Disclaimer: I don't own the supernatural characters.

Warnings: Harsh language, violence, thoughts of self-incrimination.

Author's Note: This is the sequel to Unforgiving Antidote and the third in this series which was never supposed to go beyond Unforgiven Remedy. Anyway, hope you all enjoy, and as you would have guessed this is the last secret that Sam has to tell Dean in order to fulfil the deal he made with Gabriel. Sam now has to tell Dean the truth about what happened while Dean was in Purgatory.

If you have a moment, let me know what you think. This chapter was honestly a pain in my ass. It feels like Remedy all over again!

UNFORGIVABLE SOLUTION:

CHAPTER ONE

Sam Winchester was scared.

He was sitting up, feet placed on the side of his bed, body soaked in sweat, his chest heaving violently as he fought to contain and control his rapid breathing; one hand resting on his forehead, his other hand clenched tightly beside him to the point where his hand was beginning to ache because of the force of his hold upon the mattress which was helping to steady his slightly swaying body as well as reassuring and anchoring him to this world, this reality.

Nightmare.

Of course, it was a nightmare.

What the hell did he expect after he'd just faced Lucifer in the cage again, having all of his fears and insecurities come crashing down around him after learning that the visions Sam had thought he'd been getting from God, had in fact, been from Lucifer himself, all in a devious ploy to get Sam all by himself so Lucifer could weaken Sam and get the youngest Winchester to say "yes" again, while Lucifer ran amuck top side, wearing Sam's skin as his own, promising that he alone could defeat the Darkness for good and all Sam had to do was say one little three letter word and Lucifer would clean up Sam's mess by getting rid of the Darkness once and for all.

But, contrary to popular belief, Sam hadn't folded and given into Lucifer this time. He had said "no", had every intention of saying "no" even if he had to remain in the cage with Lucifer for eternity once again. Sam had learned his lesson. He would never let Lucifer take control of his meat-suit ever again.

Thankfully Dean and the angel Castiel had come to his rescue and the three of them had managed to keep Lucifer preoccupied long enough until the powerful witch Rowena – Crowley, the current King of Hell's mother – was able to send Lucifer back to his cage forever.

Sam took a deep breath and let it out slowly, the grip upon his bed easing as he ran his free hand down his face, wiping off the lingering sweat and tears that remained upon his face, a low self-deprecated moan escaping him, bitterly disappointed with himself.

He couldn't believe how easily he had succumbed to Lucifer's conniving, deceitful trap. He couldn't believe how gullible and naive he had been. After everything Sam had been through; after everything the brothers had witnessed and seen, you would think that Sam would be more onto it than this. You would think that he would have learned not to be so trusting.

When the hell had the Winchesters ever had Lady Luck on their side? And for Sam to believe that God himself was sending Sam messages, visions on how Sam could go about defeating the Darkness … if it wasn't so tragically pathetic, it would be laughable.

Sam growled low in his throat, shaking his head at his own stupidity. Why the hell would God send Sam – of all people, after all of the bad he had done, the boy tainted with demon blood, meant to lead Lucifer's rising army and to eventually house Lucifer himself – messages of a divine nature?

Now that Sam truly thought about it, he realized how foolish it was to think that God would ever want to help the likes of him. But, in Sam's defence, he didn't know that the cage had suffered damage when the Darkness had been released; and it had been whenever Sam had prayed for a way in order to defeat the Darkness that the visions of the cage would be projected unbidden onto Sam; and he knew what he had to do, even though the very thought of facing Lucifer ever again left a cold, anxious, gnawing pit of terror within him.

Sam had tried to ignore the meaning of those visions, had tried to dismiss them as flashbacks from the time he had spent in the cage; but when the brothers learned who and what the Darkness really was, that's when Sam began to take the visions more seriously.

Maybe God really was reaching out to Sam. Maybe He did want to help the Winchester siblings. Maybe He had decided to step in and do something for once, considering that the Darkness was in fact Amara, God's freaking sister.

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Dean lay upon his back, hands linked behind his head, remaining completely still, his breathing even, eyes closed. If anyone had seen Dean Winchester right now, they would assume that the man was comfortably sleeping and relaxed … but they would be wrong.

