I have officially come from the bowels of my vows of silence to jot down this here story, essentially completely re-worked from the original that graced this website some seven years ago, written frantically in the scorching summer heat, by hand, on college ruled paper. This story takes place in the year 2003, with the characters aged to their older, teenage forms. Regardless, I hope you enjoy, and if you read the original, I hope you enjoy this one too.
-Shackleford.
Chapter 1 – Wasting Time
A dart of broken sunbeam jousted through a chilly April window frame as if it too was in need of some warm air, broken from the chilly morning frost. The clock by the bed read seven, but it felt more like six. The clocks eternal profession was to alert the young man just next to it that it was indeed time to awaken once more and greet the day, as all days had been greeted in the past. A meeting was established every weekday morning between the sun, the clock, and the boy. Whether the boy showed up or not was his choosing, though the sun and clock were desperate to make sure that his arrival was as hasty as one could be. With what little energy the cold, cold sun had, the job was left up to the clock, and so it readied itself before clanking its great metal arm against its great metal bell, in a ring so loud and vulgar that Quasimodo himself would have said, "Enough!"
Riiiiing….riiiiiingg…..ringggggggggggggg
Gggggggggggggggggg
Gggggg
"Ooh deary me I will be late I just know it! Curse these late primaveral mornings!"
A voice like this only cried out in such a way in times of certain distress and torment. This young man certainly felt this occasion called for it, and with exams hastily approaching, every ticking second was worth its weight in gold. Solid, shiny gold.
He quickly jumped out of bed, his flannel pajamas doing their duty in warming the young man as he whirled his legs into the bathroom, approaching the speed of light in the process. Water rushed out of the faucet to greet his toothbrush, the suds greeting his teeth. He carefully counted each up-stroke, each down-stroke. One. Two. Three. Rinse. Repeat. "Messy, messy, messy…"
He tapped the water out of the brush before returning it to its rightful home, adjacent to the toothpaste tube, both neatly placed in a plastic holder labeled TOOTHBRUSH/PASTE. Off with the sleeping clothes, on with the school clothes. He was always careful to lay out his next day's attire the night before, which was quite convenient in situations such as these. A red sweater, the oh-so typical black pants, and of course the signature black cap secured upon his raspy, large head; the outfit made the young man transform into his daily form, one ready to conquer the school day with optimal efficiency. But oh look at the time….Messy, messy, messy…..
He wrapped his coat around his skinny, pale body tightly, bracing himself for this spring chill. Just before flipping his lights, he grabbed his notebook, with the scribbled-in-Sharpie name reveling itself in the top right corner, Edd M.
Edd, or as just about everyone knew him, Double D, rounded the staircase that led to his living room with utmost speed. He wasn't running as late as one would think, but his two pals surely were, as always. But before he left, his tummy reminded him that some nutrition was in order, and so a quick run by the fridge was probably not the worst idea he had so far. As he approached the fridge door, a yellow sticky note stared back at him and thus his internal narration, which read off every morning like a weather report, began thusly:
Dear Eddward,
Please be sure to throw out the leftovers from last week, mop the kitchen floor, and do be sure that your father's coat is returned from the cleaners before tomorrow night. Call me when you get off from school, and please remember to eat your breakfast!
Love, Momm
With the narration completed, a little sigh was let out before a blueberry muffin was grasped from the fridge and eaten with care before Edd, or rather, Double D, closed and locked his front door, assaulted by an unusually chilly April morning, with even the sunlight now hiding behind the clouds for comfort. Wind whipped the tail of his hat to-and-fro, as the cul-de-sac he called home crunched and crinkled beneath his shoes, hardened by the frost. His teeth clanked and chattered, possibly making even more noise than his alarm clock had. He walked on in his self-sure way, with each crunchy step being greeted with a mumbled Ooh! or an Oh my!
In another house down the road, sunlight also came beckoning for warmth and refuge, but its visit was most certainly an unwelcome one in this instance. Blinder-shaded eyes were immune to its penetration, and the tiger-striped bedsheets provided all the warmth necessary for this young man. The only motivation provided for waking up was the fifth snooze-button rendition of a classic this young man really took to heart. As the digital clock lit up at 7:30, the boozy horns opened up and the singer belted out: It's not unusual to be loved by anyone….it's not unusual to have fun with anyone…
A groggy and sleep-filled voice began to hum along with the verses, rolling over ever so slightly so that three springy hairs could rise up to their rightful place.
