Author's Note:
So I finally finished Stardust Crusaders. And I'm not okay with it. I am in the denial stage of grieving over [SPOILER] Kakyoin's death. So I flexed my fanfic fingers and decided, nah, fuck that. Kakyoin lives. And he lives a beautiful, albeit brutally honest life.
Hello, my lovelies! Happy friggin' Halloween! You thought it'd be another Jotakak smut, but it's me: DarlingDearestDemonic with a fluff fic! And beware, this fic is fluffier than whipped Marshmallow Fluff. Now, this fic does mention some mature themes without going into explicit detail. These include references to trauma, PTSD, and self-harm. And you know what? If anyone of you lovely people suffer from any or all of these, I am sending you love and asking that you take Jotaro's words of comfort to heart. There's the world, which is scary. And then there is YOUR world, which is full of love and control and gentle fics like this.
So have a candy bar. Kick your feet up. Take the costume off. And enjoy this Jotakak Halloween fluff.
Kakyoin really wanted to celebrate Halloween.
But he would never tell Jotaro that. Halloween was a child's holiday. What would he look like, a grown man fussing over silly costumes and candy? He'd look ridiculous.
Still, a part of it did appeal to him. He twirled the blackened tip of a paint brush around on the paper, thinking about many things at once. The light from the falling sun lay upon his broad shoulders, bathing him in a warm orange glow. He turned to face the glass-paneled wall and closed his eyes, simply enjoying the feel of the sunlight on his face. The light touched everything that occupied his mind in that moment: the plastic Jack-o-Lantern on the shelf, the wooden alphabet blocks on the plush rug, the image of Jotaro and Jace coming to life beneath his brush, the pink scars running across his eyes. He could still feel them there whenever he moved his face: a smile was just as likely as a frown to remind him of Dio.
Dio…
This would be his first holiday since that awful night, long ago. Everybody else seemed to have just moved on; even Jotaro had moved on in his own silent and brooding way. So why couldn't he just let go, as his therapist often suggested? If only the therapist understood Kakyoin's cryptic relays of his past trauma…
He twisted the silver band on his ring finger and stared absentmindedly into the sun. He had everything that he could have ever wanted: a mansion in the hills with Jotaro, his own life, a son…
But the wounds that Dio had inflicted, both mental and physical, hurt him a little more with each passing day.
He sighed when he realized that he had made a mistake on Jotaro's part of the portrait. How did I get on that train of thought, he wondered to himself as he painted over Jotaro's jaw, my moods change so quickly these days. He stared at the portrait, trying his best to reenvision Jotaro's smile. It was a hard thing to do as Jotaro rarely smiled but when he did…
A warm feeling spread across Kakyoin's chest as he made a gentle swipe with his brush. There it was, the barely perceptible upturn at the corner of Jotaro's lips. The one that hung around when Jace scrunched his face up and howled over some childish incapability, or when Kakyoin tried to hide his frustration when he lost a meaningless argument.
Or that small, small smile that had come to life, long ago when, delirious and bleeding profusely, Kakyoin had accepted Jotaro's proposal.
Yes, that was the one. He watched it come to life with an expert's eye as his brush made quick work of Jotaro's expression. He leaned back and smiled sleepily then, his brown house slipper bouncing lazily against his ankle.
"Hey, you."
Jotaro stood beneath the grand archway connecting the living room to the dining room. Kakyoin was surprised to find that he was dressed business casual so late in the day. Though he had abandoned the student uniform, he still adhered to a polished dress code that made women breathless. But rarely in the evening. Jace was curled comfortably within the crook of his arm, snot bubbling from his nose as he snored against Jotaro's broad chest.
"Maybe I should start calling you Da Vinci. You never listen when I call you by your real name."
"Ah...sorry," Kakyoin said, touching the back of his head in embarrassment. "I guess I was lost in thought."
"Tch. Tell me something I don't know."
Jotaro walked over and Kakyoin stood to receive the slumbering child. He buried his nose deep in the young boy's curls as Jotaro inspected the painting.
"Quite handsome," Jotaro said, "though I have a feeling I'll be overshadowed by a certain someone with red hair, once they get painted in."