Dean wasn't sleeping at all. He was wide awake, his body on high alert, tensed and ready to spring into action at a moment's notice; Dean's jaw was clenched together so tightly that he knew his jaw muscles would be sore for days to come as he listened to his little brother's broken sobs.

Dean's closed eyes squeezed together more tightly, his heart breaking at Sam's wrecked and shattered sobs. Dean ached to go to his brother, to help soothe and settle him down, but Dean knew from past experience that Sam wouldn't appreciate his big brother's comfort at the moment. Instead, the younger Winchester would become more embarrassed at Dean having caught him in such a weakened and vulnerable state.

Still, if this continued for much longer, Dean would go to his brother and gently coax him awake, if only to stop the completely heart-wrenching sobs that emanated from his younger brother. Sam could get pissed and embarrassed at him as much as he liked, but there was only so much that Dean could bare; especially when it came to his kid brother being hurt, in pain or in mental anguish.

It had been three weeks since Sam's encounter with Lucifer in Hell, in that dreaded cage that Sam had suffered over a hundred years of torture at the hands of Lucifer and Michael.

And for the next two weeks, Sam had woken up screaming in such a blood curling way that Dean had felt as if Sam was in mortal danger. It hadn't taken Dean long to realize that these nightmares were a combination of Hell memories as well as the recent confrontation with Lucifer himself. And no matter how many times Dean had pleaded, begged and bargained for Sam to tell him about those nightmares, in an effort to help relive his little brother's suffering by taking on some of Sam's burden himself, Sam had refused point blank to tell Dean anything that had happened in Hell.

Dean could understand that because, he himself, hadn't told Sam even half of what he had endured in Hell. But still, Dean wished that Sam would at least open up a little bit about his experiences in Hell.

Even though Sam wouldn't tell him about the nightmares he'd been having because of Hell, it hadn't taken Dean long to piece together what Sam was dreaming about; his terror filled screams, broken up by phrases of frantic pleading for mercy, that immediately gave way to cries of such agony and anguish, that Dean wished he could summon Lucifer for a little one on one with the elder Winchester, where Dean could deal with that son of a bitch once and for all.

Dean couldn't help but feel a certain amount of guilt at Sam's onslaught of nightmares. If only he had been there with Sam, in Hell, when Sam had faced Lucifer, like he was supposed to be, then maybe Sam would never have gotten locked in the cage with Lucifer in the first place.

But, instead of being by his brother's side – like he should have been – Dean had been off having a conversation with Amara, fighting to understand that pull that she had upon him.

They were connected … bound because of the Mark, she had explained. And just as she couldn't harm Dean, Dean would never be able to harm her.

Dean had tried to dismiss that – had thought she was talking through a hole in her head, because Dean Winchester didn't believe in destiny or fate – but the amount of times Dean had come face to face with Amara, he had failed, not only to kill her, but to hurt her in any way, shape or form. And Dean was suddenly scared that maybe Amara was right. Maybe Dean couldn't hurt her … even though he knew that's what he had to do.

When Crowley had wanted to take Amara – even though Dean knew that Amara was the Darkness because he had seen the Mark of Cain upon the baby's shoulder – Dean's first instinct wasn't to kill Amara. No, he had felt a wave of intense protectiveness filling him, furious that Crowley thought he could take Amara away with him. Dean had wanted to protect her and keep her safe, even though he knew how wrong and fucked up that logic really was.

Still, Dean could logically justify his actions and feelings toward Amara because there was no way that Dean could ever kill a baby, no matter how evil they were or would turn out to be. He wasn't quite that heartless or cruel.

It wasn't until the Winchester siblings had decided to storm the old abandoned psychiatric hospital where Crowley was keeping Amara – teaching her, probably wanting to use her immense power when she grew into them because Dean knew how Crowley ticked and the King of Hell always wanted to be on the winning side – determined to take Amara out before she had a chance to gain the true potential of her power, that pull of Amara – now a young teenager – becoming so strong that Dean had become distracted. And it wasn't until Sam was sent flying through the door with a wave of Amara's fingers that Dean had fought against that almighty pull and had acted more on pure big brother instinct than anything else – because nobody was allowed to hurt Sammy, ever! – and had advanced to attack Amara.

Dean had seen the look of shocked surprise upon Amara's face before she threw Dean into the wall, knocking him unconscious, but not before Dean had seen the look of hurt upon the young girl's face.

