Greetings mortals! I know I said in my bio that I was still working on my first story but this would not leave me alone. Like seriously I was up every night thinking of scenes and chapters for this sucker until 1 a.m. before I just caved.

Stultum somnia was largely inspired by Dragonfly by peccolia and some various other fanfics with the same plot premises, but with my own twist of course.

stultum somnia was originally going to be a one-shot but I've decided to split it between several chapter. Somewhere between the 3-10 range.

Updates will be infrequent but I'll try to finish it before the new year.

Only warning is that Hatsuki is a bit random so her thought process tends to bounce around. Oh and language.

I don't own Naruto, if I did Shisui would still be alive.

Hope you enjoy!

(Edit: I accidentally uploaded the wrong file)

So I died.

Yeah I've bet you heard that on before-or rather read before. It'd be a bit weird for someone to tell you they've died before. Although I guess with what happened to me it isn't too weird.

You're probably wondering how I died. What's this ones story? How did she die? Who did she leave behind? What character will she end up married to, prance into the sunset while holding hands, and make sweet beautiful babies with?

Well deal with it because you'll never find out how I kicked the bucket, I didn't really have anyone I left behind, and I don't really want to 'end up' with someone. I mean don't get me wrong, I'd totally bang some of characters, but not really into the whole marriage and happily ever after bit. Too cliche for me. Besides the only thing that matters right now is where I am, I mean that's why you clicked on this after all. Because you want to know when and where I am before you like or follow or whatever. Well I'm assuming you clicked, because apparently my new life is some bastard's shitty fanfiction. At least that's where I'm betting. I just certainly hope it's not one of the ones I wrote, there's no way I'd survive past that much lemon. But to be fair I don't think I'm very likely to survive this one.

Why?

Well unlike most protagonists thrust into this situation, I knew immediately after I was born where I was. And hey, if I want to be optimistic and least it wasn't bloody fuckin' Kiri? You're probably wondering how and getting slightly annoyed by the fact that it's taken this long to get to the plot. Don't worry I'm getting to it. Well you see, after going through the horrifying thing that is childbirth, I was being manhandled like a fucking doll and lifted to eye level. And despite what others may say about baby eyesight being all fuzzy, I could clearly make out the spinning sharingan.

Hatsuki 3 years old

Date: July 27th : Time: 12:00 : Place:Where do you fucking think?

It's been three years since my new life started, and I still don't know 'when' I am. I blame my parents for not being social, but I haven't been very eager or active to find out. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it seems my new parents don't have any interaction the head family. It's is kind of a shame really, I was hoping to drool on Fugaku, if he's even alive now. My parents have never mentioned a cousin named Obito or Shisui, so that rules put another way of finding and a plot device.

I wonder if this is a gods cruel joke actually, instead of some cosmic fuckup. I've never had terrible luck before, but maybe I just never noticed. Hmm now that I'm thinking about it I probably pissed off a number of gods, possibly all of them. I guess instead of dealing with my dead soul they decided to sadistically stick it inside of some world of a fanfiction writer for shits and giggles. I hope to whatever gods that it wasn't one of mine.

Or maybe they created this world for me in which case I'm oddly flattered. Ha I was such a pain in the gods' asses that they made me my own personal hell. That'd make an awesome story for family reunions. Of course no one would actually believe me, but it'd still be cool.

Maybe this was one of the ones where it turns out that The Sage of however-many-fucking-paths decided to pick a random ass fan to save his precious Indra and Asura. One that coincidentally skipped through most of the episodes in the first part, quit watching less half way through shippuden, and just read what happened next various fandom pages and fanfictions, before ultimately abandoning it to spend more time on something more productive. Like re-watching Supernatural, or actually attempting to pass college for the 3rd time. Wow maybe my priorities really are outta wack. Huh, well I guess it would actually be a hell being reborn in Supernatural.

Well whatever the reason, I promised said gods that I would be a good Mary Sue and try and stop the massacre. And to fix the plot as much as I can, without accidentally killing myself or important characters in the process. It wouldn't be very nice to just do nothing and anger said gods. I might actually end up in Supernatural or someplace worse in my next life. Which is why I was writing down all the stuff I remember in an a notebook my mother got me a couple days ago.

"Hatsuki-Chan time for lunch" my said mother called from the kitchen, interrupting my very important backstory. I looked down at my English journal and sighed. Eh well I guess that's going to have to do for now. I had actually made it to the beginning of the actual storyline known as Naruto. Wrote all of the prequel stuff I could remember, which was very little, starting at Hago-whatever his name was and Hamura fighting their princess alien mother all the way down to Ren getting a chidori to the chest.