"Right," Kakyoin said, glancing with distaste at his own unfinished figure. He had drawn his legs, torso, and hands but he didn't like it. No matter how many times he painted and repainted over himself, he was dissatisfied with the results. After weeks of working on the painting and venting his frustration to his therapist, it had been suggested to him that maybe he didn't envision himself in the painting. For he still felt that part of him had died. And who was he to paint a half-dead man beside the exuberant face of Jace and the stately attraction of Jotaro?
A warm hand fell on his shoulder, followed by a long kiss to his temple. "You belong with us," was all that Jotaro said. And Kakyoin was inclined, just that one time at least, to believe him.
Jotaro slid his arms around them both and they stood for a silent moment in the orange light, two fathers and a son. Kakyoin felt tears well up in his eyes and he shook his head against Jace's curls. Jotaro lifted his chin with his finger and kissed his cheeks dry, without a word knowing and understanding why moments like this made Kakyoin weak. The thought of having died, and never knowing what life with Jotaro could've been like still haunted Kakyoin. It made him wake in the middle of the night and scream and scream until Jotaro shook him back to reality.
"Looks like there won't be any trick-or-treating for Jace," Jotaro said, looking down at the sleeping child. Jace whined and yawned in his sleep. He nestled his slobbery cheek against Kakyoin's neck and Kakyoin laughed softly at the feeling. But a flash of disappointment had struck him. Taking Jace trick-or-treating would have been the perfect excuse to join in on some Halloween fun. Now he had nothing, for he was sure that Jotaro wouldn't be the one to offer up some spooktacular revelry. Knowing him, he'd probably want to smoke cigarettes on the balcony and watch the sunset while massaging Kakyoin's feet. Which was nice, but it wasn't …
"Did you want to go?" Jotaro asked him suddenly, watching him intently from one eye.
"Me? Halloween? Go? Tch. I'm not a child, Jo."
Which didn't exactly mean anything. As a child, Kakyoin had never been invited to go trick-or-treating with the other kids. It's not that they didn't like him - he was a kind and thoughtful child - but rather he stayed to himself. The manifestation of Hierophant Green had caused a small degree of isolation in his life. No one else could see or even understand the existence of his Stand. So while the other kids played jacks and jumprope, he stayed behind in the classroom, plagued by visions and memories of what he called the Green Ghost back then.
Which was why he had been surprised when The Jotaro Kujo - the cool kid, bad boy, and his secret crush of that era - had asked for his hand in marriage.
"Hm," Jotaro said as he moved away. "Grab your coat. We're going. Erin!"
Their suit-clad British servant appeared and bowed to the couple.
"Watch over Jace. We'll be gone for most of the night."
Jotaro walked towards the door and shrugged on a leather jacket.
"Very well, Sir," Erin said as he untangled Jace from Kakyoin's arms. "You boys be careful on this Halloween night!"
Kakyoin thanked him, picked up his cane, and followed Jotaro outside. Once in the driveway he stopped and looked up at their mansion. Erin stood in the second story window, waving cheerily at them with the sleeping boy in his arms. Kakyoin smiled at the sight of his home and waved back. It didn't feel right leaving. But then again, it never did. Ever since their battle with Dio, Kakyoin had become extremely agoraphobic, something that he was working on with his therapist. He shivered against the night air and pulled his large overcoat closer against his body. The weather really didn't matter, he always wore the black coat. It was his way of protecting his wounded body from the world. That, and he was still insecure about his limp.
"Coming?" Jotaro asked, standing beside the idling car.
"Huh? Oh...yeah." Kakyoin forced himself to look away from the mansion and clambered into the black leather seat. He pulled the seatbelt tight over his waist with shaking fingers. It'll be okay, he thought to himself, Jotaro's here I'll be fine.
X
They rode in silence. Gradually, the sun sunk, engulfing them in the hazy darkness of Halloween night. Kakyoin stared out the window as they drove, his heart beating at an unfamiliar pace. He could feel the tension rising, the one born of residual fear. PTSD, is what his therapist called it. It was that unseen and engulfing force that often snuck up on him when he least expected it. It was the cause of the sudden gruesome images that broke into his daydreams, the cause of his sudden fits of rage and sorrow, the cause of the silence that overtook him when he looked in his husband's eyes and was overtaken by feelings of worthlessness and self-disgust. His pale hands gripped the seatbelt above his scarred stomach and he grit his teeth. He didn't want to be there, in the car, driving so far away from the safety of his home. But he promised himself that he'd make an attempt at being normal for his, Jace's and Jotaro's sake.
