[ Flashback]
My hand recoiled mid reach towards the juicy, ripe peach I was after in the tree I had tended to, instead going to grip my stomach firmly as I doubled over with a groan of pain.
" Regina are you okay?!" A wide eyed, worried ten year old Snow White asked, her small hand tenderly touching my upper arm.
" Snow, listen carefully to me sweetheart…" My answer came out slow, between deep breaths in attempt to not scare the young girl with the cries of pain I wishedso much to emit " My water has broken…you need to run and fetch the mid wife now okay?"
" The baby is coming!" She exclaimed joyously, her innocence causing me to let out a tiny laugh between contractions " I'll be right back Regina!"
Off she went up the hill to find the midwife to help usher my baby into this world.
'My baby' – the term caused my heart to melt despite the pain, my hand rubbing my swollen belly tenderly, I couldn't believe I would be a mother though my heart ached that this little one would neverknow her father. Not her real father anyways, only the elderly monster who lurked in the hallways of the cold castle I was forced to call home. I was thankful that he didn't seem to want much to do with this child though, he wasn't upset or happy, just indifferent. I preferred him to be distant, to let us have our own little world where some happiness could be found – just my little angel and I, the only piece of my Daniel I had left in this world.
It had taken me almost the full nine months to think of a name for my girl, I wanted a name that would honor my lost love while also not raising the Kings suspicions that the child in my womb didn't belong to him. I had decided on Arena – the name of Daniel's beloved sister he'd lost to a terrible farming accident when they were both children, the thought of him being with her again in the next life was one of the few comforts I found whenever I thought on the reality of him not being in this world with me anymore. I had come up with Danielle to carry on his name but the universe smiled on me in that it was also the name of Leopold's mother who had been a kind and gentle Queen, adored by all – even my father spoke highly of her. It was fitting completion to the name of my little princess.
Once the midwives appeared with Snow at the lead, things moved both quick and slow, they swept me away to my bedchambers where I would lay in agonizing labor for the next 12 hours only having a piece of rope to bite down on when the searing pain pulsed through my eighteen year old body. Moments like this made me wish I had a mother that loved me, who would stand be by my side holding my hand and brushing her fingers tenderly through my hair ; instead I had been raised by a monster who's fist was always iron in my back and who's fingers had ripped the beating heart out of my one true love and crushed my future to ash with no remorse whatsoever. I let out a cry at both the pain of my child making her way into the world and at the thought of Cora Mills never giving a damn about me. I gritted my teeth in determination as I began to push at the midwife's instruction – determination to safely deliver my daughter and determination that I would be a better mother than the one I had suffered with, that my little girl would never know the anguish of abuse and the ache of affection never received. She deserved better and I would give it to her in abundance.
" One more push my Queen!" The midwife encouraged as the baby crowned, I took a deep breath the pushed with all my might, letting out a scream that made even the King who stood afar off in a corner cringe at the sound.
I sighed heavily as my tense body fell back against the bed in exhaustion, unable to control the smile that pulled at my lips know that in just a moment I would hold her, kiss her and love her for the first time and then for the rest of my life.
But I wasn't handed my baby and the room that should have been filled with ' congratulations ' and ' she's so beautiful ' was eerily silent causing dread to fill my chest.
" Where is she?" My voice squeaked " where's my daughter?"
The midwife looked away a moment before speaking, her eyes refusing to meet mine.
" My condolences my Queen, your daughter was still born."
And just like that panic flooded every inch of my body, disbelief – this couldn't be true, no not the only beautiful thing left in my life – the only light worth living for, she couldn't be dead. No I wouldn't accept it.
" You're lying, she's mine, give her to me!" I screamed at the apologetic older woman before me who looked to my ladies' in waiting who's expression only confirmed my deepest fear.
" No! No!" I wept, my hand covering my face as unbridled sobs left my lips and echoed through the stone room like a choir of grief, drowning each person with their sorrow.
" I want to see her." I finally blubbered through my wails of anguish.
" My Queen you don't want to see…."
" SHOW HER TO ME!" I screamed furiously at the woman in front of me who was silenced by the uncharacteristic rage in my tone, with a bow of her head she picked up the tiny body and lifted the white sheet off of her before lifting the child to me.
She was blue.
" Oh God…my poor baby…" I couldn't process what I was seeing, trauma leaving me spinning as I reached my arms out " give her to me."
I took her small frame into my arms, holding her against my check protectively, rocking her as I hummed the lullaby I had sung to her each day that she spent growing inside my womb. I took her little hand in mine and pressed my lips against her cold knuckles. This couldn't be real, how could I have lost all I had left? Was my life to forever be one of being unloved and alone? It seemed so.