But when I see you hanging about with anyone…..
It's not unusual to see me cry,…..
I wanna die!
*TAP TAP TAP*
"Eddy, Eddddddy, it's time to wake up now! Time to get up we're sure to be late for school! Eddy would you please!"
Double D rapped at the bedroom window for sometime before noticing the whiff of Tom Jones in the air, continuing to shout out his concerns for dear Eddy's school presence. Eddy eventually let out a huh? Before lifting his blinders long enough to see Double D's smiling face and fisting banging on his window, blanketed in the early morning sun. Double D awkwardly waved at him with his banging-hand.
"Bug off will ya Double D! Can't a man have a decent morning without the sockhead comin' around to mess things up!"
"But Eddy….the school bus…."
"Pipe down will ya, I can't hear my tunes over all your racket!" Eddy pulled his blinders off and cranked up his little radio alarm
It happens everyday, no matter what ya say!
Why can't this crazy love
Be minnnnnne!
Eddy snapped his fingers and hummed along before finally Double D just couldn't take anymore. With a whirl up, he pushed the door in and scurried up to Eddy, sitting on the edge of his bed quite complacent with his Tom Jones wailing away. Double D's index finger precisely flicked the rather large OFF button down and watched as Eddy still scatted and snapped along to the beat, unphased by his friend's angry glare.
"Eddy, clothes on, right now please!" Double D scolded as Eddy popped his eyes open and his little hairs pricked right up.
"Alright alright already, jeesh. You're starting to sound like my mom…."
"And rightfully so Eddy, you're in need of some parental supervision obviously.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, why don't you do me a favor Double D: take that sock off your head and stuff it in your mouth!"
"Ooh dear lord Eddy…."
Eddy slid on his jeans and long-sleeved shirt, his big head poking out the top as Double D stood idly by, tapping his foot rapidly and glancing at his watch every few seconds. This ticking of the watch escalated and amplified in Double D's mind; the image of the ticking hands zoomed in for him until he spaced out and began to imagine the gears slowly moving to generate the sound tick…tock…tick…tock
"Alright Sockhead let's hit the road!" Eddy exclaimed as he wrapped a wooly scarf around his fat neck and opened his door.
"Coming Eddy!" Double D let out as his little feet scurried over, following behind the still stout Eddy.
The two friends walked next to one another, very different in their patterns. Eddy's shuffling way of walking was contrasted to Double D's more swift and rapid pace. Also contrasted were their expressions; Double D wore a quite giddy grin while Eddy wore his straight-laced frown as if his life depended on it. School was not Eddy's main concern in life, quite the opposite of Double D. Both boys had aged, yet their contrast to one another had remained unchanged. Eddy was still considerably short in stature, with his three little hairs making up a quarter of his height still. Double D was like a long narrow green bean, tall and thin. His growth spurt had come around the age of fourteen, and like his father, he was a tall six-foot young man, his hat adding an additional few inches. Eddy wore his acne like a teenager should, while Double D's young face was relatively unblemished, thanks in large part to his tiresome nightly skincare routine. Eddy grumbled under his breath as the chilly air began to thaw at the coming grips of morning sunlight. Ed's house lay in their direct path, and it still scared them all the same.
Ed hadn't changed much at all from his child form, still tall (taller still than Double D, at six-foot five) and with his prickly hair to match. His two friends came upon his basement window with a certain look of disgust, peeping in long enough to catch a glimpse of the incarnation, recognizing their routine morning visage of their lumpy-headed amigo.
There sat Ed in his armchair, the television set still tuned into a late night creature-feature television program. Ed was only in his underwear, with his puberty-gifted little chesthairs (of which Eddy was eternally jealous) curling around his bare chest. Drool dripped in drops and plops down his chin and onto the precious Naugahyde of his chair where it pooled thusly. Both friends stared in and watched, amazed at how precious yet disgusting this spectacle truly was.
"Beautiful, isn't it Eddy…?" Double D pondered as he gazed on,
"Beautiful…? More like beautifully disgusting!" Eddy retorted as the drool dripped evermore into the accumulating pile beside Ed's arm. "Let's end this now before I throw up…"
Eddy used his key to unhatch Ed's basement window so that he and Double D could slide on in as Ed slept on. Both friends dropped in, and as Eddy scooted his stocky body through the window and planted on the ground, dusting himself off in the process, he called out to Ed:
"Wake up already Lumpy, we ain't got all day!" He clapped his hands and stomped his feet with Double D nervously gritted his teeth.