"Everything all right?" Jotaro asked. He flicked a lit cigarette out the window and put both of his large hands on the steering wheel.
"Huh? Yeah. Just...thinking of Avdol. And Iggy."
"They'd want you to be happy. Avdol would kill me if he knew that I was letting you sit around at home feeling sorry for yourself and them. And honestly I'd be a shitty husband if I let that happen." Jotaro put his hand on Kakyoin's and gripped it tightly. "When I married you, I married the part of you that Dio destroyed. But I also married the brave part of you that fought back, and saved us all. So let's see some more of that and less of the Kakyoin that pities himself."
"Right…" Kakyoin said. Being with Jotaro felt so right. It was easy to be with him. And while Jotaro wasn't the cure for his trauma - there would never be a cure; not the medications nor the therapy nor the self-harm - he sure did lift some of the weight. In his own Jotaro-esque way, that was. Kakyoin squeezed his hand.
"Have I told you that I love you lately?"
"Not nearly enough," Jotaro said. "Look, up ahead."
Kakyoin did as he was told and saw the bright lights of a fairground glowing in the distance. His breath caught in his throat and he looked at Jotaro.
"No way, a fair?"
"Let's see if we can bring back the child in you. You've had enough of being an adult lately."
They parked their car and bought their tickets. Once inside, Kakyoin realized that they were the only guests on that chilly night. And yet the fair was fully staffed, down to the hot dog vendors and janitors.
"Jo, you didn't..."
"Yep. ' Jotaro said, ripping the tickets to tiny pieces that fluttered to the ground. "Bought the whole thing last night. It's only you and I, Kakyoin."
"But how did you know that Jace would fall asleep instead of going trick-or-treating?"
Jotaro touched the brim of his hat and smiled in a very sassy way. "'Member when I took him to the park today?" Jotaro asked, sliding his arm around Kakyoin's waist. "I made sure to tire him out so that he'd sleep through the night."
Kakyoin smiled. "Why...Jotaro, you planned this all along!"
"Just doing my job as a father..."
They wandered through the well-lit fairground, laughing and taking turns at the game stands. Kakyoin bought a large stick of cotton candy and watched as Jotaro used Star Platinum to cheat in a game of Shoot the Bottle. The game attendant was dumbfounded but nonetheless handed over a large and depressed looking purple teddy bear with a bewildered expression on his face. Feeling that he ought to show off too, Kakyoin used Heirophant Green to fish a little yellow duck out of a swirling pool, earning them an even larger pink elephant from another confused game attendant. The two men rode rollercoasters through the night and eventually found their way to a towering merry-go-round. Jotaro watched Kakyoin's face as they sat swinging slowly above the world. Kakyoin scooted in closer and placed his hand on Jotaro's knee as he pointed out the constellations that he had spent so much time learning as a kid. Once off the merry-go-round, Kakyoin insisted on impressing a group of female attendants with his cherry-on-the-tongue trick. Jotaro snickered and covered his eyes with the brim of his hat as the attendants squealed and squirmed around Kakyoin, enamoured with his bright red hair and polite demeanor.
"Jotaro, are you jealous?" Kakyoin asked as they walked arm in arm away from the flushed attendants.
"No. I'm annoyed," Jotaro hissed. "They're always squealing around you."
"That's because I'm a gentleman," Kakyoin said in English. He kissed Jotaro on the cheek with cotton candy covered lips. "Hey, maybe you should try it some time!"
"Yare yare daze," Jotaro said.
They passed by the entrance to a haunted house and Kakyoin suddenly paused. He looked up at the gaping mouth of an evil decorative clown perched above the red arch and suddenly felt very dizzy. The sound of its mechanical laughter seemed to swirl around him and he shook his head. Jotaro had walked further ahead but he stood rooted to the spot, mesmerized by the flashing bulbs and buzzing signs.
