Hi guys!
As usual, I'm late for posting this new chapter. To make up for it, this one is longer than the others.
I hope that you'll enjoy it as much as I like to write it.
Thanks for the follows and fav, it really warms my heart.
See ya, Lys.
Hunger woke me up around eight a.m. I felt more tired than when I get to sleep last night. My head throbbed furiously as I stood up. Maybe, some painkillers from the infirmary can help. The idea of facing Marlene and her insane curiosity made me even sicker. I liked her a lot, she was adorable when she wasn't gossiping on your back. Every rumor passed through her at some point, I didn't know how she was doing to remember it all correctly without messing names or stories. I decided to wait until lunch, migraines tend to come and go, it was nothing new.
I dressed in my daily attire, a black shirt, black pants loose enough to do some training, and a dark red jacket. Colorful clothing was rare within the Dauntless faction so when I found one I can't help but buy it. The amount of points that I gained from my job could cover all my desires, nevertheless, I was careful to keep some just in case. I spotted Four right away as I entered the dining hall. He was sitting with a young woman probably my age near the entrance. Their whispers didn't reach me but I could feel their pointed looks in my direction. I ignored them, grabbed a plate, and stuffed it with Dauntless cake, some fruits, and a bottle of water. I ate rapidly to avoid any unwanted encounters with the instructor. Four was nice and all, but I didn't want to talk to him about my problems, least of all, Brent. He already wore that stupid puppy look whenever our paths crossed. He could shove his pity down his throat for all I care, that didn't help me deal with the aftermath of my rape.
"Christine?" An unfamiliar voice called beside me.
I turned to see the young woman Four spoke to only seconds ago. She was breathtakingly beautiful, her big brown eyes complimented her mocha skin, her jet black hair cascaded over her shoulders in voluptuous waves, her deep pink lipsticks only made her lips more kissable and attractive. Was she Four's girlfriend? I never expected him to be so close to someone, he was a stiff before coming here. The opposite of the Dauntless he became.
"Yes, it's me. And you are?" I asked more briskly than I intended to with a forced smile.
She took the seat to my right, biting nervously on her lower lip and playing with her fingers. Knowing that I was off duty for the week, I was wondering what she wanted. She seemed on the verge of tears, her eyes glistening in the light. I shot a look at Four's table to see that he disappeared. Weird. My gaze returned on her and I waited patiently until she sorted her words.
"My name's Lucy. I'm sorry to come to you like this, but I needed to tell you something." She took a deep breath and shook her head as if to dismiss dark thoughts. "You should go take a pregnancy test as soon as you can, he… Brent didn't…" She trailed off, hands shaking.
Realization dawned on me. She was the other victim. The one he raped because of me. I suddenly felt like puking. Lucy smiled weakly, trying to appear confident but I saw through her act. She was broken inside, and nothing could ever repair what shattered in her soul. Just like me. I gulped down a swig of water, thinking hard of something to say to ease the awkward silence.
"I'm sorry… Nobody deserves to endure this kind of thing." I whispered back. "Thanks to let me know, it's…" Nice? No, nothing was nice about this situation. "Did you do it, already?" I asked in a shaky voice.
From the look on her face, I understood that she, indeed, took the test and that the results were not what she wished. I put a comforting hand on her shoulder, Lucy wiped her cheeks quickly and put on a straight face, though her eyes were dull.
"I don't really know what to do, Marlene told me to think about it, but…"
"You wished you could forget about it and go on with your life as it never happened." I finished for her.
"Yeah, that's pretty much the idea."
We both sighed in defeat. Knowing that this bastard didn't take his precautions only fulled my rage. I wanted to make him suffer as much as he destroyed us. I wanted to see him in so much pain that he wished he could die. Something dark was growing inside me, something cold and cruel, a call for revenge to take back a part of what he ripped from me and Lucy. Violence wasn't uncommon in Dauntless, but there were rules to abide by, and one of them forbid any unscheduled fight. I've already broken that one by attacking Brent during his training, I couldn't do it twice, or I'll definitely lose my job. Eric warned me that he couldn't save me anymore. Was it worth it? I contemplated the idea for a few seconds before Lucy spoke again, more confidently this time.
