Academy Daze

Kelly Severide was trying to sleep, but he couldn't sleep, he'd thought he'd been close a few times but he just couldn't fall asleep. It could've been for many reasons but the most obvious one was the constant creaking of the springs in Casey's bed as he tossed and turned five feet away from Kelly.

Kelly sat up in his bed and looked across the room. It was dark but he could still make out where Matt's single bed was pushed up by the wall in the middle of the room the three of them shared. He saw the lump in Casey's bed turning over one way, then after a few seconds, turn over the other way, on and on, with no end in sight.

If Kelly wasn't so tired he'd march over there and knock Casey out just so they could all get some sleep, as it was he was too exhausted to find Matt even worth the trouble. This wasn't the first time Casey had kept him up most of the night, Kelly didn't know what it was but it was getting on his nerves.

Nerves could've been it. They were all in the fire academy, all three of them knew what the odds were they were facing. A lot of people joined the fire academy, a lot of them also never finished, even the ones who did, had a long wait ahead of them before they actually joined a firehouse. There was a lot riding on it, especially for Kelly, not just because this is what he and Andy had wanted to do since they were five years old, but because his dad was a legacy in the Chicago Fire Department, it was equally as important that Kelly didn't disappoint his dad by failing, as it was that he proved he could do this on his own and didn't stay in the shadow of merely being 'Benny Severide's kid'.

He loved his dad, he did, but there had been a lot of times over the years when he didn't feel like it. Ever since Benny had walked out on him and his mom, it had been rough. It seemed he'd pop up married to a new woman every couple years, and there were plenty of others to make up for the times he wasn't married. It was embarrassing to Kelly, because he knew it was embarrassing to his mom. It was also embarrassing to him to know how much his dad drank. Benny Severide was a career firefighter, he never drank on shift, but the 48 hours he was off he could put them away. Maybe in his younger days he'd been more resilient or maybe he just had a shorter limit, but these days he didn't always hold his alcohol as well as he was rumored to have in the old days. It was embarrassing when his dad would come see him and he'd either be loaded, or already hungover. There were so many things his dad did that embarrassed him to death...that made it all the more important that Kelly succeeded here, and became a fireman, by himself, with no help from anybody. If he did...he hated himself using the word 'if' but he knew it was always a possibility, if he did, he knew Benny would be there at the academy graduation, and he was already dreading that. He rolled over on his back and groaned to himself as he could just picture Benny showing up sloshed and mouthing off to the other families and getting into a fistfight with some of them, or throwing up for everyone to see. He sank lower in his bed and was tempted to pull the covers up over his head, wishing he could blot it all out of his mind, but he couldn't. He'd seen his dad in action too many times. Kelly was just as embarrassed to bear the Severide family name as he was proud to, and the fact he could equally feel both things simultaneously was very confusing to him.

Maybe it wasn't just Casey's relentless tossing and turning and making the springs creak that was keeping him up, but it sure wasn't helping any. Kelly looked at the clock, and groaned as he pressed his pillow over his head, desperate to fall asleep before they went back to the academy tomorrow.

Kelly and Andy were the last ones to walk out of the academy the next day, and it quickly became apparent that something was happening in the parking lot.

"What the hell?"

There was a small crowd gathered around and in the midst of it he could see Casey and Ted Griffin. He also noticed something under the windshield wiper of his Camaro, and all the other cars as well.

"This don't look good, Kelly," Andy said.

"Uh uh, let's go see what it is."

They didn't come up on the scene quick enough to hear what was being said, but the wind had picked up and one of the papers had flown loose from one of the cars. Kelly snatched it and did a double take. It was a xeroxed picture of a news article, with a woman in a prison uniform and shackles in a courtroom sitting at a table with a man in a suit. In the type under the picture was a bolded sentence: Nancy Casey, (shown left) sits with her attorney during her murder trial.

Nancy Casey?

Now he could hear Ted Griffin loud and clear as he sneered, "The fire department's got an image to uphold, they don't let white trash killers become firemen."

"SHUT UP!" Casey punched Ted Griffin in the face quicker than anybody's eye could see. Griffin reeled back and fell to the ground with a dazed look on his face and blood gushing out of his nose.

