The warm sun rising woke me up. My body felt sore, I have fallen asleep on the roof. My watch indicated that it was 4 a.m. I growled and get up. I needed a shower. My walk back to my apartment was silent, no one was up. I jumped into the bathroom and came out only an hour later. I needed to take care of myself. I dressed nicely in black shorts and a sleeveless top opened in the back, revealing my sports bra. I spent some time doing my hair so that my brown curls would bounce on my shoulders. When I look at my reflection in the glass, I felt fake. My appearance didn't match my inside.
I changed the broken string of my guitar and played for hours. Music kept my demons away. A knock at my door stopped my daydreaming. I put my guitar aside and look at the clock, it was already ten a.m. Time have passed by in a blur. I sighed and opened the door carefully. Harrison was on the other side. He seemed tense, his grey hair outlining his striking blue eyes as well as the dark rings under them.
"Hey, Chris," A small smile grazed his lips.
"Harri' come in," I ushered him, opening the door fully.
He stepped in and sat on the couch as he usually does. We had a sort of father-daughter relationship because of the age gap between us. He neared his fifties as I was going on my twenty-six. I tried to smile in a poor attempt to ease the atmosphere.
"Want something to drink?" I offered.
He declined silently, avoiding my eyes by staring into space. I knew what bothered him. I have kept my rape from him although he could have helped me. Harrison always had my back. Five years of working together had forged a strong bond. I have ruined it by confessing to another person, one of his fellow leaders.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to process the whole thing before letting anyone know." I apologized, it was no use to beat around the bush.
"Why Eric? I'm not jealous but I'm wondering how it happened to be him." He stated, sincere curiosity twinkling in his eyes.
"Eric cornered me. I had no choice but to tell him." I explained plainly.
"Interesting. I've never seen him so concern. I think taking care of children had rubbed on him after all. It's not a bad thing I guess." He remarked while laughing.
His joyful persona had returned, his bright smile adorning his face. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of Eric becoming soft. I had witnessed this side of the young leader lately, just glimpses that confirmed that he was not as heartless as everyone depicted him.
"I hope he will not be watching me from now on," I replied dryly.
Memories of the night before rushed back to me. Eric's body against mine, his hands on my hips. Our bodies moving in sync to the blasting music. I swallowed thickly. I didn't know how to interact with Eric anymore. We were so close then I broke the spell by singing my feelings before disappearing. It sounded so cheesy although it had been intense.
"I heard you made a show last night. I wish I was here to hear from you." He confessed tenderly.
"Maybe you'll have some other occasion to hear me. I think I need this to get better." I said truthfully.
"You can count on me, you know that Chris. I'm here for you no matter what." He assured, his eyes plunging into mine.
"I know Harri. Thank you."
I sat on the couch next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. Harrison would never hurt me in any way. He was the only man I trusted most in the faction. He had proved more times than I can count that he was reliable on all levels.
"How is it going?" I asked finally.
"Well, we had a meeting early this morning to discuss the situation. The investigation is pretty much finished. All proofs are against Brent. He will be judged within a few days."
"Had Max told you anything about my suspension, yet?"
"No, he might extend it for a few more days to make a point. Don't worry, honey, your job is safe. You know we need you." He smiled down at me.
"You need me because you'll be lost in your papers in no time," I remarked, teasingly.
"Touché!" He exclaimed, putting a hand on his heart.
I couldn't help but laugh at his antics. My face dropped at the knock on my door. I hadn't expected any visitors and now I had two. I excused myself and get up to open the door to... Eric. My surprise was long-short as I heard Harrison coming behind my back.
"Hey, Eric! I was just on my way out." He said with an overly enthusiastic tone. "See you, Chris." He shot at me before making his way into the hallway.
I stood still a second, processing the situation. Eric was staring at me with an unreadable expression. I shifted to the side and made a sign to invite him in. He entered and shut the door behind him. I felt small and ridiculous. I should have known that he wanted an explanation about what happened last night. I didn't even know what to say to ease the awkward tension between us.
"Look, Chris, we danced that's all. We had a good time that's what matters." He stated, his deep voice as cold as ice. "Max wants to see you, that's why I'm here."
I opened my mouth then shut it multiple times like a fish out of water. Stunned by his words. I didn't expect things to go so fast. I wasn't ready to share this horrible night with anyone. Let alone, Max. And I was oddly bothered by the way he acted. The leader's façade returned, crushing my chances to guess what was going on in his mind.
"I'm not ready." I blurted out finally.
Eric turned deadly serious, he crossed his arms over his broad chest, eyes fixated on my own. I couldn't look away, even if I wanted to.
"You have to Christine, that is an order." He said in a dark tone.
I shivered uncontrollably and adverted my eyes to the floor. I hated him for doing that.
"Don't do this ever again. My trust is limited." I huffed in irritation, taking my jacket from the counter kitchen.
"So is mine." He hissed in response, body tensing.
"What's your problem today?" I muttered under my breath while lacing my boots.
"Stop questioning and hurry up." He retorted with an annoyed sigh.