"Do you mind if we keep in touch? I can't really talk about it with someone else, they can't understand."
"Sure." I pressed her shoulder then let go of her.
We exchanged contacts, promising each other to talk soon. On my way to the infirmary, my pounding headache grew stronger. Each step sent a jolting pain in the back of my skull, making it difficult to think. If only Jenna and Kate were here, they would appease my anxiety with their awful jokes. I missed them so much. I've never been so isolated before. Harrison was busy due to my "vacation", he needed to keep up with my unfinished tasks as well as his. I was already a burden for the poor man, that was unnecessary to add any more to his plate.
The infirmary was a large room where rows of beds lined up on each side of an alley big enough to move with stretchers. The lingering odor of antiseptic filled the room and burned my nostrils. Various medical equipment was bipping loudly. The worst injuries were not treated here directly, Erudites were more qualified to do it. They would come to collect the wounded and return them days or weeks after, depending on the gravity of their wounds. I was glad that I've never had to undergo this. Erudites were unnerving with their almighty knowledge and their presumable superiority. They considered themselves more valuable for society because they provided everyone with technology and science. To me, they were all full of shit. Only spawns and lab rats for their wicked leader, Jeanine Matthews. I've rarely encountered the woman, only once or twice during her visits here, but it was enough to understand that she had a hidden agenda and a freaking huge ego.
Marlene's round face popped out of a side room, throwing me out of my thoughts. Her white blouse underlined her bright blue eyes and enlighten her sandy blond hair. She paused at her desk to pick up papers, I took it as my cue. I knew that if I didn't do it now, I'll never will. Marlene turned to me when I came close to her, a big broad smile on her fine features.
"Christine, long time no see. What brings you here?"
"Hi Marlene, can we talk in private?"
"Of course, follow me." She beamed, her ponytail bouncing on her back as she led me to another side room used to examine patients more privately if needed.
Intimacy was not a big thing here, during initiation we were to shower in front of our fellow initiates, any curtain removed from the bathroom stall.
"So, what's the matter?" She asked curiously.
"I suppose that you're aware of Brent's… incidents." Her face changed from joyous to serious, the shift so sudden that I doubted that she ever smiled before. "I'm here to take a pregnancy test."
Marlene nodded and get up to fetch a stick from one of the numerous drawers scattered around the room. I took it and went to the toilet attached to this room.
"I'm waiting for you here, take all the time you need."
The door shut behind me. I wanted to run back to my apartment and hide under my blanket until the end of my days. Childish, I know, but facing the truth was above me. I knew how to proceed, I've already done a test a few years ago when I was in a relationship. It felt like thousand years had passed since then. This time I was alone to face the results and to make a choice, there was no boyfriend to take my hand and tell me that everything will be fine. I exhaled loudly in the tiny cabinet, feeling crushed by these four walls. I gathered my courage, put my pants and underwear down, and peed on the test. Once I was finished, I put it aside and get dressed again. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes felt like ages. I sat on the toilet, head in my hands, praying harder than ever to wake up from this never-ending nightmare. Whatever I did, Brent came back to tear my life apart. Even at Child Care Service, he haunted me through Aidan.
When will I be able to forget about him? Will I ever? I almost broke down but managed to keep it together. Be stronger, Chris, you're going to be fine, I encouraged myself. My eyes fell onto the test. My world fell apart once more. Emptiness filled me. My emotions were so strong that my brain decided to shut them down to protect me. It was as if someone had turned my emotional switch off. I felt numb, a pointless shell letting itself float in the waves, without any purpose, just waiting for death to come to collect its soul. My breath hitched, tears ran down my cheeks. No, no, no, no, I repeated endlessly as if would make the results change. This can't be happening. I can't be pregnant. I can't have a baby. Not like this.