Wait does that mean I'm part alien because I have chakra? Oh yeah I kinda forgot I had chakra now. Wasn't I supposed to be a sensor or some shit like that? Because I was reborn? I looked down at my poor tiny little fingers were beginning to cramp and wondered if I should try the leaf thingy to make sure my chakra actually worked. I did not want to be a Lee.

"Hatsuki-chan?" my mother's voice questioned as she walked down the hall. She was young, younger than me when I died, and always working. I briefly wondered why she was only thinking just now to check up on her only child. I hadn't seen her since this morning, after she told me she had paperwork to do a few minutes after breakfast. I was no mother, but after taking care of multiple younger siblings I know how close you have to watch and care kids. I didn't act completely childish, but even if they had a mature-ish kid I still figured that the new parents would be more hovering. Maybe everyone here was a shitty parent? Now that I'm thinking about it I can't remember one good parent in Naruto. Huh.

My new parents were always working. My father is an MP, constantly away on patrols or office work, and my mother does paperwork for them at the house. I think it finances or something, but I couldn't really make it out. I've been to lazy to actually learn Kanji, just sticking to Hiragana and Katakana.

I look up as my mother opens up the door to my room. She blinks and then blinks again as she takes in the scene that is before her. I am on my bed, obi as loose as possible without my kimono completely falling off, writing in a notebook with a purple marker. This is no different than usual, but I guess the rest of my room has her baffled. All of my stuffed animals are in a complete circle around a symbol, drawn in red marker, on the floor. I don't think she recognized the circle with a triangle in the inside. I wonder what would happen if she did. In the middle said symbol was a purple snake plushy, its stuffing spread out randomly around the room.

As she stares she realizes the snake was cut down the stomach, obviously by something sharp, and as her eyes snap back to me as I attempt to sneakily push the kunai under my pillow.

"Hatsuki!" she said dragging out my name, he warning clear in her voice. Interesting, she's never actually gotten mad at me before. Annoyed and disappointed, yes but never actually mad. Not even when I cut that loud-mouthed brats hair. I watched her as she walked over to me and held out her hand expectantly.

"What Kaa-san?" I adorably tilted my head, widened my eyes slightly, opened mouth into an o shape and-aha! I have gotten the perfect naive look. Achieve it and you can pretty much get away with anything. I wonder if I could get away with the murder of a certain clan head and elders.

She visibly softened and sighed, "Give me the kunai, you're to young to be playing with it. If you ask your Tou-chan tonight I'm sure he'll let you have a blunt one to play and practice with." Frowning she admonished "Now what is this mess you created? Why did you specifically ask me for a purple snake if you were just going to tear it up? I'm not going to get you nice things if you're not going to take care of them. What were you thinking?"

I made my face as solemn as I could and said earnestly "I was trying to appease the gods and thought I should start with Jashin-sama." I left out the part where I was supposed to sacrifice an actual person. And why I was trying to appease said god in the first place. But hopefully Jashin got the idea. I mean if I was in the Naruto-verse may as well start with the most prominent god in the series.

She stood there for a full minute before muttering something along the lines of crazy hyperactive child imagination.

"Well clean it up, and you better hope that red marker comes out of the floor. This was my room when I was your age, and I took care of it. I expect you to do the same." She walked out of the room before immediately turning back around. She held out her hand and cleared her throat.

"What?" Tilted head and wide eyes-check.

"The kunai." And I swear I saw a flash of red in her eyes.

"Oh yah, here you go" I chuckled sheepishly and gave it to her. I wasn't going to test her patience anymore, I do have a survival instinct. Despite he-erh-others may have said. As she turned and walked out the door with my favorite kunai, it was the sharpest, I realized she never mentioned what was for lunch. Guess it's a surprise then. Go-er Man, I hope she doesn't count the rest of the kunai just make sure more aren't missing. I've got like 20 of those suckers hidden in my room. Yanno just in case I get kidnapped with Hinata or some shit like that.

Although realistically I know there's not much I can do against a trained killer, but it eases my mind.

Holy fuck, I'm more paranoid than him.

