When Dean Met The Crazy Tablet Lady

This is a prequel for my other Supernatural story, called 'That's A Real Life Bronze Age Priestess Sammy'. Both can be read at the same time. See end notes for translations.

There weren't many differences between life as a human and life as a demon, at least for Dean. He was doing the same things that he'd always done. Drink. Fuck. Drive. Kill. The key difference was now he gets to enjoy himself a lot more, and not be constantly crushed his burdens and responsibilities. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't hunting anymore or maybe it was because he finally got rid of Sam. But somehow everything was just better. Liberating even. And he didn't want to change anything about it.

Why the fuck would he?

The King of Hell was turning out to be a perfect companion for him, simply by encouraging his habits. Drink. Fuck. Drive. Kill. More importantly, he knew when to leave Dean alone. Theirs had become a relationship of mutual appreciation. Dean doesn't have to be subjected to someone's constant complaining and whining and Crowley gets the remaining Abaddon's supporters successfully eliminated. Without ever getting his hands dirty or risking anything of his own, just the way he likes it.

However for the life of him, Dean can't figure out why they are still fighting. For what purpose? The bitch is dead. But no, some demons just refuse to accept it. Like the ones he chased right upto New York, and had broken into the Met museum to steal something. He doesn't know exactly what and he doesn't want to know. He didn't care what it was, because he was going to kill every last one of them before they could get their hands on anything.

And honestly, he's looking forward to this. He has this whole night planned. Kill every single one of hell bitches. Drink too much even for a demon. Find an easy bar skank. And drive away, leaving the Big Apple behind.

Drink. Fuck. Drive. Kill.

How many demons can fit inside of a museum's art wing? Just enough to make this night really entertaining for Dean. And also for the Mark, of course. It's like for every one he kills two more show up, only to throw him around like a rag doll. He must have been thrown for the tenth time when he smashed into a glass case, shattering it into a hundred pieces. Probably destroying whatever it contained. The demon who had flung him, started to approach him, when suddenly every single one of them, him and the remaining dozen or so demons, were blinded by a burst of white light. And then it disappeared, just as quickly as it had appeared, sending all of them in the darkness once more. As if nothing had happened at all. Except for the horrified looking woman currently sitting next to him on the marble floor.

Son of a bitch.

Where the fuck did she come from? And why is her life force acting so freaking weird?

He wanted to voice that particular question, but he was distracted by the Mark burning all of a sudden. That and the fact that one of the demons charged ahead, towards him and the woman.

"Time to end this bullshit." He'll deal with her and the misbehaving Mark later.

It was easy enough to take down every single one of them, the First Blade pretty much sliced through them like butter. By the time he was finished, there was blood everywhere, on the floor , just a smidge on the walls, and yes, even on him. All the while the Mark on his arm was still stinging, just a bit.

Finally he turned towards the woman, who was still on the floor and still looking horrified. The only source of light were the stars, which were shinning through the giant glass ceiling, but he was quite easily able to make out her features with his demon vision. Big brown eyes, long black hair, both of them shining bright. Flawless skin, olive complexion. She was wearing a long dress and had a scarf wrapped around her waist, and was covered in a variety of gold jewellery, earrings, necklaces, bangles, and armbands, even her ankles and toes had them. Just a regular human, with an incredibly misbehaving life force.

"Now, what do I do with you?" He asked, not expecting a reply, and not really getting one. Though what he really was thinking, why hadn't he simply killed her already. He should, right? Yet somehow, it almost felt like he wasn't allowed. What the fuck is happening? It would be an understatement to say that he was confused. She must've been too. Yes, she most certainly was. He knows she is. It was as if he could feel her confusion.

But why?

How?

The woman wasn't even paying any attention to him. She was looking down at her left hips or maybe her left thigh. Gingerly touching her flesh through her clothes, as if she was in pain.

Dean decided enough was enough and in an attempt to grab her attention, shouted as loud as he could, "Hey!" The sight of her getting startled and jumping would've made him laugh, but he still had no idea as to what the fuck had just happened here. He started to rapidly step towards her, determined to get to the bottom of whatever this was and whoever she was, once and for all.

"Zinna!" She choked out. And he couldn't move anymore. It was as if he had stepped into wet cement. The woman had gone back to ignoring him, as she was fascinated by the glass ceiling above them. She quickly got up on her feet, still staring upwards. He was barely able to hear her whisper, "Haaster!" And started to cry and laugh at the same time. She finally acknowledged him again, and moved closer to him, all the while pointing towards the ceiling and said, "Nepis suwant katti mēkkies Haaster."

"Lady, I do not understand what you're saying. I don't even know what bloody language you're speaking right now - "

"Hittite. I was speaking Hittite. And you are speaking English." Came her calm reply. She spoke slowly, with a heavy accent, and had gone back to ignoring him and staring at the glass ceiling with her tear-filled eyes. They were both the tears of joy and of sadness.