And it was in that moment that Dean realized how dangerous this attraction he had with Amara could be. Because of their bound connection and bond that the two of them shared because of the Mark, Dean had let his guard down. He had allowed himself to become distracted and because of that oversight, Sam had gotten hurt.

Dean had failed in his big brother duties and had allowed his little brother to be hurt; and all because of this seemingly weird pull that Amara had over Dean.

It was then that Dean began to truly get scared. It was in that moment that Amara's words and the meaning of them became so blindingly obvious that it terrified Dean to the very core of his being.

Some outside force was once again determining the relationship he had with his brother, trying to undermine Dean's brotherly instincts, trying to turn him against the very kid that he had raised.

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Sam had released the Darkness not more than six months ago and now, with Amara fully grown, her powers increasing drastically as one day rolled into the next, causing havoc and destruction around her by sucking out people's souls.

So, when the visions had become more specific, Sam had latched onto them, with a child-like faith and belief that these visions had to be a sign from God.

Because if God was sending Sam Winchester messages – the boy who had stooped so low as to drink demon blood – then it was possible that someone like Sam could indeed be saved, that God himself, had forgiven Sam for all that he had done. And if that was the case, then there was hope for Sam yet.

So, like the foolishly, stupid, naive, trusting child that he was, Sam had latched onto that notion, hope flaring within him again at the chance to be able to finally redeem himself once and for all.

Dean had tried to tell him, warn him, that Sam shouldn't get his hopes up. But Sam had dismissed Dean's reservations, ploughing ahead like a some damn amateur rookie, to the point where he'd even managed to convince his skeptical older brother that they had nothing to lose by going to Hell and talking to Lucifer face to face.

And they hadn't had anything to lose.

Knowing that they were up against God's sister, there weren't too many beings around who knew anything about the Darkness before she'd been sealed up by God and his archangels.

God didn't seem to want to a face to face with the Winchesters to explain what he knew about his sister, and of the archangels who had helped God to seal up Amara in the first place, only Lucifer could provide them with the information that they needed; all of the rest of his archangel siblings either dead or incapacitated.

Even if Lucifer screwed them over, it had been a risk Sam was willing to take because he truly believed that God was on his side, sending him messages, trying to guide Sam in the right direction.

Boy, had Sam gotten that wrong!

Not only had Lucifer screwed them over and played Sam for a fool, but Dean had been right all along. If only Sam had listened to Dean, then …

Sam let out a tremulous sigh, sick and tired of being manipulated and controlled by these sanctimonious angel assholes, snorting at himself in disgust as he realized how easy it was for these angels to pull Sam's strings, to make him believe that God actually gave a damn about someone like Sam Winchester.

Sam's head hung dejectedly, so angry and pissed off with himself because it had taken all of six months for Sam to forget the promise, he had pledged to himself to always listen to his older brother and to not put his own beliefs over his brother's.

Damn it! Why the hell couldn't Sam do anything right?!

And now … now he was suffering from nightmares – which is the least that the younger Winchester deserved, considering that he was the one who had started this whole mess by releasing the Darkness in the first place.

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Six months ago, after Sam had sacrificed everything to release Dean from the Mark of Cain, after Dean had become so very close to killing his own brother, drowning in his own guilt and remorse at the things he had done and said to Sam while possessed by the Mark, he didn't realize that his younger brother was also dealing with his own darker feelings, fighting his own inner demons and Sam had almost been lost to him forever.

Sam had decided to do a spell; a spell in order to change the brothers lives forever. He wanted to change one aspect of his life so that he would never walk down the dark path Yellow-eyes had set out for him all of those years ago, wanting nothing more than his big brother to have the life that he deserved and a little brother who would never betray him, never disappoint him and never fail his big brother ever again.

Unbeknown to both brothers, the spell that Sam cast was a trick – acting more like a curse than an actual spell – devised by the ex-trickster-archangel Gabriel. He had constructed a world specifically for Sam, where every decision Sam made would turn out bad and everyone Sam loved and cared about would eventually turn against him, leaving the youngest Winchester alone, vulnerable and so low that he would be forced to kill himself in order to truly save his beloved older brother once and for all.

Dean hadn't been there with his brother in the weirdo, destructive world that Gabriel had constructed for Sam, forced to remain by his younger brother's real body, watching as Sam's body grew colder and colder, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening, feeling so damn helpless that Dean had almost given into his own despair.

