Well, hi. Not me soft launching my return...
If anyone's still out there and reading, hello and thanks for sticking around! Literally cannot express how much it means to me to still have people asking for updates on R? And she's coming, I swear. I'm just trying to piece it all together rn, but hopefully within the next few weeks at the latest. But, anyways, I wanted to write something for my favourite holiday - the anniversary of Taylor Swift and Idina Menzel performing together. Amen. Have a good one to all who observe, and like... everyone else have a good Halloween, I guess? Whatever that is...
Picking up on the back of the last one-shot on here. R is 9, Shelby's always been a part of her life etc. etc. Enjoy! Oh, and I'm not responsible for any typos bc it's 1:30 am and I bashed this out in a post-library caffeine crash
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.
Rachel was sure her heart had never beaten like this before. It felt like it was going so hard, so fast that it was going to explode right in her chest and trickle through her ribcage like the leftovers of one of her mom's morning smoothies.
She'd really spent too much time watching scary movies with her dads over the past couple of weeks. But even the worse of those hadn't made her feel anywhere near as scared as she did right now. In fact, she was a million per cent certain that she'd never, ever been this scared in her whole nine years on this planet.
Thump thump, her heart protested again as she stared down at the object clutched in her shaking hands.
What have you done?!
She'd never meant for any of this to happen — really, she hadn't. It was an act committed in a moment of red-hot rage, done and stuffed into her backpack before she could even begin to second guess herself.
And before Quinn Fabray could arrive back from the cafeteria, posse in tow.
That's where the story all began — with Little Miss Quinn Fabray.
Rachel had never had an easy time at school. From the day her dads and mom dropped her off at her first day of Kindergarten, all smiles and waves and "You're going to have so much fun at school, Rachel"s, she'd felt as though there was an invisible target painted all across her back. No matter how many times she tried and tried again to just keep being nice to the other kids, they never wanted much to do with her.
The only real upside of this, of course, was the fact that it gave her plenty of time to throw herself into her schoolwork. Nearly all her peers thought she was weird anyway, so she felt she may as well be weird and at the top of her class. And she was comfortable with that position. Or, at least, as comfortable as one can be when half the kids snickered every time she opened her mouth. And then, on the first day of school this year, her teacher had announced to the class that a new little girl was going to be joining them. Rachel had a brief flicker of hope that this girl might, maybe, possibly want to be her friend…
That was until she'd sashayed into the room with perfect blonde hair and a pretty little face, wearing an outfit that even Rachel knew was cool. And, as the mean girls liked to remind her everyday, she didn't know anything about dressing cool. Rachel had sighed and returned her gaze back to her worksheet on decimals, even as she heard the new girl being welcomed into the popular group straight away.
And Quinn didn't even have the decency to stop there! It seemingly wasn't enough that she soon had the entire class eating out the palm of her hand — before long, even Mrs Poe, Rachel's favourite teacher, was praising Quinn for her excellent work. The day she'd received the top grade in the class for their reading comprehension test had cemented everything for Rachel.
Quinn Fabray was her arch nemesis.
This was, admittedly, mostly one-sided. Aside from a few snotty comments, Quinn barely even considered it worth her time to acknowledge Rachel and, in a strange way, it made the girl hate her even more. These feelings had been rising in Rachel for weeks, bubbling and brewing like a particularly foul witch's potion, but the final eye of newt had only been added this very Wednesday morning.
There was a Halloween themed PTA fundraiser being held on Saturday at their school which all the kids had been talking about for weeks. The highlight of the afternoon was going to be the costume parade, where students would pay a small fee to enter and have their outfits judged. The prize was a voucher to be redeemed at a local restaurant, but none of the students, Rachel most especially, cared about that. The real prize would come in the form of untarnished glory, victory over everyone else.
It was all Rachel had been able to think about for months. Her dads had taken her to New York at the end of September to see her mom and, from the second Shelby stepped out of the stage door and brought her back to her apartment, it had been brainstorming time. Since then, every phone call and FaceTime session had been more like a board meeting — exactly how was the costume coming along, precisely when would it be finished, and yes, Mom, she'd already brushed her teeth, but that really wasn't what was important right now.
And then stupid Quinn Fabray had threatened to ruin everything Rachel had been working so hard for.
She'd been boasting about her costume for weeks, but Rachel had scoffed and tuned it out. It wasn't like Quinn's mom also had access to actual Broadway dressers who could offer advice and materials; there was no way Quinn was going to look better than her. Or so she thought…
During recess, she'd noticed a group of girls all gathered around Quinn, oohing and aahing with delight. Rachel had scowled, but still surreptitiously repositioned her jump rope in their general direction and hopped on over. When she saw what Quinn was holding, she'd lost her balance and fallen down hard on the asphalt.
They were a shimmering, glowing pink, dripping in sparkles and, somehow, really, actually moving — a beautiful pair of fairy wings.