My gaze happened to catch sight of him speaking to the King, his green skin glimmer like the scales of an exotic, filthy fish.
" She'll never survive this your majesty….unless…" I heard him say but then couldn't strain my hearing enough to make out the rest but I saw Leopold nod in agreement with a sigh before exiting the room not even taking time to give me condolences on the child he believed to be his own, he seem almost relieved. Bastard.
Rumpelstiltskin slowly made his way to me, encouraging the rest of the room to be cleared before coming to stand by my side.
" I'm in no mood Rumple." I all but growled holding my lifeless child impossibly closer.
" I am sorry deary, the loss of a child is unfathomable and deeply unfair. " His voice was quite, a tenderness I'd never heard – a tenderness that had me breaking back down into cries.
" I've lost everything, how am I to go on?" I finally sputtered, looking up at him wide eyed like the child I was – unable to imagine living a day past the day I was currently in.
" It is your duty." He answered firm but still kind before leaning in " But I can help make it easier if you'll only let me….give me the child I'll make sure she is honored and taken care of in the next life."
I glared at him, pulling her further from him with suspicion.
" You have my word." He urged me with the promise – if there was anything I knew about the old coward was that he always kept his word.
" Fine, though I'm not sure what you could possible do to help me go on…" I shook my head as my eyes fell back on her still, angelic face that I leaned down to press kisses all over – taking in every bit of her, vowing to never forget her in this life till I met her and her daddy again in the next, I then lifted her up to the Imp who took her carefully in his arms and for a moment I thought I saw a glimmer of a tear in his eyes as he glanced at me and then her again " this was for her…please make sure it stays with her." I begged as I took a locket from my neck and reached to place it around hers.
" It will be with her always." He assured before reaching into the deep pockets of his vest to pull out a tiny vial that he handed to me " this won't solve the empty grief but it will solve the current pain and the present ache."
I raised a brow not trusting the liquid in the vial but then before I knew it I was taking it from his hand – at the least it would do what he said at the most it would kill me. I prayed for the latter.
" Goodbye my angel – my Arena Danielle Colter." I whispered to her shakily " I love you, forever and always."
I then took back the drink, it burned and made me gag but as quick as it went down my vision blurred and my mind felt vacant – all of my thoughts of the child I had carried for 9 months and had lost the most horrifying of ways filled with an internal fog and then – were gone.
PRESENT DAY
Narrators POV
Regina's head throbbed as decades old memories freshly filled every nook and cranny of her brain, her eyes closed as she winced from the intensity of it all – of the curse exiting her mind and clarity returning. It was overwhelming and confusing – why was all of this suddenly coming back? Why now?
It was only when she shifted a bit and felt the extra weight in her arms was she reminded of the teenager who clung to her, whom she had just rescued from her mother and who , as her eyes fell down on the crystal blue eyes that looked up at her wide with worry that her chest tightened and the breath was sucked out of her lungs as she realized that perhaps the little girl who had shown up at her doorstep months ago had never been a stranger at all – perhaps that was why she had made the uncharacteristic decisions to let her in her home despite not knowing her from Adam – what if something deep down in her soul, something buried under mounds of magic in her subconscious knew better – knew that she was hers.
" Oh my God…" The brunette's voice was small and high pitched in a gasp as she looked over the teenagers features as if she were seeing her for the first time.
She took in every angle of Arena's bone structure -the delicate bridge of her nose and strong cheek bones all accented perfectly with full lips that all matched her own almost identical. The woman found herself wrestling with her emotions as she looked once again at those eyes – they mimicked the most magnificent of oceans in a way only God could design and that she had only once seen before and hadn't looked into since she were 18 years old, the last time being as those eyes grew wide in pain before closing forever -those eyes were his, those eyes were her Daniels.
Could this be real? Could the little girl in her arms be the same baby girl who was in these same arms so many years ago? But…she was blue, she had no breathe, she was dead?! How could this be? Regina's mind simply couldn't wrap around the 'how'…unless she had been tricked.
There was only one way to really know./p
She reached deep within herself to find more magic and after a few moments of focusing she conjured a tiny jewelry box – the box held her most precious items. Very few of them were of much worth monetarily but the sentimentality they held was worth more than rooms full of gold to the former Queen thus she protected them in the best way she knew how in this world – blood magic. She had no biological family in Storybrooke , until her monster of a mother made her way into this realm of course, therefore this magic was the best to keep prying fingers and nosey minds away from her items. Only someone who shared her bloodline could open the box – this was how she would know without a doubt if Arena were hers or not.