He knew that. Somehow.

Why did he know that?

And why can't he fucking move?

"I was talking about the stars. And how the sky is filled with so many of them."

"Did you say Hittite?" He glanced at the several giant cloth banners hanging all around them, with the words, 'Forgotten Empires : Hittite Art' written on them, then towards the shattered glass fragments on the floor, with the broken fragments of whatever it was being contained, amongst them.

No way. No fucking way. He asked her who is was.

"I am Muwatti. I was cursed and locked inside a clay tablet for over three thousand years. You broke it and released me."

"Why were you cursed?" She said she didn't know. "Who cursed you?" Again, she didn't know. This was not how he was expecting the night to go. Dealing with a three thousand old crazy women was definitely not what he had planned for tonight. "How can you not know?"

"I do not remember. I was attacked and then I was cursed and afterwards found myself inside the tablet." She seemed to take a deep sniff, she asked him why does it smell like rotten eggs.

"You crazy bitch, are fucking serious?" His temper was getting the better of him, since he still wasn't able to move his bloody feet.

"Yes, I am fucking serious. And I am not crazy, so fuck you, you fucking piece of fuckiest fuck."

So, she's over three thousand years old, can speak fluent English and also swears like a sailor. Is all of this really happening or did Crowley slip him some acid again? He had even more questions, but she was again ignoring him. The woman, Muwatti, was once more distracted, by another artefact on display, and ran towards it. He heard her whisper something that sounded like 'nekna'. He shouted at her, which only made her shout at him to be silent. And he did. Motherfucker. Now he can neither move nor talk. He doesn't know how or why, but she's definitely behind it all.

"How far away is Turkey from here?" She asked him, completely unaware of what she had done to him, turning around when he didn't answer her. When she stepped closer to him, she gasped, "Sakuikunu. Your eyes, they are completely black. They had black eyes as well." Pointing towards the bodies of all the demons he killed, lying on the floor. "Are you human?" However the only thing he could do was angrily glare at her with his black eyes, until she told him to answer her.

"No, I'm not human. I'm a demon." A demon that she hasn't realised she can control using only her words. This cannot be happening. She is the answer to all of Crowley's prayers. Their relationship may be jovial, but the King of Hell was under no illusion that he can't keep Dean in check. But now he can, in the form a tiny barefooted crazy woman who really loves the stars. After all, Crowley fully expects to get something out of this bromance. Dean hadn't felt much in terms of fear, ever since be became a demon, but just the thought of the King of Hell controlling him through her was truly a frightening thought. Which is why he can't allow Crowley, or anyone really, to find out about her unique ability.

"Is that why I was freed after all this time? Because a demon touched the tablet?" He saw her hand touch the upper part of her left thigh through her dress, and he was able to make out a tattoo of eight pointed star on the back of her hand. A quick glance told him there was a matching one on the other hand as well.

"Maybe. I'm not completely sure about what happen here tonight." But he will definitely find everything there was, about her and that damn tablet. Her life force wasn't behaving like that of a regular human would. It was pulsing sure, everyone's did, but hers was almost in sync with the Mark. Even the broken pieces of the tablet that contained her was pulsing the same way, in sync with the Mark. Maybe just any run of the mill demon wasn't enough to break ancient curses, rather it had to be a demon with the Mark of Cain. And is that the reason why she can control him, because for some unknown reason the Mark really seems to like her?

However as much he would've liked to keep theorising about her and her curse and, crucially, her strange ability to control him, he knew that any moment anyone could walk in. The demons had taken care of the guards that were on duty but someone was bound to come looking for them any moment now. He tried to explain this to her, as best as he could without outright blurting out that she has to tell him to move, because they need to leave this place as soon as possible. Instead of moving, she asked him if he had a name.

"Yes sweetheart, I have a name. I'm Dean."

"Hello Dean the Demon, I have another question for you." Seriously woman, why do you like wasting my time so much? "Are you going to to kill me?"

"No. I won't hurt you." Wasn't sure how he could, even if he tried or wanted to. "Now can we please go."

She gave the different artefacts of her lost culture one last look, before turning back to him, "That's a pity. Because I'm not sure what living means anymore. However you're right, let's go."

And just like that he was able to move his feet once more, and leave this fucking museum once and for all, with Muwatti following after him. He did grab the broken tablet pieces though. If only Sammy could see him now, really would've been so proud, gathering evidence for further research and helping the damsel in distress, all at the same time.

Zinna - Stop
Haaster -Star
Nepis suwant katti mēkkies Haaster - The sky is filled with so many stars
Nekna - Brother

Sakuikunu - your (-kunu) eyes (sakui)