Ignoring the pain in my chest I quickly throw my stuffed animals onto my bed -sans Mandi- and cover the red symbol with my rug. My mother has a tiny attention span and forgets stuff easily, so it'll at least be a couple of weeks before she remembers it. I quickly say a quick prayer to Jashin and apologize for my heathen mom before stuffing Mandi into a cardboard box and pushing him under my bed. I actually did really liked that purple snake. I wonder where she found it. I merrily skipped out of my room, down the hall, past the living room, before ending up in the dining room. The table was already set with-

"JELLY FILLED DONUTS!" I screeched, scaring the living shit out of my mother. I cackled internally at her reaction. Until she turned around and her sharingan spun wildly as she looked around for danger or whatever caused me to scream.

Yeah I probably shouldn't have said that in English. Or screamed it.

Another sigh. That's like 3 so far today.

"Hatsuki, don't scream like that you scared me. I thought you were in trouble or something was wrong-"

Wait wouldn't me being in trouble be wrong? Huh I wonder what's for dinner tonight. I hope it's that grilled chicken dish she made the other day. I thought, not completely and totally spacing out.

"-so I'll be taking you to the park tomorrow. My friend Machiko has a daughter your age, you'll be good friends" she finished before walking over to take her seat.

I snorted, sitting down on the opposite side of her at the table. That kinda sounds like I didn't have a choice...

-processing what the fuck she actually said-

Oh hell no, I was not going to a playground with nothing but Uchiha brats tomorrow. I still hadn't recovered from the our last 'playdate'. Ugh kids are nothing but pricks who think they're better than everyone but pretend they don't actually want to spit in your face. And their mother are worse than white moms named Karin, bragging about their cheerleader daughter and soccer son's game during weekly vegan brunch at Panera.

"Why~" I wasn't whining godammit. Shit, I meant dammit. (Kami don't hurt me) I am a 26 year old woman, I am above playing with spoiled snot nosed kids.

"Because you need some sort of social interaction. You can't just stay inside cooped up all day, it isn't healthy."

I gave her a pointed look.

"I work, and when I deliver my papers I get to see my friends at the office. When I go shopping I interact with the people I knew from the academy and other shoppers as well." She defended herself quickly.

"Oh well then I can just wait to make friends at the academy. I wanna stay home and do paperwork just like you Kaa-chan!" I even added a smile at the end to try and break her.

"Uh-uh don't even think about using that tactic on me. You are going to the park tomorrow and you are going to try to make friends with Koharu. Now stop arguing and eat your lunch." My mother tried to give me the stern mother look, but was failing at hiding her amused grin.

I grumbled 'itadakimasu' and set about eating my onigiri, after removing all the seaweed of course. I tried to eat seaweed, but that shit is disgusting. I wonder where they actually get seaweed from. Maybe Kiri?

Ugh tomorrow is suck balls. Unless I establish dominance over all the kids. That's how this whole child thing works right? The older or smarter you are the more followers you have? And there are different groups that fight eachother for superiority through bad insults and possible fighting? I'm already at a disadvantage if those other kids are there, but it is a possibility. I remember in this one fanfic where an Uchiha OC created a minion army and stopped the massacre from happening, maybe I can do that.

Oh yeah I've got to get another notebook to start writing my grand plans and master schemes in. Hmm Maybe my mother will get me another. As I glance towards her I realize that she's staring at me. Probably for a while by the looks of it. She always stared at me she gave me after she said something and I wasn't paying attention and completely ignored her.

Oops?

"Sorry Kaa-chan did you say something?" I make my voice sheepish and fumble my hands a little. I don't think I missed her talking, but I could never be sure. My parents and teachers in my previous life had always made sure I knew that I spaced out a lot.

"No Hatsuki, but after you finish lunch we're going outside to practice some katas and hand seals in the backyard."As she sipped her tea I almost missed the analyzing look in her eye.'

'Gulp'

Guess 'training' is going to be interesting. Which was weird that she wanted to do it today anyway. Usually we do a few katas and handseals for like 20 minutes every off day she has when she gets tired of working. I'm pretty good at them, I only have trouble with that damn oxe sign. Fingers aren't supposed to move like that. All the katas I've got down too, but I think she's only having me do the basics. She hasn't had me do anything with my chakra yet, so maybe we're doing that today. Well I guess I better hurry up and finish if I want to find out.

Time skip: AN ETERNITY LATER (but actually only 2 hours)

'wheeze'

So apparently she did want to go over chakra today.

And stamina running.

And all katas.

And basic taijustu and ninjustu.

