Opening Montage
Song: "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha
We see Quinn wake up in the morning. Next, we see her emerge from a house with Jim. They jump into a Silver Camaro SS and race down the street. This is followed by a shot of Quinn and Jim fawning over Chuck and Stacy's baby. Next, a shot of Kevin trying to mow his lawn while talking to Quinn and Jim. Pan out to reveal that he has accidentally mowed down Brittany's rose bush. Next, we see Sandi at a restaurant with a girl. They look like they're more than just friends. Cut to a shot of Helen telling off Eric. Next, Daria and a guy a double-date with Quinn and Jim. Finally, we see the new Camaro pull up to the house as Quinn and Jim walk in. Once the door closes cut to Quinn's smiling face in a circle with a pink background. Below that...
Quinn
in
"Mr. White Goes To Washington"
written by
WildDogJJ
Act I
Morgendorffer House, day...
Daria and Quinn were walking from the front door to Quinn's car. Quinn looked more chipper than usual.
"So, sis, ready for a day of sisterly bonding?" asked Quinn.
"Ready as I'll ever be."
Daria entered the passenger side of Quinn's car as Quinn entered the driver's side. Quinn didn't start the car but instead turned to Daria. "Thanks for agreeing to go shopping with me and Nicole, Daria. She'll meet us there. She says she has something to ask us."
Daria looked suspicious. "Okay, Quinn, what gives?"
Playing dumb and innocent, Quinn asked "What do you mean?"
Daria said "You come back from a weekend at the shore with Jim and the first thing you do is beg me to spend a day shopping with you, and only you, despite the fact that I don't like shopping. You keep pushing until I say yes and insist that no one else come along. Why?"
"I just wanna spend quality time with my sister" Quinn said with a sly grin.
"There's more to it this time, I can tell" said Daria.
Quinn smiled even more brightly. "I have to tell you something, Daria. Something I want you to know before anyone else does."
"Well" said Daria, "we're alone in your car. Are you going to tell me?"
"Better yet, I'll show you" said Quinn. "Close your eyes?"
Daria said "Ten years ago I'd think this is a trick, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt". After a pause, she added "Despite knowing I'm gonna regret this".
Daria closed her eyes. She heard the sound of Quinn rummaging through her purse. Finally...
"Alright, open them!"
Daria opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was Quinn's left hand with a huge diamond ring on her finger.
"You mean...!?"
Quinn could barely contain her excitement. "Yes! Jim proposed and I said yes! I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm engaged."
Daria smiled.
Pizza Prince, later that day...
Jim and Jamie were having lunch and catching up. Jamie once again has legs, or at least he appears to. In truth, if one were to pull up his pants legs one could then see that his shins are titanium rods. As Jamie was still learning how to walk in his prostetics he carried a cane with him everywhere, but was glad to no longer be confined to a wheelchair. Jim had just told Jamie about his engagement to Quinn.
"Congratualtions, man" said Jamie.
"Thanks, Jamie" said Jim. "By the way, those are some nice prostetics. If I didn't know any better I'd think you still had legs."
"Thanks, Jim" said Jamie. "The shins are titanium alloy and I have two sets of detachable feet, one for everyday walking and one for running. Granted, I'm still learning how to move in these, that's why I need a cane, and fastening my stumps into the molded thighs is a pain in the ass but it's better than having Nicole wheel me everywhere I need to go." Getting back to Jim and Quinn's engagement, Jamie asked "You guys set a wedding date yet?"
Jim said "We haven't had a chance to plan any of that yet. All I know for sure is that the best man's gonna be my brother, Chris. I also want you to be one of the groomsmen."
Smiling, Jamie said "Makes sense since it's a given that Nicole's gonna be a bridesmaid."
"So," said Jim, "Anything interesting happen with you lately?"
Jamie got a letter out of his pocket and handed it to Jim. "Just this" he said with a proud smile.
Jim noticed that the envelope had the Presidential Seal on it. As Jim looked at the actual letter he noticed that the letterhead had the offical seal on it as well. Jim proceeded to read it out loud.
"Corporal James White, USA
"First off, I would like to extend my deepest thanks for your actions and sacrifice in service to this great country. You have the gratitude of not only your Commander In Chief, but of an entire nation. Your actions in Baghdad on 10, March, 2009 embody the phrase "above and beyond" and have resulted in countless lives saved. We, the American People, owe you a debt that we cannot ever truly repay. As such, I would like to publicly reconize your service and sacrifice to this great nation by cordially inviting you to the White House for an awards ceremony and state dinner for you and any number of guests of your choosing. At this event I intend to personally award you with the Congressional Medal Of Honor. An honor you have more than earned.
