a/n: here is a short-but-sweet Identity collection! it's just about the beh-behs (that is to be pronounced in the accent of Moira Rose, if you watch Schitt's Creek, which you should). no order, no rhyme or reason, just fluff, mostly! and no one is going to be older than ten, at least not in this collection.

"Grimy"

Leia was having one of those evenings at home that reinforced her opinion that nothing – nothing – was harder than raising small children. She knew others – even Han – looked at her askance when she said that, and if she were really pressed on it, then of course she wouldn't claim she'd rather be back in a cell under imperial torture than in her kitchen with three tiny solos.

Even when they were all being monsters, her babies made her happy, deep down. Nothing the Empire had done to her had ever made her happy. But was it easier to negotiate a ceasefire with one hundred furious Imperial insurgency groups than it was to convince a four-year-old to eat her noodles? Yes, yes it was. She stood by that.

After all, she was allowed to yell at Imps, swear at them, threaten jail or execution, and just plain leave negotiations, if that's what suited the situation – she could apply none of the same tactics to her eldest child.

"I don't like them," Jaina whined again, slouching down in her seat.

Leia had never seen such olympic sulking. It was somehow endearing, and doubly irritating, that Jaina looked just like Han when she sulked.

"I hate them. I don' wanna eat 'em."

"Jaina," Leia said, exasperated. "They're buttered noodles!"

She was baffled as to when Jaina had stopped enjoying buttered noodles in the first place. Last week, Leia had come home from work four days in a row to find Han had served Jaina buttered noodles again because that was all she would eat!

Han sat at the table between Jaina, in a booster seat, and Noura, in a high chair, oscillating between them. Leia hovered – she almost never sat down during the kids' dinner time; she and Han had to tag team it. She cradled Max in her arms, nursing him as she roved around the table, using her senses to make sure she avoided Zozy.

The Mooka was, of course, sneaking around under the table, begging.

Noura sat back in her chair worriedly, her tiny face furrowed with apprehension. She kept lifting one hand slightly and flexing it at Leia hesitantly.

"Mama," she called. "Mama."

"I know, sweetie," Leia said, smiling at her. "I know, just a few more minutes, okay?"

Noura's hand fell, but she looked pitiful. She shot a forlorn look at Max, who had stolen her place so abruptly, and then kicked her feet, picking at the crackers Han had broken into manageable pieces for her. She put one in her mouth. She also dropped one on the floor.

Zozy scuttled over to grab it.

"Don't feed Zozy," Leia said automatically.

Zozy chirped, outraged, as if he understood.

Jaina threw her head back.

"I'm staaaaarrrrviiiiiiiing," she wailed.

"You got food right there," Han said calmly, pointing. "Same as I make it all the time. Your favorite."

Jaina swung her head to look at him in disbelief. She managed to look confused, and offended, and Leia was convinced it was all an act. She was too cunning for her age and it was obnoxious.

"You give me poison," she accused. "Bad!"

Han reached over and stirred her food, ignoring the accusation.

"Jaina," he said coolly. "Eat it."

Jaina pushed her bowl away. Han shook his head and turned back to Noura. He took a few slices of fruit off the plate in front of him – he'd been cutting them into small cubes – and put them in front of her.

Noura immediately flicked one to Zozy.

"Noura!" Leia hissed.

She rocked Max, looking down to check on him. She tried to remain relaxed but damn – he was the slowest eater. Jaina and Noura had always been quite businesslike about nursing; Max? He could go at it all day. It was never just a quick session.

Noura showed a fruit slice to Leia.

"Mama, look. Yum."

"Noura," Han said gently, smiling at her. "Mama's going to be all yours in just a minute," he promised. "Stop giving your food to Zozy. Put it in your mouth."

Noura sighed and munched on her fruit slice messily. Jaina reached over to try and grab Han's slicer. Han swiftly removed it, and swatted her knuckles lightly.

"I want to play!" Jaina insisted.

"S'not a toy," Han said. He nodded down at her bowl. "You aren't leaving the table until you eat, Jainy," he reminded her.

"Why?" she demanded. "Why not?" she whined.

"'Cause we love you," Han retorted, "and we don't want you to be hungry, or wake us up in the middle of the night."

Leia snorted, and nodded. She shifted her arm, moving from one foot to the other to spread out her weight. Her elbow was killing her. She sighed, and was about to jostle Max a little just to maybe…hurry him up…when he stopped nursing and looked up at her sleepily.

Leia almost cried in relief. She shuffled over towards Han, rushing to hand him the baby. Zozy sprang out of the way, barely avoiding her feet. Han looked startled, not prepared to take him.

"Leia, I'm holdin' a slicer!"

"Trade you," Leia said, effortlessly swapping the baby for the slicer.

Han fumbled to let Max sit up in his lap. Max lolled back, yawning. Leia adjusted her blouse and tucked her hair back, turning to Noura.

"Hi, hi baby," she greeted, lifting her out of the chair. Noura had already been strapped in when Leia got home, and Leia had gone straight to Max to feed him so they could get him to bed on time.

Noura had been cheated out of her greeting, and she'd been fussing about it quietly all evening. Leia pressed little kisses all over her face, and Noura beamed, curling up into Leia's shoulder.

"How come Max not eat noodles?" Jaina demanded glumly.