She got a better view when a few of the girls turned around to laugh at her on the ground, but she couldn't even feel embarrassed. No, she was way, way too filled up with white hot anger for that. Only made worse by the smug, satisfied smile that crossed Quinn's stupid face as she looked directly at her, holding the wings up so that they could catch the light of the October sun.
"You're so winning on Saturday, Q!" one of the girl's gushed once she'd lost interest in Rachel.
"Totally!" another agreed.
Rachel narrowed her eyes as she got back to her feet and swiped angrily at the blood now trickling down her shin — not if she had anything to do with it.
She'd spent the rest of morning class time desperately considering her options. Her mom was coming home tonight in preparation, so maybe she could see whether there was anything extra she could add to her own costume to make it better? But that probably wouldn't work — it was already as close to perfection as she was going to get. It was a Shelby Corcoran creation, after all. Maybe she could try to get Quinn into trouble? She might get disqualified then… But how would she go about that when the girl was always acting so stupid and smart and perf—
"Rachel, eyes to the front of the class!" Mrs Poe had interrupted her train of thought. "Focus, please."
Rachel had blushed and sat up straight in her chair, staring at the questions her teacher was writing out. Damn, she'd never be able to get the teacher on her side now.
As luck would have it, an opportunity Rachel hadn't even had the guts to consider presented itself at the start of their lunch break. Most of the kids had already raced off in groups but as Rachel dragged herself morosely from the classroom, she noticed that Quinn was suspiciously holding back. Curious, Rachel dropped to the ground behind her desk, pretending to fix the non-existent lace on her shoe, while the other girl made quick work of hanging the wings up behind her coat in her cubby. Then, Rachel heard the clatter of her footsteps on the tiled floor as she raced off to catch up with her friends.
It was too tempting. She couldn't let Quinn win the costume competition — not after she'd already ruined everything else Rachel had, which really wasn't all that much to begin with. She simply couldn't, wouldn't let herself be humiliated like that.
In a way, Rachel didn't even think she could be blamed for her actions. It was as if some evil spirit had possessed her, just like in the movie she'd watched with her daddy last weekend. The wings were secured in her backpack before she even really knew what was going on. And then she'd made her way to the office and put on the performance of a lifetime.
"Mrs Meadows?" she'd called to the school secretary in the most pitiful voice she could muster up.
"Oh, hi there, Rachel," Mrs Meadows replied. She'd always had a soft spot for the small girl who seemed to spend so much time alone. "Is everything okay?"
"Not really," Rachel whispered. She offered up the graze on her knee and began trying to force out a tear. "I tripped at recess earlier and I thought I was okay and it was just my knee, but I hit my head too and now I have a headache."
Her daddy was there within fifteen minutes.
"Hey, Star," he said, gathering her up into a big hug. "Are you okay, sweetheart? How does your head feel?"
"It hurts, Daddy," she sniffled back. She rubbed her hand across her forehead to emphasise her point. "Can you take me home please?"
Leroy immediately started to look through her hair for the source of her pain as Mrs Meadows pointed out that he might want to take her to the ER to check for any signs of a concussion. Rachel's eyes widened momentarily.
"I don't think it's that bad," she said. "But I can't concentrate, Daddy, and all I want to do is go home with you."
She made her eyes as wide and innocent as possible as she looked up at him, and he quickly nodded.
"Of course, Rach. Let's get you home."
That was how Rachel found herself in the position in the position she was currently occupying. Sitting up against her bed in her room with an unused ice pack next to her and Quinn Fabray's wings in her hands. She'd been like this for an hour now — ever since she'd gotten off the mandated FaceTime call with her uncle who was a doctor. He'd assured her daddy that she seemed fine and didn't need to go to the hospital, which was a great relief to Rachel. She wasn't sure her acting skills would hold up against a real, in-person doctor. Her daddy had wanted her to stay next to him so that he could monitor her, but she'd finally been able to persuade him that she was feeling a little better and that she just wanted to take a quick nap.
But, of course, she couldn't sleep. She had to work out what on earth she was going to do! Quinn would probably be going crazy at school right now; Rachel had visions of her tearing apart everyone's bags and cubbies until she could work out where her precious costume had gone. She gulped. There was absolutely no way that anyone could ever find out what she'd done. Nobody would ever speak to her again and Mrs Poe would probably hate her, too.
What have you done?
Rachel wasn't sure how much more time passed, but at some point, she heard a car pulling into their driveway and voices drifting up to her from downstairs.
Oh, shoot, her mom was already here.
Think, Rachel, she told herself as she quickly looked around her room for a hiding place. She wasn't sure where was safe — her mom had an annoying habit of coming up and looking around the space for ages. Sometimes Rachel was sure she even cried while she looked at all of the pictures and trophies Rachel had scattered around; the girl never really understood that.
Suddenly, a totally brilliant idea popped into her mind. She pulled back the heavy door of her walk-in closet and crouched down. Their house was old, or stylishly retro as her dad always said, and so the bottom of the closet was comprised of old floorboards. She'd discovered a year ago that one of them lifted if she pulled hard enough in the right direction.