Ed's eyes popped open with a jut of surprise and he shot up out of the chair, the wind from his departure nearly stronger than the gust blowing outside.
"I'm up Eddy I promise!" Ed cried out as he landed in the arms of Double D, who nervously held him up (while struggling greatly in the process).
"Ed please get off me…" Double D quietly said as his frail arms began shaking under his friend's weight.
"Oh yeah, sorry Double D, ahaha." Ed chuckled in his usual way before planting his feet to the floor and jutting over to his clothes pile to find his outfit for today. He pulled through mountains of undies and socks in search of a pair of pants. Eddy looked around and took in the true sight of all the pizza boxes, soda cans, and candy wrappers that blanketed Ed's floor like a carpet.
"Ed, you ever thought about making some big life changes and, I dunno, cleaning this nasty dump up!" Eddy shouted out.
"Uh-uh Eddy!" Ed called out as he finally grabbed a wrinkled up shirt to go with his wrinkled up blue jeans, "you know I don't have thoughts!"
"Oh yeah, how could I forget…" Eddy sighed as he was grabbed around the shoulders by the now clothed Ed, who had also grabbed Double D so that the trio were shoulder-and-shoulder for the fourth time this week. Eddy grimaced before he lightly picked up Ed's jacket sleeve and removed it from his shoulder, dusting it off.
"To the bus stop, awayyyyy!" Ed cried out as the three tumbled up the stairs and out onto the cul-de-sac street, braced by that chilly wind trying to out-compete with the blades of sunlight now cutting through the dense clouds.
The three Eds skipped down the road as Ed rambled on about the monster movie he had seen the night before, Night of the Living Shrimp Cocktails. He proceeded to go into great detail about how the humans worked to develop a secret sauce to defeat the shrimps, much to the dismay of Double D, who winced the whole way through the explanation.
"….and then the laser guns were fitted with the sauce rockets, and then…"
Ed was stopped short by Eddy, whose arm swung out and lobbed him across the stomach.
"Aw crap, baldy beat us to the stop this morning!" Eddy said as he got visibly frustrated.
Ahead of them was of course Jonny, who sat under the tree, giddy as he always was. Jonny had matured into a short, still bald young man who still wore his Jesus sandals and hummed happy tunes when all alone. Plank had matured too, growing into a longer two-by-four with marker-pocked acne along his woody face. Jonny had been seeing the school counselor for quite some time, beginning when he started demanding that Plank have his own desk and locker at high school.
"Well hello there Jonny, chilly this morning is it not?" Double D said as he waved his hand and approached him with a smirking Ed and reluctant Eddy by his side.
"Ooh hiya there Double D, Ed, and Eddy! Me and Plank here were just wonderin' where you guys were!" Jonny said as he stood up with his books.
"Yeah yeah save it for the lumber baldy, we were just runnin' a little late this morning." Eddy said as he waved his hand and turned the opposite way.
The Eds and Jonny were the only four in the neighborhood that routinely took the bus to high school every day. Kevin had moved to a different town a number of years ago while the boys were still in middle school, much to their excitement. Nazz got her own car for her sweet sixteen, and Rolf drove his tractor to school. Jimmy and Sarah were still in eighth grade, so they didn't start school until an hour after the Ed's. However, the Kankers rode the bus everyday, and boy did the Eds know it. The trailer park was the first stop on the bus route, so the Kankers always got dibs on the long bench seat in the back. Lee Kanker would occasionally launch spit-balls and other projectiles at Eddy, while May Kanker would sometimes throw sticky balls of paper at Ed's head. Marie Kanker, the middle-child, with her deep-blue hair, would usually just remain quiet, glaring out the window until they pulled up to the bus stop at the cul-de-sac, as the air brakes let out and the door was flagged open by the nameless driver.
The Eds and Jonny piled on the bus, with the Eds trying their best to avoid eye contact with the Kanker sisters as they took their seats in the middle of the bus.
"Look Marie…" Lee Kanker said in her gravely voice which turned into a whisper towards the end, "there goes your man!" Her elbow ribbed into the stomach of Marie who now blushed ever so slightly and pretended not to notice.
"Oh shut up Lee, go back to making your spit balls why don't ya?!" Marie quipped back.
"Gladly!" Lee said with a smirk before she spat a big wad on a piece of notebook paper and began rolling it into little balls.
The bus road on to Peech Creek High School, with the sun at its back and the wind pushing against its cold sheet metal exterior.