" Arena I know this may sound odd but please just….please do what I ask okay?" Regina fought to keep her voice steady as the girl , now more confused than ever as she had just watched the brunette create the box from thin air, nodded her head in agreement " I need you to touch your pointer finger to the lock, just gently, that's all it will take if…." She shook her head and inhaled sharply " just please touch the lock."
Arena looked at Regina almost suspiciously, an eyebrow raised in wonder at what this all meant – but she hadn't the energy to ask questions or fight the brunette for 'whys', instead she reached out a weak hand, extending her pointer finger to delicately brush the lock.
p'Click!'/p
And just like that the box opened to reveal it's contents along with the truth of Arena's identity.
Regina gasped as tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, all but dropping the box to the floor – what was inside could never be as precious as what she was holding.
" Oh Arena….Oh my God…Arena…" The brunette cried as she pulled the girl up tight into her arms and against her chest, pressing kisses into her hair and rocking her back and forth " Oh my God….I can't believe this…you're alive….you're alive…my baby….thank You God!"
Arena was in utter shock and confusion – of course she was alive, Regina had saved her – she knew that. Why was she calling her ' her baby' as she wept and showed emotion in a way Arena had never seen from the woman before – yes she had seen her cry but it was always held back, strained and quickly pushed back behind well fashioned walls the former Queen had developed from years of trauma and pain; this was a heart split open, this was armor fully off and grief and joy exposed completely as the older woman wept. What was going on ?
" Regina what…what is happening?!" The teen inquired pulling back a bit to examine Regina's tear streaked, puffy face " seriously what is going on?"
" I'm sorry….I just….I am so overwhelmed right now." Regina replied choking on the words as a hand came up to her face to cover it a moment as she attempted to gather herself to explain, it took a few moment before she inhaled deeply then met the blue gaze with her own watery chocolate eyes " Arena…I know who your mother is, your real mother…"
" What?! You do?!" The girls heart flipped in her chest, eyes widening as stunned excitement covered her features " who is it? Where is she?"
" Well…" Regina laughed ironically through her tears, looking up a moment and biting her lip lightly before looking back down at the teen " she's here….she's holding you in her arms right now."
The teen went silent, her face falling and instant dread filled Regina's chest – was she about to be rejected by the girl like she had been by Henry? It was one thing to love Regina as her 'safe place' who had taken her in but having the Evil Queen as a mother? That was a fate she assumed few would want to take on.
" Why didn't you want me?" Arena responded , tears filling the girls eyes as she pushed back a bit from Regina " and why did you lie about it? Do you still not want me?"
" Wait what?!" Regina looked at her confused by the question before reality set in that Arena believed she had given her up at birth willingly " Oh my baby, I always wanted you - more than anything in the world I wanted you….but when you were born someone used magic to make you seem stillborn and I thought you were dead and my world just fell apart , I wanted to die too.." Regina had to pause, it was the first time she had admitted something like that to anyone else and honestly, to herself " then Rumpelstiltskin who I am sure had something to do with this…" She shook her head and gritted her teeth in anger before her face softened as she looked back at Arena " he offered to help me survive by giving me a potion, I didn't realize it would wipe my memory full of you and just leave a gaping hole in my heart but….it did and….Arena I'm so sorry, if I had known you were alive I would have searched to the ends of the earth to find you and rescue you from that bastard of an imp – you are my greatest treasure and I promise you, if you will have me, I will love and protect you with every breathe I have left in my body. I love you Arena Danielle, with my whole heart – my beautiful daughter."
It was a lot of information for anyone to take in, much less a teenage girl – she sat in silence processing before looking up at the brunette who looked at her both with fear and hope. Arena repositioned herself to sit up a bit, her eyes looking over Regina to the point that Regina almost felt insecure and wondered if she were enough for the angel sitting in front of her – wondered if she deserved this kind hearted light.
But then the teens pink lips pulled into a smile as she reached out her hand slowly to lightly touch her fingertips to Regina's cheek before a tiny laugh of disbelief left her mouth.
" I have like your whole face." Arena blurted out shaking her head, it felt like looking into a mirror that held a brunette version of herself in its reflection – otherwise, they looked very much the same and she found herself wondering how neither of them had been able to see it before.
" You do…" Regina answered with a small, watery laugh of her own after being initially taken aback by the statement – her face softening as she fixed her gaze on the girl before her " except your eyes and hair, those are all your daddy's."