It was kinda stiff, though.
"Oh, dear God," Rachel heard her mom say somewhere downstairs. "Do you guys ever take a day off? It looks like a whole Halloween aisle threw up in here."
"A day off?" her dad asked. "Leroy, do you know what that is?"
"Never heard of it."
Pull! Rachel instructed herself, frantically putting all of her strength into lifting the board.
"The Barbra vampire is a nice touch, though, I'll give you that."
Keep pulling!
"Why, thank you, Shelbs," her daddy said. "We call it Fangy Brice."
Rachel could hear the laughter and footsteps getting closer and closer and her heart thump thumping louder than ever in her chest. Until, finally, the floorboard gave way, and she tried to shove the wings in as quickly as she could. In her haste, she accidentally hit the switch on the back and she watched in horror as the wings fluttered to life as they fell into the hollow space.
"Oh no," she whimpered, trying desperately to fit her arm into the whole so that she could turn them off again. All she really succeeded in doing was twisting the switch further out of her grasp.
"Raaaaachel," her mom sang from the hall in a spooky tone. "I'm coming to get you!"
Rachel glared at her bedroom door — didn't her mom know that now really wasn't the time. Still, sorting the wings would have to wait, and she quickly re-secured the floorboard in place.
The only trace left of the wings was a soft thump thump, thump thump, thump thump, as they beat rhythmically against the walls of their prison.
"Raaaaachel," her mom repeated as she slowly swung the door to her bedroom open. Rachel jumped to her feet and tried to fix an innocent, pitiful expression on her face. "Rachel?" she said again when she looked to where her daughter was standing. "What are you doing hiding in the closet?"
"A question I asked myself many a time during high school," her dad said as he joined Shelby in the doorway.
"Rach?"
"Nothing!" Rachel said quickly. She looked around and grabbed the first item of clothing she spotted. "I just wanted to wear this!"
"Your duck onesie?" her mom frowned.
"Yeah!" Rachel nodded. "I mean… I still don't feel good and I thought this would make me feel better…"
"Oh, honey," her mom said softly. She held out her arms and Rachel gladly launched herself right into them. In all of the stress of the day, she'd forgotten just how excited she was to see her mom. The woman was quick to lift her off the ground and engulf her in a tight hug. "My poor, poor baby," she cooed into Rachel's ear. "How are you feeling now, Star? Your daddy told me all about it."
Rachel squirmed against the uneasy feeling flooding her stomach. All of this pretending was starting to get pretty exhausting.
"I'm okay, Mommy. I feel a little better now."
"Yeah? That's good," her mom said. She continued to rock her gently in place for a few moments, and Rachel allowed her head to sink down onto her shoulder. She hadn't even started to think about how much trouble she was going to be in if any of her parents found out what she'd done. "How about you get changed and then we can snuggle up downstairs together? Does that sound good?"
"Yes, Mommy."
An hour later, Rachel was lying with her head and torso draped over her mom's lap on the couch. Shelby, who had also taken the time to check carefully for a bump on her head, was running her fingers gently through her hair just the way Rachel liked it. They were watching the DVD of Coraline while her dads, realistically mainly daddy, made their dinner in the kitchen. Although Rachel was very much enjoying snuggling with her mom, she couldn't stop thinking about her own dark secret upstairs behind a closed door.
She swore she could still hear the wings beating, even now.
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.
Or maybe that was just her heart, working extra hard over all the guilt dumped on top of it.
She looked up when she felt her mom stroking her fingers down her nose the way she always used to do when Rachel was younger.
"Hi," Rachel grinned up at her.
"Hey, baby girl." Her mom leant down and began to pepper her face with kisses all over.
"Mooooom," Rachel groaned as she half-heartedly attempted to push her off. "I'm not a baby! And I'm trying to watch the movie!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," her mom said, suddenly adopting a deep pout. "I was just trying to show you h-how much I m-missed you, but I-I'll…" She trailed off into loud, fake sobs, clutching her face in her hands.
"Mom," Rachel sighed again, although she was smiling broadly. She pushed herself up until she was kneeling on the couch next to her mother and grabbed her hands away. "I know you're not really crying. You're so dumb."
Her mom's face contorted in shock. "Dumb? Dumb? I'll show you dumb, Miss Berry."
Before Rachel could jump away, her mom had pulled her down across her lap again and was tickling madly at her sides.
"Mom— M-Mommy, stop!" Rachel squealed through her laughter.
"Take back calling me dumb, and I'll think about it…"
"N-never!" Rachel giggled, still thrashing madly against her mom's probing fingers.
"Well, then I'll never stop!"
Rachel's shrieks and Shelby's maniacal laughter in response attracted the attention of Hiram who entered the room and chuckled as he took in the pair.
"Looking after the patient well I see, doctor?" he said, shaking his head in mock disapproval.
