Chapter One
Take Me Back to the Start
The wind hits Blaine a little hard as he climbs out of his brother's beaten down car and waves him goodbye, throwing his slightly tattered school bag over his shoulder as he does. He wraps his greying scarf just a little bit tighter around his neck as he heads towards the large, grey building he's seen every day for the last year, large black letters sitting right above the main entrance way.
East Lima High School
It's coming close to the end of his freshmen year and if he's being honest, he's feeling a little bummed about it. Not because he'll be moving up to a higher grade and he'll probably need to do even more studying than he does now, but because maybe he won't have any of the same classes as James.
As he walks passed a crowd of boys donning the same blue and yellow letterman jacket, Blaine feels a hand fall heavily onto his shoulder and his lips automatically turn up into a smile.
"Blaine! Man you totally just missed the best dumpster toss we've ever done" a boy grins down at him with large brown eyes shining happily and Blaine can tell he's proud of the fact he's probably just hurt another kid beyond therapies help. But all Blaine does is simply nod and smile, because this is James Stewart.
"Sorry man. My brother didn't get up til late so I had to wait around for him" Blaine smiles and his heart flutters just a little. James was the first friend he'd made in high school and it was safe to say he was definitely in love with him.
Though, of course James would never ever know that.
Being gay wasn't something you just blurted out around here, here being Ohio. People weren't too accepting of it and Blaine had figured that out at the age of 6 when he'd come home from school and told his father all about little Harry Wellington, the new boy in his class with the lovely green eyes and red hair, the boy that Blaine was going to marry one day.
Every time he thinks about little Harry Wellington, his jaw aches just a little from memory of the impact his father's hand had left on him. Needless to say, he'd never talked about the possibility of his sexuality being steered toward men ever again at home.
So whenever Blaine feels butterflies in his stomach from James' touch, he simply swallows and ignores them, and goes back to smiling at his best friend.
"That's cool dude" James grins at him and claps his back before he walks with Blaine toward the locker room. James is a sophomore and he was the first guy to come and talk to Blaine after he'd had a rather rough first day at school. He'd taken Blaine under his wing and now he was the boys best friend and he felt he honestly couldn't ask for a better one. Because James was on the football team, he kept the jocks off his back, and now Blaine might actually be the only freshmen who doesn't get bullied, and he knows that's because of James. He's a nice guy when they're alone, he's a nerd at heart and he shares things with Blaine that he's never told another soul and that makes Blaine feel like perhaps, if he did come out to him, maybe he'd actually be somewhat accepting. Sometimes he feels like he catches James staring at him when they're alone, staring at him in a way that is almost loving. It often makes Blaine blush and James called him a weirdo but he knows that it's just a term of endearment.
It has to be.
Once they reach the lockers, Blaine looks up at James and he feels like perhaps now is the time. He just has to blurt it all out.
"Uh… James?" he breathes and James looks at him with a small smirk as he unlocks his locker, throwing it open to grab out his books for the day.
"Yes, dwarf?" he grins and Blaine looks around for a brief moment to make sure that the hallways aren't too crowded, that there isn't any of their friends hanging around too close, close enough to hear what Blaine might be about to say.
Instead, he sees bright pink posters everywhere with the words SADIE HAWKINS DANCE scrawled all over them and Blaine knows that this is his only chance to show James that he cares about him in a way that is classified in a category a lot higher than friendship. The other boy looks at Blaine expectantly and he swallows.
"Are you going to the Sadie Hawkins dance?" Blaine asks quickly and gently, blinking for a moment as he awaits a response.
"No. Are you?" James asks and Blaine sees his eyebrows raise with curiosity. He swallows again and shrugs.
"I haven't been asked yet."
"Don't sweat it dude. It's still three days away. I'm sure you'll find someone" James grins and claps Blaine's shoulder. The boy swallows back all his nerves that he just knows are threatening to come up in vomit form.
Breathe, Anderson. Just spit it out already!
"Do you want to go together?" He blurts out and for a moment he thinks that James hasn't heard him. Then the others face turns from a smile to a frown.
"What?"
He let's go of Blaine's shoulder quickly, almost as if he has been burnt.
"Do you want to go with me?" Blaine practically squeaks out and is met with an immediate frown.
"As friends?" the jock asks and for a moment Blaine is about to tell him, no. I love you. I want to go as your date. I want to dance with you and kiss you under the fake stars and have you tell me you've always loved me too. I want to drink spiked punch with you and laugh with our friends like any straight couple would at a school dance.
"Yeah. Of course. As friends" He smiles falsely. The light comes back into James's eyes just as quickly as it had left and he grins.
