One for Sorrow
Pairing: McRoll
Spoilers for season 10 - Episode 7
Chapter - 48
After their fun in the shower was done, Steve and Catherine changed into some causal clothing, and she could see as he was dressing in his jeans and a button down shirt how much more relaxed he was since coming up into the bedroom.. Sex was always an intimate thing between them, but it was also a stress relief as well.. Whenever they needed to destress, they always turned to each other, even if they were millions of miles away, they face timed or just called back in the day before face time was invented.. It didn't always have to end in sex, just talking to each other was sometimes enough to make the other feel more at ease and relaxed.
Before they headed out of the bedroom, he pulled her closer to him, and kissed her… "I love you Cath", whispering against her soft mouth, and she moaned into the kiss, and looked into his eyes, "I know.. I love you too Steve". Her heart still raced every time he said those four words to her, and made feel giddy.. "Now let's go spend the rest of the day and evening with the people that mean the most to us", she added, able to now hear talk downstairs that indicated some of the other Ohana was here..
"Wait.. before we go downstairs, I need to tell you something".
Nodding her head, she gazed at him curiously, "Joanie and I saw someone when we were having something to eat this morning and I just don't want you to get a shock" , he responded to her nod and she smirked, wondering if it was Lynn or even Ellie.. She had to admit she had been a little jealous when she realised she had interrupted their dinner date, but she had tried to put on a good poker face, especially when Lynn dropped the bombshell that Steve had been going to propose to her.
With just a nod and her hands folded, she got him to continue.. "We saw Lori Weston, she is back in town". That was not at all who she was expecting him to say, though he could understand why she might feel a little threatened seeing her.. She knew Lori had feelings for him, she noticed the moment they were introduced at the Governor's charity ball, the whole team knew and had told her, though they also told her that Steve wasn't interested and kept things purely professional..
She recalled the day that Steve came to her hotel room to tell her he was doing his reserve drill on the USS Enterprise with her, and he told her that on the flight that Lori was going back to homeland security.. He also told her what she already knew, a fact that Steve had been totally oblivious too, that she had feelings for her boss.. She was about to open her mouth to speak, though she trusted Steve and knew he wasn't into her, who knew if she still had feelings for him.. but before she could say anything, Steve spoke again..
"You don't have to worry though okay.. She is married and has a son with her husband, and she seems to be really happy to be honest.. Joan may have invited them to come over here, you know how Joan is, so I didn't want to seem rude and not confirm it was okay.. but I also didn't want you to go down there and potentially see her before I had a chance to explain why she is here".
While Catherine always knew she was the leading lady of Steve's life, apart from when other well meaning members of the taskforce tried to push other women onto him and he met Lynn because of that, and despite being comfortable with their non-labels, she still couldn't help feel a little jealous and overwhelmed at times at the amount of women who fell for Steve.. These women could be in his life when she couldn't and it made her sometimes feel inadequate and that she wasn't deserving of his love and attention.
She placed her hands on his chest and smiled softy, glad he was always managing to think of her even when he was knee deep in dealing with his grief, "Thank you.. I appreciate you telling me this.. I know nothing went on between you and Lori when she was here all those years ago, and that's in huge part because you were only interested in me back then, but I still am appreciative of you telling me.. I will admit.. back then when Jenna and even Lori were around, I did worry I wasn't enough for you.. They were more available and I wasn't".
Taking her hands in his, he brought the together, lifted them to his lips and kissed her hands softly.. "Cath, It's always been you.. and always will be you.. Even when I was with Lynn, I came to realise she was just a place keeper till you came back, and that it wasn't fair on either of you to be involved with her when I knew my heart would always belong to one woman…", he paused for a beat, and then smiled, looking into her eyes, "You".
Leaning in, he kissed her softly on the lips, and smiled at her, "I'll always be grateful that you came into my life and more importantly, I'll always be grateful to Joe for telling me that I needed to ask you out on a date.. I began falling for you long before we ever got together but I was always scared we'd ruin our friendship.. but no matter what happened in our history, I'll never regret the day I asked you to be mine", he smirked softly.. "Even if I didn't exactly say those words".