Regina smiled warm and broad but her face streaked with fresh tears that fell at the mention of Daniel – she wished he was here to see their beautiful girl, she was absolute perfection and he would've adored her. The brunette had no doubt Arena would've been a full-fledged daddy's girl – helping him in the stables, racing horses, and sitting under the tree at firefly hill sharing a picnic while he poured wisdom into her that only a father could give.
They of course, should have never been a family separated – Regina and Daniel should have raised their little girl in a cottage in the country with siblings and a house full of love and laughter but between Regina's mother and Rumpelstiltskin, that version of their lives was taken before it could ever be lived out.
Life was so terribly unfair.
Arena couldn't help the way her heart ached at the way Regina's eyes filled with sorrow at the mention of Daniel nor could she shake the undeniable grief of knowing she would never have a father in her life, that there was no hope for that and it was dream that ultimately had to be let go.
" I can't believe you're really my mother…" Arena all but whispered to Regina before moving up a bit to drape her arms around the brunettes neck and bury her face in her shoulder " but I'm so glad you are…I loved you as my Gina already but I'm so thankful to know you're my momma and I get to keep you forever, I was so sad when I was going to have to leave you." The teen confessed, a tear falling down her cheek as she held tighter to the older woman who had been lost to her for so long.
" You will never have to be without me again Arena…" Regina promised, pressing kisses onto her daughters temple " I'm just sorry we can't be at our own home for this moment…"
Regina felt anger boil inside of her towards Cora who's malicious intent towards Arena had required them to hide away in this random home.
Yes it was a beautiful mansion but it wasn't theirs – it was Jefferson's old house, which held negative memories and regrets for the ex-royal that she'd rather not think of while reuniting and getting to know her long lost child. But it was the safest location for now and would have to do till she could find a way to deal with her mother and keep Arena safe. She knew Cora wouldn't stop till she killed or was killed – neither option one Regina enjoyed the idea of – despite Cora's treatment of Regina, she still loved her mother in a twisted way and desperately wanted their to be a resolution that didn't involve spilling the redheads blood and ending her life but if it came down to Arena or Cora, there wasn't even a question to who Regina would choose nor was their a limit to what her hand would do to protect what was hers.
" But we're together that's what matters." Arena's tiny voice answered, melting Regina's heart – this baby was exactly what she needed in her life to bring the light into her dark and the faith into her fears.
Arena had a perspective in her 'goodness' that Regina, having years of trauma, pain, and abuse that led to revenge and wickedness, simply didn't have anymore. She hoped that being with her girl could correct her vision and let her see things clear and right for the first time in decades. It wasn't the usual order of things for a child to teach a mother but when had Regina's life ever been usual? And maybe if she'd listened to henry a little more instead of ignoring and pushing away his wants and needs, he would be here with them meeting his sister.
" So the lady who tried to kill me is my…grandma?" Arena finally asked a bit confused " what's up with that?"
" Honey she's…." Regina searched for the right term to explain " a bit unhinged to say the least, she is…" The brunette paused unsure of how to reveal the next part of the truth but finally sighed, it was best to just rip the bandage off and say it " she is who killed your father because he wasn't a noble or royal and I fear that she has come back to finish the job with you."
Arena's eyes widened in horror before she winced with hurt at the situation – her father's murder and her grandmother's ultimate betrayal to them all. Did position really mean that much to her? More than her flesh and blood? It seemed so.
" How do we stay safe from her?" Arena asked her new found mother fearfully " what if she finds us?"
" If she finds us I'll take care of her, she isn't something little girls should worry about." Regina answered softly " we need to get you cleaned up and in bed baby, your body needs rest to heal."
" Can you use your magic to bind me up a little bit, I'm not sure I can walk to the bedroom right now, my body hurts so bad." The teen expressed, pain spreading across her face each time she adjusted her body in a new position.
" I'll do my best." Regina answered honestly, wishing her powers were more pure so that she could fully heal her daughter but halfway and some actually cleaning up would have to do for tonight until they could get to blue tomorrow – Regina groaned at the thought of the fairy, she always looked at Regina like she felt sorry for her in an obnoxious self-righteous way as if she herself had never done anything wrong – but the brunette knew better, she remembered what happened to Tinkerbell's wings, albeit Regina had a hand in it but Blue could've been more merciful considering how 'good' she considered herself.
Regina shook the disdain for the oversized moth away as she carefully lifted Arena's shirt to once again feel nauseous at the wounds inflicted from the tiger's claw that streaked the soft flesh.
" I'm so sorry baby." Regina apologized brokenly as her pupils transformed from dark black to a purple that was alive with energy that almost scared Arena, she'd never seen anything like it before – Regina sense the teens anxiety and began to assure her of her safety " I won't hurt you okay? I promise I'm just going to help."
