THE BYSTANDER TALKS
The mess hall was filled with loud chatter and overwhelming noises from different tables. The cadets were rowdy as per usual during dinner. It actually seems like titans don't exist at all.
No problems. A normal day for normal people.
I sat down beside Armin and Sasha and put my food down on the table. Since I joined the military, they've helped me to keep my sanity in check from the pressures of being a soldier.
"Arya, the mashed potato is so good!" Sasha beamed at me as she took another spoonful.
Her enthusiasm made me chuckle and I felt the need to taste it for myself. But Armin spoke from beside me with a smile, turning my attention to him, "Arya, I'm done with the book you recommended!"
"Really? Did you like it?"
"Yeah!" Armin's short-lived grin grew wider before he pinched his nose as he pondered, "It almost looks like it's a real story though."
I only gave Armin a half-smile though his attention wasn't on me anymore but on the possibility that the story might be true. I've thought of that as well, but I never had the chance to prove it myself. How could I ever go outside the walls like the girl in the story and find a whole new nation?
Shaking my head to discard myself of the thoughts, I turned to my food, only to find out that Sasha's been taking a few spoonfuls of my mashed potato in silence. And no one even told me!
She stopped halfway when I caught her and reciprocated my gaze with a wiggle of her eyebrows and a shaky smile.
"Sasha…" I threatened, and she shamelessly still took another spoonful before turning to her own meal.
From beside her, Connie laughed at the situation. I watched as he playfully hit Sasha's forehead with a spoon.
I laughed at their interaction until I felt someone's gaze on me. "What?" I asked.
Jean eyed me carefully, "There are rumors spreading that you were making out with Captain Levi last night."
"What?" My eyebrows furrowed as I slammed my utensils on my plate, but I felt heat rush to my cheeks.
So that's why the other cadets have been looking at me. I've noticed their stares for a while now, but I usually just shrug it off.
But where did they get that? Captain Levi and I aren't even friends to begin with. We haven't even talked. Our relationship is merely boss to a subordinate.
Jean laughed it off, resuming his dinner. "Well, I guess it isn't true."
He put a spoonful in his mouth before speaking again, "I mean this isn't really new since there are a lot of rumors about the both of you that aren't true either. Right?" He stared at me, probably expecting some sort of confession.
I didn't say a word, too annoyed to even speak at the moment that it showed in a scowl.
Where are these rumors even coming from?
"I can't believe the Captain just let this go on," Connie said, looking intently at me with a flash of interest spreading across his face.
"I just don't really wanna be involved in anything," I frowned.
"I'm sure everything will be fine," Eren said, smiling at me politely.
"Yeah," Sasha agreed from beside me. She scrunched her nose, "They'll forget about it in a week or so."
I forced a smile. If anything, I'm lucky I had friends that I could depend on.
"What if the Captain likes you, Arya?" Armin suggested with a quiet voice.
Jean, instantly, laughed while chewing, causing him to almost choke, then cough, making me grimace at the disgusting sight. Nearly everyone turned to look at him.
"Could you tone it down?" I said, unable to wipe the grimace from my face.
"Jean! Jean!" Armin whispered with certain alertness in his tone. "Stop laughing! Captain Levi is coming!"
At the mention of his name, ambivalence pulled at my heart.
My body tensed and I felt frozen. I was rendered speechless in my seat.
Has he heard about the rumors? What if he thinks badly of me because of them? But most importantly, why am I worrying about what he has to say?
Perhaps Jean didn't hear Armin's warnings because he continued to laugh loudly with his hands over his stomach, almost spitting food from his mouth.
But at the contact with Captain Levi's palm at the back of his head, Jean choked on his food, making him cough endlessly as he struggled for breath.
"What the hell!" Jean exclaimed, coughing as he did.
Once he recovered, he threw his head back and aimed to throw a punch at the perpetrator. But his efforts came to a halt once he realized who he was dealing with.
"C-Captain..." He stuttered. His eyes widened in surprise as fear took over his features.
"Tell me, you little shit..." The captain spoke with eyes filled with ferocity and a dangerous tone. I felt the intensity of his gaze on Jean. "What were you about to do just now?"
Jean laughed nervously and posed an awkward smile, "Nothing, Captain Levi..."
"What's with you laughing so damn loud?" Captain Levi asked gravelly. I think it might've even sent shivers down Jean's spine.
"J-Just a joke, sir..." Jean replied with a wobbly tone.
There was silence in the mess hall. Nobody dared to move, much less to make any noise. Nearly everyone turned to look at our table and watch the commotion. I couldn't quite figure out if they were worried or interested in the matter, but I caught a glimpse of Annie, Reiner, and the others that I know of watching with a straight face.