A baby. Images from yesterday swarmed in my head. Children's faces, laughter, tears, and screams. I wasn't ready to face this, any of this. I get up, bolt through the door, and ran out of the infirmary. I vaguely heard Marlene coming after me, calling my name worriedly. I didn't care, I needed air or anything to get rid of the aching in my chest. I stopped at the chasm, my heart pounding wildly and my vision blurred by tears. I didn't want this. I held my arm back and threw the pregnancy test as far as I could into oblivion. I watched it disappear in the raging waters. Destroying the only evidence of this cruel twist of fate didn't ease my pain one bit.
I needed to take action in order to regain control of my life. I couldn't let Brent win. With that in mind, I made my way to the control room, hoping to find the only person willing to help me without asking too many questions. Luckily, Four was not hard to find among the desks and screens. He was typing away at his computer, a deep frown adorning his face. The bags under his eyes were so dark that I thought that his bags had bags of their own. He should really think to sleep more or to change his job, or he'll not last another decade. I came behind him and put my head on his shoulder to catch his attention. He nearly jumped out of his chair and knocked his coffee on his shirt.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you," I apologized in a whisper.
"Doesn't matter, I needed to take a break anyway," he replied, grabbing some tissue to clean himself, "What do you want?" He asked, now facing me.
"I need a favor, one that no one will know about, leaders included." His frown deepened.
"Is this favor will get me fired?" I shrugged my shoulders, keeping a straight face.
"Possibly, depends on your abilities."
"I'm not agreeing to anything yet, but, what's your favor, exactly?"
I knew that his selflessness would get in the way and push him to help me. I restrained a smile. Got you, mate.
"I need you to locate Brent and turn off the cameras for a few minutes. Nothing more. You turn them back on and we go on with our lives."
"No, Chris, you can't do this." I held my hand up to prevent any more arguments on his part.
"I can and I will talk to him whether you help me or not."
He mulled over my words for a moment, his eyes searching mine. I knew what he was looking for, but I was already concealing it deep down. He exhaled loudly and turned back to his computer.
"You only have two minutes, not one more."
"Thanks, Four."
I ran out of the control room before he could change his mind. I felt like a caged animal ready to escape after years of imprisonment. All I could think about while I made my way to the jails, was how I wanted to see Brent on his knees, begging for mercy. My footsteps echoed in the empty corridors, there was rarely anyone here. The control room was enough to keep an eye on the prisoners as they were not many. I looked up to the camera when I stepped into the light, knowing that Four watched me closely. The cold hit me as I opened the last door that leads to the cells where Brent was held. He was the only one here. It meant no witness. Confident in my plan, I get closer to his cell. Brent was already waiting, arms across the metal bars as he looked at the ceiling. He had a black eye and a busted lip. His face was swollen and all different shades of blue and purple. It was nothing compared to what I had in mind, nonetheless, it was satisfying to see that someone beat him while he was helpless. He kind of tasted his own medicine. A smile broke on his face as he registered my presence, seeming too pleased to see me.
"I knew you'd come, Chrissy," he exclaimed, smug as ever.
"I'm not here for what you think."
Fast as lightning, I grabbed his wrists and bent them over the bars in unnatural angles. Brent bit his lip hard to prevent a cry from escaping. Still, he was relaxed as if I was a friend coming to check on him.
"Feisty, I like it," he purred.
"Go to hell, you sick bastard," I growled lowly.
Brent pressed himself against the bars in an attempt to get closer to me. I remained a step away, refusing to give him the proximity he wanted. He brushed his fingers over my skin. Disgust swirled in my stomach. I pulled on his wrists more forcefully. His bones were ready to pop out of their sockets because of the tension.
"You're the one in hell." He retorted with a wicked smile.
