A/N: POST SEASON 4. POST SEASON 4. POST SEASON 4. POST SEASON 4.
If you have not seen season 4 in its entirety, do NOT read this fiction. Unless you are willing to intentionally spoil the season for yourself. I do not own the characters, the plot, anything that is involved with the real-life Veronica Mars – I think that's between Rob Thomas and Hulu at this point. Please read and review, I'm hoping to see this thing through.
I had meant it when I said that losing my dad and Logan would mean that I lose everything.
The day my dad is finally cane free and has his memory back, is the day I lose Logan; it's ironic, isn't it? How life giveth and life taketh the same day as if to even out things with the karma gods?
I had never been one to believe in karma, I usually step in and serve my own dish of just desserts before karma has a chance to be a bitch; it has always made me feel more in control.
Taking to Jane was more for my dad's sake than my own. Not to say that I didn't need therapy, I should have done therapy with Logan when he asked. I should have respected his opinions more than I did while he was still alive and that is just one of my regrets.
Today during therapy, we talked in length about the day he died. I'm having trouble letting go of the fact that it could have been because of me. Had I realized that the limerick was talking about a different time zone, he would still be here. We would be on our honeymoon right now, having sex in a foreign country and eating food we couldn't pronounce – it would be a dream come true.
I cried at length during the appointment. Jane reminds me at every appointment that things happen that are out of our control daily and that obsessing over them isn't healthy – Clearly she doesn't know me, and we haven't talked about the two year obsession I had over Lilly's death many years ago and the anger that I still feel towards the situation.
"….and you must let that go, you have to let go of that hold that his death has over you. You can mourn, you can grieve, and you can absolutely feel those feelings that surround a person when death takes a loved one, but the blame you're putting on yourself is unhealthy." Jane said, in a tone that didn't quite match her facial expression. Her eyes said she was in pain too, Logan was a patient of hers and I'm sure she heard everything that he had gone through overseas, I'm sure more in detail than what he was able to disclose to me.
"I can't let things like this go, I've never been able to." I spoke sullenly, my mind has replayed the scene outside my bedroom window thousands of times and each time the explosion becoming more and more loud in my head.
"If you can't let this go you need to find an outlet for this pain. Carrying the weight of his death will not do you any good, and it certainly will cause those around you to push away from you." I sighed and nodded. Since his death I've had several phone calls, most of which went unanswered and I haven't touched my voicemails. The only person I have talked to is my dad, mainly because he is worried for my sanity; he's not wrong to feel that way. He's the reason I keep these appointments and the only person I call back. Wallace has dropped by my house on many occasions, often talking to me through the door; begging to let him help me and be there for me like I have done for him and yet, I keep quiet and eventually he leaves. I don't think I'm ready to be anyone's friend again.
"I appreciate the insight and I think I will do that. Maybe… kickboxing?" I spitball an idea that brings a quick smile and nod to her face. The response was half-assed, I see that I've got about five minutes left until I can go back to my bedroom at my dad's house and binge watch something else on Netflix.
"That is a great idea Veronica! I'm excited to hear that you're willing to go outside of your comfort zone and join a class with other people, it shows that you are moving forward and I'm happy for that." She jotted down additional notes on her pad of paper and continued to schedule my appointment for next week. Conveniently enough, it was on the month anniversary of Logan's death. I should be in great spirits that day.
I walked out to my car that was brilliant and new and more advanced than any vehicle I have ever owned and kicked it. I kicked the side of the car several times before I opened the door and slammed it behind me. I broke down and cried my heart out in front of the steering wheel. I couldn't figure out why I was crying, the amount of emotions I was experiencing at once was overwhelming and I don't know if I was more sad or angry.
My phone rang. These days. I make sure that it isn't my dad and I push the ignore button. The screen showed "Balboa County". I looked at my phone for a while before I decided to answer it.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Remember that time I saved your ass at that cabin…?" Weevil's voice questioned from the opposite end of the phone.
"Let me guess, its now my turn to save yours, as per our arrangement?" I snarked. I had recently said terrible things to him, only in turn for him to save me and my dad when we encountered Penn in Arizona.
"Am I playing P.I. today or am I coming as your lawyer?"
"I think I'll be needing a little bit of both." I thought about this. It had been three weeks since the final bombing that killed Logan. It had been three weeks since I decided to retire from this business, and it had been three weeks since I had done much of anything. Nobody was privy to my plans to once again leave Neptune and become a hot-shot New York lawyer like my original plan was. But I conceded that I did owe this to Weevil to make things even before I left again.