"God, Blaine. Don't scare me like that. People might think you're a homo or something" he chuckles and claps Blaine's arm again before he simply leaves him and his broken heart in the middle of the hallway.
Blaine lets out a shaky breath and swallows hard and opens up his locker to collect his books. He's not entirely sure how to feel. James has never been homophobic around him before, and he can't help but feel like maybe he's putting up some wall to keep Blaine from finding out the truth. Hearing that word come from James' lips had really stung, and deep down Blaine knows that his feelings towards James are only going to end in heartbreak, but he's always been a big advocate for dreams coming true, and he really hopes that his will someday too.
Blaine spends the rest of the day by himself, mulling everything over. Maybe he really shouldn't come out to James, or any of his other friends for that matter. Maybe he should just stay in the closet and follow in his father's footsteps. He'd be proud to have a doctor for a son.
It's not until he heads out to the car park to wait for Cooper after the final bell rings that he realises he doesn't have a choice in whether or not to come out. He needs to, and he needs to now.
James is the one he notices first.
He's shoving a tall boy with bright blue hair, yelling something Blaine can't quite hear. Then he notices two other jocks, both sophomores too, who are going through the blue haired boy's bag, throwing his things into the trash, screaming words at him that tear Blaine's heart in two. What hurts more is he knows that boy.
It's Marcus Harrison, a sophomore like them. He's in a few of Blaine's classes and sometimes when Cooper works late, he drives Blaine home. He's a lovely guy and he's also the only person in the world who knows that Blaine is gay. He takes a deep breath and without really thinking, Blaine hurries forward and stops right beside James, chest heaving a little as nerves take over.
"What the hell are you doing?"
James turns to look at him, as does Marcus. The boy's blue eyes stare at Blaine and he shakes his head in protest, but Blaine simply ignores him.
"Blaine! You're just in time. We're about to throw this fag into the trash" James grins and Blaine just stares a him, heart hammering away in his chest. He is starting to feel sick.
"What? Because he's gay?" Blaine asks with a shaking voice and Marcus starts to shake his head rather violently.
"Blaine don't" he hisses and James ignores him, still grinning his charming grin.
"Yeah. Because he's a fag" He nods and Blaine swallows, stomach churning as he sets his bag down with shaking hands. He has to do it. It's now or never.
"Then you need to throw me in too" Blaine says with a lot less confidence than he'd intended but he knows James has heard him because he lets go of Marcus instantly and looks at Blaine with large, unbelieving eyes. This is it.
"Blaine?" the boy asks, a soft tone to his voice that was unexpected and Marcus takes this time to steal back his bag, moving to stand beside Blaine. The young boy swallows hard and look at James.
"Do it. Throw me in" Blaine hisses, daring him to even try and James just stares at him for what feels like an eternity, before he steps back.
Blaine lets out a breath he had been holding in and Marcus picks up his bag, taking his hand, dragging him off towards the car park before any of the jocks can even get a word in.
Blaine's heart pounds in his chest as he swallows back what he's sure is vomit.
He's just come out.
He's come out as gay and he can't go back.
Marcus stops when they get to the far side of the car park and he immediately pulls Blaine in for a tight embrace. Blaine can smell his cologne and it's oddly comforting, so he hugs him back.
"Thank you, Blaine" he hears a whisper and feels a kiss in his hair.
"Thank you so much." He sniffs and pulls back to smile at him. Blaine just nods gently and sniffs when Marcus strokes his cheek. "You are so brave to do that. I'm so… so grateful... so much." He nods and bites his lip for a moment. "Come with me to the Sadie Hawkins dance" he breathes and it causes Blaine to stutter.
"Marcus… I... I can't…"
"As friends Blaine. As friends. But this time we don't need to hide. It will be fun" he nods and Blaine takes a moment to consider this. Would it be good for him to actually go out as himself for the first time in his life? He sighs and gives the smallest of nods.
"Okay" He says and Marcus hugs him again and he realises that he likes the blue haired boy's hugs, and maybe he could get used to them.
"So it wasn't that bad right?" Marcus smiles as he stands next to Blaine in a matching blue tux that seems to also match his hair and Blaine can't help but grin at him from under the light of the streetlamp, because he's right. It wasn't that bad. They'd spent the night dancing together and having a good time and no one had even bothered to annoy them. Just to be safe they had sat down for all the slow dances but even then they'd giggled and been close and not one soul seemed to mind. That really made Blaine feel good. The passed two days at school had been oddly okay. No one had tried to bother him, yell at him or toss him into a dumpster. James has kept his distance, naturally, but he hadn't uttered a single slur in Blaine's direction and Blaine couldn't help but feel a small sense of hope. Like maybe the world wasn't such a bad place after all, maybe he would actually be okay. Perhaps he could actually be himself.