I pulled harder on him, he winced in pain but didn't budge otherwise. Was he taking pleasure in pain? That guy was definitely insane. That's why he raped me and Lucy because that's his kink. Sickness overtook me and I doubled over, emptying the content of my stomach right at his feet. He tried to get back but my grip was too strong through the bars. That was a small victory, the smell of vomit will accompany him until his judgment. I hope they will make him clean it, thinking he was sick when the cameras were turned off.
"You think that you're safe now that I'm locked up. I wouldn't be so sure if I were you. Monsters are everywhere, especially where you don't expect them." I straightened up, eyes shooting daggers at him. "Oh, don't look at me like that, sweetheart. I didn't even tell you their names."
Four will turn on the cameras any minute now, I didn't have time to play another one of his games. I came here to confront him, not to give him a chance to mess with my head. I forcefully pushed his right wrist further until I heard a satisfying snap. Brent wriggled in my grasp, trying to take his hands back. It was my turn to wear a wicked smirk.
"What makes you believe that I'm not a monster myself?"
"You're too soft and naïve to be one of us. You should ask Eric or Harrison how they're hiding their dirty secrets, they have plenty of them. More than you could imagine." He spat through gritted teeth.
"You're not smart enough to be one of them, then, Brent. You're screwed, anything you can say won't save you. You've already condemned yourself when you put your hands on me and Lucy." I retorted dryly.
I wouldn't let him know that he stroke a nerve. What Eric and Harrison did that could compare to his actions? A shiver ran down my spine.
"I know that you think about it all the time, you remember how your body reacted? How you orgasmed right before I came?"
His words hit me hard. My brain shut down all reasonable thoughts. I pulled him against the bars, his head hit them with a loud bang. My nails dug into his skin, drawing droplets of blood. I pictured myself squeezing his neck between my hands, looking him in the eyes as he struggled to breathe. Helpless, weak, humiliated, and broken. I wanted to kill him so badly that it hurt to just stood there, unable to fulfill this insatiable need.
"Think of our child before doing something rash," he chastised, his voice surprisingly gentle.
My body froze. He knew. How was this possible? Unless it was his goal from the start. He wanted to impregnate women by raping them. How twisted a human possibly can be? Once more, I ran in hope of escaping reality. I only came to a stop when I reached the roof. Out of breath, shaking violently, I was ready to collapse and give up. My knees touched the ground and I yelled at the top of my lungs. My throat was burning, tears were streaming down my face. It was too much to bear. My emotions were upside down. Brent did all of this on purpose. He chose to rape me and Lucy without protection. He wanted us to bear his children. Why?
Sobbing loudly, I curled up on the hard gravels. At this moment, jumping off the building seemed a reasonable thing to do. What was left of me, anyway? I laid there for what seemed like hours. The warmth of the evening sun disappeared to let the freshness of the night settled. The wind blew loudly around me, his screams echoed deep inside of me. I had no tears left to cry. I sat up and brushed my hair out of my face. I needed to get the hell up and keep fighting but couldn't find the strength to. The door opened behind me. Heavy footsteps approached rapidly. I refused to turn around to acknowledge whoever it was. Gazing at the starry sky, I prayed that tomorrow I'll not feel this deep hole in my chest anymore. The person sat beside me in silence. A big hand came into view, holding a joint. I turned my head to see who was offering me this. My eyebrows shot up in confusion when I saw Eric sitting next to me.
"Just take it," he simply said.
I took it and his lighter. After a few puffs, I felt numb enough to not fear breaking down again.
"Thanks," I whispered. "How did you know I was here?"
"Four told me."
My head dropped. Of course, Four had to tell him. Brent's words came into my mind. Monsters were where I least expected them. I took another puff and looked at the sky again.
"Why did you go down there?" He asked quietly.
"Because I'm dumb," I huffed back.