Kelly let go of the flyer and it blew away in another gust of wind. He saw Casey marching over towards him, his eyes silently daring the dark haired man to say a word.

Andy said everything for them by applauding. "About time somebody shut him up."

It obviously wasn't the response Casey was expecting, it took him by surprise and a confused smile formed on his face. He stepped past Andy and looked Severide dead in the eyes and said in an unreadable tone, "I suppose you have some questions about this."

"It's none of my business," was the first thing out of Kelly's mouth. He didn't even know why he'd said it, he felt like an idiot, but it was true. If this was true, it was obvious Casey had his reasons for not telling anyone.

"It's alright," Casey replied, and in the same breath, in a nonchalant tone that was bone chilling to his roommates, he flatly said, "It's true."

The three of them stood there for a few seconds before Casey asked Kelly since they'd rode there in his car, "Can we leave?"

Kelly blinked and snapped back to reality, "Oh, sure...let's go."

It was a quiet night in the apartment. Andy had a date with Heather and cut out early, just leaving Kelly and Matt there. The silence was deafening but Kelly didn't know what to say and Casey hadn't offered any information.

Kelly cooked dinner. An unwritten rule about being a fireman, you had to be able to cook, it wasn't like the cop shows where they just ordered in pizza and Chinese, so while they were in the academy they rotated who cooked each night, each of them trying some different recipes to see if they'd be any good.

"What do you think?" Kelly asked as he watched Casey continuously chew his food.

Casey made a series of pained grimaces before finally swallowing and said, "You serve that in a firehouse and they'll use you for a rescue dummy."

Kelly rolled his eyes.

Casey looked at him from across the table, and looked down at the tabletop as he said sheepishly, "Look, about earlier..."

"You don't have to tell me about it," Kelly said, "not if you don't want to."

"Not really that simple anymore, is it?" Casey asked. "Now everybody knows." He sighed and said bluntly, "My mom killed my dad."

Kelly sat there in silent confusion for a minute, trying to make sense of this.

"That's..." he really didn't know what to say.

"She shot him," Casey elaborated. "They were divorced...it happened last year when I was 17...it was his weekend...I came home...and that night, my mom went over to his house and shot him."

Kelly felt very confused, he could see his mom doing that to Benny, if they were still married, if they were still living together, but his leaving, and being out of the picture just seemed to remove any need his mom might've had for resorting to murder.

"Why?" he asked, genuinely curious.

Casey shrugged. "He was horrible to her..." he raised a hand to keep Kelly's attention, "He never hit her...at least not that I ever saw...but he screamed at her, berated her all the time, he wore her down...and he broke her...and I think he just did too much damage and this was the end result of it."

"I'm sorry, Matt, I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't, I didn't want anyone to know," Casey said. "I thought if I just didn't bring it up, nobody would find out. For a while I really thought it was possible, it's not the latest news anymore."

"What do you mean?" Kelly asked.

Casey sighed. "The trial was quick...quick to start, quick to end, quick to convict...it..." he shook his head and sighed helplessly, "she was sentenced two months ago...25 years to life..."

"Oh God," Kelly hissed under his breath.

"I thought that'd be the last anyone would have to hear of it," Casey said, "that picture...I don't know where Griffin found it, it was months ago."

Kelly rolled his eyes and mentally kicked himself. No wonder the poor guy couldn't sleep at night.

"Was he..." the question just came out of nowhere, but Kelly found himself asking, "Was he a bastard to you too?"

Casey shrugged, "I guess he treated all of us about the same...Mom got it the worst though...my sister, Christie...she was already away at college, she wasn't there, she didn't have to put up with it...she wouldn't come home for the trial..." he sunk his gaze to the tabletop again, "She wouldn't even come and testify for her."

"You did?"

Casey nodded, the blonde mop on top of his head the only thing visible as he did. "Maybe if Christie had come back, and said something in her defense...maybe it wouldn't have gone like this...if I..."

Kelly felt he was on thin ice, but he pressed, gently, "If you what?"

Casey picked his head up and looked at Kelly and said, "She didn't have a key to his house, only I did because I had to let myself in when he was at work...I don't remember if I left the key out that night, and that's how she got in..."

Kelly shook his head, "What difference does it make?"

"If I left the key out...that makes me responsible."