He reaches for the boy's hand and their fingers slide together and Marcus gives his hand a small squeeze.
"Thanks for coming with me, Blaine. You're a great guy…" he hums and goes to say something else but a wolf whistle cuts him off. He drops Blaine's hand immediately and spins around, facing back toward the school. Blaine frowns a little and turns to follow his gaze, squinting as he tries to make out who made the noise. In the darkness, he can see one, two, three, four, five figures slowly emerge, all wearing matching grins that make his breath hitch in his throat and his heart double it's speed. Leading the pack is James, in what appears to be a red suit, and Blaine can see from the look in his eyes that he's about to have some fun tonight.
Blaine glances at Marcus as the blood drains from his face.
"When's your Dad coming?" Blaine whispers and Marcus doesn't look at him as he gives his answer.
"Ten minutes"
Shit.
James slowly stops in front of them and neither of the boys dare speak a word. Blaine can feel that they are both cold and frightened and want nothing more than to go home, and right now, not a single bone in Blaine's body trusts the boy who, only 3 days ago, was his best friend.
Not one single bone.
"Blainey " James grins and Blaine swallows hard.
"James… please just leave" he breathes and watches as James simply clicks his fingers and two guys leave, heading in different directions. Blaine frantically follows them with his eyes and James smiles.
"Don't worry Blaine, they're just on lookout" he grins and before Blaine knows it, one of the boys behind him has Marcus pinned to the floor, the boy gasping with the wind knocked out of him.
"Stop! Don't touch him!" Blaine starts to yell, but a fist collides with his jaw and he falls to the hard floor, head swimming with agony. He blinks but his vision is blurred and all he can hear is the soft screams coming from beside him and he prays. He prays to God that Marcus is okay, but he has a gut wrenching feeling that he isn't. He tries to breathe through the pain but his head is killing him and he only just notices the hand that grips at his suit and tugs him upward with such a force his neck clicks and he groans out in pain once more. He can hear the blood gushing around his body and he wants it to stop.
"You're sick" James voice echoes in his ears and the boy throws another punch, fist colliding this time with Blaine's ribs. A scream erupts from his throat but it never makes it out as another punch hits his stomach, causing him to cough and splutter violently. His head spins and he can taste blood and bile in his mouth but he can't swallow. Instead he feels it slide down his chin and he trembles as James' once gorgeous, once kind, now horrifyingly terrifying face comes into focus. His eyes are cold as he glares at Blaine and his hand grips his shirt even tighter.
"You're fucked up. You hear me? I let you in my room, I let you in my bed. You're a twisted fag and you need to learn your place. Do you hear me? You're wrong for this world Blaine. You don't deserve a life" he growls and throws Blaine to the ground and the last thing he hears is the screeching of tyres before his world goes cold and silent and black.
Blaine finds out that Marcus is paralysed from the waist down.
No one knows for how long. But then again, they all know that if someone's tailbone and spinal cord are shattered and damaged by a baseball bat, there's going to be some long lasting damage, if not permanent.
Blaine gets off okay. He only has a broken rib and nose, a swollen jaw and some cuts a bruises. Compared to Marcus, it seems like he just tripped over and got a few scrapes.
No one does anything about it. They say they have no way of knowing who did it because the boys were both so concussed, and all the boys they named had alibi's. They say they just need to be more careful. More alert.
In other words, they don't care.
Marcus transfers schools the moment he gets out of hospital and he drops contact with Blaine a few weeks later and he's all alone.
No one will talk to the gay kid.
No one wants to hang out or study with or even be seen with the gay kid.
He's all alone and not one damn person seems to notice.
It's only after months of torment and hurt that Blaine comes home with puffy eyes and begs his father to let him move. He begs for hours and is turned away. Later the same night, he swallows the entire bottle of his fathers sleeping pills and wakes up in hospital with a crying mother beside him. Cooper tells him how he had found his little brother, barely alive in his room, and how their father had already spoken to the school about a transfer. Not even a week later he stands in the halls of Dalton Academy, a freshman, a lone soul.
He walks down the grand hall, straightening his tie with nervous hands, and a tall boy bumps into him and for a brief moment a flash of fear seems to race through Blaine's veins and he cowers away.
"Oh. I'm so sorry" a soft voice hums and Blaine looks up at a smiling face. The boy, Asian and well built, offers Blaine his hand.
"Hi. I'm Wes Montgomery. Welcome to Dalton" he grins and Blaine timidly shakes his hand as the fear flows away.
He's knows he's safe.
Inside these walls and iron gates he's finally safe.
At least for now, at least until reality comes back and his walls have to go back up. But for now he can be himself.
And it had never felt so good.