Shelby wrangled Rachel into an upright position, but kept a firm hold on her, arms locked behind her back. "You know what they say, laughter is the best medicine."
"D-Dad!" Rachel said breathlessly. "Help me!"
"Don't listen to her, Hiram," Shelby said, tightening her grip on the girl's small body. "She was very rude and now she needs to pay for her crimes."
"Mooooom!"
"Well, whenever you two are done, dinner's ready," Hiram laughed before heading back into the kitchen.
Rachel felt herself being turned around in her mom's arms and her chin being lifted until she was looking the woman in the eyes.
"Now," her mom said conspiratorially, "we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. And, trust me, you won't like that."
The dramatic side of Rachel was immediately intrigued by what the hard way might be — she'd learned that her mom was always particularly creative when she was in these silly moods, — but the rumbling in her belly won out.
"I'm sorry for calling you dumb, Mommy," she said, remorsefully shaking her head. "I love you with my whoooole heart."
"The whole thing?"
"Yep," Rachel grinned. Then she leaned up to wrap her arms around her mom's neck and squeezed tightly.
"I love you even more than that," the woman replied. She kissed Rachel's cheek and got to her feet, holding her hand out. "Let's go eat then, trouble."
Rachel was smiling so hard that she wasn't even thinking about stupid Quinn Fabray or the stupid wings anymore.
She went on like that until after they'd all finished their dessert. It was then that Shelby announced she had a very special present for Rachel and disappeared off to fetch something from her room. By the time she came back, the little girl was knelt up on her dining chair (despite her daddy warning her that he couldn't take another head injury today) and was bouncing around in suspense.
"Close your eyes," her mom said from behind the door. Rachel did as she was told and, when she was finally allowed to open them again, her heart leapt in excitement.
Her mom was proudly holding up a stunning gingham blue dress and a pair of bedazzled ruby slippers. Even from her seat, Rachel could see the incredible detail in the woven fabric and the quality of the delicate lace poking out from under the bottom.
"Mom!" she gasped as she hurried across the room. "Mommy, you're amazing!"
"A sentence I'll never get tired of hearing," her mom quipped.
Rachel allowed her fingers to run over the material, grinning as she pictured just how perfect she was going to look in this costume. Her eyes were particularly drawn to the shoes, which were positively sparkling the overhead kitchen lighting.
Just like the wi-…
She tried to shove that thought firmly out of her mind; she'd worry about that later.
"Mom!" she cried again, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. "Mommy, it's— You're—"
Eventually, she gave up trying to put her thoughts into words and threw herself at her mother, locking her arms tightly around the woman's waist. All while being mindful of not squashing the dress, of course.
"Do you like it, Star?" her mom asked, beaming down at her.
"I love it! I love you! Can I try it on?" She turned to look at her dads for their approval too. "Can I? I want to see how I'm going to look in it! Ugh— it's just amazing, Mommy! Dad, Daddy, can you see? Do you love it, too? Can I try it on right now?"
"For someone who nearly got a concussion today, you've sure got a lot of energy," her daddy said. "But yes, Rach, of course. Go let Mom help you with it."
"Okay! Mommy, come on!" Rachel yelled as she dragged her mother from the kitchen.
When she appeared back in front of her fathers a few moments later, they were ready and raring to go with cameras and applause. Rachel soaked it all in, twirling and posing for all that she was worth, until her mom told her to stop before she poked her eye out with a sewing pin. Reluctantly, the girl stopped her prancing and allowed her mom to pin the dress in a few places; given Rachel's age, she'd allowed some room for potential growth and would make some of the final stitches with the Berrys' rarely used sewing machine tomorrow.
"You look wonderful, Star!" her daddy said when Rachel gave another twirl and started to click her heels together. "I hope you say a big thank-you to Mom for all her hard work."
"Oh, that's okay," Shelby waved him off. She stood back to admire both of her creations with a satisfied nod. "I just had to tune back into my competitive side and voila. I'm totally calling bullsh- I mean, unfairness, though if we don't win."
"Remember, it's the taking part that counts, Rach," Leroy pointed out. "Shelby."
The other three occupants of the room turned to fix him with reproachful glares.
"Okay," Shelby scoffed and winked at her daughter. "It's the taking part, right, Rachel?"
"Right, Mommy," Rachel replied, joining in her joke.
But the horrible feeling was back full-force in her stomach and her heart was starting to thump thump again. She went through the motions of posing for more photos with her mom, even though keeping the wide smile on her face was starting to hurt. Then, she allowed herself to be swept up in her bedtime routine, barely even protesting, which was a rare occurrence for the headstrong nine-year-old.
She did, however, insist that her mom was to read her her bedtime story in the guest bedroom rather than her own. The woman didn't seem to think too much of it, and Rachel nestled deep into her side as she read the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. She began to wonder whether other kids in her class were still read to like this before bed. She sure hoped so, although she knew that she would probably be mocked relentlessly if anyone found out she was.
Purely just because it was her.