Honestly, I'm pretty scared too.
Captain Levi is known to be strict and cruel. He's uptight and mean.
"What joke?" Levi asked. "What the hell is it for you to laugh like a pig?"
"You liking Arya, sir..." Jean replied hesitantly.
Levi punched Jean hard, making him fall off his seat, colliding with the wooden floors. My mouth went agape at the sudden course of events.
Eren immediately stood up from his seat, "Captain!"
"Don't butt in, brat!" Captain Levi threatened Eren and resumed throwing punches at Jean, who lay helpless.
In a matter of seconds, Jean's right eye turned purple and his lips swollen from the punches. He tried to block Captain Levi's attacks with his arms held over his head but to no avail.
With someone as experienced as the captain, he could manage to hurt his victims badly effortlessly.
I don't know much about him, but I heard he grew up underground.
But this is insane!
Why is he so violent? It reminded me of how he brutally beat up Eren when they found out he was a titan shifter, according to what Armin told me.
"Stop being so violent!" I yelled, making the captain turn his attention on me, even to my surprise.
If I didn't know better, I would have thought he was surprised at my outburst.
Where is Mikasa when you need her?
"Are you trying to protect your…" He looked back at Jean, disgusted, "friend?"
"You're going overboard, Captain!" I yelled again, standing up from my seat.
The mess hall was filled with whispers. They look taken aback from my sudden burst of feelings. But it had to be said.
Punishing a cadet by running fifty laps is better than beating someone helplessly with such a petty reason. That's a different matter. And I couldn't quite grasp why he was so mad at Jean for such a simple matter.
"Arya..." Armin whispered. I felt his hand on mine, trying to calm me down.
"Tch," the captain hissed. Slowly, he stood up and took a white handkerchief from his back pocket.
As he wiped the blood off his hands, I watched as the clean, white cloth became tainted with red. Then my eyes returned to the captain's face who was watching me with much intimidation.
There was anxiety and uncertainty deep inside me, devouring me whole, and making my heart feel heavy.
While I did surprise myself with my outburst, as I was always mostly quiet in things like this—a mere bystander—I can't stand seeing my friend like that.
Though Jean and I bicker a lot, he's one of my closest friends. I know that the others around me might've been scared about going against the captain. But I'm not. Not when it concerns someone dear to me.
If I can't stand up to him, then how could I ever control my fear when titans come around? Doesn't that make no difference in fighting fear—our greatest enemy?
It's not that I'm encouraging the other cadets to fight back to our superiors. Maybe it's just the sense of justice in me.
"I—" I started to defend myself but the captain cut me off. His gaze sent daggers my way.
"Shut up and follow me." He commanded, his tone was imperative and full of authority. He shot me one last dangerous glance before he walked away, leaving the mess hall aghast with the commotion.
"I'm sorry, Arya..." Jean apologized. He looked embarrassed as he wiped the blood off his lips, while his other hand supported himself to push his body upwards.
I watched as Connie dashed to his side, worried, "Jean, you're badly beaten!"
"It's not your fault." I gave him a tight smile, hiding the anxiety building inside me.
Then I turned to Eren, who was already looking directly at me. I couldn't quite fathom if he was staring with worry, awe, or both.
"Eren," I looked at Armin, "Armin, bring Jean to the infirmary."
Eren nodded in acknowledgment and I caught the sympathy in his eyes. "Be careful."
From my peripheral, Armin helped Jean up as he tried to stand with Connie.
I nodded and gave them a reassuring smile before turning my back on them to follow the Captain.
The worries of the other cadets wormed their way into my mind as I walked. I even heard a comment about how it was too much to talk back to Captain Levi, only making me feel more nervous.
As I trudged my way closely behind the intimidating Captain, I fidgeted the leather straps on my shirt.
Why was this even happening? My years as a cadet were quiet. And as I neared finally being in the Survey Corps, why did this have to happen?
Why now?
"Tch," the captain looked at me with disgust as he entered his office, probably noticing that I was lost in thought.
He sat on the chair behind his desk, crossing his legs. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked pissed.
I could feel my legs turning to jelly.
"What did you say to me?" He asked darkly.
Suddenly, all the braveness in my voice vanished as he stared at me with intensity.
I looked away, hesitating, "Y-You're too much, sir..."
Captain Levi tapped his fingers on the desk, making noises that made me want to vomit out of nervousness.
"Really?" His gaze was intense and his voice was dark—daring even, challenging.
"We were just having fun!" I justified with hand gestures, my voice coming off a little loud before he cut me off.