Sincerely,
Barack Obama, President, United States Of America"
Impressed, Jim handed the letter back to Jamie. "You actually get to meet the President!"
Proudly, Jamie said "Yes, and Nicole and I talked it over. We want you and Quinn to accompany us to this thing."
Jim was humbled. "Jamie, I'd consider it an honor and a privilidge. I know they don't do this for just anyone. This is the American equivalent of being knighted by the Queen Of England."
"I know" said Jamie. At this point, something occurred to him. "Isn't your father a Medal Of Honor winner?"
Jim nodded. "Earned it in Vietnam. The President who awarded it to him was Nixon."
Jamie said nothing, but looked thoughtful.
Meanwhile, at Lawndale Mall...
Quinn, Daria and Nicole were having lunch in the food court. Quinn and Nicole were each eating a salad while Daria was having a slice of pizza.
"You sure you don't want some pizza?" Daria asked.
"Daria, I can't eat that now," said Quinn, "I need to fit into a wedding dress in a few months".
"I guess some things never change" said Daria. Turning to Nicole, she asked "What's your excuse?"
Nicole said "I need to fit in a formal address a lot sooner. Jamie and I have been invited to the White House".
Both sisters jaws dropped.
"Nicole!" Quinn gasped.
Beaming proudly, Nicole said "Jamie's being given the Congressional Medal Of Honor by President Obama himself".
"And stealing Quinn's thunder" Daria dryly remarked.
Quinn stared daggers at her sister for that one.
"Relax," said Nicole, "Jamie and I didn't have a big wedding. By the way, Quinn, congratulations on your engagement. Since You didn't get to be a bridesmaid this is my way of making it up to both of you".
Quinn raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Nicole said "Jamie and I are allowed to bring any number of guests, in fact he's probably already asked Jim. What do you ladies say?"
Quinn said "Nicole, I'd be honored."
"Pass," said Daria, "But thanks for the offer".
Nicole smiled. "This is gonna be great, we actually get to meet the President!"
Daria said "Just because I voted for him doesn't mean I wanna meet him. Frankly, my mouth would cause trouble. That's why I have to turn down the invitation."
Quinn said "I can't wait. We actually get to meet the first president who isn't some stuffy old white guy."
Jamie and Nicole's apartment, evening...
Nicole was on the phone while Jamie sat next to her on the couch.
"No, it's okay, Mom," said a disappointed Nicole, "I understand. I wish she'd get over it...Love you too, Mom, bye."
Nicole then hung up.
"Your parents aren't coming, are they?" Jamie guessed.
Nicole sighed. "They want to," she said, "But my grandmother's firmly against it and Dad could never say no to his mother."
"What's her problem with me, anyway?" asked Jamie.
Nicole said "You have to understand, grandma grew up in the old country and came to America as a refugee after World War II. She retains a lot of traditional Japanese views as a result."
"How's that translate into her having a problem with us?" Jamie asked.
Trying not to let her frustration show, Nicole said "She feels slighted that I married a gaijin."
"I see" said Jamie. He actually found it somewhat ironic to be a white man on the receiving end of racism.
Nicole said "Yeah, Japanese culture does have something of an 'us versus them' vibe to it".
Putting a reassuring hand on his wife's shoulder, Jamie said "If your grandmother can't except the fact that this is 21st century America, not pre-War Japan, that's entirely on her. Besides, we have each other."
Smiling, Nicole said "You always know what to say, Jamie". After kissing him on the cheek, she added "Just one more reason I love you."
Changing the subject, Jamie said "Did I tell you I invited a member of Jim's family to come along?"
Nicole said "Why?"
Jamie explained "I figured he'd appreciate some nostalgia. I didn't tell Jim and Quinn because I figured they'd appreciate the surprise."
Nicole was now worried as she had an uneasy suspicion which member of Jim's family Jamie invited. "Jamie," she said, "I'm almost afraid to ask, but which member of Jim's family did you invite?"
Meanwhile, at Quinn and Jim's apartment...
Quinn and Jim were watching TV while their dog, Storm, rests at their feet. On the TV screen a latin man in priestly vestments was holdin a drug dealer at gun point in front of a church altar.
"Vaya con Dios."