Suddenly he heard the sound of Dio's laughter and he startled. No, it can't be, he thought. He clutched his cane and limped into the haunted house. Once inside he stood whipping his head back and forth as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Plastic mechanized bats swooped low over his head and he ducked in fright.
"Dio!" He called, his voice echoing through the halls, and the same evil laughter rang out again. "Where are you, you son of a bitch? Show yourself!"
The lights changed and the ground beneath his feet began to shift, pulling him deeper into the haunted house. A mannequin dressed as a witch jolted forward and he swung around. His cane went scattering away into the darkness and he toppled forward on his feet. The spot where Dio had injured him singed and he winced in pain.
"It can't be," he said, looking up from his spot on the ground. "We killed you!"
A set of sprinklers went off in his face, speckling him with cold water. But in his daze, the water reminded him of the blood that had splattered on his face long ago and he cried out. The laughter was all around him now, but mostly above him. He felt an odd presence in the room. The foggy air turned cold, unnaturally cold, and he watched in terror as something - or someone - began to materialize in the dark above him.
"Hierophant Green!" He cried out and his Stand materialized above him. Damn it, he couldn't see anything, but he knew that something was approaching.
Then suddenly there he was above him. Dio loomed from the darkness, a wicked grin spread across his lips. Before the enemy could make his move, Hierophant Green hit him with an Emerald Splash. But Dio wasn't affected, so it seemed.
"You really thought that you could defeat me?" Dio cackled, spreading his arms out wide. "You're pathetic, Kakyoin."
Kakyoin hit him with a condensed Emerald Splash. Dio's jaw unhinged as he laughed maniacally above him.
"You'll never escape me, Kakyoin. I'm going to kill you over and over and over again. Starting...now-"
"ORA!"
Dio's body exploded into a million yellow lights as Star Platinum appeared out of nowhere and sent a swift punch his way. Dio recoiled and his face seemed to ripple in the light.
"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA….O-RA!"
The lights exploded again and Kakyoin closed his eyes against them. His skin stung as if by a hundred pinpricks of fire and he covered his head with his hands. He heard footsteps running his way and he looked up, ready to fight again. But what he saw surprised him.
It wasn't Dio that he had been fighting, but a giant animatronic in the shape of a grinning Devil. The animatronic had been busted to pieces, and the heavy beams that supported it were being held up by Star Platinum.
"What…"
"Kakyoin!"
Kakyoin looked up as Jotaro fell to a crouch beside him. He was saying something but Kakyoin couldn't hear him. His ears were ringing with the laughter echoing about the haunted house. He felt wetness on his cheek and abdomen, and he touched his skin gingerly, inspecting for wounds.
"Jotaro," he said, looking dazedly up at the man. "I did it. I killed Dio."
He gave a laugh and fainted without another sound.
X
He woke as he had many times before: dazed and confused. But this time was different. He wasn't in his bed or on the couch back home. He was on some sort of wooden slab. And he was moving, rocking gently as if airborne. He pushed himself up clumsily, and the rocking intensified.
"Slow down. Unless you want the whole thing to tip over," he heard Jotaro say. He slowed his movements and gazed curiously around him. It was dark and cold out. But the darkness never seemed to end. It spread on and on around him. The world above him was peppered with misty pinpricks of light. Stars, he realized. He leaned over the edge of the wooden entrapment and stared down at his own pale expression. Water.
He was in a boat.
He realized then how parched he was and he coughed. "Water," he said, grasping at his throat. Jotaro handed him a paper cup full of cold tea.
"Fairground tea isn't the greatest, so you'll have to forgive me," Jotaro said. He exhaled a stream of smoke and tapped the excess ash from his cigarette on the side of the boat. "That was quite an ordeal you had back there, Kakyoin," he said, crossing his arms along his chest.
"Dio…"
Jotaro closed his eyes and lowered his head. "He wasn't there. That was an animatronic that you saw. You attacked it with Hierophant Green. The whole thing would have crushed you to death if I hadn't used Star Platinum to break it into little pieces."
"But I heard his laughter!"
"Listen to me, Kakyoi!" Jotaro said suddenly. He lurched forward and grabbed Kakyoin by his collar, making the tiny rowboat shake beneath his weight. "Dio is DEAD! We killed him - YOU killed him. Your mind is just playing tricks on you, you can't let it win!"
