„I don't get it. " Peter mumbled and Jane watched him bench forward. They were sitting on opposite sites in a booth of a bar. "That behavior is so not her, right?" he asked which made Jane cringe. "No." she heard how helpless she sounded.

It's been a week since Jane had left their home. She had seen Brian twice, picking him up from school and giving the nanny the afternoon off. Maura didn't need to know she had told the girl who seemed to be happy enough to get paid without working.

At first, the boy had been rather silent, almost scared which had made Jane feel guilty for more or less abducting him. She could only imagine how he probably felt guilty too for betraying Maura. Life was so unfair she thought. A kid should never have to choose between parents. Parents should never make kids be loyal to just one of them.

The second time she had picked him up, he was the same. Silent, reclused. It hurt Jane who had already decided to give up and give him time, when he had finally emerged out of his shell. She would never forget the shy smile as he took her hand when they left the café. He had squeezed it hard, and Jane had almost cried.

"I miss you." She had tried a smile but the moment she had glanced at him, she knew that he saw her sadness. He had hugged her in return as they had said their goodbyes later that afternoon. Jane had wanted to say that it was all going to be okay. But she wasn't even sure if it would be. So, instead, she simply told him, that she loved him and that she would come and pick him up next week.

He had nodded bravely, the little man he was, then he had given her one more hug, before disappearing with the nanny.

"Jane?" Peters voice sifted through her thoughts, and she blinked several times to refocus on her friend. She took a sip from her beer and said "Sorry, what did you say?"

He chuckled and glanced at the waitress to order two more beers. Then he turned to face her again. "So, why?" he asked, and Jane thought that she should probably be the one to ask him. But she was past this stage. After spending days of going over and over the past weeks she was beginning to feel tired and wrecked.

"Hell, what do I know?" she mumbled and shrugged. Then she glanced up at him and pulled her hand through her mane. "I just wish she would speak with me."

"Maybe she doesn't know it either." Peter said, holding her gaze. "I can imagine that it must be hard to learn about your birthparents and family that way. Could she be ashamed of her family?" he asked, and Jane shrugged again. She was feeling angry about Maura shutting her off that way. She would somehow have expected more from her wife. At the same time, she was wondering if she wasn't an asshole as well if she didn't give her time and the chance to sort things out. Maybe Peter was right, and Maura was ashamed, maybe the whole thing had thrown her off the wagon in a way that she couldn't help herself but act the way she did. Maybe she, Jane, had contributed and pushed her away by trying to help her. "Or maybe she has never learned how to cope with such things." She mumbled and saw Peter nod over the rim of his beer bottle.

While she clearly needed something to hold on to – some decision – Maura probably was on a whole different page, trying to get over the shock. Jane suddenly jumped from her seat. "I need to go." She said to a slightly grinning Peter. "Having a hunch?" he asked hinting at Janes famous gut.

Jane nodded in all seriousness, and he simply waved her off as she fumbled for the money in her pocket. "I've got it, don't worry. Just go and do what you need to do!" he practically hushed her out of the bar, and she felt anxious as she walked towards her car.

R&I

It only occurred to her that her mother hadn't called all week as she was pulling into the driveway of their home in beacon hill. Angela was still living next door in Maura's guest house. But her place was dark. As was the main house. Jane's heart sank a little as she swallowed hard and rubbed the palms of her hands nervously against the fabric of her Jeans. Hesitating, she remained in the car for a long time, not knowing if this was a good idea after all.

She flinched when a knock to the window of her car startled her. When she turned her face she saw dark hazel eyes piercing at her. Unable to read them she slowly opened the door, noticing the cool night air. Maura took a step away so that she could exit the car.

Forgotten was the speech she had prepared during her drive over. And so, they stood, staring at each other. Jane felt like someone had punched her into her chest and noticed that she had a hard time to breathe. Maura's eyes were still dark and unreadable to her and for a second she thought about jumping back into her car and running, but as she turned Maura's cold hand came up to hold her forearm. Jane bit her lip.

"I don't know what to say." She whispered as her eyes went back looking for Maura's. "I miss you Maur. I love you." The words tumbled from her lips before she could think about them. It was the plain truth though. Yet, she almost expected Maura to flip and run again. Instead, she heard her raspy voice as if she hadn't spoken much over the past days or cried hard: "Don't leave me Jane."

Their eyes met again, and Jane slowly followed Maura around the house to the deck. The blonde disappeared and she sat down to wait. Hoping that Maura would return she glanced at the stars and took a deep breath.

"I missed you too." She heard Maura's voice coming from the door behind her back. Jane didn't turn, afraid of what was to come. Was the doc going to say: but we can't be together… Then she felt a hand on her shoulder and Maura sat down next to her. It was only now that Jane realized that Maura was wearing one of her hoodies and her pj pants.

She wondered what was going to happen while taking a glass of wine out of the docs hand. Why hadn't Maura called if she missed her? She swallowed and saw Maura squeeze her arms between her legs as she too glanced up at the stars. There was nothing but silence. Jane suddenly felt tired. The tension was still there, and she couldn't bear it anymore. So, she waited and listened to Maura's breathing.

"Is this where you are going to break up with me?" she finally asked, when the silence kept lingering between them. There was a sharp intake of breath next to her. "Is this what you want?" Maura asked, sounding sad. "Don't get me wrong, I'd understand. I haven't exactly been nice to you recently." The doc said in a sad tone.

Jane turned her head to study her. The blonde hair was tied into a ponytail. When had Maura washed it for the last time? It was untypical to be in such a mess. She took another deep breath: "In good and bad times, remember?" Jane asked and gently pushed her knee against Maura's who looked surprised when their eyes met. Tears were beginning to show, and Jane felt so sorry for her. She saw the old Maura in the pools of tears.

It hurt too much so she averted her eyes. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" Jane sounded tired but focused. Maura shook her head and covered her face with her hands. Jane sighed and reached for Maura's hand. They both watched their fingers entwine.

"Can I tell you what I think?" Jane asked silently and felt Maura tense a little. Jane glanced back up to the stars. "I think that…" she paused to look for the right words. "I just lost myself." Maura interrupted and spoke the words Jane wanted to say. "I didn't know who I was anymore. But it will never excuse my behavior towards you. All the things I said…" her voice trailed off and Jane silently squeezed her hand. "Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you. Maybe I should have seen how you felt."

"No." Maura shook her head. "it feels ridiculous you know. You build your life to help people and then you learn…." The doc sighed. "Genealogy says that we inherit a lot of our parents' threads…" now it was her stumbling over the words. "You are a good person. It might be that you inherit some threads, but your father has a good side too you know. He loves you. He loves your Brian. There's nothing dark that you inherited from him unless you forgot to mention that you feel the need to kill people with ice picks."

They both chuckled and Maura sighed. "No. not really." She said slowly. "But I didn't treat you right and I'd understand if you wouldn't trust me any longer. What if this happens again?"

Their eyes met. "We all say and do stupid things Maura. I wont lie. It was hard and it hurt. But the main thing is that we fight. We both probably made mistakes in this you know?"

She squeezed Maura's hand again, as the doc let her tears fall. "I don't deserve you, Jane Rizzoli." Maura whispered. Jane shook her head. "Don't say that. The things you did for me…. I was a player and kept telling myself that it was the best and that I was happy. But you showed me that love is soo much better. You showed me that I'm lovable and able to love. You showed me what it means to have a home."

They smiled at each other through their tears. "Kiss me!" Maura whispered and Jane smiled softly as she slowly bent down to brush over Maura's lips.