five months earlier*

"Hey sarge, just got your call. I finally tracked down the girl's mother" I said as I entered Voight's office.

"Come in, shut the door"

"What's up?"

"I just talked to ballistics, the bullet that hit the little girl was a 9 mm"

"I thought the bangers were firing 45s" I said confused.

"Yeah, they were" he said nodding.

Realization slowly creeped into my body and my eyes went wide with horror, filling with tears and my lip began trembling.

"You're saying that- are you saying that I shot the little girl?" my voice cracked at the end and I used the chair in front of me to keep myself standing.

He nodded and remained silent.

"No, there must have been some kind of mistake. I know who I shot, that's not possible" I argued, breathing heavily and falling down on the couch in his office.

"Ballistics doesn't lie, Jess. A bullet must have missed him and gone through the door"

"No, no, this can't be happening, no" I put my head in my hands and let the tears fall down, sobs racking through my body.

"Listen, Internal Affairs is gonna wanna talk to you, get in touch with your FOP lawyer and don't say anything to anyone, do you understand?"

I nodded, unable to speak or do much else.

I mean, I shot an innocent little kid. A kid.

"How'd it go?" Voight asked once I came back from my meeting with Internal Affairs.

"I'm not sure. It was pretty short, they didn't ask many questions"

"Good"

"Hey Jess" Kim said from behind.

"Hey"

"How you holding up?"

"Just trying to stay positive, I guess. Um, I was at the hospital earlier and Will told me there's a good chance the little girl's gonna pull through"

"Oh, you didn't hear?" her demeanor changed and her posture stiffened up.

"Hear what?"

"She died, Jessica. it's already all over the news"

"May the defendant please stand?" the judge asked, and I stood up along with my lawyer.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge asked as she passed the note back to the jury.

"We have, your Honor"

"What say you?"

"On the single count of the indictment, murder in the first degree, we find the defendant, Jessica Garner, not guilty"

"The State of Illinois thanks you for your service. Jessica Garner, the charges against you are thereby dropped, you're free to go detective"

I let out a shaky breath and hugged my lawyer, thanking her for everything she did to make sure I wouldn't end up in prison.

"Hey" I entered Voight's office and sat down on the chair, my hands drawing shapes on my thighs.

"You dodged a bullet out there" he got out two glasses and poured bourbon in each glass.

I took a glass and raised it up to my lips, taking a sip.

"Yeah, it was way too close"

"How are you doing?"

"I don't know, guilty would be a word to describe. Relieved that I'm not going to jail also"

"Jessica, don't blame yourself for this. It could've happened to any one of us"

"I know, but it happened to me. I mean, the little girls is Lucas' age, it feels like I shot my own kid, you know?"

A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it, downing the rest of the bourbon down my throat.

"Lucas is safe with you and Antonio, you don't have to worry about him"

"I don't know how safe he is with me, dad"

"How can you say that? He's your kid, Jessica. The last thing you could do is put him in danger. I know you, and that's not you"

"I know, but I can't help the feeling"

"Are you good to come back to work?"

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about"

"What do you mean?"

He got up from his chair and came around the table to sit next to me, putting a hand on the small of my back.

"This made me realize I want more from my life, I want to do something different than this, peeling innocent dead people off the streets for the rest of my life"

"Did you think about what you would want to do?"

"You're friends with Olivia Benson from New York, right?"

"Yeah. You want to go to SVU? After all you've been through?"

"That's exactly why I want to try. Everything that happened to me can help me relate to the victims, and it would be good for me, don't you think? I don't have anything to lose"

"What about Lucas? What are you doing to do about him?"

"I talked to Antonio, and he said that he would come visit with Lucas every weekend, at least until I can find a babysitter in New York and take him there with me for a longer time"

He sighed and shook his head, but I saw a small smile fighting its' way to the corner of his mouth.

"I'll talk to her tonight while you pack your bags. Go tell the team and I'll see you at home, okay?"

"Okay, thanks dad"

"I'm proud of you, kiddo"

"Jessica?" someone called my name once I stepped into SVU.

I looked around and saw Amanda looking at me with her arms outstretched and a big smile.

"Hey" I walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

"Well, if it's not little Jessica. Come here kid" Fin said when he noticed me hugging Amanda.

"Hey, Fin" I pulled him into a tight hug.

"Forgetting someone?"

"Hey Sonny" I went over and gave him the longest hug of all of them.

"How are you, doll?"

"I'm good, I'm good"

"What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in like forever" Amanda said, taking my hand and pulling me towards her desk.

"I'll tell you all about it, but for now where can I find Olivia? I need to talk to her"

"She's right there" she points towards the break room, where Olivia was getting a snack.

I thanked her and left my suitcase at her desk while I went to the break room.

"Olivia?"

"Jessica, hi sweetie. It's so good to see you" she gave me a long and warm hug, almost motherly.