He shoots the drug dealer in the face.
Pausing the DVD, Quinn said "I used to watch "Monsignor Martinez" all the time back in Highland".
Smiling, Jim said "Now, aren't you glad I bought the complete series?"
"Definitely," said Quinn. Changing the subject, Quinn said "I can't believe we get to meet the President!"
"I know," said Jim, "It's almost surreal".
Just then, there was a knock on the door.
"Who could that be?" Jim wondered out loud.
Looking at her watch, Quinn said "Probably Sandi, wanting to bitch about another date from hell."
Jim frowned as both he and Quinn got up to answer the door. Fourtanetly, it wasn't Sandi. Unfortunately, it was much someone much worse.
"About goddamn time!" Tony Carbone barked.
Quinn and Jim both gulped with dread.
Act II
Quinn and Jim's apartment, evening...
Music: "Fireflies" by Owl City
Tony Carbone was standing in the doorway to Quinn and Jim's apartment. The young couple had a sinking feeling.
"You gonna let me in, or what?" said Tony. Without even waiting for an answer he proceeded to barge right in, nearly knocking Jim over in the process. Quinn stared daggers at him as she closed the door.
"D...Dad, what are you doing here?" Jim asked nervously.
"Can't a man pay his son a surprise visit?" Tony asked back.
Jim asked "Where's Mom?"
Tony said "Somebody's gotta keep the house clean".
Jim sighed as Tony took a seat on the couch.
Quinn asked "So, why the surprise visit?"
Tony said "I understand one of your friends is gettin' a Medal Of Honor".
Quinn stared daggers at her fiance.
"I didn't tell him" said Jim.
"Jamie did," said Tony, "He invited me to tag along and we decided to surprise youse guys". Looking at Quinn, Tony growled "So, you're still with the insubordinate slut I see".
"Excuse me!" Quinn hissed through gritted teeth.
"Dammit, Dad," said Jim, "How many times have I told you not to insult Quinn in front of me!?"
Tony got in Jim's face. "I'll call her what I want...AND YOU'LL FUCKING TAKE IT, YA GODDAMN FAGGOT!"
Jim instantly lost his nerve. Quinn, on the other hand, got in Tony's face. "Dammit, Tony," she said, "Why do you have to bully your own son all the time!?"
Tony barked "Because he's a fuckin' pussy, so of course a real man's gonna assert his dominance. I'd actually steal you off of him if you weren't such an uppity pain in the ass".
Jim said "Dammit, Dad.."
"SHUT YOUR FAGGY, WEAK ASS SEWER TRAP, YOU PRISON BITCH," Tony barked, "I KILLED A HUNDRED GOOKS BACK IN 'NAM!"
Quinn said "And the fact that you brag about it proves you're a..."
Jim cut her off, not out of family loyalty but to protect Quinn from his father's wrath. "Ix-nay, Quinn!"
Quinn groaned in frustration.
Tony said "God, I hope he never marries you, you bitch!"
Neither Quinn nor Jim mentioned that they're now engaged.
Pizza Prince, the next day...
Quinn and Nicole were having lunch. The conversation was awkward as Quinn was making her displeasure over Tony's visit known.
"Dammit, Nicole, why'd you let Jamie invite Jim's father!"
Nicole was understanding. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I didn't know until after he'd done it."
Quinn asked "Why the hell did he invite Tony in the first place?"
Nicole explained "He thought Tony would appreciate it, being a Medal Of Honor recipient himself. Jamie didn't tell anyone because he wanted to surprise you guys".
"He sure as hell did," Quinn said in a very aggrivated tone, "What the hell!?"
"Quinn," said Nicole, "You have to understand, Jamie didn't know what a toxic psycho Jim's father is. When I told him it was too late. He's really sorry about that, by the way."
Quinn rubbed her temples and groaned. "God, could this be any worse?"
Remorseful, Nicole said "Sorry".
Quinn started to calm down. "It's okay," she said, "You didn't do anything".
Nicole asked "Does he know you and Jim are engaged?"
"No," said Quinn, "And we're afraid to tell him. Tony hates me so much that without Jim's mother there to referee it's gonna be a bloodbath when he finds out". Quinn took a deep breath to calm herself down. "At least, since we're going to a solemn ceremony to meet the President maybe Tony will behave himself." After a brief pause, she added "For once".
The following morning...