Through a mental link, Dean was able to maintain with his brother any time he placed a hand upon his younger brother's rapidly cooling body, Dean was able to "see" what Sam was going through in that alternate, weirdo-bizzaro world, seeing everyone that the kid cared about eventually turn on him – including the him in that world – leaving Sam so emotionally low that Dean honestly feared that Sam would agree to "Bobby's" plan to end his own life, end Dean's suffering by putting a bullet through his brain.

Thankfully, Dean was able to go into that bizzaro world and stop Sam before he followed through with "Bobby's" plan to kill himself, ready to fight for his younger brother's life – his very soul – knowing that he couldn't – wouldn't – be able to live if Sam was no longer by his side.

It hadn't taken the brothers long to realize that the "Bobby" here, in that messed up world, was not their Bobby, because he would never want Sam to end his own life. And as this not-Bobby tried to turn the brothers against each other by bringing up their worst failures, their worst misunderstandings, they had eventually realized who the real culprit was.

Gabriel, archangel-ex-trickster himself, somehow managed to escape death at Lucifer's hands and had returned in order to teach the Winchester siblings a lesson in trusting, not only themselves, but each other as well; to put everything that had happened in the past and to move forward, to become the brothers who had beaten the angels, the demons, the archangels and Lucifer himself; who had defied their own fated destinies and had made their own futures all because they had believed in the power of their brotherhood and the bond that the two brothers shared.

Gabriel.

Even though his method had been cruel and heartless, his heart had been in the right place. He had only wanted to help the brothers see the error of their ways, to strengthen their bond and their belief in each other and themselves so that they would be capable of facing the biggest threat they had ever faced to date; the Darkness, Amara, God's sister.

Still, Dean had made it quite clear to the rouge archangel that if he ever did anything like this to Sam again, Dean would track him down and teach the ex-trickster a lesson he'd never forget.

Dad being there in that weirdo, bizzaro world had been a surprise. Gabriel had needed a blood link to the brothers – either living or dead – in order to put this crazy plan of his into motion. Dad had helped Dean to enter that other world and Dean honestly didn't know if their Dad had been there to help them or to rip into them for all of the mistakes they had made over the years.

Dean had been furious with his Dad, because he couldn't see how dangerous and stupid this plan had been; the siblings hadn't known this was a lesson, they hadn't known that it was an elaborate hoax cooked up the ex-trickster.

Dean had thought his brother was in serious, mortal danger. And Sam … he had been reduced to a mere shell of the man he had been, so bitter and hateful toward himself that for days after the brothers had been returned to the real universe, Dean had kept a close, worried, anxious eye on his younger brother in case Sam fell into the deep pit of his own despair, remorse and guilt.

But Sam had been fine. Well … he'd been better than Dean had expected him to be after everything that had happened to him in that strange, weirdo-bizzaro world. There had been the lingering after-effects of nightmares because of what Sam had experienced there, but other than that, the kid had seemed to bounce back to his normal emo-girly self.

Of course, Sam hadn't truly relaxed until he had revealed to Dean the phone message that he had kept on his phone for the last six years and what an important factor that message had played in Sam's ultimate decision to face down Lilith and kill her, unknowingly breaking the Final Seal and releasing Lucifer from his cage.

Dean had been horrified by the message Sam had received that night, knowing that wasn't the message Dean had left for his little brother.

It hadn't taken Dean long to figure out that Zachariah had changed the message in order to give Sam the extra nudge he'd needed in order to play his part and kill Lilith.

Damn freaking angels still couldn't help but interfere in the Winchesters lives!

Dean had been mortified to think that his brother had listened to that poisonous message over the years, believing that that was what Dean actually thought about his little brother.

After a lot of begging, pleading, talking and too many damn emotions, Dean had finally been able to convince Sam to delete the message and both brothers had agreed to put that part of their lives behind them forever. It was time to forgive themselves and each other because they had both gotten played by the angels and demons who had wanted to jump start the apocalypse by using the brothers to achieve it.

Still, like Sam had said, the angels hadn't won; the Winchesters had stopped the intended apocalypse; they had beaten both the angels and demons and they had done it their way.