"I'm about thirty minutes away but I'm on my way." I spoke and mumbled a goodbye before I hung up and started my drive to the police station. In the meantime, I called my dad to let him know how therapy went and that my plan to assist Weevil.
"You really think that is a good idea, honey?" Keith spoke, still concerned about the bad influence that Weevil was and still might be.
"It's probably not the greatest idea, but my last great idea got Logan killed so I'm not betting on my ideas anymore." I spoke stonily, yet felt the welt in my throat grow.
"Veronica, you know you did all you could. You can't keep blaming yourself for this. You saved a lot of lives that day at the high school."
"Did I though?" I questioned. "Was that bomb even real? Was it just a lure to keep you and I busy and focused on something other than where the real bomb was?" I shook my head as the welt grew even larger and I felt pressure behind my eyes. "Because at this point, I think I have lost my knack for this business and I don't think I can do it anymore." I spoke, teetering on the edge of letting my emotions take back over.
"You are a fantastic private investigator, never forget that. And this is coming from someone who never wanted this dangerous life for you; but I'll be damned if I let you throw it away because you feel you're not good enough. Jesus, Even Vinnie Van Lowe has clientele somehow in this town…" He trailed off and I smiled, shrinking the welt in my throat.
"I guess you're right about that, Dad." I pulled up to the police station and turned off my car. "I'm here now, I'll give the Chief my best from you." I joked, I heard light laughter on the other end.
"Ah, yes, please do give Marcia my best." He spoke, knowing that she didn't deserve a word from either of them after she denied they assisted at all in the arrest of Penn, or in the evidence that was brought to the table.
I walked inside and asked to see Eli. He was in his usual cell, all alone this time.
"Howdy, stranger." I tried hard to give him a smile. "We gotta stop meeting like this."
"Hey V…" He trailed off and came towards the cell bars. "Any chance you can bail me out and we can go talk? I'm not talkin' about anything in this cell…" He looked me up and down. "I'm even iffy about talkin' to you at all these days." The sentence hurt, but it wasn't uncalled for. The last time I saw him, I treated him like any typical 09'er would and it had even taken me back a bit that I could get that nasty to someone I considered a friend.
"Do you know your bail offhand or should I go talk to the Chief?" I questioned, ignoring the last statement he made.
"It's not much, but you better pay fast before they decided they wanna charge me for more shit I didn't do." Eli kicked the air in front of him. I nodded and walked off to figure out payment arrangements. I came back not too much later with one of the officers and they released him. The walk from his cell to my car was painful; I could feel the tension between us and couldn't stop myself from talking.
"I – " We both started at the same time.
"Sorry. You go." I mumbled as I started my car up.
"I'm sorry about Logan." I looked over and felt the sincerity from his eyes. His eyes had always spoke volumes to me, even when his mouth said otherwise. "I really hoped the next time I saw you I would be getting you a late wedding gift or something… not like this."
"Thanks." I mustered. I still as unsure what to say when someone told me they were sorry about his death. Thanks always seemed like such a selfish response to me, and 'me too' usually ended with me in tears, telling whomever said it, how I felt responsible for his death. Thanks, was the lesser of two evils in my opinion.
"I'm also sorry you had to be here to bail my degenerate ass out of jail as usual." He quipped, sliding back into the seat. The sincerity he felt from Logan's death gone from his face, and the anger he felt replaced it.
"I'm sorry for how I treated you that day, Eli." I used his real name in hopes he would know how sincere I was. "I had no right to treat you like you weren't good enough or throw Jade in your face like that; you didn't deserve it and I haven't been able to forgive myself for that conversation." He stayed silent and kept his gaze out of the side window. "I see in you something that I don't think a lot of others do besides Jade and your Abuela did." His faced dropped further as mentioning his late grandmother always stung him because out of his family; she was the one to truly believe he was worth something more than a PCH'er.
"You see me as a criminal, V. You made that loud and fucking clear that day. You made it loud and clear that there wasn't anything between us no more." He turned to me. "You basically told me I would never be good enough to be in your presence, like you're some damn idol," he scoffed , "I have always respected the hell out of you even after all the shit I heard about you in high school. I always took your side when I needed to and I was always there for you, even after you told me off." His frustration grew and I grew concerned for the inside of my car getting damaged.
"You have always been a better friend than I have, that I agree to." I pulled up to my dad's house and turn the ignition off. "You deserve a better friend in me and that's why I'm here. I want to prove to you that the things I said that night weren't true and that I get doing what you must do to keep your family going. My dad wiped evidence in order to keep me from being arrested, and eventually losing the Sheriff's race because of it. Crime is crime and sometimes it can be the only way." I spoke making sure my eyes met his. "I get it, and whatever I don't get, I'm willing to let you explain to me so I can follow along, okay?" I said softly, hoping that he was willing to let bygones be bygones.