"You know why," Han said. "Why don't you just take one bite, to see if you still like it? Can't say you hate it now if you haven't tried it tonight, right?"

Jaina seemed to consider this. Leia took a seat – finally – and sighed, stroking back Noura's dark hair.

"Noodles," Noura repeated proudly.

"Noodles!" agreed Leia. "That's right, Noura!"

Noura was picking up new words every other second these days, and Han and Leia always tried to encourage her and make a big deal of it. Noura beamed, and then leaned over to grab a cracker off of her high chair tray.

Han turned Max around, holding him against his shoulder and securing him with one arm.

"Listen," Han said seriously. "You got food on the table in front of you. Some kids don't get that. You want to waste it?"

Jaina gave him a sulky look. She shook her head.

"You got about five more minutes to start eating those noodles," Han warned. "Or I'll take your word for it and you can go to bed without dinner."

"How many minutes is five minutes?" Jaina retorted.

Noura held up three fingers.

"Dis many."

Jaina pointed a forked spoon at her.

"No. Dumb," she accused.

"Jaina Yvaine Solo," Leia snapped.

Jaina wilted, scowling.

"But she is wrong!"

"Wrong is not the same as dumb," Leia said. She held up her hand to Noura, splaying out five fingers. "This is 5," she explained.

Noura wriggled her fingers and then put her palm against Leia's. She giggled. Han ran his hand over Max's back, patting roughly up and down.

"Han," Leia said, staring to get up. "You need a towel for your shoulder – "

"Sit down!" Han retorted, before she could get too far. "Get off your feet – like spit up's the worst thing I've ever had on me," he scoffed.

Leia sat. Noura touched Leia's earrings reverently, content to be held.

"Is it five minutes yet?" Jaina asked stubbornly.

Leia grit her teeth. She wanted to scream - Fine, starve! I fought a war so my children would have the freedom to act like assholes at the dinner table! She didn't scream that, but the words were there.

Han shifted Max. He narrowed his eyes.

"Hey, Jaina," he said.

"Wha-aa-aat?" Jaina answered, in the most long-suffering tone a four-year-old could muster.

"'Member that creature you kept tellin' me was under your bed?" Han asked solemnly.

Jaina eyed him warily.

"Grimy," she said, hushing her voice. Her imagination was extremely vivid lately, and she had taken to insisting there was a monster under her bed that had seven eyes and fifteen legs. If that wasn't weird enough, she had also named it.

"Well," Han said, sitting back sagely. "I did some research and I heard," he broke off, pretending to hesitate.

Jaina leaned in anxiously.

"I heard…I mean, Uncle Luke told me, and he's a real creature expert," he said.

Jaina accepted this as if it were perfectly obviously, and not the first time she'd ever heard her Uncle Luke referred to as a creature expert.

"The only thing that keeps Grimy's species away is if you eat all your dinner, all your noodles," Han said.

"Why?" Jaina asked, though her voice was hushed.

Han blinked.

"Uh," he said.

Leia gave him a look.

"'Cause carbs," Han said. "Grimys don't like all the carbs, noodles, butter…they just like bones to crunch on."

Jaina squeaked.

"So you better stuff yourself full of carbs or he'll eat you."

Jaina picked up her utensil and started stabbing her dinner seriously. Consternated, Leia glared at Han, a frown creasing her brow. She was torn between delight that Jaina was finally eating her damn meal – it really did save them from being woken up one extra time tonight – and indignation that Han had just used a scary monster to browbeat their daughter into eating.

Jaina happily slurped a noodle, and Leia decided not to get mad at Han about it. Han looked pretty smug, and sat back, holding Max up to peer at his face.

"Hey, buddy," he said scrunching his nose. Max put his entire hand on Han's face, and then managed to shove a thumb up his nose.

Han snorted, and lowered Max back to his shoulder. Leia lowered her head to make sure Noura was actually putting food in her mouth, not crumbling it down her outfit.

Suddenly a thunderous clanging noise ran through the room. Zozy gave a triumphant chirp and sprinted towards the sound – which turned out to be Jaina's bowl of noodles hitting the floor.

Han shoved his chair back, startled, and Leia stood up.

"Jaina!" Han half-shouted, remembering at the last second to keep his voice down – so as not to scare her and because he and Leia always tried really hard not to yell at them while they were so little.

"Did you throw that on the floor?" Leia asked, eyes widening. "You – threw your food on the floor?" She thought they were beyond this! Infants did this, toddlers did this - but Jaina was supposed to have grown out of such nonsense!

Jaina looked between them, eyes defiant, and then burst into tears.

"I don't want Grimy to eat Zozy!" she wailed. "He need noodles, too!"

Han grimaced. He hunched his shoulders, wincing, and then turned to shoot a sheepish look at Leia, who just stared back at him in little more than…resigned exasperation. They stared at each other, outnumbered by children.

Han crouched down to sweep Zozy away from the food, holding the Mooka under one arm, and Max in the other. Noura spit her piece of fruit out on the table and then leaned down to wipe her tongue on Leia's hand. Max suddenly started to cry, which set Noura whimpering immediately – and Leia just took a deep breath, and gave Han a tired, affectionate smile.

This was harder than her day job, hands down; but it was worth it.

man i love writing stories about kids in my kid-free house where me and my dog live without kids, childless (by choice!).

-alexandra
story #402