And it had worked. Slowly, Dean had felt the reservations he'd felt about his younger brother of not being capable enough to make his own decisions begin to melt away. He'd felt the ill-conceived perceptions Dean had gotten because of his little brother's mistakes over the years, begin to fade because Dean had finally realized that he was also to blame for the brothers lack of faith and belief in each other and themselves.

Yeah, Sam had made some impressively, massive mistakes over the years, but so had Dean. And as much as Dean hated to admit it, Gabriel's plan had worked. The brothers were closer than they had been in years; in sync with each other and slowly working back to the brothers they had been before all of the angel and demon bullshit had gone down.

But now, six months later, and it looked as if Dean had forgotten that particular lesson because he had left his baby brother to face Lucifer alone while Dean had gone off with Amara, distracted with the mysterious pull this supernatural being had on him; ignoring the call from Sam, abandoning Sam when he'd needed Dean the most.

Dean was pissed off with himself for putting his brother in danger yet again because of Amara. But more than that … Dean was damn right terrified of what this actually meant.

Would Dean stand in Sam's way if Sam decided to take a crack at Amara? Would Dean harm Sam if Sam tried to kill Amara? Would this unnatural pull and particular bond that Dean shared with Amara override all of his other instincts, including his big brother protective instincts?

Dean stared worriedly up at the ceiling, not knowing what would happen if it came down to protecting either Amara or Sam. He knew that his big brother instincts should overpower everything and anything, but when he was around Amara, he couldn't stop the pull that this woman had on him. And the fear of what he could do to Sam if it came down to it, flat out terrified the older hunter to the core of his very being.

Dean would be useless in the ultimate showdown with Amara, he knew that. And he also knew that he had to come clean to Sam about this inexplicable pull that Amara had on him, but for now, Dean would be the best big brother that he could be, still hearing his little brother's broken sobs as Dean got up from his bed – Sam's embarrassment be damned! – and made his way to his younger brother's room, intent of waking Sam from this latest nightmare and soothing his baby brother back into a better, undisturbed sleep.

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Being plagued by nightmares wasn't anything new to the youngest Winchester because he'd suffered from nightmares for his entire life. The nightmares had never really ceased in Sam's life or gotten any better or easier to deal with. He'd just gotten better at hiding them; acting like they didn't faze him or down playing the nightmares when he'd had no choice but to confide in Dean because Dean could be a stubborn, persistent ass when he wanted to be.

Sam hadn't deliberately wanted to deceive his brother, and at first it had started out in a need to shield and protect his older brother the only way he'd known how to when he'd been a kid.

Growing up in the hunter's life like they had, having to share a room – and nine times out of ten, even having to share a bed – having no privacy what so ever, Dean had always been aware whenever Sam was in the midst of having a nightmare. Dean had always been there to comfort Sam and soothe him back to sleep, never once complaining or getting frustrated with Sam no matter how many times Sam woke him in the middle of the night because of his nightmares.

On extremely bad nights, neither Winchester sibling would be able to get any sleep, Sam being too scared to sleep and Dean staying close to Sam, not sleeping as the two of them watched old cheesy movies all night long.

It hadn't been long before Sam began to notice the toll his nightmares were beginning to take upon his older brother. Not only because of the lack of sleep, but because of the anxious, alarmed, worried look that had become permanently etched onto his older brother's features.

And then Dean's school work began to suffer as did the training their Dad had required Dean to do on a daily basis (Sam had been too young to train at this time).

But it wasn't until John and Dean's argument – the worst argument the two of them had ever had, John and Dean almost coming to physical blows, John demanding to know why Dean was acting so lethargically, why he wasn't putting in one hundred percent; didn't Dean know that innocent lives were on the line; Dean's own life or Sam's could be taken in an instant if Dean didn't start taking this seriously. Dean could have told Dad that all of his sleepless nights was because of Sam's nightmares, Dean could have blamed Sam for all of it, but Dean hadn't. He had kept his mouth shut and protected Sam, knowing that their father wouldn't be as understanding as Dean was about Sam's constant nightly terrors – that Sam had truly understood and appreciated the devastating toll all of this was having upon his older brother. And Sam had promised himself to try and lighten the load for his big brother.

