Title: What They Really Want
Summary: Feelings change, and Harry knew he couldn't do anything against that. Instead, he should just go for it.
Characters: Harry, Hermione
Pairings: Harry/Hermione
Rating: PG – 13
Disclaimer: I DON'T own anyone or anything. I DON'T own the characters. The Harry Potter Series belongs to J.K. Rowling. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit. Cover art by Phoenix_87 TDA
The war was over. As he made his way through the Great Hall, safely hidden from everyone's view thanks to his invisible cloak, Harry wondered how long it would take until realisation would hit him. His worst nightmare was over. Finally, after so many years.
Harry didn't know how long he had been waiting for this day, this moment. There had been a time when he had wondered if he had any chance in the first place. Could they really win? Could they really defeat Lord Voldemort?
They could. Eventually, the good had won. He didn't know what they had done with Voldemort's body, and he also didn't care. This monster was defeated. Nothing else mattered.
They were free again. It was time for a fresh start. The world had to change if they wanted to make sure such a nightmare wouldn't happen again.
But right now, not even an hour after the moment Voldemort's own spell had backfired and with that had killed him, new laws and a changing world didn't count to people's priorities. First of all, the wounds, caused by the war, had to heal. They would need their time to find their way back into a normal all day life.
As Harry left the Great Hall, left behind all those people, who were either cheering or comforting each other, a sudden rush of relief filled him. Voldemort wouldn't return. Months of hiding, years of fear were finally over. For the first time since he had found out that he was a wizard, he could lean back, could leave the past behind, knowing that the Dark Lord would never rise again.
And then, he saw her. Harry hadn't noticed that Hermione had left the Great Hall as well; the large room had been too crowded. She hadn't come far: Hermione was now sitting on the closest stairs, legs pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. Her chin was resting on her knees as she was staring at nothing in particular.
And he could feel it again. It had taken Harry a while to accept what he had always tried to deny. Since that day years ago, when he and Ron had rescued her from the troll in the girl's bathroom, she had been one of his best friends. For all those years, Harry could always count on Hermione. She would offer support and comfort, had even been by his side when everyone else seemed to have turned against him.
Hermione had always had a special place in his heart. As a friend. Other feelings, he had had for Cho, and then for Ginny. Meanwhile, Hermione had had a crush on Ron, lasting for several years already.
Never, he would have imagined that one day, that would change. But back then, he also hadn't expected that he would spend months alone with her, sharing a tent, depending on each other more than ever. During those months, their connection had intensified. And so had his feelings for her.
Harry didn't know when exactly Hermione had stopped being 'just a friend', when exactly he had started to fall in love with her. He only knew that right now, as he was watching her, without her being aware of his presence, he realised once again that never before, he had had such strong feelings for a woman.
And as he stood there, he struggled with himself, wondering what he was supposed to do. Should he admit his feelings to her? After all, he and Ginny had decided to end their relationship before he had left, and knowing her, she would understand. Most likely, Ginny had already expected this to happen. He was free to confess his feelings. But what would such a confession do to Hermione? Where were she and Ron with their relationship?
Closing his eyes, Harry took a deep breath. There had been a time when he would have hesitated to make such a step. It had taken him a while to approach Cho. It had taken him even longer to do the same with Ginny; after all, it had been her who had made the first step. Back then, showing his feelings to a girl had been an almost impossible challenge for him.
But times had changed. Not even an hour ago, he had been facing the most dangerous wizard the world had ever seen. Before this confrontation, he had willingly stepped in front of Voldemort, had stood still, allowing the dark wizard to Avada Kedavra him.
Harry had proven that he was a true Gryffindor. Bravery was part of his personality. Was confessing his feelings to Hermione really worse than facing Lord Voldemort? Could anything be worse than what he had to go through during the last few hours, days, months and years?
The answer for this question was hilariously easy. Taking another deep breath, he lifted his invisible cloak. Instantly becoming aware of his presence, Hermione looked up.
"Harry," she said quietly. Much to his joy, she smiled. Without any further hesitation, he made his way over to her and joined her on the stairs.
"Don't you want to be in there anymore?" she asked, her voice still so low that he could barely hear her. This behaviour was all too familiar to him: a lot of thoughts had been running through her mind before he had interrupted her.
Harry shook his head. "No. It's getting too much, to be honest."