Jotaro sat back and closed his eyes. Kakyoin knew that he was angry, but he wasn't angry at him. Something else was plaguing Jotaro's mind but Kakyoin wasn't sure of what it was yet. He shifted until his back was against the opposite end of the rowboat and stared into the little lamp that sat between them. He was shaking, terribly so. He put his face in his hands and tried to hold back tears. He had fucked up. He had let Jotaro down with his tormented mind and excessive visions. How was he supposed to be the man that Jotaro wanted and the father that Jace needed when he couldn't even have a nice night out at the fair without freaking out?
His shoulders shook as cold tears began to squeeze their way between his fingers. Damn it, he thought, sniffeling now. He couldn't keep the tears at bay and he began to cry openly. He felt like a child: he wanted to crawl back into that deep part of himself that he had built at a young age. He wanted to be nothing. Hell, he just wanted to die. Anything was better than being prisoner to his own mind.
"Come here," Jotaro commanded. Kakyoin ignored him. "Come here!" He said again.
He couldn't help it. He needed the warmth of Jotaro's body. He crawled towards him and allowed himself to be embraced, his back against Jotaro's chest. Jotaro nudged his nose against Kakyoin's ear and began to speak quietly.
"You see that?" Jotaro said. Kakyoin opened his eyes and saw the expanse of black-blue water around them. Far off in the distance he could see the lights of the fairground. They were nothing more than a smattering of faded color on the horizon. The wind ruffled their clothing. It carried the scent of Jotaro and this was comforting. The boat rocked gently, making deep and watery sounds, as Kakyoin pulled his legs in. He didn't want to think about Jotaro heaving his unconscious body into the boat...or how he had even procured a rowboat in the first place.
"Stay with me," Jotaro muttered. He traced his lips along Kakyoin's cheek, making his cherry earring tickle both their skin. "You see those lights in the distance there? Those lights represent the world. And it's the world that you don't like. It's the world where you fought Dio. It's where we lost Iggy and Avdol. And though you may not like it, it's always gonna be there on the horizon. That's just how it works. But you see the water surrounding our boat?"
Kakyoin nodded and swallowed thickly, his tears dry on his face.
"That water represents OUR world. It's a world that has me and Jace in it. It has the old man, Polnareff, Holly, Erin, your mother. It has our mansion and motorcycles and more cherries than you could ever dream of. And it's always right here surrounding you, just like the water is." Jotaro squeezed him tighter and kissed a spot on his neck. "Our world is always right here for you. And if you ever feel like you're getting lost in that other world...just remember, you can always cast off and join me here, in your mind. You might not ever be able to rid yourself of Dio, but you can always put some distance between you."
There was nothing that Kakyoin could have said to that. He rested his head upon Jotaro's chest and gazed up at the stars. The tears had begun to fall from his face again. They landed on Jotaro's hand like little shattering crystals. He wasn't scared. He wasn't relieved. He was full of the ever present trauma and shame that the night had awoken in him.
But with Jotaro he was safe and warmer, at least. The two men drifted in the small boat in the water, their faces lit by lamplight. Kakyoin watched the stars until he fell asleep in Jotato's arms, a small smile spread across his face.
X
They arrived home early the next morning. As they pulled into the driveway, Kakyoin waved at the gardener who was busy harvesting fruit from one of his cherry trees. She waved back and held a basket up to him as they walked by.
"Try one, dearie" she said excitedly. With her squinted eyes and constantly ruddy cheeks, she reminded Kakyoin of a fairytale grandmother. He popped the cherry in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully.
"Hey, that's pretty fantastic." He said as he placed a cherry in Jotaro's mouth. "Do the cherries from the other tree taste like this?"
"Even better," the gardener said. "You sure know how to grow 'em!"
"Thank you, Marie," he said graciously. "There's nothing a little love and kindness can't do."
She bowed and respectfully averted her eyes as Kakyoin placed a kiss on Jotaro's neck. He was still getting used to his cane and had stumbled a bit as they walked away. But, as always, Jotaro was there to support him in an instant. They climbed the large outdoor staircase leading to the door, which was flanked by two reclining stone lions. They were huge - a commission from the Speedwagon foundation - and extremely realistic. In the summer, he and Jace liked to climb on their backs and read comic books in the shade of their large manes. He patted their rumps appreciatively as they passed by.