I have learned that mother dearest is a closet sadist. And apparently also a retired Tokubestu Jonin, specializing in poisons, taijustu, and kinjsutu, that left the shinobi life after she got pregnant with me.

Guess you learn something new everyday.

I was currently laying on my back trying to breathe after all she had me do. We went through all the katas and hand seals first, and when my mother realized that I knew all of them she had me move on the chakra molding. Which I was surprisingly good at, after I identified what chakra was. It felt weird at first to gather it all in one place, and took a little bit of concentration, but my mother said that it will get easier and feel more natural with practice. Which she apparently wants me to do everyday now. After I molded my chakra for a bit she had me move on to actually doing a justu, specifically a fire one. I took it at that moment to remind mother dearest that I was three, to which she replied, and I quote, 'I could do this when I was your age'. I think I understand why everyone else thinks the Uchiha are insane. To my smug satisfaction I actually did the iconic fireball justu, well granted the fireball was the size of a soccer ball, but I did it.

The look of panic on my mothers face as I burned down part of her garden was hilarious. Until she pointed out that some of the plants were for poisons and quite possibly could have released toxins into the air.

You'd think that we would stop there.

But nope, my insane mother just took it in stride after a moment, used a spray foam from inside to put it out, and we moved onto taijustu. At first she said she was going to start slow and only block my moves and then would go a little bit faster and start hitting back every time I hit her, until I couldn't hit her anymore or take anymore attacks. I'm not ashamed to admit that I snickered at her frowning face when I kept hitting her and dodging her attacks in the beginning. Then I made the mistake of teasing her and calling her slow. Although I don't think that annoyed her as much as it did when I called her old. Yeah that was a big oops. In my defense I actually kept up with her for like 10 seconds before succumbing to my fate.

Ugh I sound like him and Neji. Scratch that, not fate. *before succumbing to my mothers brutal attacks. There fixed.

So that was why I was currently dying on the ground, hair sticking to my face with sweat, back being poked by annoying rocks, and the sun mercilessly glaring in my eyes. It was the last week in July and the weather was unbearably hot. Welcome to Fire Nation I guess. Hmm, I wonder if I can be a fire bender, like Sasuke supposedly was after he got his eternal mangekyo. That'd be cool. Oh pay attention brain our mother is talking to us.

"-and after your break we'll move onto throwing kunai and shuriken. You may get a quick snack and bring out some water if you get thirsty while you're training." I heard my mothers voice from somewhere to the right. As she entered my field of vision I almost cried when I realized what she said. More training.

"How long was that break Kaa-sensei? I could barely hear you over my muscles crying out in pain" I dramatically said, rolling up into a sitting position.

"I said 10 minutes, but I'll let you have 20. I'll let you try some muscle salve that helps them not to cramp up, and some herbs that help you replenish your chakra faster." As I watched her walk up the step and disappear into the house I realized that she had changed out of her basic purple kimono and into some shinobi pants and shirt. Looking down at my own dirty, ruined kimono I realized I probably should have done the same. I'm surprised to she didn't say anything about it, wait do I have any actual training clothes. My mother usually always changed me, because I always have trouble with the damn obis, and I don't care what I wear.

Huh. Guess I'll have to ask.

Groaning I stand up and walk inside to voice my thoughts to my mother and to see just what she wants me to use. I'm already dreading the rest of training.

Another Time Skip: This time to around 8:00 p.m

After another hour of semi-brutal training I had crashed for about an hour straight. That time we had done kunai and shuriken practice until I got all the kunai perfect and shuriken kinda good, then added genjsutu to me. That shit fucked me up at first. It felt violating to have some foreign chakra mixing with my own. I think they were low grade, it was easy to dispel them by disrupting it with my own chakra. I was pleased to find out that worked and that I actually remembered something from the show.

I'm once again glad that my brain decided to remember the most random stuff.

My mother was trying to teach my how to cast a genjustu after successfully dispelling about 80% of her genjustu, but I couldn't get it. I couldn't properly manipulate my chakra to affect someone else with whatever illusion I had in mind. Not to mention my reserves were running low and I was deadbeat tired. So after that she said we were done for the day and walked off with a satisfied look. Guess I hadn't done to bad, but if this was a normal training for a 3 year old clan kids, I might actually kill myself. So after my clear dismissal I immediately went inside ate an early dinner and took a nap.

For 5 hours.

I hadn't felt so tired and crashed so hard since I stayed awake for 72 hours straight attempting to pass my finals. I failed them miserably and just ate an entire supreme pizza and family sized box of white cheddar cheezits before crashing for 12 hours straight.