He sat next to me in comfortable silence for some time. It allowed me to notice that my dad wasn't home right now. He was gone most nights at his girlfriend's house, whom I still hadn't met. It was either that, or he was back in the office. Once he had become the Keith Mars he used to be, he fell more in love with being a private detective than he had been in years. It had been nice to take a break and know that the business was still booming with just him being the active PI.
"I think I can agree to those terms." Weevil spoke quietly. "By any chance do you have food in there?" He questioned and pointed to my front door.
"Probably not." I spoke as I opened my door and started the walk to my porch. "But there's always pizza." I smiled shyly and opened the door to let him inside. I wasn't sure what to expect. I had hoped that he had gotten into a small amount of trouble and just needed some legal advice on how to handle what would come for him next from the charges. I had hoped that he would tell me that he got into a fight and he wanted to know how to bring the assault charge down from a felony. I had hoped that this would be a simple, quick fix and that I could continue with my life in New York; away from the city that brought me the greatest joy and the greatest heartbreak. "Just cheese okay?" I asked as I dialed the number for Cho's. He nodded as he sat down on the couch and absentmindedly turned on the TV, making himself at home.
"Alright. So, what do they have on you? How can I help you?" I sat next to him after I hung up the phone.
"I haven't been on the right side of the law for some time now, as you so graciously pointed out during our last encounter." He directed his side eyed glare at me, I sighed heavily and motioned for him to continue. "Well, in addition to screwing with the property values, Clyde also had us doing some other things in order to make money. A lot of the young kids in high school were selling drugs for him, mostly the profitable stuff, Molly, Cocaine, Heroin – shit that teenagers usually buy for a good time." He shrugged and his face visibly fell. "A lot of the kids doin' these things were the typical 09'ers looking to get high and party, which means none of them ever tested the stuff before they did them." He looked at me and I felt his fear. "Teenagers are dying because of this, at least four of 'em so far, so not only have I been linked to selling these drugs to these kids, I'm also taking the fall for the overdoses of these kids. Not once have I stooped to the level of selling drugs to make my money. I'll do a lot of dumb shit to make a dollar, but I ain't putting a kid's life on the line to make a buck." He shook his head and fell back against my couch. "Do you believe me, V? Do you believe that your criminal friend or whatever I am, could have a heart and not to resort to those kinda measure to make rent?" His fierceness returned to his voice.
"I do believe you. Do you have any idea who would be working for Clyde still? I thought that after the property destruction was done, you guys were out of a job?"
"That's what he told me. That's what he told Hector – I can only think that he got to the younger ones and promised them small fortunes and they were sold when the money was mentioned. But I don't have names or ideas of who they could be. The PCH'ers have expanded pretty greatly and I don't know who the leader of the pack would be anymore." I sighed, took in a heavy breath right after. This wasn't a cut and dry case, and it wasn't basic legal advice. This is the last thing I wanted to do, this would prolong my time in Neptune and prolong all the therapy with Jane and prolong my father's noted absence around the house, just instilling in me that I was alone. "You okay over there?" Weevil spoke and tapped my forehead with his finger.
"I'm okay, I've just got a lot going on right now." I smiled sheepishly. He nodded, understanding my unspoken wish.
"I understand, you're going through a lot right now and the last thing you need is another case like this to screw with your life. I got you." He stood up and headed towards the door. As much as I didn't want to do this and didn't think I could do this; I stopped him.
"Weevil, wait." I stood up and walked towards him. "I will do this for you." I spoke softly, seeing his eyes light up with happiness, as his mouth remained in a frown. "But you have to know that after I see this through, I'm leaving. I am finally moving forward with my life and putting my degrees to work. I've been sedentary and complacent for far too long and I'm ready to do something else. So, this will be the last favor we share between us. After this, we will be even and we can go our separate ways, deal?" I asked, as I held my hand out. He looked at my hand and looked back at my eyes before he held his out and shook mine.
"Deal." He turned around and sat back down on my couch. I looked at him puzzled.
"Are we doing this today?" I asked.
"We can do it whenever you wanna do it." He winked. I inhaled sharply, there was the Weevil I hadn't seen in a while.
"You couldn't handle this, vato. "I laughed. "I meant are we working on the case today."
"We don't have to, I sat back down because there is a pizza on the way and I haven't eaten today. Really glad you convinced me to stay." He smirked at me. I relaxed back into the couch and felt a wave of ease wash over me. The comfortability I felt was welcome, and it was nice not to be alone.