Quinn, Jim and Tony emerged from the apartment building. The ceremony would be held at the White House that evening, followed by a state dinner. Since Washington, DC was only a 45 minute drive from Lawndale the plan was to drive down in the morning and meet up with Jamie and Nicole at the hotel where they'd stay overnight before returning home the next morning. Quinn and Jim were bringing formal wear which they'd change into at the hotel. Tony was already wearing his formal wear.
Tony was wearing his old class-A from when he was in the Army. For those who don't know, there are different types of Army uniforms. The BDU (Battle Dress Uniform) is the most common. It's the one soldiers wear out in the field and has minimum insignia (to avoid ID by the enemy). The class-A was the formal wear. Tony's class-A had all the trimmings. Pinned on his chest were the following: two Pruple Hearts, five Bronze Stars, four Silver Stars, multiple commendation medals and two Distinguished Srevice Crosses. Around his neck, Tony wore a blue ribbon attached to a gold star shaped medallion. That was the Medal Of Honor he'd earned in Vietnam. On his right sleeve was a chevron consisting of a diamond and three upward pointing stripes above with four downward pointing stripes below, indicating his rank as Sergeant Major. On his left sleeve at the shoulder were three patches, called tabs. One tab read "Airborne", the second read "Ranger" and the third read "Special Forces". One thing unique about Tony's uniform was the head wear. In lieu of the traditional NCO's (Non-Comissioned Officer) hat Tony wore a black beret with the insignia of the 75th Ranger Regiment (due to the covert nature of their missions the Army has never publicly acknowledged the existence of Delta Force).
As they walked toward Quinn's car Tony suddenly stopped.
"What's wrong, Dad?" asked Jim.
Pointing to Quinn, who had just gotten her car keys out, Tony said "You're not seriously letting her drive, are ya?"
Jim said "Well, it is her car".
Rolling his eyes, Tony growled "When the fuck you gonna grow some balls, ya walking vagina? She's a woman. Women ride, men drive!"
Offended, Quinn said "Excuse me!"
"Quiet!" Tony barked, "Men are talking."
Jim said "Dad, it's her car, so she drives it".
Tony said "Dammit, Jim, ya know women are shit drivers!" Turning to Quinn, Tony barked "Gimmie the keys, I'm driving!"
"No, you're not!" Quinn fired back.
Stern, Jim said "You heard her, Dad".
Tony got right in Jim's face. "Either I drive, or else!"
Jim held his ground. "Or else what?"
Later, on I-95...
Tony was driving while Quinn was sitting in the back seat. In the front seat was Jim, unconscious and with a bloody nose. Quinn was pissed.
"I can't believe you knocked Jim out and forced me to hand over the keys at gun point" she hissed.
"SHUT UP, WOMAN," Tony barked, "OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR ASS OUT TOO!"
Quinn sighed in frustration.
Washington, DC...
Jamie and Nicole stood in front of a hotel entrance waiting for Quinn, Jim and Tony to arrive. Jamie was wearing his class-A while Nicole was in her usual t-shirt and jeans (she'd change into her formal dress later). Jamie's class-A had fewer medals, just two Bronze Stars, a Silver Star and a Purple Heart. Also, his rank insignia was just three stripes since he was only a Corporal. Since Jamie was still learning how to walk in his prosthetic legs he had a cane with him while Nicole remained right next to him to provide extra support if he needed it. His parents weren't there because they had other obligations, so Jamie let them off the hook (actually, it's because including them in this story would be an unnecessary distraction).
"Sorry I invited Tony" said Jamie.
By now, Nicole had forgiven him. "That's okay" she said, "but next time tell me before you do something like this so I can warn you if it's a bad idea".
At this point, Quinn's car pulled up. Quinn emerged from the back while Tony emerged from the driver's side and Jim emerged from the passenger side. Nicole and Jamie gasped when they saw Jim was breathing through his mouth because his nose was swollen and he had tissue in his nostrils to stop the bleeding.
"Dude!" said Jamie.
"By my ancesters!" said Nicole, "What happened to you, Jim?"
Before Jim could answer Quinn pointed to Tony. "Ask him."
Tony said "They wouldn't let me drive so I broke Jim's nose and threatened to do the same to Quinn if she didn't hand over the keys".
Jamie said "That's an overreaction, Mr. Carbone".
"Corporal," said Tony in a stern tone, "You are to address me as Sergeant Major. Do I make myself clear?"
Jamie's training kicked right in. "Yes, Sergeant Major!" he said with a salute.