Trying to brush off those feelings, she pushed herself even further into her mother, laying her head against her chest until she could hear the rhythmic beating of her heart. Usually, Rachel loved that; today, it made her tummy hurt.
"Okay, night night," Rachel said, quickly leaping down from her mom's bed as soon as she was done reading the chapter. "I love you. I'll see you in the morning."
She was making a mad dash from the room when Shelby called out to her, "Hold on, silly. Don't you want tucking in?"
Rachel sucked in a deep, saddening breath before she spun around with a deadpan expression. "Mom," she said seriously. "I'm nine. I'm not a baby who needs tucking in."
"Oh, okay," her mom said. Rachel's stomach fluttered again at the notes of sadness in her voice. "Well, goodnight then, Star. Have very sweet dreams and I'll see you in the morning."
"Night, Mommy."
When Rachel had tucked herself into bed and was lying on her back, staring up at her dark ceiling, she allowed a tiny whimper to escape her lips.
What have you done?
She really had no clue how she was going to fix this. And maybe she'd been an idiot to not trust that her mom would make her costume even better than she could have imagined. It was so perfect! She probably would have beaten stupid Quinn and her stupid moving fairy wings, anyways.
She sighed and closed her eyes tightly, trying to ignore that same noise coming from her chest. And from her closet…?
"Oh, no!" she muttered to herself as she hurried out of bed.
With everything, she'd almost forgotten that the wings were still going when she put them under the floorboard. Trying to pry the thing up in near total darkness was even harder than doing it during the day. She knew she couldn't turn the light on, though. The last thing she needed to do was draw the attention of any of her parents, and she was certain that they'd be looking out for any strange activity even more than usual given her 'head injury'.
That really hadn't turned out to be her best excuse…
After a few minutes of huffing and puffing, she conceded defeat, which really was testament to just how tiring her day had been. She sat by the obstinate floorboard for a moment, listening closely to the thump thump, thump thump, thump thump, of the trapped wings. It was like they were sending a current, up through the wood and straight into the depths of her heart.
Guilty guilty, they seemed to say.
Liar liar.
Rachel Rachel, we know what you did.
Rachel clambered back into bed, pulling a pillow over her head to try to muffle the noise deafening her ears until she just couldn't take it anymore. She didn't know how late it was, but she knew one thing for certain, she couldn't stay in here with them.
She was surprised to find the hallway totally dark and empty, save for the usual night-light by the bathroom door to help her find her way and— Aha! A slither of light coming from under the door to her mother's bedroom.
Poking the bedroom door open slowly, she peered in to see the woman cross-legged on the end of her bed, phone pressed to her ear. When she noticed the door, she looked up at her with a knowing smile.
"Hold on a second," she said down the phone before pressing it to her chest. Then, she looked at Rachel. "Hello, you. Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"
"I couldn't sleep," Rachel whispered.
Shelby pouted in sympathy and beckoned her over. "Come here, honey. You wanna say goodnight to Aunt Cassie and then we'll try again together?"
Momentarily, Rachel forgot all about what was keeping her up and bounded over into her mom's lap, happily accepting the phone.
"Hey, Aunt Cass!"
"Hi, squirt," her aunt laughed. "You sound way too perky for how late it is. Plus I hear you took a tumble today?"
"Yeah," Rachel muttered, squirming slightly in her mom's arms again. "But I'm fine now!"
"That's good," Cassie replied. "You get the klutziness from your mom, by the way. That's why I'm a better dancer than her. But don't worry, I'll train you up 'til you look like me."
Rachel grinned mischievously up at her mom. "Yes please!"
"What are you two saying?" Shelby asked. She yanked her phone from Rachel's grasp and put it on speaker mode. "I hope you're not feeding my daughter lies, Cassandra."
"Not a single one," Cassie's voice answered. "So, Rach, are you all ready for the costume parade? Did you like it? You look great in the pictures."
"I love it!" Rachel said. She proceeded to launch into a full description of the dress, despite Cassie mentioning several times that she had, in fact, helped with its construction. She also ignored her mom when she told her to quieten down several times so that she didn't wake her dads up.
"Sounds great, Star," Cassie interjected when Rachel stopped to take a breath. "And you're all ready for the rest of Halloween too?"
"Of course she is," Shelby said, before Rachel could get going again. "Have you met Hiram and Leroy around holdays?"
"Unfortunately, yes," came the dry reply. "I think I inhaled enough festive cheer to land me in the hospital last Christmas. Speaking of… Rachel?"
"Yeah?"
"I hope you're being good at this time of year…"
"Why?" the girl asked carefully. She would usually have given her 'I'm always good' reply to that, but it didn't sit right on her tongue today.
"Well," Cassie began in a low tone, "now that you're nine, it means that the Halloween monsters are watching you."
"Monsters?" Rachel said. She wasn't a baby — she didn't believe in dumb monsters. But she thought she should probably find out more information anyway.