He had tried to down play his nightmares when Dean asked about them, had tried not to wake Dean up after he'd had another nightmare. And when he'd had the really bad nights, Sam had pretended to go back to sleep, wait until Dean had fallen asleep before Sam would sit up and watch Dean sleep for the rest of the night, too scared to move or breathe wrong in case Dean's "Sammy-sense" alerted him to something not being right with his little brother.

At first Dean hadn't been fooled by Sam's act, rolling his eyes at Sam's lame explanations about what Sam's nightmares had been about, or bringing Sam closer to his side after Sam had awoken from a nightmare. But, eventually, gradually Dean had lost that anxious, worried look, the dark circles under his eyes beginning to recede and Dean was able to function better at both school work and his training sessions.

After that, Sam had made sure never to worry Dean so much with his continual nightmares so that Dean would never get into trouble with their Dad ever again because of him.

Sam had tried his hardest not to bother Dean whenever he'd had a nightmare. He'd tried to be quiet, tried to keep his shivering and shaking down to a minimum, tried not to let Dean see how much his nightmares really affected him. And as Sam had gotten older, the more control he had over his own body and reactions to his nightmares to the point where he didn't wake or disturb Dean, where he could slip out of the bed, spending the night huddled in the bathroom – if it was a particularly bad one – or on the couch, sitting in the dark until he'd felt safe enough to climb back into bed and lie by his brother's side without setting off Dean's internal "Sammy-sense".

Of course, now that Sam was older, he realized that he hadn't fooled his older brother at all. Because every time Sam had woken from a nightmare, Dean was there, holding him close, reassuring him with a simple touch or a word, soothing Sam back to sleep, all while pretending to be asleep himself.

And the more Sam thought about it, he could vividly recall times, both past and present, where he'd thought he had effectively fooled Dean into believing that Sam was fine, only to wake up held protectively within Dean's arms when Sam had begun to shake or shiver because of his nightmare; or if Sam had spent the night on the couch or in the bathroom, he would wake up covered in a blanket or his big brother gently coaxing his younger self back to bed.

Sam realized that he hadn't fooled Dean at all. Just as Sam had gotten good at trying to pretend that everything was fine, Dean had gotten even better at taking care of his obstinate and fiercely independent younger brother.

But now that the two siblings no longer shared a room – or a bed – it was easier to conceal the nightmares from Dean, easier to keep Dean from worrying about his pain in the ass little brother.

Usually Dean would have hardly any knowledge of Sam's nightly nightmares, but this time … after being back in the cage with Lucifer, forced to remember his epic failures and having Hell memories forced down his gullet … these recent nightmares had been bad.

Bad in the fact that everything Sam had suffered at the hands of Lucifer and Michael was now shoved to the surface. Bad in the fact that every night for the past three weeks, Sam had woken up screaming, his voice hoarse and cracked with emotion, reliving every single event he had been forced to endure in the cage. Bad in the fact that Dean was once more getting that permanent look of anxious fear upon his face again, concerned and worried about Sam's nightmares, but not knowing how to bring it up or talk about it because Sam would never reveal everything he'd gone through in Hell; just like Dean would never reveal his time in Hell in any great detail to Sam either.

But this nightmare had been different – just like it had been every night this past week. This nightmare hadn't caused Sam to wake up screaming in terror, reliving the pain and torture he'd suffered at the hands of Michael and Lucifer, or confronting Lucifer face to face as Lucifer forced Sam to walk through his greatest mistakes and epic failures.

No, this nightmare had Sam waking up in tears, the ache in his chest filled with loss and abandonment as Dean walked out the door and left Sam behind forever, wanting nothing more to do with his pain in the ass little brother once he'd learned the real reason why Sam had quit hunting and went to live a life of normal while Dean was stuck and trapped in Purgatory, fighting for his life, fighting to get out so that he could see Sam again.

In this nightmare, Dean had been betrayed one too many times by the little brother he'd raised and lived his life for, and he had no problem with leaving Sam behind forever, because now he knew the truth, the truth behind Purgatory and what Sam had done …

Sam shivered slightly in both cold and fear, the sweat upon his body now cooling as Sam recalled that nightmare with vivid clarity and detail. He knew the reason why he had had this particular nightmare. He knew what it meant and what he had to do.

He knew that it was Gabriel's way of reminding Sam of the deal they had made six months ago and it was time to reveal the second secret that Sam had purposely withheld from his older brother.

Sam had to reveal the truth about Purgatory.

TBC