A/N - This piece was requested by Boris Yeltsin who asked for a fic where Buffy was turned into a baby which explored her friendship with Willow. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!
Slaying was seriously overrated. Sure, the whole saving the world while uttering witty puns was cool but mostly slaying was running around town, tripping over curbs or low tombstones, before finally managing to catch the demon you had been chasing only to find out it was one of those weird species that sweated toxic green slime.
And as Buffy had found out tonight, that green slime was terrific at staining clothes.
Walking home to Revello Drive covered in the mucus-like liquid had so not been on her to do list. She had anticipated going on a light patrol and picking off a few vampires before returning home in time to catch some late show before bed. The only highlight of her night had been the fact she now smelled so terrible not even Spike had been willing to stick around.
As the bleached menace had done every single night since professing his love to her, he had shown up at precisely the wrong time during her patrol. He had left in a hurry after getting a whiff of her thankfully.
Rounding the final corner, she sighed to herself. Slime shower aside, she was not too excited about returning home. Her mother had been gone for two months now, sixty long, pain filled days chock full of relatives calling with condolences, fighting with Dawn, dealing with the banks, fighting with Dawn, nosy neighbors, insurance claims, and fighting with Dawn.
Oh and the whole Glory thing had still not been resolved.
It was like a massive weight was building itself upon her shoulders, each new issue causing her knees to buckle just a few inches more. She had to stay strong though… for everyone.
And that was the issue really. How could she grieve when so much was riding on her maintaining her strength? One misstep, one moment of weakness and she could lose Dawn - could lose the world.
She knew her sister resented her for her lack of visible sadness. The young girl was often in a state of melancholy, drifting from one task to another with none of the fire she had once possessed. The only time Buffy saw any real emotion in Dawn's eyes was on the increasingly rare chance they ended up in the same room together. The anger her younger sister felt was understandable. She had found out she was not human and had her mother torn away only a few weeks later. How could she fault her when the poor girl was not even sure of who she was? Literally.
Willow and Tara had unofficially moved in shortly after the funeral and they had been more than helpful around the house. What the two lacked in adulting they more than made up for in an undeterred cheerful attitude.
They were the only ones who could get Dawn to smile anymore.
Her musings were brought to an end as she reached her house. Fixing on a smile and trying to ignore the slime dripping down her shirt, she unlocked the door and enter.
"Dawn?" she called, pulling off her shoes - the only piece of clothing that had escaped the goo.
"In here!" Willow said, excitement pitching her voice higher than normal.
Buffy followed the voice, ending up in the kitchen. All the lights were out, though every available space on the kitchen counters had been covered by lit candles. Willow, Tara, and Dawn were sat around the island, surrounding a small cauldron and several bunches of herbs.
"I hope this isn't dinner." Buffy said lightly.
Dawn shot her a dirty look and turned back to Tara. The blonde smiled apologetically, noticing the tense exchange between the two sisters.
"Oh no. We're doing some spellwork." Willow gestured to a massive book she had opened on her lap.
"We thought maybe we could teach Dawn some simple spells, just stuff that could keep her safe until we deal with Glory." Tara added quietly. "Nothing dangerous obviously."
It was a good idea and Buffy wondered why they had not thought of it earlier. Amongst the entire group, Dawn was the most ill fitted for a battle. She had the Slayer strength, Spike was a vampire, Anya had a thousand years of knowledge, and Xander was not too shabby in the planning department. Teaching her sister a few spells made sense really. If anything happened to them, Dawn would be on her own.
"Do you guys need an extra hand?" she offered.
To her dismay, Dawn got up abruptly and stalked out of the room without a word. Willow was on her feet in an instant, hurrying after the angry brunette.
Buffy's stomach sank at the dramatic reaction her words had elicited. Things between the two of them, far from getting better, were falling apart in a truly spectacular fashion. It also hurt to know that it was Willow comforting her sister instead of herself.
"It's not your fault." Tara offered, looking down. "Dawn's just… difficult."
"She's my sister. I should be the one making her feel better." Not the most adult description of how she felt but it still held. "Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for what you and Willow have been doing. Really. It's just, God it sounds terrible but I miss the way things were before all this."
When battle lines had been drawn between the Summer siblings, everyone in the Scoobies had had no choice but to pick sides. Some, like Anya, had distanced themselves from the issue but for everyone else, the tension was a tangible barrier.
It had been natural that Willow fall unconsciously on Dawn's side of the divide. The young girl needed guidance and if she refused Buffy, Willow was the next logical choice. But Buffy needed Willow too, as utterly selfish as it sounded. She was so new to all of this, a child trying to operate in the adult world. Willow had been her pillar for so long, the person who had been there when Angel had left, when she had nearly killed Faith, every single time.
To lose that crutch now when she needed it most…
Slaying may be seriously overrated but it did not hold a candle to adulthood.
"I don't think it's terrible to wish for things to go back." Tara said, watching the blonde speculatively. "Sometimes I yearn to be back home." At Buffy's disbelieving look, she laughed. "Some of my family members may have had skewed ideals but it wasn't all bad. My mother was exceptionally gentle and I miss my brother too. But I have those memories with me now and that's what gives me strength whenever I falter."
