Chapter 1
Setting: South Park. Some time during (or after) Season 23, after the episode "Season Finale."
Narrator: The scene begins at Tegridy Farms. In the background, Towlie is inspecting samples of marijuana (or more precisely, taste-testing it). In the foreground, Randy is dusting bottles of pot. He's singing to himself.
Randy (to the tune of "The Candy Man" by Sammy Davis, Jr.): Who can bake in the morn'? Bake in the morn'? Have that look in his eye? Look in his eye? Absorbing all the goods and make a THC pie? The Chronic Man. The Chronic Man. Oh, the Chronic Man can. The Chronic Man can. The Chronic Man can 'cause he's too high off his ass to remember anymore. Remember anymore.
Narrator: The phone suddenly rings. Randy puts his feather duster down. He picks up the phone and puts a stem of pot into his mouth.
Randy (in a fake southern accent): Tegredy Weed. How can I help you on this fine day?
Narrator: Randy suddenly looks surprised.
Randy: Really? No shit?
Narrator: Towlie stops what he's doing and turns to Randy, who's starting to look very excited.
Towlie: Hey, Randy. Are you okay? Do you need some weed to calm yourself down?
Narrator: Without waiting for a response from Randy, the scene shifts to Sharon, who's washing dishes in the kitchen. Randy starts to run around the hallway.
Randy: Sharon! Stan! Shelly!
Narrator: Sharon's eyes flit over to the doorway. She puts down the rag she was cleaning with and rushes to the living room, followed by Stan and Shelly.
Sharon (hands on hips): What, Randy?
Randy (bursting with excitement): You're not gonna believe it!
Sharon: Believe what?
Randy: I just got a call from Justin Trudeau!
Stan: The Prime Minister of Canada?
Randy: Yeah. He wants to make Tegridy Farms the sole supplier of weed in Canada! Isn't this great?
Narrator: Sharon looks surprised. Then, the places her hand onto her face.
Sharon: Oh, Randy!
Stan: Dad. C'mon.
Shelly: Are you kidding me?
Randy (frowning): What? You guys don't seem that excited.
Shelly: Did you learn nothing?!
Sharon: This is a bad idea, Randy.
Randy: Why?
Sharon: You did this in China, remember?
Stan: Yeah. Now, we're banned in China.
Randy: Yeah, but this is Canada we're talking about.
Sharon: Seriously, Randy. This is gonna end badly.
Randy: Well, it's too late. I already made the deal with our neighbors from the South.
Stan: Uh, Dad? Canada is north.
Randy: Oh. Right. Sorry, I'm kinda high. Anyway, I gotta prepare for this business deal. We're gonna be rich!
Narrator: Randy walks away, leaving Stan, Shelly, and Sharon alone.
Stan: Is Dad gonna go to Canada?
Sharon: Probably, Stan.
Stan: Can we go, too?
Sharon: Why do you wanna go to Canada?
Shelly (clearly annoyed): So we can kill him! All the Canadians will be too stoned to notice!
Sharon (actually thinking it over): I'll think about it...
Narrator: Sharon leaves. Stan and Shelly both head to their rooms.
Shelly: I just wanna kill him!
Stan: Just let him bury himself, Shelly.
Shelly: Easy for you to say. Dad doesn't go into your room to bother you, anymore.
Stan: Yeah. I put something on my bedroom door to scare him away.
Shelly: What?
Stan: A proposal by the mayor to ban marijuana from South Park.
Narrator: The scene shifts to South Park Elementary. The students in Mrs. Nelson's class are talking amongst themselves. Mrs. Nelson comes in.
Mrs. Nelson: All right, everyone. We have a lot to catch up on for our test on Friday. Before we do, I'm gonna take attendance first.
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson holds up a clipboard and a pencil. She starts to call out names.
Mrs. Nelson: Kyle Broflovski?
Kyle: Here.
Mrs. Nelson: Timmy Burch?
Timmy: Timmy!