"Don't beat yourself up, Chris. The vote's in two days, he'll pay for what he's done," he sounded unconvinced by his last words.
This, for some reason, infuriated me. I jumped on my feet and shook my head while pacing in front of him.
"It's not enough!" I exclaimed. "It'll never be enough for what he's done. I want him to suffer, I want to kill him with my own bare hands because that's what he deserves. A shot in the head is too merciful for this piece of shit!"
Eric's eyes grew wide as he stood up to face me. He put his strong hands on my shoulder to steady my wobbling knees. I tried to get out of his grasp but he was too strong. I began to hyperventilate out of sheer fear. Eric stared into my eyes, his cerulean eyes were filled with worry, something I've rarely witnessed.
"Chris, calm down," his deep voice was oddly soothing. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not Brent."
This made me snap again. I pushed him harder and he finally complied to let go of me.
"Shut up!"
Silence followed my bold outburst. Eric only stared at me in utter surprise. That wasn't the reaction I expected from him. Why wasn't he shouting back? Why wasn't he mad at me? His behavior and Brent's warnings didn't match, something was missing to help me decide if Eric was a monster or not. Deep inside, I wanted to believe that he was part of the good guys.
"I didn't mean to…," I sighed deeply, a hand running through my wild hair. "It's driving me insane. I want my life back, I just want to go back in time and erase all of this bullshit. I can't take it anymore, it's just too much. I'm done… I'm fucking done."
I bit my lip but my body betrayed me. I was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. Eric took a step forward, seeing that I didn't try to push him, he came closer until he was at arm's length. His eyes never left mine, his face more expressive than ever before. His lips formed a thin line as his hand came to my face, wiping the remains of my tears gently. His touch was light as a feather as if in fear to break me further. It had nothing to do with Brent's hands, nor his touch when we danced together. In this simple gesture, he conveyed how much he cared about me, and that was all I needed to know that I could trust him.
"I'm pregnant," I admitted out loud for the first time, Eric clenched his jaw. "What am I supposed to do, Eric? I can't have this monster's baby, and I can't think about killing it just because of that. I can't let another child be left alone."
A deep scowl replaced his hurtful expression, then he did something I couldn't have imagined from him. His arms wrapped around me, engulfing me in a bear hug. I closed my eyes and grabbed his jacket in my hands. His warmth felt nice compared to my cold body. Oddly, I felt safe in his strong embrace, as if nothing could ever hurt me again. I held onto him and this feeling, not wanting to lose what little stability it provided me.
"You don't have to do this alone, Chris. Everything will be ok, you're going to be ok." He said in my ear, stroking my back comfortingly.
My body relaxed at his words. That's what I desperately needed to hear to not drown in despair. Though, I really wanted to hear him explain why he was doing all of this.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked in a quieter voice.
His silence worried me a tad bit. I opened my eyes and looked up from his chest to meet his eyes. He seemed so vulnerable that it shook me to the core. A sad smile stretched his lips and his eyes glistened in the pale moonlight. That's when I knew that Brent played me. Eric was here because he wanted to, nothing more. He wanted to help me overcome my demons and become stronger than I ever was or would ever imagine being. He saw something in me that was worth fighting for. I've never realized that one look could say so much until now. I slid one hand on his cheek, mimicking his previous gesture. He inhaled sharply but didn't turn away.
"Because I don't like to see you suffer because of someone like him. You worth more than you know." He finally replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
A small smile found its way on my lips. That was the sweetest thing he ever said to me. My heart pounded hard in my chest as I held him tighter. Relief washed over me when his lips twitched upwards in a smile so sincere that it nearly wiped me out of my feet. He couldn't be playing me, not when he was putting his pride aside to let me see the man under the leader.
"Thank you, Eric."
"Anytime."
I pressed my cheek against his chest, listening to his strong and steady heartbeat, hoping for better days. I was glad to have him. We stayed in each other's arms for quite some time, the moon watching over us.