"I'm not sure memories are going to be enough." Buffy replied sadly, looking down at the mess of spell ingredients littering the kitchen island.
Tara dipped her head in acknowledgement. "Maybe not, but life was never meant to be easy."
"It wasn't meant for fashion obsessed gods either." She replied with a hint of a smile before collapsing onto one of the stools despairingly. "I have this terrible feeling we're not all going to make it." she said softly. "If something happens to me or Dawn before we get a chance to push through all this anger… I'll never forgive myself."
"I'm sure you and Dawn will reconcile. It's just been difficult for her to adjust to all these new… changes. It doesn't help that we all seem so well composed about everything. Her world is falling apart right now."
"And ours isn't?" Buffy said sharply, though her anger was not directed towards Tara. "Everyone's risking their lives every time they leave the house. We have no idea how to beat Glory or even if it's possible. As much as I want to sit on the couch with her all night and watch teen movies, I can't."
The conversation was rapidly shifting to a place neither woman was keen on exploring with the other. They were not the closest of the gang. Sure, they worked together but rarely did their friendship stride into the sort of intimacy usually shared by close friends.
"Dawn senses that you're holding back from her. She is a remarkably perceptive young woman." Tara ventured, feeling out of her element. "Perhaps if you shared the burden with her a bit… let her see you grieve as well…"
Buffy looked up miserably, trying to ward off the tears that threatened to form. "No, I can't." she stressed. "Because if I do, I'll fall apart."
Uncomfortable silence blanketed the room at that revelation. Distantly, the sounds of Willow and Dawn talking in the other room could be heard. Abruptly, Buffy got to her feet.
"I'd better shower and get this stuff off." she pointed to the slime which Tara had been too polite to point out. "Make sure Dawn doesn't stay up too late?"
"Of course."
"Great. Really, thank you Tara." She hurried out, not giving Tara the chance to respond.
She had not intended to quite literally dump her emotional baggage on the poor girl. It was just, this was the sort of thing she usually spoke to Willow about. Unfortunately, Willow and Dawn had been glued to the hip recently. Tonight had been her breaking point though. The fear, the uncertainty, it was finally becoming too much for her to deal with.
Bypassing the living room on her way to the stairs, she saw Willow hugging Dawn, the two of them whispering together. The scene caused her to freeze, gaze frantically bouncing between the genuine grin Dawn was sporting to the loose embrace Willow had her in.
Ice was cascading down her back, skin prickling as a wave of coldness enveloped her.
She was drowning.
Her run up the stairs was clumsy, the terraced steps seeming to shift and move under her feet. She made it to the bathroom, barely, locking the door and sagging against the wood. Her slimy clothes stuck to the wooden barrier but she could care less about the mess.
It hurt almost more than she could bear to see her closest friend comforting her sister. She was trying so damn hard to get everyone through this but her relationships were suffering. This was why Slayers did not have connections… how could she keep them when so much of her energy was used for fighting evil?
Stripping off her clothes, she showered quickly and went to her room. She curled under the blankets, damp hair sprawled across the pillows.
What she wanted, more than anything, was for everything to go back to the way it was. Fighting the Master seemed like child's play when compared to this… this absolute mess. Back then it had just been the Scooby Gang, no interlopers. She missed those moments dearly, the late night research meetings in the library, sneaking out of class, even trying to study. Life had made sense back then at least.
"I wish we could go back." she murmured to herself, hiding her head under the pillows.
With her head covered, she failed to see the flash of blue light that briefly illuminated the room. When it receded, she was fast asleep.
Back downstairs, the two Wicca frowned as the spell they had tried to perform failed. They had followed every direction to the absolute letter, leaving nothing to chance.
"Are you sure we did this right?" Willow asked anxiously, re-reading the spell book they were using.
"It should have. The spell makes one wish come turn for twenty-four hours. It should have worked." Tara looked thoughtfully into the still smoking pot of ingredients.
Everything inside was burned to ash, meaning something had happened. Why the desired results had not been achieved, she did not know.
"Dawn, trying wishing for something aloud." Willow set the book aside with a tired sigh.
"Um… I wish I had pancakes." She said hesitantly.
Everyone waited but no breakfast food appeared.
"Interesting." Tara murmured, picking the spell book up.
The spell had been rather straightforward. In simple terms, it granted wishes. Nothing powerful of course, this was only a basic spell. But it was useful nonetheless.
Or it would be if it actually worked.
"Can we try again tomorrow? I'm tired." Dawn rubbed hard at her eyes.
Tara softened. People who were new to magic typically had little stamina when it came to spells. "Of course honey. Why don't you go to bed and me and Willow will clean up."
The three parted, each contemplating why the spell had gone awry. This lapse in attention meant no one though to check on Buffy before bed. Willow thought she detected a hint of residual magic when she was brushing her teeth but dismissed the notion quickly, decided it was merely left over from the spell they had tried downstairs.