"No it doesn't. Your mom made up her mind she was going to kill him, what difference does it make if she had a key or if she had to bang on the door? Do you really think that would've stopped her?" Kelly asked.

"I don't know," Casey said in a small voice, "but I feel like it's my fault."

"Matt..."

Kelly pushed his chair back, stepped around the table and hugged Casey.

"It wasn't your fault."

"See, I've had a lot of people tell me that," Casey told him as he pulled back, "The cops, my aunt, the social workers."

"Social workers?"

"My aunt had to take custody of me for a few months until I turned 18," Casey explained. "They all told me the same thing, that it wasn't my fault...and I know that here," he pointed to his temple, "but I still can't convince myself of that."

Kelly felt like he'd had the crap beaten out of him. He slumped back into his chair and looked at Casey for a minute, as it dawned on him all the stuff Casey had been carrying on his shoulders this whole time and none of them knew anything about.

He had no doubt that Casey would graduate the academy with flying colors, and be one hell of a firefighter, it was evident that he had more than enough strength where it counted.

Kelly wasn't sure if he'd actually been asleep or not, but he was awake now. He could hear something in their room, and he realized it was coming over from Casey's bed, this time it wasn't him tossing and turning, this time it was a different sound entirely. Quiet, muffled, but he could still hear it.

Kelly pushed his covers back and got up and padded over to Casey's bed, the blonde man was curled up in a ball with his back to Severide. Kelly stuck one lone finger out and gently tapped Casey on the shoulder, whispering, "Matt?"

Casey turned over and looked at him. In what little light there was in the room Kelly could see a lone tear streaking down his cheek.

"Move over."

It took Casey a few seconds to realize what Kelly was saying, and when he did he scooted over to the edge as Kelly crawled in beside him. It was a tight fit the two of them in a single bed, not impossible but he definitely got why Andy always went out to see Heather and never brought her home with him.

Casey just stared at him with a slightly puzzled expression.

"What's wrong?" Kelly asked.

Matt slowly breathed in and told him, "I went to see my mom yesterday."

Kelly blinked, he had no idea what to say.

Casey's breathing was slightly ragged as he shook his head and explained, "I'll never get used to seeing her in jail...she doesn't look like herself at all...she hasn't looked like herself since the day before she was arrested."

"Matt..." Kelly slipped an arm behind Casey's back and hugged him. He felt so helpless right now, not knowing what to do.

"She's only been in jail for a year, and she already looks like she's 20 years older," Casey said, "it's horrible..."

"I'm sorry, buddy."

"I didn't hate my dad," Casey told him. "I didn't like him...but I didn't hate him...and maybe I'm not glad he's dead...but I'm not sorry he is...what does that say about me?"

Kelly shrugged, "That you're human."

Casey broke down crying, his whole body going through a hiccuping spasm against Kelly's as he held him.

"Hey, hey, it's alright," Kelly whispered as he rubbed Casey's back, "It's just us here...you still got me, and I'm not going anywhere."

Casey got out a choked gasp of a sob as he pressed his face into Kelly's shoulder. Kelly kept one arm wrapped around Casey and used his free hand to pull the covers up on them, he wasn't going anywhere.

Casey had calmed down but not quite fallen asleep when they heard the front door open. They heard Andy drop his keys somewhere, and stumble off towards the bedroom.

The door opened and Andy stepped in, trying to be quiet as he shut the door, then turned around, and despite how dark the room was, he was able to make out the figures of both Kelly and Casey curled up together in Casey's bed.

"I'm not even gonna ask," Andy said as he moved in the dark towards his own bed.

Kelly kept one arm around Casey and reached over and picked something up from off the nightstand and chucked it in Andy's general direction for being a smartass, he heard it cut through the air but it sounded like it hit something else just short of the actual intended target. He heard Andy quietly chuckling as he crawled into his own bed. Kelly ignored him and resumed rubbing Casey's back in rougher circles than he'd intended to. He leaned his head down and murmured in Casey's ear, "It's alright."

Casey was quiet but Kelly felt him nod against him in answer.