And I feel gross. All of the sweat has sorta dried, leaving me feeling grimy and disgusting. Damn I need to take a shower.

But I don't want to move. But I want to take a bath.

'Uuugh'

Turns out I didn't have to choose because my mother chose that exact time to walk into the door and scoop me up to bring my to our bath room. I squirmed in her arms and protested to being manhandled. She quickly striped both of us and got us both inside the nice warm water.

Me, being a good girl and totally not staring at my mother's big ass rack, and well ass too, just sat there and allowed my mother to clean me. It was kinda weird at when I first woke up in this world, but remembered that families all bathe together in ancient Japan and this is like during the same time. So it doesn't really bother me anymore.

"Kaa-chan, where's Tou-chan?" I asked while she was cleaning my hair. Okay don't judge me for not noticing that he was missing sooner, I was asleep. And having someone else clean your hair is one of the most amazing things that I have ever experienced.

"He's working the double shift today, he won't be back until way later tonight." she replied before dipping the back of my head into the water, and finishing cleaning the both of us off. I watched in silence as my mother dried and dressed me in my pajamas and sent me to bed.

My other gave me a stern look and said "Remember tomorrow we are going to the park, so I want you to behave"

"I know, I know, I won't cut anyones hair off or anything." I said rolling my eyes. Honestly I wasn't that bad.

"Goodnight Hatsuki" she said pointedly and I sulked off to bed. She was probably worried about me trying to stay up late again, normally I would, but not tonight. I need sleep.

After entering my room, I'm 99.99% sure I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

The Next Day

Time: 9:30ish : Date:July 28th : Place:Hell

So 'Koharu' as it turns out actually isn't that bad for a brat. She has dark blue hair and pretty, wide black eyes that stare into your soul. I'm 99.9999% sure Zetsu would give up resurrecting Kaguya for her if she asked. She's a little softspoken and kind of reminds me of Hinata, but surprisingly nice and decent for an kid.

The other kids though.

THEY WERE MONSTERS.

And apparently they all hated me because, and get this, I was a jerk. I know right? Completely crazy kids. All I did was say I was smarter than them, and prove it. It's not my fault I knew basic math. Most of the boys went to get some other older kid, that apparently was going to the academy this year and 'knew way more than I did', while the girls just glared at me and refused to talk and acknowledge my existence. While talking loudly enough to insult me with very unintelligent insults. I wouldn't mind it as much if it was just me, but the fuckin brats were ignoring Koharu and bullying her too. So of course I wouldn't take this sitting down, so I started insulting them back.

And inadvertly taught a majority of the Uchiha kids to swear like a sailor. So now the parents were glaring at me, while my mother was obliviously chatting away with Machiko.

"Hey he's here!" one of the boys that left shouted. I watched boredly as all the girls started to flock over to whoever was coming.

My heart stopped when I saw them.

"Ha-hatsuki-chan, are you okay?" Koharu the freakin fairy princess asked me.

Across the park I watched in horror as all my plans for saving the Naruto-verse die in a horrible way.

It was Sasuke dragging Itachi across, the park to me, with the boys and girls screaming about how I was the one who said it.

Sasuke was the brat going to the academy that was 'smarter than me'.

Which means he was 6 and Itachi was 11.

The massacre was going to happen in 2 years.

There was nothing I could do to save myself.

I was going to die.

I watched with a blank face as Sasuke walked up to me, let go of Itachi, and crossed his arms defiantly and all but yelled accusingly "So you were the one that said you were smarter than me and my Aniki."

That wasn't at all what I said, but as my eyes flickered to Itachi's amused expression I stupidly blurted out "Yeah, what about it?" in a fortunately calm voice.

I couldn't help but wonder if maybe my new life actually was a cosmic fuckup and this was the universe correcting itself.

Maybe it was my fate to die.

And scene.

Woooooh this took a couple of days to write, rewrite, edit, scrap, and write again.

I am super nervous about posting this, but I hope you like it.

I don't know when the next chapter is, but here is a quick preview.

Huh, I some how managed to raise a minion army, raise a playground war with a certain duck butt, accidentally piss off the majority of the entire clan, and take the Academy entrance exams in three days.

I honestly surprise myself sometimes.

Here's a question for you guys, who's your favorite Uchiha? Mine is Shisui, if you coudn't tell earlier.

Reviews are love!

~Miley