Author's note: I've come back to this piece after a multi-year hiatus and a bunch of tweaks and changes have been made. I hope you guys like it.
The sun is setting over the Wilds. I've worn a ditch at the lip of a reed choked pond that smells of rot and rusted iron. Duncan is dead, my Warden brothers are all dead, and the king is dead. So many people slaughtered by Loghain's treachery that it turns my stomach. Duncan, I'm sorry I couldn't shield you. Off on some fool's errand when I should have...well, it doesn't matter now — stuck in a swamp with the only other Grey Warden in all Ferelden clinging to life by a thread. Nothing matters anymore.
She was the last recruit to pass The Joining, but Daveth and Ser Jory were not so lucky, Maker keep them. I expected some friction between us, what with my Templar training and she, a mage, an apostate no less. Duncan's judgment of character is... was stable enough and I trusted him, but this still made me nervous. A Warden apostate. She was so quiet. She barely said two words to anyone save for Duncan, and even then, they were short. I tried to engage her in conversation, but she was evasive at best and utterly silent at worst.
Duncan told me little about how he found her. He was passing by some Denerim noble's estate during a wedding and saw her bleeding to death on top of a pile of broken crates. Apparently, she had been on the roof of the building moments before. He didn't mention what she was doing up there, but I gathered it wasn't pleasant. She moved away from anyone who got too close to her. She gave her name begrudgingly. Alyssa.
At first, I thought she was with the merchants and healers, someone's daughter until she said Duncan has sent her to find me. He told me that he found a new recruit but failed to mention how young she looked. A pretty girl too, at least I think so, but not that it should matter. I got the feeling from the way she carries herself that she doesn't see it because anytime Daveth tried to flirt with her, all she gave back were blank stares as if he were talking to someone else. I'm used to being taller than most, but she makes me feel like a giant standing next to her. Her jaw is a bit square and flatters her full cheeks and thick eyebrows. Pink lips, dark brown eyes that remind me of the shape of butterfly wings, and more freckles than I have ever seen on anyone. I tried not to notice how curvy she was, but when you're surrounded by women who are either no more than waifs or stern-looking warriors, it's hard not to notice. It is the army, after all. All of her spiral brown curls are entirely out of control. It was quite funny to see her try to rein them in with a strip of leather she cut off her belt.
Duncan had sent us off into the Korcari Wilds to gather the last of the materials we need for the Joining. The fetid swamp chilled us all to the bone, but if she felt cold, she had hidden it well. Daveth seemed comfortable enough in our group. Ser Jory, not so much. I tried to ease his mind by telling him a full Warden can sense the darkspawn, whatever their cunning, but he didn't seem all that reassured. I looked over at Alyssa, her eyes cast distant, her mind miles from here. After a time, I tried talking to her. "What's your favorite color?" It was the safest question I could think of. She looked at me, furrowed her brow, and she was silent for so long that I figured she had forgotten what I had asked.
"Dark green," she said.
"Oh," I was surprised. "I'm partial to blue, myself." My lips quirked up into a smile. So did hers. She couldn't look up at me for very long. Quick glances were all she consented to. I wondered if my being a Templar just added to the awkward feeling between us. It couldn't have helped.
However, she felt about her situation, her Joining or me, Alyssa fought as one of us. Even as I complained about being sent to light the beacon in the Tower of Ishal, she just nodded to Duncan with a determined look on her face. All through the darkspawn filled tower, she showered the two guards and me with healing and protection spells. In the end, we were overpowered by the sheer number of our enemy and no aid from Loghain's retreating forces.
If I knew how dangerous things were to get, I would have acted more like a Grey Warden when Duncan sent us to the tower, not joking about dancing and cross-dressing. Stupid. Why do I have to be so stupid all the time? Maybe if I had been more serious, he would have let me fight beside him. Had I been less of a prat, perhaps I could have made him proud. If I was just a bit faster or stronger, if I refused to leave him, he might... might... It doesn't matter. He's gone. They're all gone. But not Alyssa.
The apostates we met earlier in this swamp are now trying to save the life of the mage that protected me from the surging spawn. Maker, please keep her safe. There is no help, no Wardens, no army, and no one to lead even if there were. She can't die. Just the thought makes me nauseous. Maker, please. I can't do this on my own. I just can't.