"Yeah, it's going great here," Kelly said on the phone the next day. "Oh yeah, it's a breeze...Andy's here, you remember him...yeah, that guy...we met this other guy, Matt Casey...well the three of us are renting this apartment together right now...he's a great guy, Pop...yeah, you'll have to meet him sometime...yeah...I'm sure he'd like that, uh huh...well look, I gotta get going...yeah, I'll call again soon...uh...Pop? I, uh...I love you...yeah, bye."

Kelly hung up the phone and sank back on the couch. After hearing about Casey's family, Kelly realized he was blessed with the parents he had. He was still embarrassed by the way Benny acted a lot of the time, but he realized he could've done a lot worse as far as having a father went. At least Benny had actually been there for him when he needed it, he knew Benny was proud of him, and he and Kelly's mom might not have had the best relationship but he wasn't cruel to her. There was a lot to be said for that.

"Kelly," Matt's voice called out from the bedroom.

"Yeah?"

"Would you come here a sec?"

"Sure..." Kelly got up, went into the bedroom and asked, "What is it?"

"I just found something wedged between my pillows," Casey said, "would you care to explain this?"

Kelly looked at the teddy bear Casey was dangling by one paw. Smugly he asked, "What makes you think I know anything about it?'

"Lucky guess, explain," Casey said.

"It's mine."

That wasn't what Matt had expected to hear. "What?"

"I don't remember when I got it...or from who...I just always had it...when I was packing my bags to move out of my mom's, I found it in the back of the closet in a bag...it had to have been in there about 10 years, but it never got dirty so it was practically new...after being protected for so long, just seemed like a waste to get rid of it now...so I brought it with me."

Casey held up the toy with the tan fur and the stiff limbs and looked at it, and then looked at Kelly again.

"I just thought...well..." Kelly was visibly uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going now, he shrugged helplessly, "I thought maybe...you know, at night, when you're rolling around in bed all hours and can't sleep...I thought maybe it'd help you to sleep."

Casey looked like he was about to choke on something, either a breath, or a laugh.

"Seriously?"

Kelly shrugged sheepishly, "I don't know, I was just...nobody knows, you don't have to worry about that, I just..."

Casey smiled, "I appreciate it, Kelly, thanks."

Kelly had a blank look on his face, and then he smiled sheepishly as he realized Casey wasn't rejecting the idea or the stuffed animal.

"When you say no one knows...does that include Darden?"

"He doesn't know either," Kelly said.

"Is he gonna tell anybody?" Casey asked.

"No."

Casey just nodded. "Thanks, Kelly."

Kelly had a slightly embarrassed look on his face as he responded, "You're welcome. Uh...listen...I was thinking, the next time you go see your mom, what if I went with you?"

Casey's eyebrows furrowed together, "I appreciate it, Kelly, but you don't have to do that. This isn't your problem."

"Well you're my friend, so that makes it my problem," Kelly said.

"Thanks, but..." Casey pursed his lips together and clammed up.

"I could at least drive you up, then you wouldn't have to take the bus out to Cook County and back," Kelly offered. "I could wait in the car until you were done."

Casey looked at him in surprise, "You'd really do that?"

"Yeah," Kelly answered in a 'well duh!' tone.

Matt opened his mouth and closed it as he thought about it, the look on his face indicated this was overwhelming to him. Finally he said, "I don't know...I...I'll have to think about it."

Kelly nodded, "That's fine, but the offer's always good."

"Thanks, Severide."

Kelly opened his eyes and found himself in the dark. He rolled over and listened...he heard the steady breathing of two other people, and he waited, and listened...and he heard the springs in Casey's bed, but not like the sounds he'd been hearing every night. This was a short set of creaks, the kind that more commonly occurred when you scooted around on your butt trying to get comfortable. He heard it a couple of times, and then nothing. The silence was a wonderful sound for him. He looked over and saw Casey curled in a ball with an additional lump under the covers with him.

It was a pretty simple setup, in the morning Casey tucked the teddy bear under his pillows, and it stayed there until he went to bed at night. The times they had to strip the beds and get their sheets washed, Kelly tucked it away under his bed until they were done. It had half seemed like a dumb idea at the time but whatever it was, it seemed to work. Kelly wasn't sure Casey necessarily slept better but he definitely seemed to fall asleep faster with the thing, and he seemed to stay asleep for most of the night.

Kelly turned over on his side, pulled the blankets up tight and gradually drifted off to sleep himself.