Once inside, they handed their coats to the maids flanking the hallway. The women greeted them in low, melodic Japanese and disappeared just as quickly as they had come. Jotaro's nose wiggled and he looked back at Kakyoin.
"Does it smell like something's burning to you?"
"Yeah, kind of..."
The two men rushed down the hallway and up the stairs to the third floor kitchen. Hands clasped together, they waded their way through the smoke coughing and sneezing.
"Er...welcome back, Sir Kakyoin...Sir Jotaro...I apologize for the smoke but it would seem as if there's been a grave...miscalculation and I can't turn the fire alarm off!"
They could just barely make out Erin standing atop a kitchen chair, waving a hand towel at the screeching fire alarm. Jotaro pushed Erin aside and hopped on the chair while Kakyoin rushed about opening their windows. Immediately, the smoke began to swirl as it was sucked outside. Jotaro punched the screeching alarm and it fell to pieces around his feet.
It would be the third one that he broke that year.
"Good grief, I really hate those things."
Kakyoin laughed and peeked in the fuming oven. "Mm, is that chocolate mango cherry cake I smell?"
He swiped his finger along the top of the collapsed mess of experimental flavors and stuck it in his mouth. The taste made him gag but he was quick to swallow his nausea.
"Creme brulee style," Erin added woefully, wiping his chocolaty hands on his apron. "Young Master Jason was very particular about his flavors."
Jotaro found the young child sitting in the living room before Kakyoin's portrait, chocolate smeared across his face. Jace whined and tucked his hands behind his back as Jotaro approached.
"What do we have here?"Jotaro asked curiously. He reached for Jace, who scrunched his face and curled his body into a tight ball around his messy hands. Suddenly, Jotaro began to tickle him. Jace screamed and thrashed about, his eyes watering. When he had loosened his arms from his body, Jotaro grabbed him beneath his armpits and swung him high in the sky.
"Huh. Candy before breakfast. I should have known..." Jotaro said, throwing Jace higher and higher in the sky. The young boy laughed and flapped his arms, revealing the stolen Halloween treats clutched in each hand. "And you weren't even gonna share with daddy. I think that deserves a time out. But you're in luck pal because I'm feeling rather generous today and I'll agree to accept a candy bar instead."
Jace fell into his arms and Jotaro held him tight. Jotaro opened his mouth and allowed Jace to place a squished candy bar between his lips. He chewed it, wrapper and all, as Kakyoin walked up, still feeling quite nauseated by Jace's creation.
Jotaro lifted the decorative Halloween cat ears from Jace's head and placed them on his own.
"Oi, Jason," Kakyoin said, leaning heavily on his cane. He was tired from the night's excursions but he wasn't ready to retire to their bedroom just yet. "What was the scariest part about this Halloween?"
"Bats!" Jace said, spitting chocolate everywhere.
"What about you, Jo? What was the scariest part about Halloween for you?"
"Almost losing you to a giant animatronic," Jotaro said as he kissed Kakyoin's head.
The three settled into the bed in the master bedroom. Jotaro and Kakyoin lay on either side with Jace between them, listening as Jace attempted to read from a book about spiders. Jotaro was the first to fall asleep. One arm was tucked beneath his head and the other was wrapped around Jace, who was the second to fall asleep. Kakyoin stared at their slumbering figures decked in the morning sunlight. A string of spit spooled from Jace's bottom lip onto Jotaro's hand. Jotaro frowned, and his eye twitched but he remained asleep.
Kakyoin watched them until his eyes were too heavy to keep open any longer. He put his ringed hand on Jotaro's hip and slowly drifted off to sleep.
And for once, he truly felt at peace.
Author's Note:
This is not the end of me writing SDC fics. I have one more that I owe one of my readers and then a JotaroxReader fic. Then that should be it because I'm starting Black Butler soon (yay!)
BUT!
I may come back and add more one-shot fluffs. Cuz this is how I'm coping with the death of one of my favorite anime characters. Seriously, it hit me really fucking hard.
3
DDD