Mrs. Nelson: Eric Cartman?
Cartman: Here!
Mrs. Nelson: Christophe L'Amer?
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson looks up.
Mrs. Nelson (softly): Christophe? Oh. That's right. He was suspended.
Kyle: Suspended? For what?
Mrs. Nelson: I think he wrote the word "bitch" on the Vice Principal's door.
Cartman: That figures.
Mrs. Nelson (turning towards Cartman): What was that?
Cartman: Nothing.
Mrs. Nelson (ignoring him): Stan Mar-
Narrator: Suddenly, an announcement appeared on the loudspeaker, interrupting her.
Voice of Mr. Mackey: Attention, students. Would the following students please report to PC Principal's office, m'kay? Ike Broflovski? Thank you.
Narrator: Kyle looks horrified.
Kyle: What?!
Narrator: Cartman points and laughs at him
Cartman (sing-songy): Haha! Kyle's brother is screwed!
Kyle (growing angry): Fuck off, fatass!
Mrs. Nelson: Kyle!
Narrator: The scene shifts to PC Principal's office. Ike is seen sitting on a chair in front of PC Principal's desk.
PC Principal: Thank you for coming, Ike. This is the first time I've seen you in my office, but don't be alarmed. I just called you to give you a letter. It looks important.
Narrator: PC Principal hands Ike a letter, which is sealed with a red Canadian maple leaf. Ike opens it up and starts to read it. When he was done, he looks up with a determined and stern look on his face. Later, the bell rings, signaling the end of the day. The kids come out. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman walk home together.
Stan (to Kyle): What did PC Principal wanna talk to your brother about?
Kyle (kind of alarmed): I don't know, dude! Ike acted weird all day! Whenever I see him, he looks like a robot!
Cartman: Have you seen his head? I always thought he looked more like a dick!
Narrator: Stan and Kenny both laugh. Kyle, on the other hand, looks pissed off. He goes over to Cartman and kicks him in the nuts.
Cartman: AAAGGGHHH!
Narrator: Cartman falls to the ground and places his hands on his crotch. Kyle angrily walks away. Stan and Kenny soon follow.
Kenny (muffled): At least PC Principal didn't kill him!
Stan (changing the subject): Hey. Isn't that Principal Victoria?
Narrator: He points somewhere. Sure enough, Principal Victoria was walking across the street. The boys run up to her.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny (in unison): Principal Victoria!
Principal Victoria (turning to them): Hello, boys. How are things?
Stan: Bad. How's everything going?
Principal Victoria: Oh, much better than before. I recently got a job as the Principal of Middle Park Elementary.
Kyle: How's that going for you?
Principal Victoria: Wonderful! It reminds me a lot of South Park Elementary. I feel right at home!
Narrator: The scene shifts to Middle Park Elementary, as four boys leave. They look like Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. The only real difference was their ethnicities. The Stan look-alike was Hispanic, the Kyle look-alike was Asian and wore a Buddhist Dharma Wheel necklace, the Cartman look-alike was African American, and the Kenny look-alike was Russian and carried what looked like a vodka bottle in his hand.
The Stan look-alike: I'm telling you, dude. It keeps getting worse. First, Giant Douche gets elected president, and now the impeachment investigations.
Cartman look-alike: Fuckin' whities! They fuck everything up!
Narrator: The Kenny look-alike said something in Russian (probably "fuck off)" and hit the Cartman look-alike in the head with his vodka bottle, which shattered into pieces. They start to fight each other. The Kyle and Stan look-alike watch them as the Stan look-alike pinches the bridge of his nose. At that moment, the scene shifted back to Principal Victoria and the boys.
Principal Victoria: Anyway, I gotta run. I have to attend a meeting! 'Bye, boys!
Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny (in unison as Principal Victoria leaves): 'Bye, Principal Victoria.
Narrator: Ike suddenly rushes pass them with a stern expression on his face.
Kyle: Ike?