I kept quiet, even when we walked to Max's office. I didn't dare look at Eric. Dread crept upon me as we neared the door's office. I was ready to bolt away, but Eric caught my wrist before I could make a move.
"Don't even think about it." He growled. "You only have to do this once then it's over." His voice strained.
I gulped down the lump in my throat and took a deep breath. Eric opened the door and dragged me inside. I almost lose my footing as I stumbled into the chair in front of Max's messy desk. Mountains of papers and piles of folders covered the wooden furniture. Back straight, head held high, I fought against the urge to puke all over my shoes. I hated to be the center of attention.
"Christine, I'd say it's good to see you if it was under other circumstances." Greeted Max. "I know it's hard for you, but we need your testimony for the investigation. You can take all the time you need." His smooth voice could have eased my nerves if Eric wasn't standing in the corner of the room, gawking like a hawk.
"Hi Max, I agree. It would be better for other reasons." I answered, careful to not let my voice falter. "Hm, it was last Monday night. Brent found me in the Pit. He wanted my help for something, or so I thought at the moment, I don't really remember what it was about... I think he claimed that members were organizing fighting sessions there, making bets and exchanging points or something like that."
It was difficult to walk down memory lane. Images came rushing through my mind, poisoning my every thought. I took a deep breath, eyes fixated on the pen Max was holding. I couldn't look at him while I was picturing Brent right in front of me.
"Anyway, he dragged me in the old quarters to check it out. I didn't know something was off until he pushed me in a dark room. I…" I swallowed thickly. "I didn't have time to react because he hit me behind the head with his gun then he… He began to take my pants off… I… I was too knocked out to fight him. He… He took advantage of me and I couldn't…" My throat get tighter at every word. "I couldn't do anything while he… he raped me. Then, he threatened me, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone or he... He was going to make me factionless."
I didn't see their reactions, I didn't need to. The tension filling the room was enough to know what was crossing their minds. Before any of them could utter a word, I added:
"I don't want anyone to know about this aside from the people already involved. If that's even possible."
"I'm afraid that's not, my dear. Dauntless law demands a vote from all members to establish a punishment. But we can keep your name out of the victims' list if you want to."
I only nodded in response. My nails were digging in the armrest of the chair, my knuckles turning white under the pressure. My heart lumped in my chest when Eric took a step forward. I could see his black combat boots in my peripheral vision.
"Did he use a condom?"
Heat rose in my cheeks and my breath caught up in my throat. I didn't expect that question. I lowered my head a little more to avoid their pointed stares. Recollecting this night was harder than anything that I have ever done. I felt everything all over again. The pain coming from his bites on my skin, his fingers digging in my hips, his pantings in my ear, the pain between my legs as I was begging for him to stop. Brent overwhelmed all my senses. I wasn't in the office anymore but in that dark room with him.
"Chris? Christine?" Eric's voice forced me out of my memories. "Did he use a condom?" He repeated, his voice smoother than silk.
I closed my eyes for a brief second. If he didn't use one, there was a possibility that I was pregnant. How didn't I think about it? When was my last period? Not a clue. My mouth felt dry.
"I honestly don't know," I whispered in disbelief.
"You should go see Marlene check this out, it's better to do it sooner than later." Advised Max. "We'll make the announcement about Brent's trial tonight, the vote will be held in five days from now on. You're suspended until the end of the week."
My head shot up instantly. Harrisson told me that he would extend my suspension, but it still hurt. I loved my job because I felt useful, purposeful. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest to prevent both men from seeing them shaking.
"Look, I know this is about me beating the shit out of Brent. I won't apologize because he deserved it, but I'm sorry for breaking the rules of 'no fighting outside rings'. I get it, I messed up and it's not tolerable for someone close to leadership but give me some lack. I've never broken any rule before, I've been obedient and followed orders my whole life, you can't do this to me. I need my job, Max, please." My voice wavered at the end.
Max get up and walked around his desk, hands clasped behind his back. He spared a long look at Eric who nodded in response. Their silent conversation put me on edge. I should have shut it. I just proved that I was unstable. Great move, dumbass. Max stand right in front of me, careful to keep a decent distance between us. His sympathetic look gave me the urge to slap him across the face. I didn't need his pity, but I needed my job to keep me from going insane. If I didn't have anything to focus on, I might lose my mind and do something really stupid.
"It is not really a suspension as you understand it." His thin lips stretched into a comforting smile. "Think of it as vacations. You need to recover and take care of yourself first, Chris. My decision is not to be discussed."
I huffed in response but didn't push any further, Max was not someone to disagree with. I stole a glance at Eric. He nodded slightly his head as to ushered me to keep a low profile. Well, at least someone was on my side. One that I would not have imagined.
"So, what am I supposed to do until then a part of taking care of me?"
"I've heard that the Child Care Service needed someone from time to time to watch the kids."
"I'll think about it," I answered while looking at Eric, an eyebrow raised in question. "If that's all, am I free to go?" I asked, already out of the chair
Max dismissed me by pointing the door with his head with a small smile. I turned on my heels before doing or saying something I might regret. One question lingered in my head, did Eric asked for me to work at the Child Care Service, or was it, Max?