"Yeah," Cassie continued. "They're kind of like Santa, but worse. See, if you're not good at Christmas, Santa just doesn't bring you any presents. But if you're not good at Halloween… Well, let's just say that the monsters will make sure you're never bad again…"
Rachel gulped. She'd figured out that Santa wasn't real years ago, so she wasn't sure why her aunt's words were sending a shiver up her spine.
"Right, thanks for that, Cassie," she heard her mom say in a brisk voice. "Great bedtime story."
On the other end of the phone line, Cassie began to laugh. "I'm just messing with you, Rach." She left a dramatic pause. "Or am I…?"
Rachel leaned in closer to her mom, who planted a kiss on her head.
"Goodnight, Cassandra."
"Night, Shelbs. Night, Rach," the woman laughed. "Love you both."
After being prompted, Rachel managed to squeak out a quiet, "Goodnight, Aunt Cass," but she was still trembling a little when her mom hung up the phone and plugged it into its charger.
"C'mon, babe," her mom said, pulling back the covers so that they could both climb in. "Let's get some sleep."
Rachel snuggled up closely against her mother, but jerked backwards when the soft sound of her heartbeat flooded her ears.
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.
"What's wrong?" the woman asked.
"Oh, n-nothing," Rachel replied swiftly. She turned around and let her mom hug her from the other direction. That was much better.
No stupid heartbeat and no stupid way for the monsters to get in.
"I love you, Star," her mom whispered, running her hand up and down her arm soothingly.
"Love you too, Mommy."
0
The next morning, Rachel was woken by her daddy kissing her head and telling her that he was leaving for work.
"Morning, sunshine," he said as she blearily opened her eyes. "Mom and Dad are downstairs, and I'll see you this evening, okay? Have a good day. I love you."
Rachel repeated it back to him, before stretching as she sat up in bed and looked around the guest room. A tiny part of her was surprised that she'd even woken up — she'd half-expected her aunt's dumb, made up, monsters to get her in her sleep.
Shaking her head at her own stupidity, she headed into her own bedroom to get her robe and slippers on. As she went into her closet to retrieve them, however, the previous days events slammed into her in the form of the quiet thump thump, thump thump, thump thump, emanating out from the floorboards.
What have you done?
When she finally arrived downstairs for breakfast, her dad was sitting at the table, drinking his coffee and filling out his crossword as he always did whenever he had the time to spare. Also, like normal, she could see that he was subtly looking up answers on his phone.
"I don't think that's how you're supposed to do it," Rachel heard her mom say.
The woman was leaning across the island counter and watching Hiram intently. When the man's only response was to tut and slide his phone closer towards him, Shelby grinned at her daughter and winked.
"Morning, Rach. Is cereal good for you?" she asked.
Rachel nodded and lowered herself into the chair next to her dad's. For a moment, she closed her eyes and tried her very best to strain her ears, just to double check that the noise coming from the floorboard in her bedroom wasn't audible from here. All she could pick up was the sound of her dad's pen scratching against his newspaper and then her mom's slippers padding across the kitchen when she delivered the girl her favourite cereal.
"Eat up, buttercup," Shelby said, mussing her hair as she passed.
"And… done!" Hiram declared. He nodded in satisfaction with himself and leaned back in his chair. "I do like getting my brain going in the mornings."
"Hmm," Shelby replied from across the room. "And imagine how much more satisfying it would be if you didn't cheat."
Rachel's eyes widened and her breath caught on a chunk of soggy cereal.
Thump thump.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Shelbs."
Thump thump.
"Suuure you don't. But don't you worry — I'll be always be here to be an ever-present beacon of superior moral influence for Rachel."
Thump thump.
"Ha! When pigs fly," Hiram chuckled. He dodged the piece of cereal Shelby threw at him as he gathered up his briefcase, and stopped to give Rachel a kiss on top of her head. "Have a good day, Star. Keep that mother of yours in line for me."
"Yes, Dad," Rachel replied meekly. Then, she returned her eyes to her bowl so that she wouldn't have to look at her parents exchanging confused looks at her timid reply. She was sure that would only make the horrible squirmy feeling in her stomach even worse.
Once her dad left, her mom moved to sit in front of her, and Rachel suddenly became very interested in the discarded newspaper, even though she didn't know what most of the words in the puzzle meant.
"Something on your mind, honey?" her mom asked. Without looking up, Rachel knew that her big, concerned eyes were watching her closely. "You wanna talk about it?"
Thump thump.
"No, I'm good."
Thump thump.
"Are you sure?" her mom pressed. "Is something up, Rach? Something to do with why you couldn't sleep last night?"
Thump thump.
Rachel quickly shook her head and pushed her bowl away. "N-no, I'm okay, Mom, I promise. I just… I- I don't want to be late for school."
"We've got plenty of time," Shelby assured her, glancing at the clock on the wall. "So you need to eat at least five more bites of your breakfast for me, please."
Glumly, Rachel dug her spoon back into her bowl and did as she was told. Her mom may not like cheaters, but maybe she wouldn't be quite so disappointed in her if she could eat all of her cereal.
