife comes first. You better remember that. Kids are meant to grow up, Shayde." Carter said. She knew since he wasn't saying Sweetheart or My Shayde that he was being firm about this. She decided not to push it right now and let it go.
"I need to go check on her and I need to go see what they have decided." She said, pulling his hand to follow her. She took one more swig of drink as she walked back in the room. It got quiet when she walked in.
"Did you guys do what my wife asked of you and come up with something to tell Kaidyn?" Carter asked, walking back in the room right behind Shayde. Brian and Tej exchanged glances and Roman mouthed 'what the hell' to Brian. Brian just shook his head.
"We can just say that she had a headache and passed out and hit the car window. It's kinda true." Jesse said, swallowing, not sure if he should be speaking to Shayde right now after seeing all her weapons and temper. "She wouldn't remember because of the headache." he shrugged.
"Jesse, that's good." Letty said, trying to be encouraging.
"That's great, Jesse. We shouldn't ever lie but there are some exceptions. This is for sure one of those. I would hate to think that anyone in this family would lie unnecessarily and try to create trouble because we are such a strong family that sticks together." Carter said, sitting down by Shayde and putting his arm around her, while staring at Letty intently.
"Meeting over. What's done is done. Let's have some drinks and relax." Shayde sighed, patting Carter's knee and getting up. She looked at Dominic. "Except for you. You are on Kaidyn duty." She said, pointing to him. "She will wake back up. Those meds are very short term. When she does, you better hope you can hold her and keep her from hurting herself." Shayde warned.
"Tej, Roman, Letty, you guys want to play some poker?" Carter asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Sure, I am in." Tej shrugged, looking at Kaidyn before getting up to go to the round table.
"Homie, are you nuts?" Roman asked, hitting Tej.
"Nah, I'm good." Tej shook his head. "I'm not good but I'm good." he said, still keeping eyes on Kaidyn. "I gotta try to act like I am not bothered, you know what I mean." Tej whispered.
"You aren't threatened by him?" Roman asked, pointing to Carter while walking with Tej.
"Nope, not at all. I am pissed at Brian's friend over there and his poor choices and I gotta do something to keep my mind off her because all I want to do is go get her." Tej said, frowning.
"I get it." Roman nodded. "I'm mad as hell." Roman said, shaking his head.
"Go eat something and chill out, would you? You and your mouth." Brian whispered, kicking Roman.
"Ouch." Roman scowled.
"Nice of you to join us, boys." Carter lit a cigar. Shayde walked over and sat on his lap, her arms around his neck. She knew she had to deescalate Carter before they got up to the room so he didn't completely lose his temper with her. She thought of it as damage control even though she was still really upset with him. "Letty, have a seat." he nodded.
"I'm not so great at poker." She said, looking unsure. She felt uncomfortable with his stare.
"It's ok, we are just playing for fun and passing the time. Having fun with family." Carter said, staring at her intently as he dealt. Shayde pulled out a gun from her leg strap.
"Sorry Carter, my gun is probably hitting your leg." Shayde kissed Carter then busied herself playing with the gun.
"I thought you gave Han all your guns. Does he know about that one?" Roman asked nervously.
"He never completely disarms me. He just took the main ones. Rule number one of being an assassin, never be unarmed." She smiled coyly, looking at Letty and then going back to playing with the gun.
"Come on, Sweetheart, let's put up the gun so I can beat these guys at poker. I hear Tej is the best." He said with a smile.
"Anything for you." Shayde purred. She leaned over and played with Carter's hair. "Just want to warn you tonight is not over. Don't be upset if she wakes up and is not okay. She will have another one. I can almost guarantee it." She said, wanting him to be prepared.
"If it does, promise me you won't get close to her. I can't have you getting hurt anymore." He said, running his thumb over her forehead.
"You know how I feel about promises. But I will make an exception for you tonight." Shayde promised.
"Good girl." Carter grinned at her. She hated how he treated her but she bit her tongue and decided to smile at him.