Regina tenderly ran the tips of her fingers over each wound, the pain lessening greatly in Arena's body causing her to relax a bit as her mother continued the magical measures to help her heal.
" There we go." Regina finally said after a few moments before leaning back on her elbows, using light magic was very difficult for her, she had to reach very deep and work extremely hard to target it where she wanted – it drained her energy and made her feel a bit ill.
" Thank you Momma." Arena gratefully thanked the brunette as she could move to slowly stand up without pain that was now much more tolerable.
Regina's heart flipped in her chest at the name from the girl's lips, she had waited two lifetimes to be called 'momma' by Arena. The simple term took her breath away, sounding like heaven in her ears. How could this be real?
" Come on baby girl, let's get you cleaned up and in bed okay?" Regina rose, gently helping the teenager to her feet and guiding her down a hallway to a bathroom where Regina found and laid out a towel and washcloth before going into a bedroom and emerging with a pajama set " I know these are mens sweat pants and a guys tshirt but it seems that's going to be our only option tonight." She explained apologetically laying the items on the sink for the girl " if you need me I'll be in the bedroom next door okay?"
" Okay." The tired teen nodded before making her way to get showered and re-dressed.
While Arena showered her mother quickly changed into a pajama set herself, grateful Jeffereson wasn't a large man so the clothes weren't terrible oversize, just comfortably cozy. Regina laid back on the large King sized bed, hands laid on her stomach lightly as she took deep mediative breaths in attempt to process that the girl in the bathroom next door was the same baby that had been in her now flat abdomen years ago in another world. Regina winced as the memory of Arena being breathless and blue in her arms raced through her mind, losing Daniel had been a tragedy but losing the child they shared was a nightmare beyond what anyone should ever have to endure and now to have her back? It was as if she had woken up from the bad dream and everything was okay.
Except that it wasn't, Arena was 16 years old – Regina had missed so much, it was almost more joy and grief than her mind could bear.
" I feel a lot better." Arena's voice brough Regina out of her thoughts as the girl walked back in with wet, combed hair and the oversized pjs on – Regina couldn't help the warm smile that pulled at her lips at the sight of her. She was such a natural beauty, had they been in their old world Regina could only imagine how every young man at court would want for Arena's hand – how they would all gasp as she came down at cascading staircase in a large, elegant ball gown looking like the images many have of a goddess divine. She would have been unmatched in the realms and sought after by every King. Regina would hope that she would have raised her to be independent enough to marry for love and be a partnered ruler of any Kingdom she married into because between her brilliant mind and ravishing beauty, Arena was magnificent and deserved nothing less than a loving, respectful husband.
Regina's heart ached at the thought of giving her away in marriage one day, she knew no matter how long it would come to soon but she was thankful that at 16 , she hoped, that thought was a long ways off for the young girl.
" I'm so tired." Arena said jumping up into the bed beside Regina, how natural it felt almost taking Regina aback " definitely ready to rest."
" Me too." Regina smiled softly as she pulled down the comforter and they both snuggled in under the covers " I know you're 16 but I hope you don't mind me sleeping in here with you, I just don't want to be to far from you."
" I don't want you far either so it's okay." Arena affirmed, her hand moving to thread her fingers through Regina's as they lay facing each other.
Arena's forehead crinkled slightly in deep thought as her eyes fell to their joined hands, Regina watched her carefully taking in each unspoken expression.
" What is it baby?" Regina finally asked, curiosity and a bit of insecurity getting the best of her.
" I just can't believe I have a mom." Arena simply stated making Regina's heart both ache and full of deep love and gratitude.
" And I can't believe I have my daughter back." Regina laughed softly, leaning forward to kiss Arena's forehead.
" It feel good to be home…" Arena beamed.
" I mean we aren't quite home yet but…" Regina began but was interrupted.
" Remember what I told you the day you took me to Rumple?" Arena raised a brow, giving Regina a moment to recollect before going on " you are my home so no matter where I am if I'm with you momma, I'm home."
Regina had no words to answer Arena back just a small smile that held back the emotion building in her chest. Arena was such a deep well of wisdom and good. Regina didn't deserve her but was so thankful she had her.
" It's time to sleep." Regina instructed gently " I love you Arena Danielle, sweet dreams angel."
" I love you momma, goodnight." Arena yawned, having no resistance to going to sleep – she was worn out mentally and physically.
Regina watched her drift to sleep before falling asleep herself, her last thoughts simply being the words of her daughter; it feels so good to be home.