0
Rachel had spent many a school day wishing that it would just be over so that she could return to the safety of home and her dads, but, on this particular Thursday, the feeling was stronger than ever. Before class had even started, everyone had been fussing around Quinn, trying to help her look for her wings. Nobody bothered to ask Rachel why she'd left halfway through the day yesterday.
She supposed she didn't really deserve that, though. Given everything.
What got to her most was the actual sadness she could see written all over Quinn's face. It didn't even look like an act, and Rachel considered herself very good at telling when other people were acting. She hadn't really thought that someone like Quinn Fabray knew what it was like to be sad. Trying to make sense of it all was making her tummy hurt worse.
At lunch, Rachel sat with some of the other kids considered losers in her class, but she wasn't really following their conversation. Instead her ears were tuned into the discussion happening at the table next to hers.
"Maybe they just flew off, Q?" Brittany, one of Quinn's many friends, suggested. "They were real wings."
"They can't have flown off!" Quinn snapped back, slapping her hand down on the plastic table. Rachel watched as she shook her head in frustration. "You guys just don't get it! My dad had those specially made for me. He wanted me to win — h-he's going to be so mad at me."
Suddenly, Rachel's chicken nuggets looked even less appealing than before.
When her mom picked her up after school, Rachel tried her very best to look excited about the fact that her costume was now apparently all ready to go. She could tell that the woman wasn't buying her enthusiasm, either, but she didn't know how to act any better whilst feeling like this.
She'd never really hurt anyone before. And now Quinn Fabray, of all people, was this upset because of her. She wondered how the kids who picked on her all day did it — did they also trudge home everyday feeling this burned out and guilty?
"I wish you'd tell me what's up with you, kiddo," her mom said at the end of her bedtime story that night. "I really think we could help you, if you give us a chance."
Rachel, once again, told her that there wasn't anything wrong. But she'd spent all afternoon trying to get the thumping noise out of her head and she felt like she could still hear it. In the light of day, she'd also had another attempt at prying the floorboard back up, but it just wouldn't budge, and the sound from within just kept getting louder and louder and louder.
"Mommy?" she whispered as she snuck into her mother's room again that night. Everything had become too unbearable in her own yet again.
This time, her mom had already switched her light off, and Rachel watched as she sat up groggily in bed, yawning and rubbing at her eyes.
"Rachel? What's wrong?"
"Um… Can I sleep in here again?" she asked quickly. "I can't… I can't sleep."
"Rach," her mom sighed tiredly. For a moment, Rachel thought that she might be going to turn her away and she felt tears pricking at her eyes. "Okay. Come on, then."
Rachel quickly snuggled down, shuffling back into the position she'd occupied the previous night.
"Thank you, Mommy."
"Of course," Shelby said. She laid a kiss on top of her head and held her close. Rachel appreciated that; it would make it was harder for the monsters to get her when they came for all the bad kids.
"What's wrong, Star? Why are you having so much trouble sleeping?"
"I dunno," Rachel lied. She needed to distract her mom before she started asking too many questions that would make her heart pound even harder — and quickly! "Mommy, can I have another story?"
"Wha— Okay, sure," she heard her mother sigh. "Okay, so, once upon a time, in a far-off kingdom, there lay a small village at the edge of the woods. And in this village lived a young maiden, a carefree young lad, and a childless baker with his—"
"Mom," Rachel frowned as she spun around to face her mother. "This is just the prologue from Into The Woods."
Shelby gave a tired smile. "It's midnight — this is the best you're gonna get, Star. Now, close your eyes." She waited until Rachel was tucked back against her before she continued, "- a childless baker with his wife. Now, the poor girl's mother had died, and he had taken for his new wife…"
0
"Mrs Poe, I just don't understand," Rachel heard Quinn say to their teacher the next day. "I've looked everywhere!"
"I'm so sorry, honey," the teacher replied. "I've been looking, too."
For once, Rachel wasn't even annoyed about the pet-name usually only reserved for her being used on someone else. She just felt bad. She felt lousy and tired and sluggish. There was a time when she thought she would have made a good spy; now, she realised that keeping secrets like this was just way too hard.
A defeated looking Quinn was walking past her desk on her way back to her own, and Rachel's stomach lurched at the sight of the single tear dribbling down her pale cheek.
What have you done?
"I'm really sorry about your wings, Quinn," she found herself saying before she could tell her tongue to stop moving.
Quinn came to a halt and looked at her curiously for a moment. Then, she seemed to soften slightly. "Thanks," she sniffed. "I'm sorry you hit your head."
All day, Rachel had promised herself that, no matter what, she wouldn't go into her mom's room that night. But, for some reason, she'd had a pounding headache since early that morning and the stupid sound of the thumping wings was only making it ten times worse. She didn't dare tell any of her parents about it — they were all already watching her closely, like they could sense something was up. Besides, they'd probably assume the worst and rush her into the hospital on account of Wednesday's 'accident'.