"I don't care whether, the hell, you're having fun!" He slammed his fist on the desk and the noise made me jump. He massaged his temples with closed eyes, "You dare ruin my night..."
His brows were creased and he had a sharp expression on his face. He looked so mad but at the same time, it also looked like he was so insulted.
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled nervously with my eyes downcast. No further words came out of my mouth.
I closed my eyes in frustration towards myself. I know I'm wrong for yelling at him, but I didn't regret it. Not when he just went ballistic on my friend.
Captain Levi fixed how he was seated and then placed both of his elbows on his desk. Lacing his fingers together, he looked at me with his sharp, intimidating eyes. Staring at me, mocking me.
"Name?"
"Strauss, sir. Arya Strauss," I sniffed.
"Strauss…" He repeated while he searched for something on his desk.
From my peripheral, I watched as he pulled out something from his drawers. Once I noticed him flipping through it, I realized it was my folder, containing my details and progress.
"So you're the one who's always with the potato girl. Let's see…" He spoke with intimidation while he flipped through the pages.
"Late. Late. Late," he glared at me before resuming reading my papers. "Late again. Classroom score, twelve over thirty. Not even half!"
"You're always late, dumb, and you're disrespectful to your superiors. You're obviously not doing well in anything." He threw my paper to the side, which frightened me. He put his arms on the table, "So, why should we keep you?"
I closed my eyes in frustration and my voice stammered, "Please don't kick me out. I need this."
The pleading in my voice threw me off. It seemed as if my life depended on this, but the poignant reminder of my mistakes and weaknesses set my heart to a negative ablaze.
What could I possibly do to change his mind other than beg him?
If I don't keep my post as a cadet, I won't have anything to feed my family with. Even though I wasn't exactly fit to become a soldier, I thought I did my best, somehow, but it's always inadequate no matter how hard I try.
My heart hurts at the thought of being kicked out and having to go back to my family. My mind drifted to the thoughts of the painful starvation I experienced with my younger siblings. How Cohen, the youngest, begged me for food, and how Kamber was left beaten by kids his age and stole the firewood he was going to be paid for. All of which I could have prevented if I did my part as the eldest child.
And though I fear for my life while I fight off the titans, the Survey Corps provides support for our families that put all my worries aside.
"Tch," he clicked his tongue. "Why are you crying?"
"H-huh?" I touched my cheek only to find it wet with tears. I didn't even notice that I had been crying.
Quickly, I wiped my tear-stained cheeks with my sleeves and looked up at him trying to put on the façade of someone brave. He stared at me for a moment, studying my face, before he retired to his seat.
"Go to your room and sleep," he said calmly. "Report to me tomorrow morning."
I shot my head up almost immediately at the sudden change from his hostile demeanor.
Captain Levi waved a hand of dismissal. But I stood in place for a moment, staring at his face that looked calm and reserved as he stared back at my doubtful eyes. I waited for him to take back what he said, but he only shook his head with sarcasm and an arched brow.
"Do I have to repeat myself?" He spat.
With one last look, I hesitantly saluted to him and left almost immediately.
It was when I closed the door did I finally feel relief. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.
Being with him alone suffocated me.
Once I went back to my room, my thoughts were filled with the possible events for tomorrow as I discarded my clothing to take a shower. Whatever it was, I had to endure it. I can't have myself be kicked out of the corps.
According to what Eren has told me before, it was tough being in Captain Levi's squad. If he wants me to report to him tomorrow, then that must mean he has something grave to make me do early in the morning.
I'm nothing special. I'm not like the others, like Eren, Mikasa, and Annie, who are strong. I'm not clumsy or anything else that could make me some sort of a damsel.
I'm just... average.
Once I got out of the bath, I noticed my reflection in the mirror with only a towel to wrap myself with. Then my current predicament was replaced with: how would I look tomorrow?
I stared at my reflection closely, observing every feature.
Long lashes curved over green eyes, matching my light brown hair that was naturally curled in the edges that fell to my chest. Button nose and pink thin lips.
My hands traveled to my arms, with skin a little lighter than the captain himself, and then to the top of my towel as I discarded it to dress myself.
I mentally thank all the training for my toned midriff as I put my shirt over my head.
As I slumped on my bed, giving Sasha's sleeping figure on her bed a short glance, I remembered mentioning my little crush for Captain Levi once when I first joined the military with Mikasa and Armin.
Mikasa ended up scolding me for liking that 'midget.'
Upon remembering the nickname for the Captain, I chuckled.
After that, I never talked about him and forgot about how I felt, given his cruel reputation and for beating the hell out of Eren.
My eyes felt heavy as I drifted off to sleep, silencing the creeping thoughts of the possibilities of tomorrow.