Narrator: Ike ignores him and leaves. Later, Ike was seen in his bedroom packing a bag with clothes and other supplies. After packing it, he puts on his Knight of Canada armor and puts on socks (the same ones that the Princess of Canada gave him). He puts on his helmet and grabs a sword from his closet. He starts to leave. The scene shifts to Kyle's room, who's silently doing homework. He stops when he hears a door slam. He puts down his pencil and leaves the room. He looks down the hallway until he spots Ike's room. He notices that the door was open. He enters the room and looks around.
Kyle: Ike?
Narrator: Kyle looks around the room while calling Ike's name. Suddenly, he spots a piece of paper on Ike's desk. He picks it up and reads it. Later, Kyle is seen walking down the stairs with the letter in his hand.
Kyle (muttering to himself): Why would Ike be called back to Canada?
Narrator: Kyle sits on the couch and turns on the TV.
Tom Thompson: And in other news, chaos in Canada is starting to break out. The Canadians are rioting because their Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, was exposed wearing blackface. Video surveillance provided by an unknown source has revealed that Justin Trudeau once wore what looks like black-colored paint on his face. Trudeau is attempting to explain himself.
Narrator: The TV shows Justin Trudeau, who was still badly burned because of the bomb that Giant Douche dropped on Canada.
Justin Trudeau (with black paint on his face): I fell in shit, buddy! I swear!
Tom Thompson: The world is expressing resentment towards Canada. Justin Trudeau agreed to a meeting with President Giant Douche to clear his name. Sadly, nothing good came out of it.
Narrator: The TV now shows Giant Douche (aka Mr. Garrison) and Justin Trudeau having a conference, with visible joints in their hands.
Giant Douche: Don't shit over it. I piss off the fucking world all the time. Just look at the Turds. I abandoned their asses and now look at me!
Trudeau: You mean the Kurds?
Giant Douche: Yeah. Whatever.
Narrator: Giant Douche takes a puff of his joint.
Giant Douche: These joints taste like shit!
Trudeau: Yeah. We're gonna get new ones soon.
Tom Thompson: Another meeting between the politicians has been scheduled for next week. In the meantime, we now take you to a Midget in a Bikini, who's reporting from a press conference in Canada as we speak.
Midget in a Bikini: Thanks, Tom. The press conference is spinning out of control. The secret service agents are trying to gain control of the situation, but the press is really pushing it.
Narrator: The footage now shows a conflict between a secret service agent and a reporter.
Reporter: Let us speak to Justin Trudeau, buddy!
Secret Service Agent (shoving him): Forget it, friend! You're not coming through!
Reporter: I'm not your friend, buddy!
Secret Service Agent: Well, I'm not your buddy, guy!
Midget in a Bikini: In other words, Justin Trudeau has just agreed to speak to the press. Hopefully, this will blow over soon as it usually fuckin' happens.
Justin Trudeau: I promise you, buddy! I made a mistake, nothing more! To preserve peace in our great country of Canada, I call every knight of Canada, every Mountie, and every member of the Canadian Royal Forces to meet me in the Palace of Canada to clear my good name! In times of hardships, Canada will stay strong!
Tom Thompson: Thanks, Midget. You heard it here, folks. Every important figure in Canada is gonna attend some fuckin' meeting to end this conflict.
Narrator: Tom turns towards someone in the room.
Tom Thompson: How's a fuckin' meeting gonna help?
Narrator: The camera turns back to Kyle, who's staring at the screen in complete shock. The camera dramatically zooms in on his face as an eerie melody plays.
Kyle: Oh, my God!
AN 1: Thanks for reading! I hope you all liked the chapter. Please leave a review!
AN 2: Just a quick warning, as you can probably tell by this chapter, this story is gonna cover some pretty controversial topics and may be offensive to some people. Also, I am not against Justin Trudeau in any way. Giant Douche, on the other hand, is another story. I'm sorry if this story offends anyone, but I thought the plot of this story would be something that the creators of South Park would do. So, please just bear with me!