Pleased, Tony said "At ease, Corporal".
Jamie pointed out Nicole. "This is my wife Nicole, Sergeant Major."
As Nicole extended her hand in greeting Tony eyed her coldly. Jim gulped as he knew what was about to happen.
Looking at Jamie, Tony said "Is this a joke, Corporal?"
Nicole said nothing but was visibly offended because, one, Tony's wasn't addressing her and, two, it was obvious he had a problem with her being Asian.
"You don't marry gooks, Corporal," Tony barked, "You sow yer wild oates with 'em. I fucked plenty o' gook whores back in 'Nam, but I never woulda married one."
Offended, Nicole said "Excuse me!"
Addressing her for the first time, Tony said "What's your maiden name, slant-eyes".
"Yagami" said Nicole, "And don't call me slant-eyes!"
Jamie said "Don't insult my wife, Sergeant Major!"
"SPEAK WHEN YOUR SPOKEN TO, CORPORAL!" Tony barked. Turning his attention back to Nicole, Tony asked "Where you from, anyway?"
Quinn said "Now, Tony..."
Tony cut her off. "DON'T INTERRUPT ME, WOMAN!" Seeing Jim about to spring to Quinn's defense, Tony shook his fist and growled "Don't even think about it, you waste o' man-juice". Turning back to Nicole, Tony said "Well?"
Trying to put off the verbal abuse she knew was coming, Nicole said "Los Angeles, I grew up in Encino".
Tony asked "Where your parents from, go...Nicole?"
Visibly impressed that he'd stopped himself from using a racial slur, Nicole said "They're from LA too".
"What about your grandparents?"
Trying to delay the tirade she knew was coming, Nicole said "My mom's parents were from San Francisco".
Tony ominously asked "And your dad's parents?"
Nicole sighed as she could no longer put off the confrontation. "Tokyo. They came as refugees after the war."
Turning to Jamie, Tony said "So, ya married a Jap."
Nicole lost it. She was about to lunge at Tony when both Quinn and Jim, knowing what would happen if she did, ran up and restrained her.
"Dammit, Sergeant Major," said Jamie, "YOU APOLOGIZE TO MY WIFE RIGHT NOW!"
Tony slapped Jamie. "Never contradict me, boy! I killed a hundred gooks!"
Jamie silently cursed the fact that he couldn't fight back due to his physical handicap.
Jamie and Nicole's hotel room, later...
As Nicole was changing (I leave her current degree of undress up to your perverted imaginations) Jamie sat on the bed and sighed.
"Sorry I couldn't do more to help you, Nicole."
"That's okay," she said, "Until you've mastered those prosthetics there isn't anything you can do. Besides, you still stood up for me, which is more than most of my exes ever did."
"I'm still sorry," said Jamie, "I'm the one who invited him".
"It's okay," said Nicole, "I know you wouldn't have if you'd known what a jerk Jim's father is. Anyway, what do you think?"
By now Nicole had finished changing. Jamie looked up and was amazed. Nicole was wearing a red silk oriental style dress that was both tasteful and sexy. It showed just enough leg to turn on a guy without showing too much and was form fitting, showing off her curves without drawing too much attention to them. Her hair was styled in an asian bun held together by sticks.
"Wow," said Jamie, "You're beautiful!"
"I know," Nicole said with a smile, "but I love hearing you say it".
Meanwhile, in the hallway...
Quinn and Jim emerged from their own room. Jim was wearing a tux while Quinn was in a pink evening slip dress with sequins. They looked like they were going to prom.
"You look great, Jim" said Quinn.
"Thanks," said Jim, "So do you. You always manage to find that perfect balance between tasteful and sexy."
"It's a gift" Quinn bragged.
Meanwhile, in Tony's room...
Tony was talking on his cell phone.
"I'm getting ready to go to this thing, Buck."
On the other end of the line was Tony's business partner, Buck Conroy. "Good, just remember the mission."
Smirking, Tony said "You know me, Buck".
"That I do" said Buck.
Smirking, Tony said "That communist monkey Obama won't even know what hit him".
Excited, Buck said "Alright. Operation Stand For America's about to commence!"
Act III
In front of the White House, evening...
Quinn, Jim, Jamie, Nicole and Tony are approaching a checkpoint. Jim noticed Tony had a handbag slung over his shoulder. Unaware of his father's intentions Jim asked "Dad, why are you carrying a purse?"
"It's a man purse, you pussy" Tony hissed.