The next morning Andy was the first one in the bathroom while Kelly and Casey were just starting to get up.

"Kelly."

"Yeah?" he mindlessly asked as he tiredly opted for punching the lumps out of his bed rather than straightening the covers out.

He turned and the first thing he saw was his teddy bear, before he realized Casey was holding it out to him.

"Thanks, I, I really appreciate it but...you can have it back now."

Kelly looked at him for a minute and replied, "Why don't you hang on to it for me for a while?" There was no doubt in his mind that Casey would have plenty more sleepless nights ahead of him and would be needing it more than he did.

There was a very mild look of surprise on Matt's face as Kelly's offer, he blinked and said, taken aback, "Uh...thanks."

"Hey," Kelly reached over and ran his hand over the top of Casey's hair mussing it up, "I'm always here if you need to talk, you know that, right?"

Matt merely nodded.

"Kelly? Kelly!"

"AHH!" Kelly shot up in his bed stammering, "Get some foam on this thing before it flashes over!-" he realized where he was, why it was so dark, and who was standing next to his bed and sighed in relief, "Oh it's only you, Casey...what's going on?"

Matt was still dressed in his pajamas, his hair was sticking up in places, and he just stood there and didn't say anything at first, then in a whisper he asked Kelly, "Is that offer still good?"

"What offer?"

"To go with me to see my mom?" Casey asked.

Kelly had to think for a second but it quickly came back to him. "Yeah."

"Even if you just waited in the car?"

"Sure, what's going on?"

"I'm going to see her again next week," Casey answered, "and I remembered what you said."

"Sure, I can take you," Kelly said.

"Uh...can I..." Casey nodded towards the bed.

Kelly figured out what Matt was trying to say and moved over so Casey could get in with him.

"What's up?"

"I hope you understand why I don't want you coming in with me," Casey said, "it's hard enough as it is, and it'd be more awkward trying to introduce the two of you."

"Hey buddy, it's whatever you're comfortable with, I can wait outside until you're done," Kelly told him.

"And you don't mind driving all the way just for that?" Casey asked.

"Why would I? You're my friend, this is important to you, so that makes it important to me too," he said.

Casey nodded, "I really appreciate this, Kelly, I couldn't ask anyone else."

Kelly's eyes hardened as he asked, "Ted Griffin giving you trouble again?"

"No," Casey answered, "it's nothing like that...it just...her actually being sentenced makes this a lot more real...the only way I'm ever going to see my mom is in prison, for the rest of her life...I hadn't really thought about that before...I mean I knew there was no way she'd get acquitted but I never thought about it like that."

Kelly pulled Casey against him and hugged him, "It's better you didn't, you already had enough to deal with." He could see something like that easily pushing Casey over the edge entirely.

"I know she belongs there, and I know how it sounds but...she's not a horrible person, Kelly."

"I know, I believe it."

"How do you know?" Casey asked.

Kelly looked him in the eyes and answered, "Because I know you, and from what you told me of your dad, anything good you got from your parents, sure as hell didn't come from him."

Casey sighed and closed his eyes as it all weighed on him. "I know she has to pay for what she did but she shouldn't have to spend the rest of her life there."

"Maybe...she could appeal," Kelly thought. "If they get one woman lawyer or judge who was ever in a similar situation maybe..."

Casey shook his head, "It won't work...anybody can see she's guilty...she wouldn't even say why she did it."

"Well...you hear about people getting out of prison early for good behavior...maybe in a few years..."

Casey shook his head sadly, "It's too much to hope for, she's never been real lucky."

Kelly sighed, "I'm sorry, buddy."

Casey rested his head against Kelly's shoulder and said, "Maybe someday...maybe then you could meet her...just not right now, it's all too much."

"I understand," Kelly said quietly as he rubbed his hand up and down Casey's arm soothingly.

The front door opened, a set of keys dropped, loud footsteps clambered over to the bedroom door, the door opened, Andy staggered in, saw this time both of his roommates were huddled together in Kelly's bed, and commented as he headed over to his won bed, "I'm still not even gonna ask."

Kelly grabbed his alarm clock off his nightstand and chucked it over towards Andy, from the sound of things it seemed the cheap plastic clock barely clipped him, and Andy just laughed as he got into bed.