Wrapping her arms around him, she smiled and pressed into his warm body, "I'll never regret saying yes either.. The day you asked me to the ball… It changed everything, I knew I had wanted you for so long, my heart ached every time we had to say goodbye even just as friends because I never knew if you would come back safely to me. I prayed every night till I heard your voice again for god to keep you safe and bring you home to me, even if you weren't mine at the time".
Taking her hand in his, he smiled as he opened the bedroom door, "Looks like we have a lot to be thankful for this year then", he chucked as he walked out of the bedroom, tugging her hand along with him, and smiled seeing Grace, Charlie, and Akela Nakahara, Duke's granddaughter downstairs.. They also saw some of the five-o team, along with Lori Weston, her husband and son.. Catherine smiled noticing her and pulled away from Steve's reach, "why don't you go say hello, I'll go wake Joanie and get her ready so she can hang with Charlie and Akela and get to know Lori's son".
He nodded, leaning in and kissing her softly before they parted ways, him coming down the stairs and her heading off into Mary's old bedroom, smiling thinking one day it would be one of their own children's bedrooms. She sat down on the bed and gently woke Joan, "Hey sweetheart, the party is starting, do you wanna change and get dressed in some play clothes, maybe even your swimmers?"
Joan yawned a little and smiled, sitting up and climbing into her Aunt Catherine's lap, "Uncle Steve was a little sad this morning, He tried to hide it, but he was crying". She rubbed Joan's back, and nodded, Mary having come up stairs to check her daughter was awake and peeking in to hear the conversation Catherine and Joan were having.. "I know sweetheart, both your Uncle Steve and your Mommy will be a little sad for a while, but the good thing is.. we can make them both smile and feel a bit happier".
She nodded and climbed off Catherine's lap to go grab her swimmers and a flowery little dress, and come back to where Catherine was seated on the bed.. "Aunt Catherine?", she asked in a soft voice, "Is my Mommy and Uncle Steve going to die one day?", she was scared a little.. She had always known she was adopted, that her biological Mommy and Daddy loved her lots but that they weren't old enough to properly look after a baby themselves, "Will I have to go back to that place? The one with all the kids?", she was getting a little more frantic as she spoke, and at the end, couldn't help but choke back tears, "Could I stay with you instead? Or Uncle Danno? I don't wanna go back to that place, please"..
Catherine gathered the small girl up in her arms and held her, her own tears falling.. She knew where she was referring to, the home where she was before she came to Mary, and though she was only a little baby at the time, she seemed to have some kind of residual memory of being there.. "Shhh sweetheart, it's okay", she patted her back as Mary held back her own tears listening to them.. She didn't realise this was possibly what was keeping her daughter up at night.. She did ask Mary the same question when they were in Washington, however she didn't even think it was still playing on her mind. Catherine sat the girl on her lap so she could see her, and smiled, wiping her tears away..
She thought about how to best answer her questions while wanting to be honest and not lie, "Sweetheart, everyone dies one day, that is just the circle of life, however and while I can't make promises, I know your Mommy and Uncle Steve would do anything to be here for you for as long as they can be, and your Mommy, Uncle Steve and I have talked about a lot of different things, and while your Mommy might want to be the one to explain it all to you later on, I promise you.. You will never have to go back to one of those homes.. You and your Mommy are in the five Ohana and none of them would ever make you go back there".
She hugged Catherine tighter and smiled softly, kissing her cheek, "I love you Aunty Cath", she smiled back and kissed her forehead, "I love you too princess, now let's get dressed.. Charlie and Akela are out there and a friend of your Uncle's, she has a little boy here too so maybe you could show him around". She nodded her head and climbed down, getting Catherine to help her get dressed, Catherine noticing out of the corner of her eyes that Mary was there, and she mouthed thank you to her sister in law and then headed back down stairs knowing that her daughter was in good hands with her brother's girl, smiling as she stood next to her brother, "You picked well bro", she whispered before she found herself being introduced to the Weston family.