Surprised, Quinn said "You always struck me as the kind of guy who thought murses were gay. In fact, I seem to recall you saying so on more than one occassion."
"I don't like it," growled Tony in a defensive tone, "But I need it."
Everyone eyed Tony curiously.
"Look," Tony explained, "I need it for my blood pressure medicine, my kidney medicine AND my indigestion pills." Seeing the weird looks, Tony added "Dammit, I'm 66 years old! Even a super bad ass starts having issues at that age!"
Apologetic, Jim said "Relax, Dad, we aren't judging you. It's just that this is the first any of us are hearing of it."
Defensive, Tony said "Would you tell the world you need pills to piss properly!?"
"No, Dad" Jim admitted. Everyone else accepted Tony's explanation as well.
As they approached the gate to the White House grounds Jamie spoke to the guard.
"Corporal James White, United States Army." Pointing to Nicole, he added "My wife, Nicole," he then introduced everyone else, "And our additional guests, James Carbone, Quinn Morgendorffer and Anthony Carbone".
the guard looked at his list. "Alright, your names check out." He then pulled out a wand and ran it over each of them. "Okay, that checks out." Next, the guard pointed to Tony, Quinn and Nicole. "Please empty your bag contents on the counter."
In a seemingly tense moment, all complied. As it turned out, Tony really was carrying just medicine in his bag.
The State Room, a short time later...
Music: "Bulletproof" by La Roux
An usher was showing our guests around. While Quinn, Jim, Jamie and Nicole were visibly impressed Tony was nervous. No one caught on to this, however, as Tony called on his decades of military experience to appear more disinterested than anything else.
Pointing to everyone's left, the usher said "That's the East Room, where the ceremony's going to be held".
Looking in that direction everyone saw cameras being set up so the ceremony could be televised and documented.
To her husband, Nicole whispered "It's all for you, Jamie".
"I know," said Jamie, "but I kind of feel bad about it. Everyone in the platoon did their part, they deserve to be publicly honored even more than I do."
Nicole explained "Jamie, you're the reason those guys are still alive. You saved them!" After kissing him on the cheek, Nicole said "If anyone's getting an award they don't deserve it's me. I don't deserve a man a awesome as you. I wish I had your strength."
Blushing slightly, Jamie said "Now who's being modest? You're one of the strongest women I know."
In a flirty tone, Nicole said "Keep that up, mister, and once we're back at the hotel you'll spend the rest of the night getting laid any way you want."
Jamie liked the sound of that.
Meanwhile, the usher was now showing them the room to their right.
"This is the State Dinning Room, where the dinner will be held."
Quinn and Jim were visibly impressed.
"I can't believe we get to have dinner with the President!" said an excited Quinn.
Jim said "I know, and it's a guy we both voted for!"
Quinn said "Duh, Jim. We're actually playing a part in history."
Remembering stories from her Fashion Club days, Jim said "Ten years ago you never would've been excited about something like this."
"Actually," Quinn admitted, "I would've. I just wouldn't tell anybody about it."
Jim smiled.
Meanwhile, Tony raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the usher.
"I gotta use the bathroom" said Tony. When Jim and Quinn eyed him suspiciously he added "What? I gotta take my meds."
This struck everyone as a reasonable request. The usher pointed to the nearest bathroom and Tony was on his way. What no one knew was that Tony already knew where the nearest bathroom was and his question was just a smoke screen.
The bathroom, a few minutes later...
Tony checked around to make sure he was alone. Once that was done he took his man-purse and emptied the pill bottles into a waste basket. Once that was done, Tony pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number.
"Transfer me to line Alpha-Romeo-Tango."
Tony waited as his call was transferred to a secure line.
Meanwhile, at the head offices of Black Sword Security Services in Newport News, Va...
Buck Conroy was seated at his desk when the phone rang. He immediately looked at the indicator light on his custom, military grade phone. It was blinking green.
That call's coming in on our secure line he thought. Buck immediately answered. "Hello?"
On the other end of the line, he heard "Buck, it's Tony. Phase One of Operation Stand For America complete."
Smiling, Buck said "Excellent, not that I ever doubted a badass like you."
Tony said "Now on to phase two. Where'd our inside man plant the package?"
Bucke proceeded to tell Tony.
Back at the White House bathroom...
Tony listened intently as Buck told him where the package was.
Grinning, Tony said "Perfect! I can load the thing while I'm at it. Commencing Phase Two, Carbone out!"