She just couldn't get Quinn's sad face out of her head. Every time she tried to close her eyes and fall asleep, it was right there staring at her. And her heart was pounding and the wings were flapping and a part of her wanted her aunt to be telling the truth about the monsters so that they'd come and get her and take her away from all of this.
It was raining outside tonight. Thick drops of water smacked against her window and the wind was whipping around the house so fast that it sounded like it was screaming. Or maybe it wasn't! Maybe she was just going crazy like the lady in the movie her dads had watched on Monday night. She wasn't supposed to watch that one with them, but she'd been too intrigued and had snuck back down after she'd been put to bed.
She really wished she hadn't.
In the movie, the lady had gone so crazy that she'd thought there were evil monsters out to get her everywhere. Rachel's eyes were suddenly flicking all over her room and she was desperately trying to reassure herself that what she could see were just shadows being reflected by her night-light. She wished she'd asked her Aunt Cassie for more details about what these monsters of hers looked like, because if they took the black and distorted form of ballet trophies, she was really in big trouble.
Before she could stop herself, she was running from her bed, all the way down the hallway and into her mom's room.
"Mommy!" she whimpered as she launched herself at the woman.
Shelby, who had been reading her book while leaning against her headboard, practically jumped out of her skin. She realised what was going on just in time to gather up her crying child and pull her tightly into her arms.
"M-mommy," Rachel cried again, burying herself deeply into her body.
"Hey, you're okay," Shelby said softly. "You're okay, baby. What's going on?"
Rachel pulled back just enough to allow her mother to really see just how upset she was. "M-mommy, the monsters are gonna get me for being bad."
"Rachel, sweetheart, no," Shelby said. She tightened her grip on her little daughter and rocked her gently. "Rach, there are no monsters coming for you, I promise."
"There a-a-are!"
"No, honey," she tried again. "I really, really promise you there are no monsters. Aunt Cassie was just messing with you, I swear."
"They're g-gonna get me," Rachel sobbed.
"Shhh," Shelby whispered. "Nothing's going to get you, baby. You're very, very safe. Safe with Mommy. I wouldn't let any monsters get you."
"P-promise?"
"I promise, Rach. You're totally safe, honey."
She continued to rock Rachel, whispering soothing words in her ear until she was slightly calmer. Then she reached over and grabbed a tissue from the box next to her bed so that she could dry some of the tears from the girl's reddened cheeks.
"There's a good girl," she said gently. "Nice deep breaths for me, Star, there we go."
"I'm s-sorry," Rachel hiccuped.
"Don't be silly, it's okay," she assured her. "Now, do you want me to call your aunt so she can tell you herself that she was making it all up?"
"N-no, it's okay."
"Are you sure?" she asked. She put the used tissue on her end table and helped Rachel adjust so that she was curled into her side again. "She was just teasing, Rach, I promise. It's just a stupid, scary story."
One that Miss Cassandra July was going to pay heavily for the next time Shelby got her hands on her.
"'Kay," Rachel whispered.
"Okay," Shelby repeated. "And hey, I don't know what you're so worried about, babe. Cass said that the monsters only come for bad kids, and I know for a fact that you're our very good girl."
"W-what if I'm not?" Rachel asked. She lifted her head from Shelby's chest and looked at her sadly, eyes rapidly brimming with tears once again. "What if I'm bad?"
"Rach?"
"And what if the monsters are just what everyone turns into when they find out I was bad?"
Shelby frowned. "Well that's a profound reading of the story."
"Huh?"
"Nothing, baby," she said, shaking her head. "What do you mean, Rachel? What could you have done that's so bad?"
Shelby watched as her daughter shifted so that they were sat facing each other and sucked in a deep breath, which shuddered all the way through her chest. Then, she swallowed hard and said, "Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"I- I need to tell you something."
"Okay?" Shelby asked, frowning in concern. "You can tell me anything, baby, I promise."
"But you have to promise not to get mad," Rachel said seriously. "You h-have to promise."
Shelby tilted her head. "You know I can't promise that until I've heard what you have to say, Rach, I'm sorry."
"Please," Rachel begged. "Please, just promise me you won't get mad." Another tear ran down Rachel's face and her sad eyes met Shelby's again. "Please."
Shelby sighed. It was really only a matter of time before she melted like caramel on a candy apple.
"Okay, Rachel, I promise I won't get mad," she conceded before looking her child seriously in the eyes. "Now, tell me what's going on."
Okay sike. Obvs it's me and this is gonna be in two parts. Will do my very best to get the other half up on/before the big day! My only other plans are Freud and early modern drama... Spooky...
But I'd love to know what people thought so far! How do we think Shelby's going to handle it? (Seriously, how? I'm still working it out lol)
Much, much love for making it this far and for sticking with me!
xo
EDIT- on the off chance anyone sees this looking for an update, i'm aware i missed halloween lol. apologies. got slapped in the face with a deadline im sure i'd never been told about... anyways back asap i promise xo