A tiny chuckle escaped her. "I can imagine."
He studied her for another moment. Once again, he wondered if he had made the right decision. Then again, he had wasted so much time with waiting in the past. He didn't want to make the same mistake again.
"What about you?" he asked then. "Where's Ron?"
"He's with his family," she answered, offering another little smile. "Fred seems to be doing better, and they want to wait until he'll wake up. Ginny's with them, too. For the case you've been looking for her."
Harry nodded slowly. He hesitated for another second, before he answered, "How are things with you and Ron?"
She tensed, like he had expected. Of course he knew that now wasn't the best moment for asking such a question. But he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to wait any longer. Now or never.
"You mean if we're together?" She looked up, her eyes finally meeting his again. Then she shook her head. "No."
"Didn't you..." he started, but again, she shook her head.
"Harry, we talked about it," she interrupted him. "I know Ron was jealous, that somewhere along the line, he obviously realised that he has feelings for me. But..." She paused. "Mine have changed."
The painful expression, which he could see in her eyes then, made his heart ache. She felt guilty, and he could understand her. Feelings couldn't be controlled. They could change so easily, and sometimes, one even misinterpreted them. After all, it seemed like he had done exactly that himself, for so many years. Because according to how strong his feelings for her really were, they must have been there much earlier already.
"What did he say?" he managed to ask.
"He said he understands," she said. "That he was aware of that already. He told me he feels sorry because he didn't realise he wanted to be with me during our sixth year already, when I wanted to be together with him so much, that he only realised it when it was already too late. But he understands, and that I shouldn't feel bad because of that. But I know it hurt him. I could see it in his eyes."
"Of course it did," Harry replied softly. "Like it hurt you when he was with Lavender. But he's right: you shouldn't feel guilty. No one's to blame for their feelings." He hesitated, before he added, "I know exactly what it's like. I'm in the same situation."
She looked up again, surprised this time. "Your feelings for Ginny have changed as well?" As he nodded, she added, "I'm sorry to hear that."
Harry shook his head. "There's no need for that, Hermione. Feelings change. It happens."
It was her turn to nod. This time, she didn't break the eye contact. Instead, she looked back at him, with an intense expression that made him speechless for a moment. His heart started to beat faster as realisation hit him. Was it possible that maybe, just maybe, her feelings had changed for the same reasons?
"I love you, Hermione," he said before he could stop himself.
She smiled softly. "I love you, too, Harry."
"No, I...don't mean it like that," Harry replied, feeling how his cheeks started to redden. "I mean...I'm not loving you...like a friend anymore."
"I didn't mean that either," she stated.
And once again, he was speechless. Hermione had started to blush as well, but still she continued to look him right into the eyes.
"So..." he started, but his voice trailed off again.
"So," she said. "What does that mean for us now? And for them? For Ron and Ginny I mean."
Harry stared back at her for another couple of moments. Then he sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "But...Hermione, something I learnt today. And during the last few years, to be exact. You should figure out what you really want, and then go for it. When I went into the Forbidden Forest, I was prepared to die. You can't imagine what that does to you. But Voldemort didn't manage to kill me. I'm back. I'm alive. I got another chance. And I'm not going to waste another minute. I'm pretty sure Ron knows already. He did all the time. And Ginny...most likely, that counts for her, too."
"So you think we should go for it?" Hermione asked. It wasn't her question, but the hopeful expression in her eyes that gave him the last bit of encouragement he needed.
"Yes." Harry nodded. "We should go for it. We want to be together. Denying that won't work anyway. It'll only make it worse for everyone." He reached out and took her hands into his. Squeezing them gently, he smiled. "Of course it's not going to be easy. But when are things ever easy?"
"It's nothing compared to hunting Horcruxes and defeating Voldemort though," Hermione replied. And as she smiled as well, he knew he had made the right decision.
"When should we tell them?" she wanted to know.
"We should wait until things have calmed down a little."
He squeezed her hands again. And then, it happened. They leant in and their lips met for the first time. It was a sweet, short kiss, but it was enough for Harry to know that he and Hermione belonged together. Of course, telling Ron and Ginny wouldn't be easy. But their friendship was strong; they had handled more difficult situations in the past. Harry wanted to be with Hermione, and she wanted this relationship as well. And they would go for it. Because he wouldn't allow himself or her to hesitate while knowing perfectly well what they really wanted.