Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble
The Real Story
In an old garage near a riverbank:
"It's dusty in here you ever think about cleaning up?" groaned a distraught Captain Necky.
"Garr, yah silly bird. Get in there" said Captain K. Rool stuffing the bird down into the robot suit.
"Oh cool ya got radio in here" said Captain Necky.
"Yes. And bird seed" replied K. Rool.
"BUT IT'S TOO DARK!" shouted Necky.
"Deal with it, Birdo" replied K. Rool.
"Shouldn't you be in your Baron K. Roolenstein outfit since you're a scientist now?" asked Necky.
"Fair point," replied K. Rool.
Later that day...
MEANWHILE...
In a cavern system designed by robot squirrels specifically for monkeys:
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY DECEMBER DAY-NOT NIGHT:
The entire Kong Family had moved to the Central Kongsphere, a magical world in the center of the Earth in order
to escape from the Kremlings. They didn't know how long this would last. K. Rool was an explorer and
he loved to conquer new lands. So there was a chance he and his army of alligators and crafty crocodiles
would find them there. We join Dixie Kong in her cave nearbye the giant mass of water and small islands that was this world.
Wrinkly Kong was playing a South Park game on Nintendo 64 while Dixie Kong was tending to the new monkey baby-her baby cousin.
"Somewhere in the river there's a barrel of bananas just floating along waiting for me! Floating along, waiting for me and you! Ooh-ooh yeah" sang
Dixie as she rocked Kiddy Kong in his crib.
"Thank you so much for singing to Kiddy," said Wrinkly.
"He's getting to be the size of an ape. He can't fit in there anymore" said Dixie.
The crib broke. Kiddy started screaming.
"Been foh long thince I could thay 'Thister Thuzie thittin' on a thistle'!" sang Dixie.
This did no good. Dixie panicked and grabbed the purple bunny toy that
Kiddy loved. She knew it was his favorite and that it was an instrument of calmness.
"Look at the purple bunny Kiddy. Look at the purple bunny. LOOK AT THE PURPLE BUNNY!" shouted Dixie Kong.
"Is it weal?" asked Kiddy.
"Yes. It's a real bunny" replied Dixie, chuckling.
"I don't suppose you've heard back from Donkey Kong and that boyfriend of yours?" asked Wrinkly.
"Ugh, heavens no. I still haven't. They're still not back from that extended Mario Golf tournament. I'll check my e-mail" said Dixie. But the power went out.
"When e-mail fails to deliver, there's always snail mail" said Wrinkly.
Dixie walked outside. There was a raging storm. The snail was late.
"The snail should be here any minute," said Dixie, eyeing her pink watch on her arm.
The thunderstorm caused her to fall asleep. Suddenly she felt the eyestalk of a snail tugging at her ponytail.
"Yer mail is here, mate" said the snail.
"Thank you Sir Lancelot" said Dixie.
"Bah. Have a good storm, yeh scurvy sea biscuit" replied the snail.
"Oh my gosh! It's a letter from Diddy-and-and Donkey! But this was sent five months ago.
There's something that doesn't feel right about this!" said Dixie. Wrinkly took a look outside.
"Dixie yeh best come in or the storm will make yeh zapped. And then yeh won't be a monkey anymore.
Just a zapped monkey" said Wrinkly.
"Donkey and Diddy wrote us five months ago. Why did it take so long to get here?" asked Dixie.
"Must take that long to reach the center of the Earth" replied Wrinkly.
"I think they're in trouble! I heard on the news the Big Old Bears said there were Kremling sightings around here"
said Dixie.
"There ain't no Kremlinz, Dix. Now go back to yer knitting ok? I have to reach level five on meh Tetris Attacks on SNES" said Wrinkly.
"Ra-ra-right. Well I think I'm gonna go rent a plane from Funky's Flights" said Dixie.
"Funky hasn't been offerin' the flights for quite a while he's in the boat business now darlin," replied Wrinkly.
"Well, then I'll go rent a boat from Funky, I gotta see Funky so I can go look for the boys" said Dixie.
"Good luck, then Dixie. Take care, and sign up for one of my English classes" replied Wrinkly.
Later...
"Yo Dixie, what's up? You look bummered out, girl" said Funky.
"I'm not 'bummered out' I'm just worried" replied Dixie.
"Worried? Life is about party, dude" said Funky.
"Yeah-with your friends. And my friends are missing" said Dixie.
"One of them's totally chewing on my boats," replied Funky.
There was Kiddy, chomping on the Cabin Cruiser.
"Kiddy, stop chewing on that. Boats aren't for bellies" said Dixie, attempting
to lift up Kiddy.
"He may be a toddler but he's giant. You think you can do that?" asked Funky.
"Been doing it since he was born," said Dixie, struggling to lift her cousin who was ten times the size of her.
"Are you sure you don't need help?" asked Funky.
"It's my back that needs help. I'm gonna throw my back out doing this" said Dixie.
"Here, I'll deal with him" said Funky, grabbing Kiddy and placing him in a motorboat.
"How much is that motorboat?" asked Dixie.
"Well, the first boat is free since I wanna know what's happened to Donkey and Diddy too. I wanna know
cuz their Twitter account has been posting pictures of mollusks, just nothing but mollusks. That doesn't seem
like them at all! Mollusks, man, that's where I draw the proverbial line in the quicksand of weirdness known to all but a few" said Funky.
"OOH LET ME HAVE THAT GIANT JAR OF BUBBLE GUM!" said Dixie.
"Only if you guess how many gumballs are in the jar" replied Funky.
"Oh, man, that's gonna be hard" replied Dixie.
"Seventy twee" said Kiddy.
"HOW DID HE KNOW?" shouted Funky.
"A little bird told him," said Dixie, pointing to a banana bird.
"Hey, that's Kazooie. Where have you been?" said a bear who walked by.
To be continued...