With that, Tony hung up the phone. Once that was done, he entered one of the toilet stalls. There, he found the item he was to use. He took it, prepped it and stowed it in his bag. Once that was done Tony exited the stall and proceeded to the sink. After nonchalantly washing his hands Tony exited the restroom and rejoined the party.
A few seconds later...
Tony rejoined the other guests.
"You good, Dad?" asked an unsuspecting Jim.
"I'm great!" Tony said with a smile. When that pussy appeaser Obama gets it I'm gonna feel even better.
Quinn suddenly eyed Tony suspiciously. Why do I have a feeling he's up to something?
The East Room, later...
Music: "Bad Romance" by Lady Ga Ga
The ceremony was under way. At the podium, President Obama was giving a speech.
"We are also gathered here to honor the sacrifice of one of our brave men in uniform. On March 9, 2009 Corporal James White's convoy was ambushed on the streets of Baghdad. White's platoon leader, Sergeant Foley, led a squad of men that included White into a building. Finding this building occupied by the enemy, White immediately took charge of the situation and, without orders, single handedly cleared the building. He then proceeded to lay down cover fire from a second story window, allowing the rest of the platoon to get to safety. After this, the enemy seemed to retreat and the platoon felt it was safe to regroup. Once out in the street the enemy launched a second attack. Corporal White single handedly faced the enemy, laying down suppressing fire while his platoon got to safety. In the ensuing firefight White lost both legs. His actions on that day are a clear example of conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty. It is for this that I am now honored to grant Corporal James White our nations highest military decoration, the Congressional Medal Of Honor. Corporal White?"
As the crowd applauded Jamie slowly, and with Nicole's help (since he's still learning how to walk on his prosthetics), made his way to the President. At the same time, a member of the President's Marine Guard approached with a glass case containing the Medal Of Honor. As Jamie saluted his Commander In Chief Obama removed the Medal from it's case.
As Quinn and Jim watched Tony slowly began to open his bag.
After White gets his moment in the sun Tony thought, I strike.
Quinn looked over and saw Tony reach into his bag. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"None of your business" Tony growled.
Not wanting to ruin Jamie's moment Quinn just shot him a dirty look before turning her attention back to the ceremony.
Jamie humbly bowed his head as President Obama placed the Medal on him. Once that was done, Obama shook his hand.
"Thank you, sir" said Jamie.
"No," said Obama, "Thank you".
Tony decided now was the time to strike. He immediately stood up.
"FOR FREEDOM!" Tony shouted as he charged at the President. Before the Secret Service could spring into action Tony whipped out his...water baloon!?
"WHAT THE HELL!?" shouted a shocked and confused Nicole.
Tony immediately hurled the water balloon at the President's head. The balloon hit it's target, splashing it's contents all over Obama's head. The next shocker was when everyone realized the balloon was loaded not with water, but urine.
"THAT'S RIGHT, YA FREEDOM HATIN' PUSSY!" Tony shouted, "I JUST PISSED ON YOUR HEAD!"
President Obama, Jamie and Nicole were all too shocked to do anything but gasp. It was at this point that Tony was rushed by the President's security detail. They all proceeded to beat him senseless.
Quinn said "I knew it! I freaking knew he was up to something!"
Jim just buried his face in his hands out of embarrassment.
Pizza King, the next day...
After coming back from Washington, Quinn and Stacy were meeting for lunch. Four month old Chucky was next to them in a stroller. Quinn has just told Stacy about the whole incident.
"My God!" Stacy gasped, "You're kidding!"
"I wish I was," said a forlorn Quinn, "It was soooooo humiliating!" Regaining her composure, she added "I'm just glad that after the Secret Service threw Tony out the rest of the evening went off without a hitch."
Stacy asked "How much prison time is Tony looking at?"
"None," said Quinn, "That's the frustrating part."
"How come he's not facing charges?" asked a surprised Stacy. "Even if it wasn't an assassination attempt it's still assault."
Quinn explained "That general Tony works with, the same one that showed up when those modeling scouts visited our school, called in some favors to get the charges dropped."
Stacy frowned. "I guess it really does depend on who you know."
Quinn sighed. "My sister was right, life does suck."
Stacy said "True, but it beats the alternative."
Quinn had a sudden realization. "I'm about to marry a man who's father is a total psycho, you're a mom with self-confidence. We really are turning into our parents."
The two women exchanged Daria-like grins.
End Episode.