"It's good to see you too. Dad talks about you a lot, you know"

"Does he? Oh well, I guess my charm finally worked on someone"

We both sat at the table and just kind of looked at each other for a minute before I decided to speak up.

"So, I'm guessing dad talked to you"

"Yes, he did. How are you doing?"

"I don't know, to be honest. I'm just trying not to think about it for now"

"It's understandable. Well, if you're all set and ready, you can start tomorrow, if you need more time to process that's okay too"

"No no, I want to get to work as soon as possible. I need to keep myself busy"

"Alright. Then I'll see you tomorrow, 8 o'clock sharp"

We both got up and shook hands, and I smiled and went to leave but I stopped in my tracks and turned back around to face her.

"Do you mind not telling everyone why I transferred? I'd rather not have everyone around here talk behind my back about it"

"Of course, you can tell everyone when you're ready. Until then, you just wanted a change of scenery on my end"

I thanked her silently and returned to the squad room where Amanda was waiting for me at her desk.

"You're staying with me" she said when I reached her desk and sat on the chair beside it.

"I really don't want to intrude, honestly"

"Nonsense, you're staying with me and it's not up for discussion"

"Okay people, listen up" Olivia said when she appeared in the room. "I'm happy to introduce you to the newest member of our Unit, detective Jessica Garner" she began to applaud and everyone soon followed.

"Okay, now you have to tell me everything" she picked up her coat and lead me out of the precinct and to her apartment.

Dad: How is New York treating you so far?

Me: It's good, definitely different from Chicago but I think different is just what I needed right now.

Dad: Everyone around here already misses you, they keep asking when they're gonna see you again.

Me: I'm gonna try and visit as much as possible, but I can't promise anything, they know that.

Dad: They do, don't worry about them.

Me: How are you doing, dad?

Dad: I guess I'm just bittersweet. I always knew you had a bright future ahead of you, and now you're finally achieving your dreams. I'm so damn proud of you, Jess

Me: Dad, you're gonna make me cry :(. Thank you for believing in me, I would've never got anywhere if it weren't for you taking me off the street and giving me a chance. I love you, dad

Dad: I love you too, honey. Go to sleep now, tell Olivia I said hi.

Me: Will do ;). Goodnight dad.

present*

Yup, that's basically how I ended up in the big city of New York. I've been staying with Amanda ever since, I've been partnered up with Sonny, everything was finally going okay.

"Hey honey"

"Hi mommy!! I miss you" Lucas said from the other end of the video call.

"How are you, little man? I miss you too, love"

"I'm doing great, me and daddy are spending much more time together and I can't wait to finally come visit you"

"I can't wait to see you, sweetie. Can you put daddy on the phone for a little bit?"

"Hey Jess"

"Hey Antonio, how's everyone doing?"

"We're good, Lucas can't stop talking about you and when we're gonna come see you" he chuckled and ruffled Lucas' hair a little while he played on his tablet in the background.

"You're coming soon, right?"

"Yeah, and Voight gave me two more days off than I asked for, so we'll stay two more days than planned"

"That's great, I can't wait to see you guys. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, Lucas say goodbye to mommy"

"Bye mommy, I love you"

"I love you too, honey. Bye"

I disconnected the call just as Amanda walked in the living room.

"Was that Antonio? How are things with you guys?"

"They're good, better than I expected to be honest. You know, people think that divorce is the worst thing that could happen to a couple, but I think it actually brought us closer"

"I'm glad you could make it work for Lucas"

"Yeah, me too"

I smiled as I thought about Lucas. Antonio and I didn't plan to have him at all, in fact we were on the verge of divorce when I found out I was pregnant, but we stayed together for a while for Lucas' sake before finally getting a divorce two years ago.

He's almost 7 now and he's been the light of my life since I had him. Antonio is a great father to him and Eva, my ex-stepdaughter. We still get along great, we talk almost everyday and she loves Lucas.

"Jess, did you hear what I said?" I was snapped out of my dream by Amanda's loud voice near my face.

"Sorry, I zooned out for a second. What were you saying?"

"You know, you've been here for 5 months and you still haven't told me what made you transfer here"

"I told you, I wanted a change of scenery, nothing more"

"And you left your son behind because you wanted just a change of scenery? Come on, I'm a detective, I know when you're lying"

I sighed and got up from the couch and walked to the fridge, taking out some leftover pizza.

"Okay, the reason why is because-" I was interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Garner"

"We just caught a case, I'll be there shortly, you and Rollins head over to the squad room and we'll get to work"

"Copy that" I hung up and put the pizza back in the fridge. "We caught a case, Liv wants us in the squad room"

"Fine, but we're gonna talk about it after the case"

"Do we really have to? I mean, does it really matter? I'm here, aren't I?" I tried to talk her out of it while we got in her car and drove to the precinct.

"Yes, I know you didn't just want a vacation or something, and you're gonna tell me what happened one way or another"

"Fine, let's just go" we got out of the car and entered the precinct, mentally preparing ourselves for the new case.